I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

She had to tell him about the dark side of her heart. But she held back because she was worried about him. He would still get hurt if he faced those guys of the same grade. If he faced that person...

"If there's anything, please tell me. Don't hide it from me."

Although he had noticed it, he still didn't realize how much she needed help. What he could do alone was almost insignificant to her.

Chapter 14: The Past is Like Smoke

“I want to help others share the burden.”

These feelings had been bubbling within the boyhood of Yi Shaji throughout his youth. With such tenderness, he longed to do his utmost to help those in need, to dispel misfortune, to bring happiness to everyone. Yet, he was also timid, and felt powerless... He was the only one who did this.

He sometimes wondered if the number of people who could truly care for others was small. But he soon realized he was wrong. It wasn't that people didn't want to care for others, but rather that before expressing their concern, they had to consider the cost of helping that person. They also had to consider whether they had any special connection with the person they were helping.

"If I were someone you didn't know...or someone you hated, would you still want to help me share my burden?"

He looked at Rinquanchuan in front of him and slowly asked this question.

Just like the questions she had asked herself before, there were many things he wanted to know.

"..I'm not sure."

Even though she knew this answer might not satisfy him, Rinquanchuan didn't want to lie. She wasn't someone with overflowing sympathy, nor was she someone with a global vision... She had only just learned to be considerate of those around her. If the person in front of her wasn't someone she knew well, she probably wouldn't care.

"Then just treat me as someone you don't know...don't bother with me anymore."

He finally realized why he had tried to cut off ties with the people around him when he first took control of this body. It was because he had long known that he was incapable of protecting the people around him, and instead of doing so, he might as well get used to a life of solitude.

"..Your request is too difficult. I can't do it. It's been so long and we've been through so much. How can I forget it?"

The noise from the distance continued to fill the area around them. So, even though the words just now were from Rinquanchuan's heart, they reached his ears without any power.

“..try harder.”

"I can't do it! Don't tell me I can't do it. No matter who you tell, you can't do it. And you're the one who caused this situation! The things you do always make people care about you... It's too late to ask people to forget you now! It's impossible."

".."

But in the face of Linquanchuan's enthusiastic response, his thoughts drifted to the past memories.

...

Midsummer is not just about cool popsicles, scorching sunshine, splashing tap water, old and new water guns, and huge watermelons. There are also sudden thunderstorms and rain that sometimes lasts for several days.

"..Wow, I'm all wet." "It's okay, I have dry clothes at home."

The two people who were strolling on the road and were hit by the rain hurriedly found a place to shelter from the rain. At his suggestion, the two ran to his home together in the heavy rain.

Both of their hair were wet, so he found a dry towel for her. Then he went to the bathroom to run some hot water, and when the bathtub was filling up, he came out and used the slightly damp towel she had already used.

"..Aren't your parents at home? Sheji."

As she asked, she looked at the furnishings in Sheji's house with curiosity, because her house did not have any soft and comfortable-looking sofas, nor did it have decorated walls or lighting.

Compared to her own home, this place seemed almost as magnificent as a palace. Back home, the space was far smaller, the bathroom was just a shower, the hot water pipes often didn't run hot, and takeout packaging and barely washed dishes piled up in the kitchen. Her father would return home drunkenly almost every night, banging on her door. When he was in a good mood, he'd just go back to his room and fall asleep. When he was in a bad mood, he'd beat her for opening the door too slowly.

"They're usually quite busy." Although he didn't know what his parents were busy with, "sometimes they don't even come home at night. I have to say I still feel a little scared being alone in such a big house."

"..."

In fact, he is just like me, he has his pitiful side. She thought silently, reached out and touched his face, "Your face is so cold...you should go take a shower quickly."

"Girls first, you go first." He took off the towel from his head and said, "Don't worry, I'll dry you first. I'll wash after you wash..."

"How can this be possible? It would be bad if you catch a cold."

"It's okay, it's okay. Even if it's a cold, it can still be cured."

"Being sick is very uncomfortable." And when she was sick, there was almost no one to take care of her. The best time she got better was when she ran to her neighbor for help.

"How about this," she said, coming up with an idea that would be helpful to both of them, "Let's just wash together."

