I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Before I knew it, I was standing at the kitchen door in a daze.

"Are you hungry? The meal will be ready soon." She said this while stirring the food in the pot. "If you have nothing to do, you'd better not stand there. The smell of cooking smoke is still very strong."

"..." Does this count as having something to say... "Actually, a friend asked me to go out with him on Sunday."

".....oops."

It felt like she was stunned for a while. I thought she was angry, but from her tone, it didn't seem like that.

"This is the first time I've heard you say you want to go out and play..."

"Ah, so it's not working after all." Well, I have a hunch after all, so I'll just send a message to inform that guy when the time comes...

"No, no, no, that's not what I meant. Of course you can."

"...Well, I'm not worried about it affecting my studies..."

As I said that, I suddenly realized that I had previously thought that I wasn't studying for them. But for some reason, I always felt like I was putting myself in some role...

"How could that be? Rather...it's the fact that you're stuck at home all the time that's giving us a headache."

"You mean...I've been causing you trouble by staying at home all the time?"

"That's not what I meant... Why do you always think the worst of others, kid?" She couldn't help but complain after explaining.

"..."

Is this a bad assumption? I'm not sure. I just subconsciously feel like I'm causing trouble... Could this also make others think I'm a nuisance? Ah, then how should I think about it?

"What I mean is... I feel relieved that you can live a normal life like other children. Do you understand?"

Normal....it probably means the same as normal.

"...Do the others usually hang out together?"

"Of course," she said, shoveling the cooked food onto her plate. "So I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

Yes, that's what the man named Yi Sheji said... In other words, I look normal now. If that's the case... then that's fine.

"...Then, what should we pay attention to..."

"Be careful? Watch out for oncoming traffic, don't talk to strangers... or something like that. It feels a bit like telling a child. Oh, by the way, don't ask me about this kind of thing. I'm quite a bit older than you young people."

"what..."

What was that expression just now? It seemed a little happy, but also a little shy... Were we discussing something embarrassing? Probably not, as I don't really feel that way myself... Eh, is that supposed to be a normal reaction? It's so hard to understand.

"Does that mean there's nothing to be careful about?"

"...Although there's nothing much to be careful of..." She fell into thought again, "Oh, right. It's best not to go to places like bars and internet cafes. Minors are not allowed there, and you might encounter danger."

"Oh...I see."

Having said that, I still have no idea about the two places she mentioned.

"By the way, you probably won't be back at noon, right? Then I should give you some pocket money."

"Hey...does it cost money to go out and have fun?"

I thought it was just shopping. Although shopping does cost money, we don’t buy groceries or anything like that.

"Of course. What comes for free these days..." She sighed, "You never went out before? Even if you're spoiled, there should be time to go out and play."

"..."

Regarding the past, I actually don't really want to talk about it. Perhaps she just said it carelessly... After all, I've been with them for quite some time, and even though she was very careful and cautious in her words before, not wanting me to recall those things, people tend to forget things.

I am aware of this.

"Uh, well, it doesn't matter if we don't know, right? Let's not dwell on that kind of thing...um...it's time to eat."

As if realizing something, she suddenly changed the subject. I wanted to say something, but I fell silent... Perhaps it would be best to pretend I didn't hear.

"Well, do you want me to help?"

Let's behave a little more normally here.

True Fallacy. Part One

Even if it is unintentional words, they can still open a gap in some people's hearts.

It's not that words are too powerful, but rather that the person who was hurt, or perhaps the heart, is too fragile. This is perfectly normal; after all, a part that has been hurt is more susceptible to further damage... Speaking of which, it's also perfectly normal to be able to sense when you're hurt yourself.

When you're hurt, you feel pain, and when you feel pain, you cry. Since you're crying, you know you're in pain. This is normal...it should be.

But I can't seem to figure out how I should react. Ah... It's true that a careless remark reminded me of something that happened before, but to be honest, I'm not sure how I should feel about it, at least not right now.

At this moment, I couldn't help but think of that day.

That day, while everyone else was crying, I was wondering why I had to do such a thing. But if I didn't do it, people would notice and think I was abnormal.

It's strange. Back then, I wasn't afraid of anything, but I was terrified of being different. Ah, is being afraid of being different normal?

In other words, even though everyone around you seems to be doing the same thing, that's not necessarily the case, right? It's just that no one wants to look different from the people around them.

"...Do I look weird in any way?"

Perhaps it was because I spoke too suddenly. The two people who were eating were stunned for a moment before they remembered to answer my question.

"No...no."

"Why would you say something like that...is it because of something at school?"

