I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Ah."

Sheji nodded involuntarily. This was probably a subconscious action after showing off his knowledge.

"Come to think of it, you just said you wanted to know what I dreamed about, right?" Yao Qiong suddenly thought of the previous topic, "It doesn't hurt to tell you if you want to know."

"...Really? But generally speaking, telling someone about your dreams...isn't a good idea, right? And I'm not the type to force..."

She looked a little awkward. Whether she was nervous or shy, no one could tell unless they were her own. But perhaps even she herself was a little puzzled by her awkwardness.

"It's okay, and I always feel that it's because of you, Sheji, that I can sleep peacefully." He said with a reassuring smile.

"..."

Did he take my words as a lullaby, or did I just look sleepy? Sheji's first reaction was this self-deprecating interpretation. He generally doesn't interpret compliments in the best light, so he's probably a potential masochist.

"I dreamed about my mother."

At this moment, Sheji was somewhat confused. He had also experienced the death of loved ones, and even the departure of people he cared about. But all he had been thinking about was how to forget the fact that they were gone. Therefore, in not admitting that his mother had passed away, Sheji felt that they had something in common. Not bringing up memories meant trying not to leave behind things that would make him care. For Sheji, he was actually very afraid of the deceased appearing in his dreams. If that happened, he would have given up crying, and all he had left was the right to feel extremely uncomfortable, and... had to face reality for the time being.

"That's it..."

This may be something that the country cannot understand.

"Because I haven't seen her for a long time. So even if it's in a dream... just being able to see her is enough to satisfy me."

Her slightly lowered eyelids concealed the sadness of realizing it was all just a dream. She subconsciously tried to hide it, but Sheji still caught on. Or rather, she simply didn't bother to conceal her feelings.

"..."

How can I do.

Compared to his own mood, Sheji was more worried about whether Yao Qiong in front of him would be affected by this.

"Also, I remembered what happened before. Of course, it was about my mother. I also seemed to see my childhood self..."

"..."

The structure of this dream is really complicated.

"It turns out I was aware of a lot of things when I was a child. However, the feelings I had back then tend to fade with time... I can't believe I've forgotten even something so important. So I'm a little scared... If time goes on, I'll forget even more things, right?"

"..."

Sheji couldn't refute this. He'd been like that before. It wasn't until the person in question showed up that he remembered everything about them. If they hadn't met again, those memories might have been forever buried. Even if they'd already met, even someone quite important, they couldn't escape the erosion of time.

But now is not the time to think about your own affairs.

"Don't worry."

Even though he was worried about whether there were people he had forgotten, and whether his actions today would be remembered again decades later, when faced with the confusion of others, he always managed to pretend to be calm and say words that could comfort them.

"...Memory isn't so much disappearing as forgetting where it was because there were so many of them."

“…”

"A person's life spans decades, and the memories within it are even more numerous. So... those things that were forgotten for a moment aren't thrown away, right? It's just like an untidy room; the things you need are temporarily forgotten where they were put."

This was what Sheji hoped for. It wasn't that he had lost something; he simply couldn't find it. Sharing this conclusion he had drawn without permission with others... could that even be considered caring? Sheji reflected, but he felt helpless.

"So, you'll remember it. It's just a matter of time, so don't worry."

Turn your gaze elsewhere

Should we say that human life is long or short?

Only a dozen years have passed, and yet there are already people and events I can't clearly recall. Even walking down a street I've walked countless times before, it still feels a bit strange compared to the scenes in my memory. So, it's the surroundings that are constantly changing, so why did the phrase "things have changed, people have changed" come into being? And as time passes, the number of people and events I can't remember increases... If I think about it this way, life must be quite long.

However, when I think about the fact that I'll soon be entering my eighteenth year in this world, I suddenly realize that I only have a hundred years left, and one-fifth of that life is about to be wasted by something called "time." Just growing physically takes a lot of time, not to mention things like intellectual growth... Even now, I still feel like I have a lot of room for growth.

But the truth is, I'm no longer young, and so-called "growth" won't just happen with the passage of time. While many problems can be left to time, there are always some things, important things, that require proactive resolution. And perhaps it was precisely because of this experience that I experienced incredible growth.

Maybe it's becoming more stable, or maybe it's becoming quite reliable. Step by step, it becomes a person that is acceptable to everyone and more or less in line with one's expectations.

And how far away am I from that goal now? Whether it's in the eyes of others or in my own eyes.

Looking at this incredible girl in front of me, I thought about a lot of things. That's why I said to her...

"I'll remember everything."

These are not just words of comfort.

It was also a little selfish of mine. It was just a random thought. Now, I just wanted to see her smile as carefree as before.

It's really unbelievable. I thought there would never be another person like me around me.

School is a place I have never liked since I was a child.

Because there were too many self-centered people gathered together. Because I followed the teacher's teachings of humility, while others did not. Because the school is not a pure land, the dirty world of adults still infiltrates it.

So, in fact, as long as there are people, what happens is essentially no different.

But the person before him was clearly different. Unlike Rinquanchuan, whose family background was untainted, nor like Yehui, who deliberately hid her inner thoughts... Instead, he was the type who acted naturally in everything he did. It didn't seem like someone who had lived on campus for so long.

Although I only just came to this conclusion and don't have any specific reasoning, I can still be sure of this: her life experiences don't overlap with most people's.

"It's just a matter of time, so don't worry."

At least I can be sure that what she forgot were not simply things that were forgotten with the passage of time, but things that she did not want to remember.

As long as I help her break through the shackles in her heart, she will naturally recall her past experiences. However, I am not sure whether doing so will be good or bad for her current life.

After all, happiness comes from not remembering some things.

