I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Things like this will probably continue to happen.

When the network of relationships centered on me spreads out, any slight vibration in the people along each so-called line will inevitably affect me. Conversely, if something happens to me, those in the network will also be able to feel it. However, the degree of vibration they can detect varies depending on the distance between them.

"Hah... Ugh..."

I've gotten a little used to breathing through my mouth. Compared to the narrow nasal airway, it's definitely better to breathe directly through my mouth... My throat still hurts a bit, and the weather is quite cold, so it's still quite uncomfortable.

But how can I put it... Maybe the events themselves have no connection, but the body has retained certain memories without authorization. It’s just that I usually don’t remember them. Only when certain feelings stimulate the senses, I will suddenly remember that I had such an experience.

"ha...."

The hot air I exhaled formed a white mist in the air and quickly dissipated. The cold wind brushed against my cheeks, unceremoniously snatching away the remaining warmth from my body. As far as I can remember, that was the only time I've ever run with so many factors intertwined.

We were both rushing to meet someone, and both were leaving someone behind. But the meanings were different, and the relationships were quite different...and it was at this moment that I suddenly realized that everything had become a thing of the past.

“————————”

The red light blocking my path will lift in thirty-nine seconds. I can use this opportunity to lean forward slightly and catch my breath. The few pedestrians around me glanced at me with curiosity, then went about their business without a care in the world. No one wondered why I was running, nor did anyone inquire about my origins or my background, as if I didn't care what their lives were like. All I knew was that you were just another person running through this city, but I felt no closeness to them as fellow humans... Perhaps this is what it's like to be an ant. Just do your job, and even if you pass by, there's no need to exchange words. Just know that there are people like you around.

It seems impossible to judge whether such a vague life is good or bad, but in such an environment, the minimum adaptation that can be achieved is probably to become like an "ant" in a short period of time.

"......"

I am still unsure how my life will be like in the future.

But I always feel that as long as certain people are around me, I will become something I never imagined before.

"It looks like you've run all the way here, but there's no need to be so anxious."

Ye Hui waited in front of the bookstore for an unknown amount of time.

Now she smiles at me as usual.

"Did you enjoy your day off?"

He didn't ask me where I was, nor did he question why I had forgotten. He simply greeted me normally, as if everything had gotten better.

"...Um."

Chapter 25: Things That Can Be Confirmed

"Hmm...ha..."

The bookstore is indeed a great place. It has air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter... and you won't get bored if you stay here and read. As I was catching my breath, my thoughts extended to the place I was in.

"Then let's go and check it out quickly." Ye Hui seemed to care quite a lot about his own achievements. After my breathing became a little more stable, he pulled my sleeve and it seemed that he was going to the magazine counter.

"Uh-huh."

Typing while being dragged along was truly difficult. She didn't seem to care about my feelings at the moment, completely ignoring my "hmm" and other prompts. That is, until I held up my phone screen in front of her.

"Eh? Um..."

"Why are you so anxious to check? Aren't you nervous?"

Judging from Ye Hui's expression, he probably felt nothing at all. However, I was the complete opposite... My heart was beating faster than it had been from running before, but rather because I suddenly realized that I had to wait and see the results of our work.

"...Hmm." After seeing what I said, she seemed to realize something and loosened her grip on my sleeve. "Is that so... Turns out I was too anxious. Sorry, Sheji, I thought you and I were feeling pretty much the same."

"..."

It seems Ye Hui and I have different ideas. I've probably mentioned this before, but before I start something enjoyable, I usually make some auxiliary preparations first. For example, if I want to have some snacks at home, I'll prepare the movie I want to watch, drinks, and so on.

Although I was indeed calm when I learned the test results, that was based on a prerequisite: I had experienced failure so many times, so I was used to that kind of mentality.

But this time's result... is the first time.

"Maybe it's because it's my first time, so I'm a little nervous."

"It's the first time... well, that's right. It's the first time for us to do something like this, so it's natural to be nervous."

...Is it my fault? I always feel like there's something off about the topic I started. And what's even more off is Ye Hui's statement... No matter how you look at it, if someone hears it, it's bound to have a negative association...

"So, Sheji, what are you worried about? What are you so nervous about? I remember back then... didn't we say that grades aren't that important? So, I don't think there's any need to be so nervous."

"..."

That was indeed the case. Normally, I shouldn't be concerned, but at this moment, I was genuinely nervous.

What is...

"Maybe I'm just worried about...what's going to happen next."

"Eh? What happened after that? What? You're so vague, I can't guess." Ye Hui said, his eyes already searching the bookshelf filled with various magazines. "Besides, the after that Sheji mentioned should also be after the results are confirmed, right?"

"..."

"Ah, I found it." With a little joy, she reached out and took it in her hand. Then, as if she had discovered something incredible, she quickly patted my shoulder and said, "Sheji, look! Here, here..."

"..." My eyes followed her fingertips to the cover of the magazine. In the small corner, there was a cartoon character's head and the title I remembered after it was printed.

"My painting... is printed in the book... I feel so cool."

His eyes were fixed on it, his fingers stroking it, as if verifying its authenticity, or caressing it gently. In short... he looked quite happy.

"Ah, the pen name is printed too...how impressive."

"Ah."

"Other people's works have also been printed. Everyone is so awesome..."

"Ah."

"...There are many people who are stronger than us, right?"

"...Um..."

"I feel like, even if I don't achieve anything... I'm already very satisfied just being like this."

"..."

Isn't it too easy to be satisfied with this? Well... I don't have the right to say such things, but at least I should be motivated.

