I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

I wrote this sentence on a piece of paper and presented it to her.

"...Since you've said so...it's up to you."

“…”

"Since you're so reluctant to see a doctor...then the place you went to yesterday and the day before yesterday shouldn't have been the infirmary, right?"

"...!"

Did he just realize it now, or was he pretending to have just remembered? Rinquanchuan suddenly turned the conversation to a question that was quite difficult for me to explain.

"Oh, then I'm very curious..."

"..."

"Two classes in... where on earth have you been?"

. . . . . . . . . .

I just brushed it off by saying, "I didn't want to be caught playing games in the classroom."

Fortunately, Rinquanchuan doesn't play mobile games at all, so she didn't question my talk of collecting redemption materials. She simply explained the vast difference between single-player and mobile games with a touch of disdain, and urged me to join her... She's quite the talker in that regard.

"Um..."

I used the last bit of my lunch break to quietly visit the Class 6, Grade 2 class he'd mentioned. Most classes don't have teachers at this time of year, so while most people are crammed into their desks to catch up on sleep, some are watching videos and playing games on their phones...but that's not what I care about.

"..."

The corridor was strangely quiet. Walking down a path like this, besides being careful not to make any noticeable footsteps, one also had to be wary of footsteps that might appear from nowhere, but were best avoided.

If the Dean of Studies finds out while on patrol... well, I guess I won't be that unlucky.

"....call."

Finally breathed a sigh of relief.

It’s obviously not a very long distance, but it feels like it took a long time... No, I should say, it took a lot of energy to get there.

The classroom door was open, and I confirmed the class again and again before looking into the classroom.

I didn't spend too much time looking for it... No, to be more specific, I didn't look for it at all.

Maybe it was because she was too close to the front, or maybe it was because she was too different from the others... In short, he spotted her at first sight.

Actually, I'd noticed it before. Although her hairstyle had changed, the way she slept... was exactly the same as the person in Ye Hui's painting... No, I should say, she was the person in the painting.

But there is always a difference between art and reality.

"..."

There was no reassuring smile on her face now. Instead, there was an expression that I couldn't quite describe.

"..."

To use an analogy, it's like being extremely hungry and forcing yourself to swallow food despite the pain. It's not because you want to, but because your body demands it. Otherwise...something bad might happen.

It's just so weird.

Looking at that haggard face, I inexplicably felt this way. However, unlike before when I immediately thought of something, now I have no idea at all.

It's not so bad when it's not clear yet

Is it a habit or something else?

Even though I knew it was impossible to continue... I couldn't control myself. My body gradually got used to this unfamiliar thing, as if it was natural. I didn't know when it started, but it kept repeating, repeating...

Is life just a constant repetition?

I had so many questions in my mind, but no one would tell me the answers. Even if I achieved something, they would just ask me what gift I wanted, that's all.

Maybe it’s best not to communicate.

Besides, even if I were to say something to them, I don’t seem to have anything to say at this point.

If I could just repeat myself for the rest of my life, then perhaps that would be easy for me. I don't have any big ambitions, or any hobbies or interests... My only connection to this world is probably that I'm still alive, passively living in it.

".......Um......."

A melodious ringtone came to my ears.

I slowly opened my eyes and the pain was relieved a lot.

Even if what you do during this period cannot be called sleep...but at least during this period of time, you can close your eyes for a long time without feeling any rejection.

...Did I have a good dream just now?

Looking out the window at the gradually falling leaves, I pondered the past in a daze. Yet, I found nothing, my mind a mess, and this feeling made me very uncomfortable.

Well, maybe...it doesn't matter whether I have dreams or not.

It wasn't so bad when the seventh chapter was still unclear.

There doesn't seem to be a disease called "narcolepsy".

I briefly browsed the web, but all I could find were other people's experiences, and most of the responses were like, "The body regulates itself." However, this was completely useless to me.

However, one conclusion we can draw for now is that our biological clock is disrupted by ourselves. While it's possible to adjust our circadian rhythm, for example, to sleep during the day and be active at night, that's only possible with adequate sleep. Even if we skip a night, we'll make up for it the next day. Overall, getting around six hours of sleep is still enough, and the damage to our bodies shouldn't be significant.