"..."

Although this is also what I realized before.

"Well, I see."

She seemed to trust me quite a bit, and nodded with a smile. Her messy hair fluttered in the wind, and the confusion in her eyes seemed to have completely disappeared. At this moment, she only had eyes for me.

It's not very appropriate to show such an expression.

"Then, let's go somewhere else." I said to her after I cheered up a little.

"Mmmmm~"

In short, let’s do what we should do now.

Chapter 33: Try to turn your eyes elsewhere

"So, where do we go next?"

Before I even felt the cold breeze as I stepped onto the street, I heard this question from beside me. If I remember correctly, this wasn't the first time I'd heard her say this.

"Well... let me think about it." I scratched my cheek. "Speaking of which, did you bring your cell phone? Even though you mentioned you weren't very familiar with how to use it, you were hanging out with boys after all. If you did, your family would definitely let you bring it with you."

"I did bring it..." she said, pulling out her phone, which still looked quite new, from her pocket. "I don't really understand it, but as soon as I said I was going out with boys, my family insisted I bring it."

"Ahaha..." I knew it, "Well, can you lend it to me for a while?"

"Oh, you can..." She said, placing it in my hand without hesitation, "but don't you have it too?"

"...Well, I just wanted to leave you a contact number." I started leaving my own contact information, and then I looked at hers... She had even fewer than mine, only two numbers from my family. "After all, we can't just meet up at school to keep in touch, right? This way, we can get in touch on weekends or when we have free time."

"Oh I got it."

Although she nodded to show her understanding, I always felt that she still didn't understand what I was talking about.

"If you want to contact me, just do this..." I said and showed her how to call someone.

"Hey, this way my phone will get a signal, and then I'll know it's you calling." I said, showing her my ringing phone. "This makes it much easier to get in touch."

"Yeah...I understand." She responded obediently.

"Okay, I'll give it back to you."

In this case...even if this problem cannot be solved today, there should still be a chance later.

"Well... like this... like this... right?"

After getting the phone, she operated it for a while and then called me.

"That's right." I felt relieved to see her learning so quickly. I nodded in affirmation.

"Can I call you anytime?"

"...Yeah, that should be possible."

I hesitated for a moment before answering this. If any other girl had asked me this, it would have been fine, surely just a polite remark... But with this girl asking this, I couldn't be sure. Who knew when she would choose to call me... But then I thought about it and realized it wasn't an inconvenient time for me, so I thought it was probably okay to agree.

"Really? That's great~"

"..."

Seeing her smile of relief, I felt like there was nothing to worry about.

No matter what, she is just a person who is lost in life. This is not only the same as me, but also the same as most people in the world.

I don’t know the meaning of my life, nor do I understand why I live in this world, but I don’t want to die so easily. I feel that I can accomplish something, but looking back at the time I have gone through so far, I feel that I haven’t started anything yet.

Is it because I haven't had time to take the first step yet? I don't know, but I feel that I have tried to get out of this situation. Well, it's almost the same to say that I have given up on this situation.

In short, you have to walk your own journey alone.

"Didn't you say before that you wanted to buy something?"

Now, let her do what she wants to do. Start with simple things and slowly ask her what she really wants.

"Oh, now that I mention it, I think I remember... I wanted a pair of headphones."

Yes, that's right. Just focus on yourself.

"No problem, I'll take you there right away."

..............

Jia Lidu, holding a few books, was walking out of the home of Senior Su, now a university student. Senior Su, who looked much the same as before, smiled and walked out of the house to see him off.

"It's not a holiday, and you only have two days off. Why do you have to come back instead of staying at school?" Jia Lidu, who had borrowed the book, asked a few questions before leaving. "Isn't the round trip fare expensive? You've been staying here for a day or two just to come back. I feel it's not worth it for you."

"I don't think it's a pity, so don't bother yourself." Senior Su smiled helplessly, "Didn't you say before that you and Haozi were busy? So I thought I could help you this time I came back."

"...Can't we just contact each other online?" Jia Lidu still felt a little puzzled.

"Well, actually, I still want to say something to someone else." Senior Su had to express his inner thoughts. "After all, he left in a hurry when he graduated, and Haozi kept pestering him during the summer vacation. He didn't even have a chance to say anything to the future club president."

"Oh, after all this fuss, you're talking about him... He didn't even say he wanted to be the president of the drama club."

"Why... haven't you convinced him after all this time?"

"It would be great if we could convince him. When that guy heard about this, he shook his head like a rattle." Jia Lidu said, exaggerating the action.

"That's not so exaggerated... But if he really doesn't want to do it... then forget it." Senior Su's tone became slightly lower, and he looked at Jia Lidu in front of him, "Speaking of which, have you told him about that?"

"...Oh, now that you mention it, I just remembered that I hadn't had time to tell him." Jia Lidu slapped his head. "Oh, I've been watching so much TV these days that I forgot about it."

"You're about to take the college entrance exam, why are you still thinking about TV dramas? You said you're busy with your studies." Senior Su's helpless expression was fixed because of him.

"Oh, I was so busy studying that I forgot."

"...Tsk." Senior Su, speechless, could only wave his hand to change the subject. "Alright, tell him now. And by the way, tell him I want to meet him."

"Well, okay." Jia Lidu took out his phone, but then suddenly seemed to remember something and asked, "If you want to talk to him so much, why don't you just go find him yourself?"

"I would like to, but I don't have his contact information."

"Oh, that's right."

After this, Jia Li Du finally had no more problems and finally sent a message to his descendant named Yi Sheji.

Things discussed

If you think about it carefully, it may not be too late to realize it now.

"I can hear this clearly—"