I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"I've thought of a lot, but most of them are useless." His hair, tied up at the back of his head, swayed gently in the breeze. "So, I think whatever happens is fine."

“…” She didn’t know how to respond, “Then can I not think about it?”

"Is this your wish?"

He slowly turned his head and looked into her eyes. She could clearly feel that there was no life in those eyes any longer.

"Eh?" Ye Hui seemed to have almost forgotten what she had said before, "You mean... I can still change my request? Right?"

"Of course. I'm living my life as usual, just as you expected. But you probably aren't satisfied with my current state."

The corners of his mouth curled up slightly, as if he had expected it.

"You're here to ask me to change, right? I can promise you that... because we've already agreed to this. So just tell me what you want... I can agree to it no matter what it is."

".."

However, Ye Hui didn't care what she asked of him right now. She just wanted Sheji to return to the state of mind he had when they met again a year ago... But she didn't want to force him to forget about Li Ruomeng. And no matter how much she asked, it would be difficult for him to do so.

"..the state."

"What?"

“..” She bit her lip lightly.

Just as Sheji had always believed, she was too gentle. Gentle enough not to want to hurt anyone, gentle enough to want everyone around her to be happy every day... The same was true for Sheji. She didn't want to use her devotion to him to force him to be with her, nor did she want him to be forced to do what she wanted.

"Please examine your inner feelings a little more."

If he could realize this, he would cherish those around him even more. He no longer needs to be bound by the past...it is himself who is holding him back.

"...Is that all?" He confirmed, then relaxed his brow. "Try to examine your inner feelings more, right? I understand...Thank you."

Why Say Thank You?

"Sheji, you're always thinking about other people's affairs... So I hope you can seriously think about your own wishes. If you do that, maybe you'll feel better."

".."

His eyes didn't move away from her face. In a trance, he seemed to see someone's shadow in Ye Hui. Was it her who had left? Why did he feel that Ye Hui was very similar to her?

"I still hope you can..."

"That's enough. I already know your wish..." Sheji interrupted Yehui before she finished speaking, "From now on, I will try hard to think about my own wishes... and other things. I will do as you expect, so don't worry about me anymore."

Looking at Sheji's calm expression, although she was still worried, she felt relieved because in her impression, he would not lie to her.

"Then it's a promise. Don't go back on your word."

"Yeah... I understand."

This was the first time in the past few days that a smile appeared on his face.

...

Have I really never cared about my own affairs?

When people around me repeatedly mentioned this characteristic of mine, even though I wasn't aware of it, I was convinced I had it. It's not that I don't want to care about myself, but whenever I think about myself, I miss opportunities to save others. I prefer to care about others rather than myself. Thinking about myself is too complicated and troublesome. If I only think about myself, many things will become narrow-minded, and that's exactly what I don't want to do.

Just because they met me, the paths of many people's lives have changed. It's not that I'm overly self-conscious, it's just the way it is... There are so many examples of people's lives being changed because of one person, so many that I don't want to list them, so I'll just ignore them for now.

I didn't want to stifle the possibilities of others because of myself...but things always went against my wishes. In the repeated regrets, I gradually began to ignore the importance of myself.

"Does it really need to exist..."

If I hadn't appeared in this world, would those who met me have had a different fate? During my trance, I kept thinking about this, but later I realized that no matter how I imagined it, it was just a fantasy that made me more aware of reality.

"After all, it's still a troublesome matter..."

Ye Hui asked me to find what I wanted to do in my heart, and I have already made up my mind. In fact, I have wanted to do this for a long time, and I always feel that this is the only way I can see her again.

I can't tell whether the road I'm on is already a wrong one.

I just vaguely saw your footprints.

Is this world made entirely of science, or is it filled with unknowable factors? The world won't tell you all the answers to this kind of thing. You can only know by trying.

What happened to me could be called extraordinary, or it could be called completely ordinary. But no matter what, I still couldn't figure out whether the illusions I saw were illusions or something else.

My past self, my younger self... and now myself—this feeling is truly bizarre. Perhaps it's the intense aftereffects of that high fever that have plagued my brain, perhaps it's just that the journey I've taken in life is a little different from others, or perhaps it's because she's so incredibly important to me... In short, I'm now acting in accordance with my true self.

But no matter how her personality changes, my love for her has never changed.

It was she who made me realize that the world is not all gray.

It was she who made me understand the vastness of the starry sky.

It was she who made me realize that there are things that cannot be easily given up.

It was she who made me realize the importance of gentleness.

It was she who made me realize the preciousness of emotions.

And...there are many more people.

It's because of the constant influence of various people on my inner emptiness that I've become who I am. No matter how much I thank them, it's never enough... They are the pillars that allow me to live in this not-so-beautiful, even somewhat dark world.

But, but...

One day people will understand things that they don't want to admit.

Whether it's doubt or sadness...all the emotions are intertwined together to form my longing for that person.

I value the people around me, but I value her even more. So even though I know there's nothing at the end of this road, I can't suppress my feelings... I have to find her.

This road was too dangerous, so anyone around me would try to stop me. I couldn't help but feel timid, but it was only for a moment, and then I didn't have that thought anymore.

Maybe a miracle will happen?

Thinking this way, I decided to move towards where she was.

...

The afterglow of the setting sun dyed the sky orange.

