I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Looking back on the past, it feels like it happened not long ago. But it's actually been almost ten years... When you think about it that way, a lot has actually happened in those ten years."

"That's what I mean..."

I don't know if she understood, but judging by her reaction... well, as long as she gets some insight, that's fine. She doesn't need to understand everything I mean.

"But Sheji's past is really interesting... He has no shortage of friends, and his family is wonderful. To be honest, I'm really envious."

“…”

It wasn't until then that I suddenly realized I'd subconsciously ignored her feelings. Even though she'd asked me to talk about it, I'd agreed without careful consideration, and even talked about it so much... It felt a little inappropriate.

"But I just want those memories. I'm envious, but things are already like this... No matter what I say or do, it's useless... right?"

Can't refute.

As someone who prioritizes efficiency, I do believe that we shouldn't dwell too much on our emotions. While it's perfectly acceptable and even advocating for the present moment rather than dwelling on the past, it's a mistake to avoid our emotions in this way.

"Whether it's considered useless or not, just do it if you want to."

"Is...that so?" She gave me a suspicious look, half believing it or half doubting it.

"Of course. As long as we don't forget them, living our current life well is the right thing to do. And didn't you say it yourself? You want to sleep well. That's what you're expressing your desire for... I just need to express that thought more often and be aware of it in the future."

Right now, she still had many problems. Solving them all at once was impossible, but if she could slowly solve them from different angles like this, it wouldn't be such a difficult task.

Now, it would be nice if she could look directly at her own thoughts and have the consciousness to judge what is considered normal.

".....I see."

I still don't know if she really understands, but since she said so, I'll just believe it for now.

"So, can I offer my ideas now?"

"Well...of course." I didn't expect it to be implemented so quickly.

"Maybe it's just my willfulness or childish request...but I still want to bring it up."

As she spoke, she pointed her finger at the amusement facility nearby.

"Um--can you take me there to play?"

There's nothing to worry about

In the chilly weather, the oblivious building still stood in the cold wind. Objects devoid of emotion are unnoticed, both in the human eye and in the human heart. The same is true for humans: if you can't express yourself in a crowd, you'll naturally be ignored and gradually forgotten.

However, being forgotten in certain situations is not something that deserves sympathy.

"Actually, this is the only place I want to take you... Well, we're going anyway, so it doesn't matter who brings it up."

I could call it a soliloquy or something... Anyway, that's how I responded to her request. Calling it a wish might be more accurate. For someone who had never faced her own desires, being able to take this step was already quite remarkable.

"Well, actually, I became interested in that big wheel when I saw it not far away."

She responded with joy on her face.

"The big wheel...ah, you mean the Ferris wheel?"

I said as I looked towards the giant, slowly rotating facility.

I seem to have been up there many times with different people...and, surprisingly, each experience has been different. It's a bit hypocritical to say it's just the sight of it that brings back memories, but seeing something that brings back memories still resonates with me.

Is it the same this time...

"It's not just this, there are many other fun things here," I said, trying to smile. However, my face felt as if it were frozen by the cold wind, and I felt a little uncomfortable. Thinking about it... this smile was probably not very natural.

“I think it’s my first time here.”

"Yeah..."

Speaking of which, where did her clear memories begin? And since those blank times weren't spent with her original family, nor with her current one, where did they go?

Although I was quite curious, I still resisted the urge to ask all the questions in my heart in one breath.

At this point, my goal wasn't solely to find out what had happened to her. As long as she could be happy... I wouldn't have wasted my time. But I wasn't quite sure what constituted a waste of time... Rather than aimlessly wasting time at school, perhaps doing what I wanted to do was more meaningful.

"Do you come here often?"

She suddenly asked this question. She had never asked it before, so she hesitated before answering.

"Well, not very often."

If I hadn't met those people, I might never have set foot here in my life, let alone bringing people here for no reason.

"Ah, was that a question just now?"

"...Well, sort of." If one really wanted to nitpick, there were already too many conversations that could be considered problematic. "By the way, are you so anxious to reveal something about yourself to me?"

"Huh? Of course not... Why do you have such a strange idea?"

If I said something like that to Rinsenkawa, I'd probably be hesitant, even if I didn't get angry. But this girl acted completely normal... How should I put it? She's more concerned about the rules we agreed upon than the conversation itself.

And you even said I was a weird guy...I'm not weird at all.

"If that's the case, then forget it." She didn't really care anyway.

"Huh? It actually counts—I thought you'd say it doesn't..."

"You're wrong, I'm not that kind of person." It seems that I shouldn't use such a smug tone, well, it doesn't matter.

"Actually, what I want to ask is not a particularly important question. Don't be nervous."

"Why are you nervous? Are you going to ask questions you shouldn't ask?"

"...That's not the case—"

Why does this rhetorical question feel like it doesn't come from her...

"I just want to ask, do you know where you lived before you came to this home?"

If you only knew this...

"Uh..." Her brows furrowed in a rare moment, and it was obvious that she was thinking or recalling something. Later, she said with certainty, "Well... I can't seem to remember clearly."