"Did anyone say you were weird?" "Did someone bully you..."

It would have been fine if it hadn't been mentioned, but after it was mentioned accidentally, the two of them started to think about it.

"Nothing, just asking."

Maybe this is just normal concern, and I'm not quite sure how to respond, so... deep down I don't really want them to care about me this much. And I vaguely feel it's a bit troublesome.

"..."

Although no one else mentioned it, I knew it myself. And I didn't want to tell anyone else.

Chapter 13: True Fallacy Part 1

What is the truth?

I've actually been pondering this question for a while now. The reason for this question can't be explained in a few words... Simply put, reality in reality is very different from ideal reality.

The combination of the partial truth I see with others doesn't necessarily constitute the truth. I understand this quite well, but lies can sometimes lure people into the truth... These things are truly difficult to define.

Sometimes I doubt whether my past memories are real. If possible, I really want to classify those bad memories as fictional.

But now, I no longer say such willful words as "I want to have a cat".

It’s not that my adoptive parents don’t allow it, nor is it that I don’t like it... I just don’t know when I started to feel that cats are not the kind of species that can belong to one person or one family.

【Absurd words. Its blackness】

black.

I wouldn't say I like this color, but I don't hate it either. And if this color appears on a creature, especially one I like, then I like it.

"This is for you."

A gentle smile.

That was my mother's smile. Along with it came the box in her hand and the small, black body curled up in the box.

"hiss--"

When you try to touch it, it actually makes a warning sound. Of course, I had never known cats could behave this way before... I only had the impression they would meow and then approach people... While that was cute, it still felt a bit scary.

"It doesn't recognize you yet...it will be fine after spending more time with you."

Is that right?

Looking at its eyes, I couldn't help but feel confused.

To me, it's just something I earned through my academic achievements. It's not something I personally chose...or even the color I like. But what does it matter? It's still a cat, after all.

"Take good care of it."

"Take care of...? Do you mean raise?"

The meaning of this word is too complicated for me right now.

"It's close, but not the same."

"..."

I don’t understand. But I don’t think it matters.

"Ah, your friend ran away."

"Eh?" Before I could react, the kitten in the box jumped out of my hand. It must have dared to do so because I was lower to the ground.

Then, it crawled under the sofa.

"How to do?"

It seems I can't touch it anymore...and it doesn't look like it likes me very much either.

"It's okay, it will come out on its own."

............

For at least three days, it kept barking at night.

"Is it homesick?"

Hearing the pitiful cry, I couldn't help but feel puzzled.

"Hmm... probably."

My mother, who was sleeping with me, seemed to be unable to sleep due to the noise. Fortunately, my father was on a business trip, otherwise he would definitely be angry. He has a bad temper. Sometimes I really want to ask my mother why she stays with him, but after thinking about it, I give up. There must be a reason, and I probably don't understand it.

"Cats have homes too..."

"certainly."

But it wasn't until a few years later that I realized that only female cats can raise cats, and male cats are generally not seen... It feels very similar to the situation in our family.

"But when they grow up, they will go find their own home."

After hearing this, I felt an inexplicable sense of security. It made me realize that I wasn't a cat, but a human. So, just because I grew up, I wouldn't have to find my own home.

My home is right here.

...........

Now that I think about it, was it... too early for me to be happy?

Watching the scenery gradually darken outside the window, I silently turned on all the lights in the room. Even though I've lived here for so many years, it still doesn't feel familiar... or rather, it feels like sooner or later I'll have to leave and forget about them. This isn't my home, and certainly not my destination.

I have to say, it really seems like...

Curled up in a chair, I silently gazed at the lamp beside me and the cat-shaped decoration on the table. Then, my outstretched arm slowly touched the decoration.

I really seem like a cat now.

However, I don’t have the ability to face the night, nor do I have anyone to miss, and I don’t have the right to call all night long.

No matter how similar we are, I am still essentially a human. That's why I can experience troubles that are not my own.

"That's good..."

This should be the only truth I can touch.

True fallacy.

I've heard it takes about twenty days to develop a habit. Does that mean if my mouth doesn't heal within twenty days, I'll just become less talkative? That seems difficult to achieve. It's theoretical, after all. Real-world application depends on the situation.

“Come on—” “Come on—”

Outside the window, the track and field club, where I'd been working hard for a year, had a few new faces. Out of habit, I looked at them all... Of course, no one seemed to notice this habit these days. After all, I often stared out the window in the classroom.

"Xiao Lin, do you have any favorite animals?" Ye Hui spoke to Lin Quanchuan while drawing something on the drawing board.