At that age when he still didn't know what the difference was between the opposite sexes, all he could sense was simple shyness.

"No, no, no, how can boys and girls take a shower together."

"Haven't you ever been to a women's bathhouse with your mother?" She found it very strange.

"...I've been there before." He couldn't remember exactly what happened, though. "But if it's just the two of us..."

"It's okay. If we keep dawdling, we'll both get sick." She took his hand without further ado. "Aren't we friends? Don't worry about such trivial matters."

In fact, looking back now, this was not a trivial matter at all. But at the time, they didn't think there was anything particularly wrong with it. Although there was a vague sense of distance, once it was implemented, they didn't care so much.

"..Did your father beat you again?"

He saw bruises and thin, broken skin on her supposedly smooth, fair skin. He'd already noticed the scar on her neck before... but no matter where he turned, only her father could raise her. As a blood outsider, no relative was willing to adopt her.

"If it wasn't him, then I must have hit him myself?"

Her tone didn't sound overly concerned, for she didn't intend to use these scars to gain sympathy. Although she didn't understand at first, she gradually came to understand. Since she had no blood relationship with her father, it was a miracle that she had been raised to this age without being thrown away. Having food to eat and a place to live was good enough, so she didn't expect to be treated gently.

"...it hurts a lot."

"It will be fine once it's over." She said calmly, turning her back to him, "Pour some hot water on me, I'm feeling a little cold."

"Oh..." He quickly scooped up some warm water and slowly poured it down the back of her neck. However, even if the water was a comfortable temperature, it would still become irritating when it touched the wound.

"Hiss——" She couldn't help but take a breath.

"I'm sorry, that..." He quickly withdrew his hand upon seeing this, "What should I do? This will hurt..."

"It's okay, it's okay. It hurts more when I'm beaten. I could bear it then, but I definitely won't have that kind of pain now..."

"..sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" She was puzzled by his tearful apology. "Did you do something wrong?"

"..I told you before that I would protect you."

She must have felt pain when she was being beaten, and she must have hoped that someone would stop her, and that someone would protect her. But when she was crying like this, he had no ability to protect her.

"But I didn't cry, so you don't have to blame yourself." She gently comforted the equally gentle boy, "Our agreement was... that you would come to protect me when I needed you. At that time, I didn't want you to be involved... So, when he beat me, I didn't cry or beg for mercy."

".."

"I'm not afraid of these things...so don't blame yourself, Sheji."

"..." It's impossible not to blame myself. But I absolutely can't show it in front of her.

If there was anyone besides his parents who was worth his concern, it would definitely be her. Even though he had no idea yet, he was still thinking about how to get her out of this predicament.

"Then... I'll wipe you with a towel..."

Warming up your body with water before soaking in the bathroom shouldn't make the wound hurt any more. He placed the warm towel on her shoulders and was about to wipe it down when he suddenly realized something. His face flushed, and he quickly stopped what he was doing.

"..or..you should do it yourself."

"What's wrong? I can't reach my back." She still didn't care. "Besides, Sheji, you can wipe it for me with very little force. I can't do it myself. I don't mind, so just continue to help me."

".."

His concern for her finally overcame his ignorant shyness. Although the towel in his hand was light, he wiped her back gently and carefully, trying his best not to hurt her wounds.

"It feels so good. You really have a talent for back scrubbing in the bathhouse."

"..Thank you." For some reason, he couldn't seem to be happy.

"Well, we can switch now." She said, and was about to take the towel from his hand, "Let me help you wipe..."

"..Okay, go in the tub first." He scooped out a large basin of warm water and poured it over himself. "This is enough for me to warm up."

".."

She didn't know that his face was already red because of what had just happened. If he wasn't afraid of getting sick, he would have almost poured cold water on him.

Only when she sat in the tub, with only her head exposed, did he dare turn around to look at her. Her soaking wet black hair had been tucked back, revealing a pure face and clear eyes that seemed free of a trace of impurities. The hair hanging by her ears was dripping with water, and the blood circulation stimulated by the warmth filled her cheeks, making them look particularly rosy and tender.

"What are you still standing for? Come and take a bath with us."

Her tone at this time was like that of a host entertaining guests.

