I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"If it's something you sincerely want to give up, I won't raise any objections... because that's your decision."

“…”

"But now, have you really decided what you want to give up?"

Chapter 27: The Road That Can Be Seen Clearly

"Just waiting."

I ran back all the way. With trembling hands, I typed out a greeting. Although I could speak with some effort now, I decided to stick to my previous routine in front of her.

"It's so slow, and there's even a typo." Yao Qiong, who had already eaten quite a bit of food, didn't seem to be in a hurry, which was something to be thankful for.

"Because he ran back and it was the input method's fault."

"Well, I have to say it's just in time to come back."

"Uh..."

Generally speaking, saying something like this won't lead to anything good. At worst, it's premeditated.

"I'm almost done eating. I was thinking if you haven't come back like this you should just go home. But it seems you're pretty smart after all...ah, that's probably the right word, right?"

“…”

"I think it's enough to say that you returned just in time."

"Oh, then... you came back just in time."

"Ah."

That way it feels like a conversation.

"So, what are you going to buy? Let's go buy it quickly." She stood up and stood beside me. Oh, and the doll was also stuffed into my arms. I don't know if it was a good intention.

"..."

“There’s nothing to buy now.”

"Hmm? Didn't you say you were here to shop? In that case..."

"What you want to buy is already in your stomach"

"Eh? What?... Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"

Actually, I just wanted to treat her to a meal. Who knew she would make it so complicated...

"Now, what should we do now? Continue shopping?"

"Just follow me."

"Eh... Really?"

After seeing my response, she just asked back a question.

"Ah."

There may be many things I need to do, but right now, all I can do, to the best of my ability, is to help the person in front of me.

After that, I also clearly understood what I really wanted to give up. After that, I might stop caring about other people's affairs, that is, I might not help others so often anymore.

"I will do my best to fulfill your wish."

Not just the one in front of me.

And those who have always expected something from me. Maybe it will take different forms... but I will still use my own way to achieve the best results.

. . . . . . .

"...not yet..."

Things you decide to give up.

It's strange to say, I used to be able to easily decide what to give up, but now when I want to make a decision, I become hesitant, and...it's difficult to easily distinguish what needs to be given up.

"If that's the case, then why are you so eager to deny your own talents?"

"..."

"There are a lot of things I can't do well at first... Even I only achieved this level of painting through constant practice, but even so, there are still many people who are better than me. And Shaji didn't even try hard, right? Well, that's nothing... If you want to give up after just one failure, then it's not giving up, right? It's just running away."

"...Then...can I escape?"

Even if I'm told that, I still don't feel like doing anything like this. And... I don't know what I should be working hard for.

"Of course not. Because I'm here."

"..."

I do not know what to say.

I just felt like I couldn't do anything besides looking at her, and I didn't think I should do anything. Maybe I just wanted to hear her continue.

"I'll hold you tightly, just to prevent you from escaping. Because that's wrong. Although there's a saying that goes, 'Escape is shameful but very useful,'...but how long can you escape, and how much can you escape?"

"..."

In the past, when I occasionally tried to examine the path I should take, I was always met with darkness. I didn't know where I should go, nor did I know where I was going.

But now it seems that there is a way to find the direction.

"Of course, hasn't Sheji also accomplished something that many people can't do?"

"Hmm? Me?"

"Of course. I saw everything you did..."

“…”

This is probably just an exaggeration, but I'm still surprised.

"When we sincerely want to help someone, even if that person is in a very difficult situation, the country will not choose to give up."

“…”

How should I put it? That's probably just... well, I don't even know how to refute it. Let's just leave it at that... Be it kindness or enthusiasm, words that don't quite fit me now don't feel out of place when applied to me.

"So... you should still be working hard for other people's things, right?"

"..."

Is this what they call intuition? Although I want to deny it, but looking into her eyes, I feel like I don't have the courage to lie.

"Yeah... I'm trying to help someone..."

The reason I said try... is because it was the first time I had a feeling that I was not sure.

"That's right. Those suspicious times before should be the same, right? Was it to meet that person?"

Ye Hui's question and expression don't seem to have any particular meaning. Just respond truthfully here...

"Well, that's right."

At this point, I couldn't help but scratch my cheek.

"You couldn't even speak at that time... Sheji, you really worked hard."

"Well..."

Are you kidding me?

"...I really can't help you. I was hoping we could spend more time together. (whispering)"

"Hmm? I didn't seem to hear the last sentence clearly..."

"Nothing. Rather than that, you probably just left that person behind and came to see me in such a hurry, right?"

"...Hmm." He nodded in acknowledgement.

I didn't expect this to be guessed...

"Is it really okay not to rush back? I guess there are still things to deal with, right?"

"But..."

I feel like I still have a lot to say to her. And I still haven't made a clear decision about what I should do...

"It's okay. We still have a lot of time to spend together," she said to me with a smile. "Compared to all this, it's more important to do your best to help others. Forget about the rankings this time and just do your best to do what you should do."

"...I see."

Change and slight exposure

Is this a normal thing?

"Dong dong——"

The moment he stepped out of the store and out of my sight, I clearly felt the vibration coming from my chest. It took me a while to realize that it was the sound of my heart beating.

So powerful, so clear. It seemed to drown out the surrounding noise... It kept beating, kept beating, with no sign of stopping. How many years had it been since I last clearly heard my own heartbeat?

"........................"

My senses seemed to have become dulled.

Because I can't make out what the person in front of me looks like, or what they're saying to me... Eh? Has this happened before?

The surrounding scenery seemed to blur. People near and far, as well as the originally complex sounds... all became indistinct... All I could hear was the sound of my heartbeat.

"...Uh-huh."

I can't hear anything and I can't see anything.

All I could do was nod. The sliver of common sense that remained told me it was just the store clerk. They wouldn't ask any complicated questions, so I just had to act like nothing was wrong.

"......"

After placing something in front of me, the person who tried to talk to me left. That must have been the waiter... And what's on the table now? I can't see clearly, but it must be the food I ordered. Can I still eat it? These days, I don't seem to have the energy to judge fullness. All I can feel is my heartbeat.

"Ha ha..."

My breathing became a little faster...

How is this going?

“Bang—”

Did I knock something over?

Speaking of which, I feel like my hand is touching something... but there's very little feedback. What about the people around me? I can't see clearly... Are they staring at me strangely, or are they completely unaware... that I'm clearly out of my mind?

"Dongdong—dongdong—"

I do not know.

Because all I could hear was my own heartbeat.

Oh, right... there's more than one spoon... I remember there should be some unfinished cake in front of me...

Touched.

When I put it in my mouth, the taste wasn't as strong as before. It was just a little sweet... I wonder why it was like that.

I don't understand, and I don't think I'll ever figure it out. I just rely on my limited sense of touch, slowly savoring food that has no distinct flavor at all. And then... I wait for him to come back to me.

"Dong dong——"

Indistinct figures came and went. Indistinct sounds rose and fell. Do I prefer silence or bustle? I don't know... but I could feel my body strongly rejecting this environment.

How could this happen...

Nothing had happened, and... I should have been happy being with him. But, as if out of control, my body just did this. Ah, what a strange reaction.

Will things get better before he comes back?

Chapter 28: Change and Slight Revelation

Although I boasted that I would fulfill her wish... I still don't have any clues that can help her. After all, the clues she mentioned are too few.

"Where are you going next?"

As she spoke, she moved slightly closer to me as if on purpose, standing side by side with me.