I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"....Um."

Forget it, let’s confirm the results first.

It didn't take long to find the magazine on the shelf. I had a feeling the moment I saw the cover, as it was completely different from what I'd imagined. There weren't any images of the contestants printed on the cover.

But this is quite normal...it's better to say that my own ideas are too idealistic.

In other words, you still have to open it to check...

"Wow——"

So, how did I actually view this competition? Even though it was a competition, I didn't feel any nervousness at all. I even felt like I wasn't really concerned.

"what..."

Found it. But it's not mine and Yehui's...

The first thing that caught my eye was the coloring page with the "Gold Award" label in the upper left corner. It's a coloring page, and both the line work and the coloring are impressive. But more than anything, what caught my eye was the familiar style and the signatures beside it. "朻九蝶" and "慕松雅"... Though there were some changes, she still used her own name out of habit. Her name is 栗杺雅, and both contain the character "雅," which is, in a sense, quite understandable. ...She probably didn't use her pen name to avoid the novel issue; after all, those editors wouldn't necessarily want her to pursue a career in comics... Well, that's pretty impressive. It looks like it's about a battle scene...

“…”

Having said that, these two are really amazing. I really want to see what the comic they collaborated on is like... but judging by the preview on the side, it seems to be included in the supplement.

"..."

In other words, if you continue to flip backwards...

"...Hmm."

Something seems wrong.

Because what I saw was still a coloring page. Even though it was a silver award, I still got a coloring page... Maybe it's due to the different markets; it feels like the threshold for coloring pages is much lower than in neighboring countries. However, if you just look at the character images and illustration composition, it's still quite interesting.

“…”

So, does this mean that anyone who wins an award will be notified of a request for coloring pages? If I think about it that way, Ye Hui didn't seem to mention anything about coloring pages... Maybe Ye Hui and I's work is actually...

Thinking of this, I couldn't help but look at Ye Hui who was not far away.

"..."

Even though she was nervous, her expression was filled with anticipation. What on earth was she thinking right now...and what was she worried about? Without any effort, I couldn't imagine it...and the only thing I could do now was to accept the truth and tell her.

...If I had tried harder.

"..."

I flipped through the pages, but still didn't see the familiar style. It was like myself long ago, when the teacher handed out fewer and fewer certificates, but still hadn't called my name.

“…”

What is going on.

The air around him should have been warm, but deep down, a chill welled up inside him that was quite uncomfortable.

...........

"...Have you finished reading it?"

Seeing me approach, she decisively put down her book and looked at me expectantly. She really cared about this... and she seemed eager to achieve something, even if it was just a nomination.

"Ah."

However, reality is always different from ideals, sometimes quite different. This outcome isn't caused by just one factor, but by a combination of factors... but it would be unwise to shirk responsibility for this.

"Um...which place is it?"

“…”

"I see... I didn't get any ranking..."

Seeing my silence, she immediately understood.

"Well, it's okay. After all, it's my first attempt, so it would be strange if I could achieve success right away~"

"..."

Unfortunately, such strange people do exist... Putting aside other people, this is indeed the first time for Li Moya and the others to try it.

Besides, does it really not matter? Even if the tone of speaking is very relaxed, it is not from the heart, right?

"Cough...cough cough..."

Although I can tell her some things by typing on the phone in my hand, but this sentence... I must say it in person.

"Eh? Why are you coughing suddenly...Um, are you okay?" Seeing this, Ye Hui immediately came around behind me and kept patting my back, hoping that it would make me feel a little better...However, this probably won't help.

"...cough, cough cough...I'm sorry..."

A hoarse and low voice finally came out from the mouth that had been silent for who knows how long.

"Why should I apologize? I know your throat has been hurting lately, so I didn't care at all." She continued to pat my back. "If your throat hasn't healed yet, don't force yourself to speak."

"Ahem... No, it's not about me..."

Even so, it's definitely inextricably linked to me. Rather, it's me...who caused this outcome.

"What are you talking about..."

"Well...even though I didn't get the chance to be published...I still got some comments."

"Eh? Really? Is that a review from some amazing cartoonist?"

Is this okay?

Even though it looked like she was happy like this...she should have been able to do better.

"Yeah...yes, he's really a very powerful person..."