The chill wind, dormant for nearly a day, began to pick up steam, urging those with nothing to do to leave the campus. The more athletic of the two naturally paid no mind to the chill, continuing to indulge in the veneer of youth, both hypocritical and authentic, on a campus where so much existed and so much didn't.

Contradictions have always been with humanity, but they are so subtle that most people don't notice them. Even if they do, no one believes them.

Now, he was standing on the rooftop of the teaching building where he had persuaded Senior Su. There were no guardrails, so entry was generally prohibited—yet such a place was unguarded. This was the contradiction... a place prone to danger, yet not many people approached it, so no one was guarding it.

He just paid attention to it briefly and then stopped paying attention to it.

The sunlight made his shadow very long.

The empty rooftop, the towering buildings around it, the constant sounds of laughter, the noise drifting in the distance - all these combined made him realize that he was just a drop in the ocean in the world.

He was so insignificant, so insignificant that he was just a number, so insignificant that no one wanted to know about his life.

But he hadn't expected that.

The footsteps continued. The distance between them was getting closer and closer. He could clearly feel that the person he wanted to see was not far away.

“…the state————!”

However, behind the road, there is another person.

He couldn't help but stop because of the shouting.

"..Why did you follow me?"

Sheji didn't seem surprised. He just asked this question out of habit to Yehui, who was panting from chasing him.

"I..I also want to ask you..why did you come here?"

She was still worried about the society, so she kept an eye on him. After finding out that he didn't go to the club in Rinquan River, she followed him to the roof of the building.

She had a bad feeling. She'd heard him perform dangerous maneuvers on the edge of this place before. While she knew he was trying to persuade someone, she couldn't help but worry about him. Even though this building was only three stories due to its age, falling from such a height was still quite dangerous.

Naturally, she didn't want the country to be in danger.

"Because I found what I expected...I really still want to see her again." He stared at Ye Hui's face quietly.

"What the hell are you talking about... Do you even know what you're talking about?!" Ye Hui's worst fears had finally come true. She regretted not notifying more people and also regretted not noticing his melancholy sooner.

"Of course I know." He turned around to look at the situation behind him, "This is probably a very dangerous thing."

"Since you know it's dangerous, then get out of there and come to me!"

She held out her hand to him with great excitement.

In her impression, although his hands were not very warm, the warmth always remained the same... She liked to hold his hand very much.

Although he showed a look of astonishment for the first time, he still did not break free. And she did not think there was anything special about it.

"..Sorry. Not this time." He glanced in her direction, then looked at his right hand. "Although I like this very much, but...can we do this activity later?"

"Will there be a future?" She had no idea what he was thinking. "If you jump from here, there will be no future! And... why are you doing this..."

Even though she tried her best to dissuade him, she knew that there was no way she could make him change his mind.

No, there is another way.

"Wait, wait Sheji... I still have one last chance to make changes, right? I hope you can hurry up..." When she said this, she suddenly didn't know how to ask him.

"hurry up?"

The country is also quietly waiting for what will happen next.

"I...I want you to stay by my side immediately and never leave!"

She finally said what she had been wanting to say for a long time. No matter what, no matter if they would make comics together in the future, no matter if he had the talent to match hers, she still wanted him to be by her side.

"..stay with you?"

However, faced with such a clear confession, he seemed to be confused and thinking about something.

"Yeah, don't you understand?" Her cheeks were already burning hot, and her heartbeat was accelerating. "You are very important to me. I like you very much... I want to do so many things with you... It doesn't have to be creating comics, or doing things that only look romantic. It doesn't have to be just casual conversations, or just staring at you in a daze... For me, having you around is all that matters."

"..."

The wind gradually blew her hair, and her eyes sparkled with orange light in the afterglow of the setting sun.

"So, please stay by my side! It doesn't matter if the previous requests are completely irrelevant. This is what I want most!"

"..."

His footsteps couldn't help but begin to move closer to Ye Hui's direction.

"..If..If you weren't here..."

Under the afterglow, the tears that continued to flow from her eyes attracted Sheji's attention. He was completely unable to resist the sight of a girl shedding tears in front of him.

Sheji walked up to her, stretched out his hand, and gently wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes.

"Don't cry for me."

Your gentleness should be shown to better people.

"But... I think you'll leave..." She hugged the boy tightly, burying her head in his chest, and could hear his steady and strong heartbeat.

"..I'm right here."

His equally gentle hand rested on the top of her head and gently stroked it.

"I'm really happy that you like me..." To him, Ye Hui was a person who couldn't be more perfect. It was already a very lucky thing for him to be able to get along with such a person, and now that she could confess her love to him, it should be an even happier thing.

“Don’t say but…”

"..."

I won’t say it but...how should I express it?

Before he could think of how to respond to her, he could only hug her gently and feel the unique fragility of a girl's body.

"...I've been wondering what the meaning of my existence is. And what kind of love do I expect..." He gently pushed Ye Hui away as if talking to himself, "but I've never had any clue. Now that I think about it, maybe you are my best answer."

"..the state."

Looking at the serious expression of the boy in front of her, her heartbeat, which had finally calmed down, began to beat again.

"..Close your eyes, Yehui."

He placed his hands on her shoulders and gradually moved his face closer to her cheek, so she knew what was going to happen next without having to say anything.

"..."

Even after closing her eyes, she could still feel the gradually approaching warmth and his breath, which made her extremely nervous and completely unable to think.