I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Of course, since you are my only friend."

She was the only one who saved him from loneliness and brought some color to his gray world.

"..Just because we're friends?"

"...Then, what's the reason?"

It never occurred to him that there could be any other reason.

"No, it's nothing..." Her body trembled slightly, "You should continue to treat the wound."

"..It's over now." He took out a band-aid or something and prepared to put it on her, "Be careful next time..."

"And the front and legs." As she spoke, she turned around and had not put the clothes she had taken off on back on.

Seeing this, he quickly turned his head to the side.

"Eh? This... this can be done by yourself..."

"I won't." She stubbornly reached out and turned his face towards her. "Since I've already applied it, I might as well take responsibility for it."

"..All right."

Only when faced with her request did he feel that he could not easily refuse.

"There's another thing. There's something I often see people do on TV, but I don't know what it means."

"what?"

Before he could react, he felt something warm against his cheek, and the smell of shower gel and shampoo wafted around him.

"...???"

After realizing what he was going through, his cheeks, which had finally calmed down, became even hotter than before.

"Is there any special meaning in putting your mouth on someone's cheek like this?" She looked at him with a puzzled look as if she was doing something ordinary.

"You...you just did this without knowing anything?"

"...because that's what they do on TV." She still had no self-awareness. "I can't explain it clearly if I don't do it this way."

"..Ah, although I don't really understand...but this behavior should be intimate...or something like that."

"What does that mean?" She seemed even more confused.

"Well...it's something that only men and women who like each other would do." He explained vaguely.

"Oh, that's no problem." Her mood suddenly brightened. "Because there's no other boy I like except you."

"..." She probably still doesn't know what love means. He thought helplessly.

"What about you? Sheji, do you like me too? I think so!" She confirmed to me excitedly.

“..I don’t like it..”

..

If I could do it over again, I would definitely not respond that way.

I will not be afraid to speak my mind because of unnecessary shyness. Instead, I will tell her with deep affection that I have loved her from the bottom of my heart since the moment I met her.

Pursuing the direction of happiness

The cycle from day to night, from warm to cold, from relaxation to tension, from abnormal to normal, from life to death.

Whether we like it or not, we have to go through the same things that everyone else goes through. Whether it's loving someone or being loved, hating someone or being hated by someone... life always has its moments when we have to face these kinds of choices.

"Before I answer this question...I want to ask you something first." Sheji tightly grasped the piece of clothing on his chest with his hands. "Putting aside our past, am I worthy of being liked?"

"..Of course there is." She had no doubt about this. "You are unique in this world. That alone is enough for me to like you."

"..unique."

For those who matter, everyone they care about is irreplaceable. No matter what, they wouldn't want to lose each other... Actually, I hate separation the most, don't I? He silently recalled his feelings.

Don't want to lose anyone's mood.

Chapter 15: Seeking the Direction of Happiness

What can you gain by hurting others?

As he bandaged the scars, he pondered this question. Even if he tortured her like this, the situation wouldn't change. Why could a child understand something, yet a supposedly more mature adult still behave even more childishly? He couldn't figure it out, so he tried to force himself to ignore it for now. But it was no use; he simply couldn't let it go.

"You really don't like me?"

However, compared to the scars caused by her father's beating, she was more concerned about the feelings of the man in front of her. "Then who is the person you like? If you don't like me, why are you with me..."

"...Let's not discuss this kind of thing." He was just trying to avoid his inner shyness. "I just felt sorry for you, and no one wanted to play with you. So, as the transfer student who took the initiative to greet me, I'm hanging out with you for personal reasons..."

"..."

She suddenly fell silent.

"Oh, just stay still. You were moving around so much that the wound on your leg couldn't be evenly rubbed... And you're still lying on the grass like this, and you don't feel any pain..."

He suddenly noticed something dripping down her legs. Not only that, but the liquid continued to drip onto the bed sheet and his hands.

"..You, why are you crying? Or is it because the alcohol on the wound is too painful..."

However, she did not answer.

"Ooohhhhhhh-"

But now, she couldn't hold back her sobs any longer and burst into tears. Tears streamed from her eyes. He was momentarily panicked by the situation and hurriedly tried to persuade her... but after thinking for a long time, he couldn't figure out how to make her stop crying.

"..um...don't cry anymore. I don't know what I said to make you angry, but I apologize, okay?"

However, she still ignored him and continued crying.

"Okay, okay... let's not talk about this for now." He quickly wiped the remaining wound with alcohol and put a Band-Aid on it. Then he found his comic book and placed it in front of her. "Hey, I have a comic book here. Do you want to read it?"

The answer I got was a shake of the head.

"So... do you want to play games?" He pointed to the game console beside him. "Although my family is usually very strict, now that you're here, they shouldn't have to worry so much..."

"No..." Although she stopped crying a little, she was still crying, "I don't like this..."

"...Well, do you want to paint?" He suddenly thought of what happened before. "I remember you like painting, right? I have a diary and paintbrushes here. We can paint what we like together."

Only then did she gradually stop crying and wiped away the remaining tears from the corners of her eyes with both hands, "..Then I have to paint first."

"No problem." He sighed as if relieved. "Don't cry like that. I'm the worst at dealing with girls crying. And it's like I made you cry..."

"Sheji, this is the thing about you that really frustrates me."

After she said something that left him confused, she sighed helplessly.

"What? What's wrong? What are you talking about?"

. . .

The evening seemed to have reached the moment when the highlight would appear.

The cheers, already enthusiastic from a moment ago, now intensified. It was as if the entire world had become noisy, causing Shaji to turn around and look in the direction of what seemed to be a burning object.

