A Certain Magical Hogwarts

Hogwarts is a strange place. A Dark Lord with botched plastic surgery gets rejected for a job. An old man with white hair wears two layers of wool socks and still complains of being cold in summer. The Potions Professor, who never washes his hair, is afraid of going bald, and the key keeper loves petting dragons!
William had hoped to live an ordinary life for seven years, until that night when the doorknob of the college common room was stolen…