I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

This is far from the truth.

"Oh, they must have been watching a movie, and I interrupted them when they were in the middle of it. I'm so sorry~"

"That's not it. How did you guess what I was doing... Didn't you call to tell me something?"

I always feel that the way he speaks has changed... maybe he has watched too many TV dramas.

"Oh, yes. You see, I was so concerned about what you said that I forgot about the important matter."

Although I couldn't see it through the phone, I always felt that he laughed when he said this.

"So, senior, you really have something important to say..." But the first few sentences must have been to delay time.

Actually, I can roughly feel it. After all, this guy is the type who won't come to my house unless there is something important. He will definitely not bother me unless there is something important.

"To be exact, I'm not the only one who has something to ask you. There's another senior as well."

"Ah... Could it be Senior Sun?" If that's the case, then the drama club must be to blame...

"That's not the case. Are Haozi and I the only two seniors in your mind? Why does he always come up as that guy?"

"...Of course there are many things I have to say, but the first thing that comes to mind is of course you two, after all, we come into contact often... Well, let's not talk about that for now. If there is anything, just say it quickly."

After all, I can't leave Yao Qiong there for too long.

"You're not in a hurry anyway... huh? Oh..."

It sounded like someone around him reminded him to be brief, so after a brief silence, Senior Jia finally started to get to the point.

"Actually, Senior Su, who graduated not long ago, wants to meet you."

"Eh?"

This was quite surprising news. Since school had already started, as a college student, he probably didn't get to go home very often, and even when he did, his schedule was very tight... In other words, he probably came back specifically to see me.

"That's really unexpected..."

There seems to be nothing else to say except this sentence... In this case, I must go and see him, no matter how big or small the matter is.

But...

"So, since I'm not with my girlfriend, playing games, or watching movies, I might as well take this opportunity to come here. Rather than talking like this, I think some things are better said in person."

"Of course. But..."

As I said this, I glanced in the direction where Yao Qiong was waiting for me.

"I do have some things to do right now... If nothing goes wrong, I'll probably be free in the evening."

"Huh? So you're busy..."

"Yes, although I can't say exactly what it is...but I really can't get away right now."

"In that case, I won't ask any more questions. I'll send you the address of Senior Su's home when the time comes."

"Yeah." I nodded, only then realizing that even if I nodded, he wouldn't be able to see it. "By the way, could you tell me what it is about in advance?"

"...Well, for now, I can only say it's related to school."

"Um...could this be something about the club?"

"Oh, that's understandable."

I knew it.

"Don't worry, I won't force you to become club leader. Just come here peacefully when the time comes."

Although he said this to reassure me, it always sounded more suspicious.

"Oh well..."

"Okay, goodbye." As if afraid that I would go back on my word, he hung up the phone immediately after I agreed.

"..."

He is obviously a senior, but he doesn't look steady at all.

Well, maybe he's just too lazy to show that side of himself to me... and I don't think I'll be any more mature around new students. Even if I was born a year earlier than others, I'm not necessarily more mature than younger people.

"Then... let's deal with this first."

Muttering to myself, I put my phone in my pocket.

.........

"Is it someone from home calling?"

"No...it's the senior who was taken care of before."

I deliberately hid the subject. After all, I was not the only one who was taken care of. I did help them.

"I see. I just got a call from my family, so I subconsciously thought you might be in the same boat as me." She smiled a little sheepishly. "Come to think of it, I haven't received any care from seniors... I wonder if it's because I haven't joined the club."

"...So your class doesn't have to join clubs."

I thought every class was like Brother Nan, who would force the whole class to join a club if they disagreed...

"Isn't that natural? The teacher said that clubs are just for fun. If you don't want to join, then forget it. You can't let clubs interfere with your studies."

"...Ah, it seems like most teachers would say that—"

It seems that Nan Ge is definitely not an ordinary teacher. Of course, this sentence is a compliment to her.

"Are the seniors here to see you?"

"It's not like I'm in a hurry to see them. I just said I can go see them if I have time."

This answer will suffice for now.

"I see~ I thought you were going to look for someone again. I feel relieved when you say that."

"...Yeah." Let's not talk about this for now... "Just now you mentioned that your family called you, right? Are they asking you to go home early?"

"Huh? How did you know that?"

"Because most parents are like this..."

I said it subconsciously.

But then I suddenly realized that she didn't seem to consider her family members as her parents. After all, she only said family, not explicitly saying father or mother... Knowing a little about her current family structure, I should have avoided saying such things as much as possible... But for some reason, things that should have been thought of long ago always come to my mind later.

"that...."

