I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Ah, I really admire her.

"Even if you've been shrouded in darkness, even if... you're covered in pain and have lost trust in others, I will still approach you."

"..."

You're being too kind... Even someone like me can say such things to me?

"So...if you want to disappear, at least don't say...that you're not needed."

She got there first...well, never mind.

"Then I won't say anything."

"Ah."

She smiled and nodded, as if her friend had been comforted, or as if she had helped someone.

The "trying your best" she mentioned was probably something like this. It wasn't about standing by and doing nothing just because you couldn't do it, but about doing your best to show others that there was something called "gentleness" in the world.

"...Then, before I leave, let me say one last thing."

"What?"

"Try to explain the problem that's bothering you to that guy."

"Eh? But didn't you solve that..." She paused, "Yeah, that can hardly be called a solution."

"Don't feel any psychological burden, just try to tell him."

As the sun gradually set, I said this to her as we stood under the sky gradually covered by shadows.

"His reaction might surprise you."

Chapter 27: Light and Clear

It was magical, I felt like someone was pushing me... Forget about keeping my balance, there was absolutely nothing to support my feet.

It was like falling into an abyss, and the body was sinking into the endless darkness.

“Bang—”

Along with the vibration and sound coming from the back of the head, a very subtle sense of familiarity accompanied by a burst of pain directly hit the senses.

“Aaaaaa——!”

This feeling was incredibly real... It wasn't an illusion, it was actually happening to me. I could confirm this because even rubbing the affected area didn't relieve the pain at all.

When I opened my eyes slightly, I saw a familiar ceiling. I said it was familiar because I had seen it for many years... and the beginning of my miserable school life was marked by seeing this scene.

Everything seemed normal as before, except that only his upper body fell off the bed.

"Is it the same as before..."

I'm not sure I'm entitled to think that way. While I can't remember much, I still vaguely remember some feelings... feelings that made me appreciate everything I have now. Who should I thank? Looking back, it seems there's no one to thank... but my desire to understand or confirm something has certainly been fulfilled.

"...Well."

I slowly stood up, dragging my lazy body and rubbing the back of my head. Looking at the homework spread out on the desk, I began to believe that it was not a dream too long to be told.

"Satisfied isn't quite the right word..."

Because what I encountered before didn't seem to be a perfect story.

..........

“I’m so tired, ahhhh—”

It felt like the position of deputy monitor, which had nothing to do with my life, had fallen on my shoulders.

Not only did Lin Chenruo, who had never spoken to me before, scold me for "Your sending and receiving movements are really clumsy today", but even Lin Yi, the squad leader who was always gentle to others, said to me coldly, "If you don't feel well today, don't do it. Just leave it all to me."

During this time when I have no memory, to what extent have I been despised...

"I didn't tie my hair up today."

Yehui seemed to have noticed something and said this on the way home with me.

By the way, I don't know why Rinsenkawa wasn't in the activity room, so I went back with her.

"Huh? Tying your hair...that kind of thing is a waste of time and has no practical effect, why should I do it..." It doesn't seem like something I want to do at all.

"...Ah, are you really back?" Her tone seemed a little surprised, with a hint of joy.

"Hmm...what's true or false?"

"No, nothing... I just think that this kind of society is more normal."

She still gave me a soothing smile as always.

"Well... maybe a lot of things really happened." But I still hope that the past will not be mentioned again.

"That... Sheji."

When she reached a street where few people were passing by, Ye Hui suddenly slowed down her pace.

"Ok?"

I turned around and looked at her. She looked hesitant, but then, as if she had finally made up her mind, she took a small step towards me.

"Actually... I think I've revealed a little bit before... It was when I was painting at your house last time, and I got mad at you because you almost spilled the ink."

"Ah, that thing? It's all over now, or rather, I almost forgot about it..."

"No...it's not because of Sheji." She slowly lowered her head. "It's just...how should I put it. Actually, I wasn't very happy in the club, not even average...In class, except for Xiao Lin, I was always alienated by everyone. But everyone around me was just a bystander, so I wanted to...endure it silently, because it wasn't really that bad."

"..."

"But... only that time. All those settings I'd come up with to show you... were ruined. I'd clearly wanted to show you, and I'd put so much thought into it, the image I'd wanted to show you... and it was destroyed so easily."

"..."

"I don't know what to do. I just thought you might get hurt if you knew, so I kept it a secret... but..."