"Hey... I'm really happy. I'm really happy, Sheji." Something seemed to flicker in his eyes, and a happy smile was revealed at the corner of his mouth. "I'm so glad I found you back then... If I hadn't been with you, I wouldn't have had this experience at all."

"..."

Actually, if it were someone else... maybe they wouldn't forget her words so easily, maybe they'd have more time to perfect the story, and then... maybe Ye Hui could better display his talents. I'm not the only one who can do this, right? That's what I think.

But, who made me stand next to her now... There's nothing I can do about it.

"So, are you mentally prepared now? Sheji." Yehui gradually approached me and held the comic book between us. "Let's check it together."

"..."

I had something to say. A lot, and most of it was incoherent, illogical, and completely disconnected. There were so many things I wanted to ask, so many things I was worried about... but thanks to my throat right now, I couldn't get them all out. I felt incredibly uneasy, so uneasy I almost wanted to run away, my mind a blank from the anxiety.

However, as she gradually approached me, I suddenly realized that there was actually nothing to be nervous about.

"Ah."

His right hand naturally grasped the other side of the book. Ye Hui, who had already grasped the left side with his left hand, also unfolded the magazine.

Even if I make a mistake, she'll be tolerant. Even if she doesn't care, she'll still care. Even if I'm depressed, even if I'm decadent, I don't know what I've done, but I always receive her attention in my life. It's magical. I always feel like... even if I disappear inexplicably one day, she will find me.

In my opinion, she is such an incredible person. But she is also someone who really exists around me and can be easily touched.

"...Ah, I found it."

She must not have noticed, right? While she was searching for the ranking of the work, I didn't focus on the content of the book like she did, but quietly watched her profile.

"...Um."

Actually, the result is no longer important. As long as I know that she is happy now, that's enough...

after that.

Although I was worried before watching it, I now have a conclusion, albeit a minor and preliminary one.

If creating can make her this happy... then next time, and the next time, no matter how many times, I will definitely help her. And if she's willing... maybe I can do this forever...

"Everyone is really amazing."

Was this a sigh of emotion, or something else? After saying this, she closed the book in her hand. But I didn't have time to see what award she had won...

"...Even though I said before that I wouldn't mind it too much, I still can't quite accept that my hard work isn't as good as others."

"..."

That's the desire to win. Anyway, I haven't had this mentality for a long time.

"Will you come help me next time?" she asked me with a smile, "But if you forget again, I'll be really angry."

When facing reality

It was not until the glass door in front of me was pushed open by a passerby that I suddenly realized that I was still outside in the cold and had not yet stepped into the nearby, heated bookstore.

“…”

Looking around, I realized that I was standing on the steps leading to the bookstore, staring blankly at the store door where no one was.

Would it be strange to see someone standing at the bookstore entrance but not going in?

"ha..."

Standing at the door, I was actually thinking about so many things... It felt like a dream. It seems that having too much imagination is not a good thing.

I turned my back to the bookstore door and slowly pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had been standing outside for who knows how long, and I had long since grown accustomed to the occasional cold breeze.

"I'm already here."

It looked like Ye Hui hadn't arrived yet, so I sent her a text message. Meanwhile, I couldn't help but imagine what was going to happen next.

"Wait a moment, I'll be there soon."

After receiving this reply, I had another reason to wait patiently. Actually, I could have gone into the bookstore and waited, but... I could barely distinguish between reality and fantasy, and I stared blankly at the passing cars.

Will things turn out as I imagined? Not necessarily. Even if I simulate it in my mind as if it were real, reality won't change based on my imagination... Faced with the confirmed facts, all I have left is the right to accept or reject them... But even if I deny reality, it's still useless.

"Yo, Sheji."

“…”

It was a very gentle way of greeting, so as not to scare me who was in a daze.

"Sorry, have you waited for a long time?"

Ye Hui walked towards me with a slightly apologetic smile. His outfit was slightly different from usual, the most obvious change being the fitted windbreaker. Without the school uniform, his tall figure and outstanding temperament made him look more mature and handsome.

It’s really great, I felt deeply moved from the bottom of my heart.

Maybe I should buy a windbreaker myself.

“...Yeah.” I shook my head.

"Oh, right. Judging by the time you sent the text, it must have just arrived. Wow, it's so cold today, and you're wearing such thin clothes... Aren't you worried about catching a cold? And you're not going to wait in the bookstore." She seemed to notice something. "You didn't bring a scarf or gloves either... It's not good to be so careless about keeping warm."

"..."

This kind of thing is not that important compared to what I am about to admit.

"It's okay, let's just go in quickly."

Although I have a lot to say, I just typed these few words for her to see, because this is what I need to do.

"Sheji is really impatient... Well, it's understandable. After all, he's been waiting for so long, and he wants to confirm the results of his efforts. I understand his feelings."

"..."

I've actually experienced that feeling just now, even though it was just my own random thoughts.

"...A little, a little nervous." Ye Hui smiled embarrassedly and moved behind me.

"...?"

"It's a bit embarrassing to say this..." He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me forward, and I couldn't help but push open the door to the bookstore.

"I still don't have the courage to face it, so... could you please check the results, Sheji?"

Chapter 26: When Facing Reality

Now it seems I'm the one who doesn't care about grades anymore. Meanwhile, Ye Hui, who's reading but clearly not paying attention, seems quite concerned... It's quite different from what I imagined. But that's perfectly normal... Compared to me, who has no goals and hasn't decided what I can do, Ye Hui is truly much more emotionally invested in the things he cares about.