"...It's really nice of you to say that." A smile appeared on the corner of his mouth. "So in your eyes, I'm not some lowly animal, a disgusting slug or a slimy slug..."

“..then, those are…”

"Don't tell me, I understand." Of course he understood.

When I'm with someone I like, I don't know why I don't want them to know too soon. So even if they don't want me to, I still say things that will obviously lower their favorability. As for why he understands, it's because he's done similar things before.

".."

"Today is our usual evening party... Those who saw us last year should remember us. We're members of the school's music club... well, that's just a group with a band-like quality. No, we're the band... Of course, we also hope to have new members join us."

"Hey, if you want to promote it, wait until the very end. Everyone's waiting."

"Don't be so strict~" "What did I teach you? Introducing yourself through music, of course. It seems like after all these years, you've almost forgotten it. Ahahaha."

A voice that Sheji was not familiar with appeared. It sounded like a girl's voice with a lot of energy. Not only was he unfamiliar with her, in fact, in the entire school, only Mo Xiaozhi knew her.

"Anyway, please enjoy it—"

Amidst the cheers, the music began. At this moment, Sheji suddenly realized who the foreign aid Liu Yan had mentioned was.

"So that's how it is..."

He knew. The person Mo Xiaozhi had always wanted to see was now standing on the stage with her... and just as they had envisioned, they had formed a proper band at school. Finally, they could perform the show they had meticulously planned from the beginning, flawlessly, to the very end, without any regrets.

"That's great."

Although the current Sheji couldn't see him and the others on the stage, he always felt that he could sense the overflowing sense of happiness. This was what he hoped for...he hoped that everyone could successfully obtain the happiness they desired.

"What do you mean it's so great?" Linquanchuan, who had no idea what the music club's background was, naturally didn't understand Sheji's reaction. "...What are you talking about?"

"Everyone, everyone is very happy now."

He excitedly opened his arms and raised them high to the sky.

"Everyone has found their own happiness as I hoped... This is the result I like best, so I feel very happy now."

"..." Although what she said was full of positive energy, she felt timid when she saw his figure in the night.

"But... just liking me, just thinking that being with me is enough... there's no way you can be happy like that."

. . .

The brand new notebook was filled with chaotic, aesthetically pleasing lines. Patterns of people and houses could barely be discerned, but in the eyes of the two children, this was everything they had ever experienced.

"..This was when I went to the amusement park..." she said as she drew a big circle on the paper, but the circle was not very round. "At that time, I really wanted to ride this thing called the Ferris wheel, but unfortunately my bastard dad at home would not give me any money." She said this indignantly.

".."

"I've been walking with my classmates for a long time. Like them, I'm tired and thirsty. The other kids all have water bottles or enough money to buy drinks, but I'm the only one with nothing." She then used a red brush to draw a square on the five separate lines of her hand in the painting. "If I had money, I'd definitely drink that thing called...ke something."

"..Is it Coke? I have some at home. I'll get it for you now." He said as he was about to jump out of bed to get it from the refrigerator, but she stopped him.

"No need." Facing his puzzled look, she just smiled slightly, "I've gotten enough from you. I don't want anything more from you."

"What are you talking about? It's just a drink. Besides, you are a guest, this little thing is nothing..." He did not notice her mood at the moment, but felt that everything was still the same as before.

Watching him run out of the room, she was slightly stunned, then took out a paintbrush and wrote a few words on the next few pages.

"I'll get it."

When he came in with a can of Coke in his hand, she had already put the notebook back to its original place.

"How is it? Is it delicious?" He looked at her with concern.

"Wow... why does it have a tingling taste..." She suddenly felt that this thing was not as delicious as she had imagined. "Although I don't mind sweetness, this taste..."

"You'll get used to it." He was like that the first time he drank. "Compared to this, will you go home tonight?"

"..Of course I have to go back. What else? Do you want me to stay here?" She asked casually, looking at the sky outside the window that was gradually darkening.

"..Yeah, that bastard dad of yours will be home late, but he'll still come home..." He seemed to remember something and could only respond with disappointment, "Then let's go out for dinner later, and then I'll take you home..."

"Oh, I suddenly remembered that he plays cards all night every week on this day, so he won't be back."

"Eh? Really?"

Looking at his joyful expression, she no longer cared about the consequences if she didn't go back.

"Of course, I don't want to get beaten for this. So today is the only day I can stay at your house. Don't you feel lucky when you think about it?"

"...Oh, it is." He said, clasping his hands together and bowing, though he himself didn't know who he was thanking. "That's great, because without anyone to accompany me... I always feel a little scared."

"Hey, so you're afraid of the dark, Sheji." As if she had discovered some secret of his, she laughed maliciously, "You clearly want to be a hero of justice, but in the end you're still afraid of this..."

"Wow! Stop it, stop it!" He quickly covered her mouth with his hand out of embarrassment and shyness. "Everyone has something they're afraid of, so don't tell anyone."

"Of course I won't tell anyone else." She smiled and removed his hand from her mouth. "This is your secret. I will definitely keep it a secret for you."

...

The song seemed to be written by the two of them, so the harmony was almost perfect. Last year, Sheji had to write the lyrics, but now he was no longer needed. Whether this was a good thing or a bad thing for him, he himself couldn't figure it out.

However, he secretly envied the two of them meeting again. He couldn't help but think about the inner struggle he'd gone through while helping Senior Sun. While his motives were good, his own desires often blended into the process—although they were mostly driven by self-gratification. But with this kind of mentality, can helping others truly be considered helpful? Can helping others for the sake of reward truly be considered a good person?

"I think you've been blinded by what I've done, so you like me... but I'm not a good person."