I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

To me, these additional words are superfluous. If possible, I still hope that she can continue to talk on her own. However, I don't seem to have any right to ask her to talk about her own experience.

"..."

"If I could speak, I probably wouldn't be a gentle person."

Uh, I started following this setting without realizing it.

"That's probably hard to say... No one knows what the outcome will be before it happens, right?"

"..."

"And after it happened... no matter how absurd and unacceptable the outcome was, there was still no way to change it." She said, picking up Xiao Hei, who had been rubbing against her feet since she didn't know when. "He's been acting like a spoiled child ever since... Could it be that he hasn't eaten enough?"

“…”

"I think that's enough."

After all, she was the only one feeding him before, so his appetite shouldn't have increased so quickly. Putting aside the question of whether eating too much would have an impact on his health, if he developed the idea of ​​getting something for nothing, he would probably get fatter and fatter.

"Really... Then what does it want to do?" She was a little confused, her eyes met with the little black in her hand, "Hey, what are you planning?"

"Meow——" It seemed that Xiao Hei could only respond like this...What else could he do? After all, he was just a cat.

"In that case, it's probably a thank you."

"Thank you... Oh, how could that be? ~ When a cat clings to you like this, it's definitely asking for something." She smiled... probably explaining to me, "Look, cats can't guard the house, and when they're trying to scare off strangers, they don't look threatening. Catching mice and other things is instinctive. So, they don't do things for humans, and naturally, they wouldn't feel the need to express gratitude."

"......"

"And I don't want any thanks... I'm not trying to feed it out of gratitude, I'm just trying to satisfy my own desire. If I have to thank it, it should be it."

As she said that, she put Xiao Hei, who she had picked up, back on the ground.

"..."

"Come to think of it, there's even a cat thanking a human... Shaji-kun is truly a strange person."

What is this person talking about seriously?

"If Kuro knew what I meant, he'd probably be sad..."

"Hmm..." She kept staring at the words, as if she didn't understand, which made me feel a little guilty.

"...You really are a weirdo."

"Well..."

"How could animals possibly understand human thoughts? Ah, I see. There seems to be an anime called 'The Cat Returns'. Is that the reason you came up with that idea?"

"..."

I actually hesitated to answer this kind of question.

"You're not answering... Looks like I was right."

Even though there was still a flicker of fatigue in her eyes, I felt...she was in good spirits. Well, I felt a little relieved.

"It's so cute."

"Well...."

The sudden words made me subconsciously think that they were directed at Xiao Hei who was about to leave...if his eyes were not directed towards me.

Well, just think of it as what you said to Xiao Hei.

Chapter 8: If you don't understand, just pretend you didn't hear it

I always feel looked down upon.

Because I can't speak, I'm always on the defensive in conversations. Even if I want to retort, the other person's topic has already changed before I can even finish typing... So, instead of wasting energy on arguing, I might as well pretend I didn't hear anything.

But pretending not to hear doesn't mean you really didn't hear it. There's no way to forget something you don't agree with.

So, even if I'm asked to forget...it's not that easy to just forget, especially since the things mentioned are quite concerning. In other words, the words "please forget" don't really mean I should forget, but rather that I shouldn't tell anyone else...well, let's just take it as that.

And what exactly is weird about what she said? I don't think there's anything wrong with what I said, and most people wouldn't think I'm weird, at least not based on those two sentences.

Thinking about it this way, maybe that's just her personality...she classifies things that are different from her own ideas as "weird".

Anyway, there is no good explanation at the moment, so let’s just understand it this way for now.

So...this is probably the hardest sentence to understand.

"How cute!"

Taking away the "ne" (nei) that indicates tone, the mere fact that I'm cute is enough to make me confused. No matter how I think about it, I don't deserve the word cute... but I can't ask anyone to confirm this. After all, no one in their right mind would go around asking if they're cute.

Besides, I am self-aware. Although I was indeed cute in the photos when I was a child, as time goes by, this word has become less and less relevant to me.

It's getting closer and closer to the word "handsome".

So, "cute" probably refers to something other than just appearance. Well, it seems like in certain situations, a positive word can be used as a negative one... But she didn't seem to be mocking me.

Hmm, I don't know how she thinks. This definitely won't lead to any conclusions.

I still know too little. It will probably take a long time to come to any conclusion.

"...Um."

Well, there's no rush anyway, so it's fine to just keep going at this pace.

..................

"Grace"

To this day, I can't quite recall when I first learned about this word. Even if I were to explain it, it's hard to articulate its meaning... and I don't feel like looking it up in a dictionary to figure out its true meaning.

Because the meaning of words isn't limited to explanations in books or similar. No matter what, only when placed in reality can one truly experience its true form. And because reality is inherently distorted, anything placed within it will inevitably be distorted.

To me, this kind of thing seems too heavy.

Putting ourselves in other people’s shoes, perhaps everyone, when faced with similar things, would feel that the so-called “favor” is something so heavy that it makes people breathless.