Should I apologize? But if I do that, wouldn't it seem like I'm being overly sensitive if she doesn't care? And it would also feel like I'm deliberately reminding her of this.

"I see. It seems your parents care about you too."

"...Yeah, yeah."

This reaction... shouldn't be a big deal.

"They called to ask if I had eaten well, and if the boy I was dating hadn't acted strangely, and asked me to go home quickly... They clearly wanted me to go out and have fun, but now they're so worried... I guess it's best for me to stay home from now on."

"..."

It looks like she made some mistake...

"The point of caring isn't to impose constraints. This kind of behavior is like a school setting up a club but limiting the size of its activities."

"Well, I don't quite understand."

She looked like she wanted to understand, but she still didn't seem to understand.

"You don't need to understand now. I'll explain it to you slowly later." I said, and took a long breath. "Let's not talk about this anymore. Let's go play."

Whether normal or not

"Do you think that whatever your parents decide is always right?"

After a long silence, I finally asked her this question. Actually, I've wanted to ask others for answers more than once, but... almost everyone couldn't let me feel comfortable enough to ask this question.

Even for me, the answer is still difficult to tell. After all, we have been together for a long time, and no matter what, the emotional part alone is impossible to clearly distinguish.

"Hmm? Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"

Yao Qiong, who seemed to be still immersed in joy, calmed down a little after hearing this.

“Because I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.”

Because I was so preoccupied with it, I could even recall when this question first occurred to me. It wasn't that long ago, perhaps only half a year ago... It all started when I heard from Senior Sun about something related to Senior Su... or more precisely, about something related to Senior Su's friend.

"Eh? I've been thinking about it for so long and still haven't gotten the answer? Then how can I possibly know clearly?"

Her expression gradually became complicated.

"I don't really want a definitive answer... I just want to know everyone's opinions on this sort of thing. The more responses, the better..."

The trigger that suddenly reminded me of this was, of course, the phone call just now. Since Senior Su was mentioned, all the memories related to that incident naturally came to mind.

"Even if you say that... you are aware of my situation, right?"

"Take your current situation, for example. Do you feel... that your family understands you well enough?"

In fact, the answer is very clear... Even if I have lived with my parents for nearly twenty years, if I talk about what I want to do in the future and what my ambitions are, the two of them in my family will definitely think about it for a long time.

"Well... I just came into this house suddenly... so it's normal that I don't quite understand, right?"

"..."

The implication is that they simply don't understand her. It seems like almost all parents in the world are like this...

"Of course it's normal not to understand. Even I have times when I feel like my parents don't understand me at all."

"No, no, no, Sheji, you've been at home since the beginning, so your parents will certainly understand..." She said with a slightly lost look in her eyes, "Of course my words are different. You're like an outsider entering their family without permission..."

"Don't say things that could lead to misunderstandings."

I rubbed my brows.

Most people actually think this way... Since they're parents, how could they not understand the children they've raised? If one could know someone else's thoughts simply by relying on blood ties, then humanity would be truly horrible.

"Eh? Will what I just said cause misunderstanding?"

"Well... more or less, huh?" After all, it's not just adopted children who enter homes without permission; there are other reasons too... but that belongs in the grimy world of adults. "But I have something to correct you... it's quite common for parents to not understand what their children are thinking."

Otherwise, those things wouldn't have happened.

"Why don't you understand me?"

While they complain, they never consider whether they have truly tried to understand their children. Because they feel that as parents, because they feel they have lived longer, because they believe their experience in society is the truth... For illogical reasons, they take it for granted that they understand their children, and based on this logic, they assume that their children should also understand them.

Having always communicated with others, I've long understood that even with constant communication, there are still some things that remain untransmitted. Expecting to eliminate barriers simply through so-called family relationships is sheer wishful thinking. Such a simple truth, why don't so-called parents, after nearly fifty years of living together, understand it?

Do you not treat your children as outsiders, or do you feel that you don’t need to be as polite to your children as you are to others?

"Is this normal...?"

"Well, of course." This is the answer I've come up with after all my thinking. "After all, no matter what, they are all first-time parents. And since it's their first time...it's normal for them to do poorly."

Yet, no parent wanted to admit their mistakes. No, perhaps they felt they didn't need to. After all, compared to society, there was no need to show excessive respect to children who were more vulnerable than themselves.

"...This is the first time I've heard someone say something like that."

"..."

What does it mean to say this...

"You really are a weirdo."

"...I knew it..."

Could it be that this impression has already been ingrained in her mind?

"but..."

"Ok?"

As I listened to her, I happened to meet her gaze. It wasn't the blank, bewildered look from before; it felt like... there was something indescribable in it.

“I think it makes sense~”

Chapter 37: Whether Normal or Not