"So that's how it is." I felt a little relieved.

"Eh?"

"Ah, it's nothing...it's just...how should I put it. When I saw you looking so worried, I thought you hated me. Now I know that's not the case, it's really good."

"...but...but..."

"To be honest, I'm a little angry. Because you didn't tell me what happened to me sooner."

".Ah, sorry..."

"But there's no need to apologize. I'm also angry with myself. Why didn't I realize this sooner? I actually thought I did something wrong to make you angry, and then I thought all sorts of nonsense... Ahaha, now I think about it, I feel like an idiot."

"..."

"But if you think I'd get into a fight or something out of impulse... I don't think I could do that. After all, look... I'm just this kind of person. I have no power, no authority, and no ability to change the world. I'm just a good talker, a completely useless person."

"No, I don't think you are such a person, Sheji."

"It's okay if you don't comfort me. Besides, I'm not so fragile that I need comforting like this." I smiled and scratched my cheek. "Well, how should I put it... I'm just a guy who gave up a lot of things and then, step by step, like a dream, got to where I am now."

“…”

"As a guy like me, the only advice I can give you is to 'give up.'"

"give up...?"

"That's right, just give up."

As if to buffer the conversation, a cold breeze passed between us, blowing her hair in front of her forehead.

"Since... those people don't like seeing you, and your ideas are different from theirs, and what you care about is incompatible with them, why should you stay with them? Or rather, why should you force yourself to fit in with them?"

"But...if I leave, where can I go? Should I just go home or..."

"If you don't mind...how about coming to our club?"

"Eh?"

"It's a tea ceremony club, but there aren't any serious club activities. If you want to practice, there's a space in the activity room big enough for two easels. As for models, our Miss Rin is quite good. You can sit there and read for a long time without moving... No one will bully you, no one will be jealous of your talent, and no one will destroy your paintings. ... Anyway, if you want to give up clubs like that but don't want to be alone... then come join our club."

"...Is it really possible?"

She stared at me blankly.

"of course."

Although it was decided on my own.

"Rin...will Rin-chan agree?"

"If you explain it well, I will."

"No, it won't cause you any trouble, right?"

"I don't think you'll cause any more trouble than that little blond guy did before."

But she's gone now.

"...But..."

"It seems like I said something completely nonsensical... I also know that avoiding it won't solve anything. But how should I put it... The only suggestion I can think of, or the decision I came up with subconsciously, seems to be this... If you really don't want to accept it, Yehui, then I won't force it..."

"No, no, it's not that I don't want to... I just feel that it's different from what I imagined, and I'm a little surprised..."

"So, you want to join us?"

"of course."

She smiled.

This time, it seems that the smile really comes from the heart.

"It's not bad to try giving up occasionally."

showers

"Ah, what a coincidence."

When I rushed back to the classroom after my shift to lock the door, I found Rinsenkawa sitting in her seat, a rare sight. I was quite happy that she'd greeted me after ignoring me all day, but...it couldn't be called a coincidence.

"Oh...are you waiting for me?" I said as I picked up the schoolbag that I had packed long ago.

"Oh, please don't misunderstand me." She raised the book in her hand towards me, "I sat down here until now because I wanted to finish reading the plot that I was interested in."

"Oh, that's it."

"But since you've interrupted my reading experience, there's nothing I can do about it." She put a bookmark beside her into the book she was reading, then turned her gaze to me and said, "Let's continue in the activity room."

"...ha..."

I feel like there's something different about her today...but I can't seem to remember what it is for the moment.

"By the way, you don't have anything else to do today, right?"

She hugged the book with both hands and asked the question as if she suddenly remembered something.

"...Not for now. So we should go to the club today...otherwise the activities won't go on, right?"

"Yeah."

It could be considered as talking to herself. Anyway, after she said that, she turned around and walked towards the door.

"By the way, are we really carrying out any activities..."

She actually questioned it now.

“I think so…”

I was thinking as I locked the door.

"Half the club is doing what the literature club does, and the other half is doing what the tea ceremony club does. There's clearly a lot of club activities."

"...Oh wow, you're talking about drinking for free so confidently. You really are..."

At this point, she paused, as if she was hesitant, and looked at me uneasily.

"...What's wrong? Why don't you continue talking..."

Hmm, I think I know what she's missing today. It's the personal attacks she usually throws at me... but somehow, she seems to be holding back on that now.