Chapter 36: Nothing to worry about

How should I put it... Even though I didn't lose anything, I still feel a little regretful for not getting anything out of this. After all, I was so close to getting a clear clue, but now I still have to figure it out.

Ah, I know there's no point in getting anxious, but for some reason, I always feel like something really troublesome is going to happen. There are so many people around me, and before I even bother them, they're bothering me... Thinking about it, I feel like I'm losing out. But it doesn't matter...

"Oh...how do I read this?"

While I was still holding the doll I had caught and standing in a daze in the cold wind, I felt someone approaching.

When I realized it, I realized Yao Qiong was leaning quite close to me, holding the flyer in her hand horizontally in front of my eyes. Perhaps it was because the clothes wrapped around me were too thin, but I felt like I could feel her faint warmth... but it was unrealistic to feel body heat through clothes... Well, it was probably just an illusion.

"Hmm... Let me take a look."

Actually, it's okay not to look at it. I've already looked at the map several times, so I can find where I want to go no matter what. But I'd better not be so obvious in front of her...

“How do I understand this…”

"It's okay if you don't understand. I'll take you wherever you want to go."

"That's it..."

But seeing as her frown still didn't relax...she must still be trying to figure out how to read a map. Honestly, she's quite the troublemaker. If it were me, I wouldn't bother spending time trying to learn a skill I couldn't master myself. I'd find someone who could help me.

"It's normal to try to rely on others when you need to.

At least it's normal for me.

"I just feel embarrassed to rely on others... Well, maybe I can't say I'm embarrassed... I just feel that my ability to give back is limited, so it's better to just not bother others."

"..."

I can't say I've truly understood her after just a few days of contact. But her demeanor now is completely different from what I felt before... In short, it seems she's understood a bit more. This is, of course, a good thing for her.

"After realizing I was actually bothering you, I felt a bit guilty... I don't have anything to offer in return, so I'm still struggling with whether I should continue to accept your kindness like I am now..."

"This kind of thing can't really be considered a good intention."

In fact, I don’t know what my purpose is.

"And you don't have to worry about anything," I said, gently taking the map from her hand. "Just play the game you enjoy. Others might not be able to explain it, but at least I don't care about simple pros and cons."

Occasionally missing the point

When faced with choices, different decisions may lead to different directions and thus different results.

When I was young, my parents generally determined my future. That being said, there didn't seem to be any other options besides continuing my studies. So, accepting this premise, how wide-ranging were my options?

I'm not sure. Because reality isn't a game, there are no clear options, no way to save or reload, and there's no clear demarcation between good and bad endings. For most people, regardless of good or bad, just surviving is all that matters.

Besides just being alive, the things I pursued wouldn't be easily attainable. I'd wanted to confirm something for a while, but due to various constraints, I'd been putting the idea on hold.

Just think of letting things take their course...letting time pass.

And now, that opportunity was right in front of him. Faced with such an obvious opportunity, he actually hesitated a little.

What kind of choice should we make?

[Node] Occasionally losing sight of the main point

Why is that...

"This is also very interesting—"

Looking at Yao Qiong's beaming face, I couldn't help but think of that guy's face. Perhaps it was because summer vacation was only less than two weeks away, or perhaps it was because the memory of that guy was so vivid. Now, when I realized I'd been thinking about her all the time, I inexplicably felt that I shouldn't be here anymore.

The more I took her to different facilities, the more she remembered what she had experienced not long ago.

"Yeah, ah."

I nodded in agreement, but I didn't feel particularly happy. It was me who asked her out, but now I was feeling this way... well, it would be best if I didn't let her notice anything unusual.

"It would be nice if we could come out and play sooner... Well, having said that, I should still thank you for inviting me."

"...Hasn't anyone invited you before?"

"Ah, I don't have any impression." She thought for a moment, "But even if there was, I probably wouldn't care. After all, there are only a few people I can trust."

"That's it..."

Actually, he didn't really care. He just wanted to hide his current emotions and divert her attention.

"So which facility are we going to next?" It seemed like she didn't care about my situation; she just wanted to have more fun.

Such a simple wish should naturally be fulfilled by one's best efforts.

"...Let me think about it." He responded, subconsciously looking at the map in his hand, "Hmm..."

At this moment, I suddenly felt my cell phone vibrating.

"Someone is trying to contact me, can you please answer the phone?" I asked out of politeness.

"Ah, of course...but why do you have to ask me? If I say no, wouldn't it be troublesome if I have to contact you for something important?"

"Well..."

It’s because people usually say “yes” that people ask this kind of question.

"Well, excuse me for a moment."

........

"I thought it was someone else..."

I initially thought it was a sales call, but it turned out to be someone I knew. Yes, it was Senior Jia Li Du, who hadn't contacted me since we last exchanged contact information.

"Hearing your dissatisfied tone, I always feel like I'm ruining your good thing... What, are you with your girlfriend now?"

"That's not—"

It just almost came true.

"So you're playing a game, right at the critical moment?"

"It's not..."