If you look back at yourself, you will probably understand that at most you will be silenced.

But what if you deliberately don't allow yourself to rest? Regardless, if you only get less than six hours of rest a day, while it might be okay in the short term, it will definitely cause serious damage to your body over time. (For this, consider the protagonist in "Dream Eater," who completely dedicates himself to drawing manga.)

"Um...."

Will I ever encounter something similar? Sacrificing sleep for something else? It feels like, given my personality, there's no reason to do that.

"yawn--"

Xiao Hei, who was leaning against the side, had already been fed lunch and was now resting leisurely against my legs. After what happened last time, I no longer wanted to let him rest on my legs. But he didn't seem to have any such intentions, just lazily letting me comb his back and yawning.

"..."

Come to think of it, living like this doesn't seem so bad.

"You're here today, Ayi."

Fortunately, although the guy was a little late today, he still arrived here.

"...Yeah." I nodded and prepared to take out my cell phone.

"You were here yesterday, right? I know that because Xiao Hei didn't show up, he must have left after eating." She said and sat down next to me, "Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep and didn't come out until after class... Although I didn't want to sleep at that time, but..."

“…”

"Ah, it seems like I said a lot of things without any clear meaning." I don't know if it was because I realized something or out of politeness, but it seemed that the topic came to an abrupt end just when it reached an important point.

“…”

I quickly typed what I wanted to say and held the phone in front of her.

"What is this... "My name is Yi Sheji" Hmm, "Don't call me Ai anymore." Oh, so there's this way of communicating."

"Yeah." I nodded heavily.

"But aren't cell phones allowed in school?"

"Well..."

This isn't the place to focus...

"The school doesn't allow lateness or early departure, but didn't you leave the classroom early?"

"Oh, that's right..." She looked as if she had suddenly realized something after hearing what I said, "But I thought the school made an exception and asked you to bring it here."

"..."

"After all, you can't speak."

“…”

"Actually, I can talk." After typing these words, I quickly deleted them. I don't know why, but I don't really want to confess right now... maybe because the reason is a little hard to explain.

"Let's not talk about that anymore. By the way, how long have you raised Hei-chan?"

"Hmm... Hei? I started approaching him not long after school started. He was very wary of people at first. It took two weeks of feeding him before he let me get close. Now he's only friendly towards me... Huh?"

"Um?"

"Why would Xiao Hei approach you? He's clearly never seen you before."

"..."

How would I know about this? Although I also feel strange about it.

"Maybe it's because I look more friendly."

"So animals can also read faces? It feels so magical..."

Hey, hey, don't believe it so easily.

"Will you come here tomorrow, or...in the future?"

"Probably."

If my condition improved, I probably wouldn't have any reason to come here.

"Oh, right. Although it may be a little late now, please don't tell anyone about Xiao Hei."

You are really late in speaking, and you may have forgotten my settings again.

"I won't tell you, and it's hard for me to tell you."

"That's right. After all, Ayi... um, by the way, you don't like this name... ah, then what should I call you?" She actually looked distressed.

"Just call me by my name."

"Is it okay to just call you Sheji?"

"Ah."

"Then let's call it Sheji... Then let's continue with what we just said..."

There is no need to continue talking about this.

"After all, after all, you can't speak for Sheji, right?"

“There’s no need to repeat this.”

"Ah... Sorry. I think I touched a sore spot..."

Normal people generally avoid discussing other people's flaws... even though I don't really have any. However, she only just realized this, which means she didn't take my situation seriously at all... Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing is hard to tell at the moment.

"It's okay, I don't really care."

"Really?... Well, I thought you were angry."

"Hmm..." In this situation, one would naturally shake his head and deny it.

"Thinking about it, I seem to often make people angry..."

“…”

Judging from the contact over the past few days, it doesn't seem difficult to imagine.

"Fortunately, Sheji, you seem easy to talk to... and seem very gentle."

"Uh-huh."

Since it's a compliment, I won't refuse. I'll just nod and accept it.

"I feel like even if I could speak normally, I wouldn't get scolded or anything..."

This guy... is saying something really serious.

If you don't understand, just pretend you didn't hear it.

"Ah, I think I said too much." She smiled at me apologetically. "It's nothing to worry about. Please forget it."