Perhaps it would be better if such a thing didn't exist? Because it's not something that must be followed. Does receiving help necessarily mean repaying it with equal value, double, triple, or even a hundred times the original?

Although many people would answer negatively, saying something and doing something are two completely different things. Noble words don't necessarily translate into noble actions. Even with such a simple thing, many people still don't understand.

"..."

After truly realizing what kind of people usually say these words, I began to hope that this word and this concept could disappear from everyone's mind.

However, this seems impossible.

Because this is something that has been inherited step by step in people's concepts, it is so deeply rooted that it cannot be erased. In addition, in most cases, the events expressed by this word are mostly "sunny" and "positive energy", so no one thinks it should disappear.

Because of this, naturally no one would think that my ideas are correct... Sometimes I even wonder if I am really wrong about something.

"......"

But the fragments of memory told me that I wasn't wrong. So what if I was wrong? So what if I was right...would that change anything about reality?

"You won't remember me later, right?"

I stroked the little head that was busy eating canned food and whispered to it. However, the only answer it could give me was its natural cry.

Everything is done according to their own whims. It's said that their memory of faces only lasts for three months at most. If they want to be close, they'll act cute, but if they want to be distant, they'll disappear. Even during the day, they can sleep lazily without a care in the world, and they probably won't even bother looking for their parents.

The word "gratitude" has absolutely nothing to do with it. I really envy this kind of life. If I could choose, being a cat in my next life wouldn't be bad either.

“Wu…Wu—”

As if by chance, the cat I named Xiao Hei licked the crumbs of meat from its mouth and licked my finger. The feeling is hard to describe, like wiping with soft, warm sandpaper. Obviously, it wasn't a very comfortable feeling, but...something felt so good.

"Xiao Hei... Xiao Hei..."

I kept rubbing its cheeks, and it endured it with a little impatience.

The cat in front of me is clearly black and white, which doesn't quite fit the word "black." However, when I was thinking of a name for it, there was no other candidate in my mind except this one.

It must be very strange.

If it could understand what I say and know human knowledge, it would definitely be confused as to why it has such a name.

I believe everyone would be confused.

"...This is just a code name."

Names are just codes. For animals, names are the best way to distinguish them.

For this cat in front of me, who is completely unaware and takes it for granted that I feed him every day, "Xiao Hei" is just a name that is easier to call and does not have much other meaning.

But, for me, this name represents only one thing. No matter what the circumstances, as long as the name is mentioned, I can't help but think of things related to it.

...it alone is special.

That was the first animal I came into contact with, and the only one I could call a pet.

a cat.

This cat is of unknown breed and has completely black fur, fully worthy of the name "Little Black".

"......"

“Mmm ...

As if saying goodbye, after barking like this, Xiao Hei, who had eaten all the food in the can, disappeared into the bushes as usual.

It's different from it after all, right?

I asked myself, still staring blankly in the direction it disappeared.

The falsehood spliced ​​together by reality and truth

If only everything in the world were as simple as it appears. Well, if I have such an expectation, it means that merely understanding superficial things is often insufficient. But since everything in the world is still going on smoothly, I can conclude... that I can get through life simply by understanding superficial phenomena.

Although I don’t quite understand what’s happening in life...but why do I have to understand what’s happening to others?

I did think so originally. But I don't know why, maybe it's just my subconscious playing tricks on me. Nowadays, when I see someone trying to hide something, I always feel a strange curiosity.

“…”

Being curious about someone you don't even know about...it's a pretty strange thing to say. And so far, even though I've met many people, there's only really been one person I've truly been curious about...I guess.

The reason why I am so uncertain is probably because I am currently only paying attention to the guy who came up and said I was weird, so I can't tell for the time being whether the previous feeling can be called "curiosity".

“…”

Is this just their nature? Just like a cat will pounce on anything that catches its attention. Even the laziest cat will probably stretch out its claws.

"..."

"He's here today too."

"Yeah." "Of course, I should be here soon."

Although avoiding suspicion and worrying about being discovered do give me a headache.

"It seems you like cats very much." She speculated with a smile.

"...Maybe school life is just too boring."

Actually, I have a very vague attitude towards cats as a species. Because in my opinion, the only thing that attracts me is their naturally cute appearance. Apart from that, there seems to be nothing else to praise.

"Is it because they don't talk to you? After all, you're talking to a guy who's getting absolutely no response. I can imagine why."

"..." "That's a reason." "But the main reason is that I don't really like talking to them."

I explained it this way.

"Hmm... so, your intention is to alienate them, right? But on the other hand, you find it boring... What a weirdo."

"..."

Seeing that she looked confused, I almost guessed that she would say that.

"However, if you're truly bored, you can come talk to me... well, conversation... isn't the right word. Anyway, you can try to find me," she said with a smile. "After all, I'm pretty good at communicating with people who won't respond to me."

"..."

If I'm not mistaken, she's referring to the cat this time. Does that mean I'm being mistaken for a cat or dog? Well, at least it's better than being called a bug, so I won't complain anymore.

"Then, if we can only contact this place, it would be too limited."