I also read the comments one by one.

"That's why I have to say...I'm sorry."

"...What on earth is going on..."

"The artwork is truly stunning, and the characters' costumes and backgrounds are quite detailed. However, the plot is a bit bland compared to other works."

"I don't mind everyday stories, but short stories still need a unique setting to catch the judges' attention."

"In short, the drawing skills are far superior to the story arrangement. If I change this, I should be able to achieve better results."

“It’s a shame. Actually, I still like the style of this work.”

"Thinking about it... I... ahem, it seems that I didn't take the idea of ​​creating with Yehui seriously at all."

"..."

"If you put all your energy into it from the beginning..."

No, even if I put all my energy into it, it wouldn't matter. I'm just a talentless guy who can't come up with any story that will attract anyone's attention.

"No... If Ye Hui's partner at the beginning was not me... but someone else, the results would be much better than now..."

I should have thought of this from the beginning. In fact, I don't have the qualifications at all.

"So what?"

The response sounded quite tough.

"If it's not about the country, then there's no point, right?"

A clear road

"...Yehui, do you remember what you said to me before? About...comic creation and its meaning..."

After hearing what she said, I couldn't help but ask back.

"Of course I remember."

"Really..." So I still remember, "I think it was to observe my talents or something like that?"

"That's right." The answer was affirmative.

"That's easy to say... now the facts are out. The review also said... Yehui, your painting skills are completely different from the story I made up. In other words... ahem, it means... I don't have the talent you expect."

It's just a compilation and expansion of random material, without any brilliant settings, no interesting arrangement... and no one has the courage to polish the story. In short, it's useless.

"Then, Sheji, how do you know what I'm expecting?"

"Eh?..."

It was surprising. I didn't quite understand what she said right away. Even more surprising was the fact that her tone was so different from usual. While I could sense the difference, it was hard to explain it based on my past experience.

"expect..."

To be honest, I always feel that I am failing to live up to other people’s expectations.

"I...don't know."

When asked this question, I realized that I had never thought about what Ye Hui was thinking. Not only that, I also never knew what those people expected me to accomplish.

"That's what I mean... I don't think you would know."

“…”

"After all, Sheji, you always talk to yourself, but you never really think about yourself." She sighed, "I've said it before, right? Grades and such are secondary. What I need... is the process of creating with you."

"...But the things I came up with...were not recognized."

“It would be abnormal not to experience failure, right?”

“…”

Why do you say things like this as if it's a matter of course? I've invested so much time and energy, but the results don't match...

"Besides, why do you need other people's approval? If you need approval to feel confident, there's someone who agrees with you right in front of you."

"..."

"Actually, I...had anticipated this outcome a long time ago." She hesitated for a moment. "Ah, of course, it's not because of the plot you envisioned, Sheji... well, I just felt that if success were so easy, I'd definitely stagnate."

“…”

"Besides, I'm also very happy that you have this reaction, Sheji."

"Eh...?"

I really don't understand what she is saying anymore.

"What should I say? I feel like you've never had the habit of examining yourself, Sheji. You've always said you're just an ordinary person, and you've been indifferent to your own affairs... But this time, you said, 'I have no talent,' so I can sense the resentment in your heart. In other words, compared to your previous self, you have something called 'competitiveness'."

"That's not the case..."

I just...

"I just...feel like I'm holding you back..."

"Isn't this still just complaining about not having any talent? In reality, you're always thinking... 'I can do better.' Right?"

“…”

I didn't want to admit it. No, I couldn't really confirm it. My emotions had never been as complicated as they were today. Not just about the comics... but also about what had happened before... Those memories flashed through my mind like a video clip.

"Sheji is a person who likes to give up. Isn't he?"

“.....!”

Like the wind blowing away the thick fog, these words were now the only echo in my chaotic thoughts.

"Come to think of it, I'm not actually opposed to this attitude towards life. Well, I actually quite like it. I think it's pretty good to be able to think this way and decide what you should and shouldn't do. It's just..."

Her gaze shifted slightly.

"If you choose to give up, you should consider your own feelings more."

“…”

"In my opinion, when you said you shouldn't participate in creation anymore...that's not really giving up, because it's not something you decided from the heart. You're just following those comments."

"...ah..."

is that so...