"Okay." He hesitated a bit, but he managed to suppress his shyness and entered the tub. There was still enough room for two small children.

As he slowly sank in, she couldn't help but laugh.

"..what are you laughing at?" His face felt even hotter.

"This is my first time taking a bath with someone else... Before, when I heard about it, I didn't feel anything at all. I thought, isn't it just a bath? Anything is fine... as long as my body is clean." She put her mouth in the water and blew, making a few bubbles. "But now I understand, this is really fun."

"...Well." He was actually quite happy, but shyness overshadowed that feeling. For some reason, he wanted to get out of the bath early, even though he could usually soak for half an hour.

"..Your feet are so big." Her feet suddenly kicked his soles in the water, causing him to quickly retract his legs.

"Why are you reacting so strongly?" She was puzzled. "Aren't you happy being with me?"

"How is this possible? I... I just feel a little uncomfortable." He scratched his cheek, "I've never done this with anyone before."

"Then I have it." She didn't care and turned her attention elsewhere. After all, she had never seen such a large bathroom before. "Speaking of which, what are those things on the shelf?"

"Oh...it's shampoo, shower gel or something." He turned around and looked, suddenly realizing that he had found a way to relieve his shyness. "Do you want me to help you wash your hair...or something?"

"..Oh, thank you so much~"

. . .

Even without the moon, the stars in the sky are still difficult to see.

Looking up at the night sky, Sheji suddenly realized that he still couldn't forget her existence. Just like Rinquanchuan now, no matter how much he tried to persuade her to forget those experiences, she would not agree.

"..but I already have someone I like."

This was the first time he admitted this to anyone.

"Eh? Eh...ah...is that so...Is that so..." Rinquanchuan said as if he had expected something, "As expected...you like her more?"

He really likes Yehui more..

"...the person I like isn't right next to me." Seeing that Lin Quanchuan seemed to have misunderstood something, he couldn't help but add, "To be precise, it's probably someone I'll never be able to meet."

"So who is that person?" Lin Quanchuan had no impression of such a person at all.

"You don't know her... and no one around me has any impression of her. I even forgot about her for a while, thinking she didn't exist, but I still thought of her." He paused for a moment, "So... as long as she's here, there's no room for anyone else in my heart."

"..."

She wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment. She only knew that her first experience of liking someone had ended in failure. If she had told him her feelings earlier, even earlier... before he even realized she was that person, would the outcome have been better?

"Where is that person now?"

".."

. . . .

The soft bed made her think for a moment that she was playing on a trampoline.

Jumping around on his bed in his pajamas was an experience not many people in the world could have. Thinking of this, her heart was filled with happiness.

"Don't jump like that, your wound will split open." He had already brought the medicine box and hurriedly stopped her, who seemed to be fine. "Come here quickly, I'll put some medicine on your wound. It's summer now, and it will be troublesome if it gets infected."

"Okay, okay." She was still very obedient, only to him.

As she spoke, she sat down on the edge of the bed and took off some of her clothes, revealing her curvy but scarred back.

"...it might hurt a little." He dipped a cotton swab in some alcohol and slowly moved it closer to her wound. "If you can't bear it anymore, tell me."

"Why are you so...Ahhhhh——"

The feeling of alcohol contacting wounds was not something a child could tolerate. The first time he applied alcohol after falling, he screamed in pain.

"I told you..." He sighed helplessly, "It seems this won't work. I'd better use iodine."

"...that...purple liquid?" She seemed to know. "I don't like that. It looks dirty when applied to my body."

"But this alcohol... is too irritating to the wound." He still hesitated, "And if it's dirty, just wash it off later."

"It's okay. I'll try to control myself." She didn't accept it. "Okay, I'm not used to it just now. I won't scream again next time."

"..."

The cotton swab hesitated for a few times, but finally moved closer to the wound.

"Well...well, these wounds won't leave scars, right?" Her voice trembled, but she didn't cry out in pain.

"...probably not...just eat more meat or something." As if they were lying on the lawn together and talking about something, "but your bastard dad probably wouldn't prepare anything like that...it's okay, I'll bring it for you."

"..You are so nice to me."

It seemed like there was no one in the world who cared about her more than he did. But why was that? There was no blood relationship between them, so why would he do this for her?