I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Then there's... the matter of Yehui."

"Yehui? Did something happen to her?"

For some reason, I suddenly felt a little nervous.

"...She'll tell you something later, and it's up to you to figure it out."

"What the hell have you done? Seriously." I couldn't help but complain, and then suddenly realized, "Wait, have you been doing things for me all this time?"

"Although I really want to complain about your short reaction time, I'm more concerned about...what do you mean by replacing you? I'm who I am, and you're just a personality that was created after I removed the memories I don't want. If you want to talk about replacing, it's you who's replacing me, understand?"

"...Is that so..."

In other words, I shouldn't exist...

"But you don't need to know this, so you'll forget it when you wake up."

"Well..."

Can this kind of thing be controlled?

"Now that I think about it, maybe I really want to abandon those thoughts and live my life surrounded by flowers and sunshine... But my world is only dark clouds and continuous rain, without a single ray of sunshine. So, I guess I envy your life."

"..."

"If you are determined to look towards the things that are full of light, then stop looking towards the dark side."

“…”

I'm not sure how to respond to this.

"Then let's say goodbye."

He said as he started to walk into the darkness behind me.

"Wait a minute, I have another question."

"...What?"

"Are the things I saw... all happening to you? Or rather, are they things that I don't remember at all but have already happened?"

"...You're still concerned about this even now."

He looked at me impatiently and then walked up to me.

"...What, are you looking at me like that?"

I feel inexplicably nervous.

"It doesn't matter anymore, and I don't want to answer such troublesome questions anymore..." He slowly raised his left hand and placed it on my forehead, "It's time for you to go back."

"Hey..."

As he pushed gently, my body couldn't help but lean backwards, as if... I had this feeling more than once.

Chapter 26 Dusk

"Don't you know..."

Is that so? Even a kind person like Ye Hui would be confused when faced with these things.

"That's right. Just don't get involved in other people's affairs. As long as you and the people you care about are safe..."

"That's not the case!"

She argued loudly.

"I don't understand... I really don't understand the value humans place on animals. As you said, when that young creature struggled in your hands, it must have just wanted to survive. But if it could understand your thoughts, then I think... it wouldn't blame you."

"How do you know it won't happen?"

"But you want to protect it, right?"

"...So what?"

"You tried hard to protect it, didn't you?"

"Yes, so what?"

"You're even getting yourself hurt for it, right?"

"So, what does it matter? I still can't do anything, right?"

"But I think... this might be enough. If I were it, I would definitely think so."

“…”

"I have no way of knowing what you mean by... their thoughts. So I said, I have no idea at all."

She lowered her eyes.

"But if I allow myself to be a little arrogant... and put myself in that situation, I definitely won't hate you."

"If...if I were bullied to the point where I wanted to...want to commit suicide, or something like that, I wouldn't drag a classmate I wasn't close to into it."

"You must be joking... If someone wants to help you, why don't you accept the help?"

"I don't know. Maybe this is tenderness."

"...What..."

"Even if she's in great pain, she's unwilling to pass it on to others... Even if someone comes along who wants to share her pain, she definitely doesn't want to see that person suffer the same, or even worse, pain."

"..."

"I'm sorry. I took it upon myself to think about other people, and it's not like I can just endure it in silence. But when no one around me is helping, and even the teachers at school are unreliable... maybe... that's the last thing she wants to do."

"..."

Humans are indeed strange creatures.

If we don't communicate, we won't understand each other. But even so, I still stubbornly want to understand some people's thoughts.

"Sure enough, I still can't accept it."

Making random guesses, I came to a conclusion that matched my own thoughts and personality... I persuaded myself with boring thoughts to forget the stains of this world.

"I see... There's nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry for saying that without permission... To someone who has passed away..."

"No..." That's not what I'm talking about.

Suddenly, a tiny memory appeared in my mind.

"Thanks."

Words that seemed ready to be blown away by the wind fell from her lips as I turned to leave. Perhaps that's why I forgot them so easily.

"She... is indeed a gentle person."

"..."

"That's why I can't forget, and... I can't let go of myself for not being able to save that person. I've always, always wanted to understand the suffering she went through. That's why I don't want to live a peaceful life. Because if I indulge in so-called happiness, I'll forget those who are suffering."

But I still can't change anything.

"But she must hope that someone as gentle as her can live well and be happy...right?"

"..."

"So, striving to live a happy life is the best way to fulfill her wish...right?"

Is this statement right or wrong?

"..."

I can't tell anymore. But the only thing I can confirm is... the torrential rain that has been pouring down inside me has slowed down a bit.

轻晴

"if..."

Why doesn't the world have what-ifs? If I could go back, even just once, to before the things I regret... maybe I wouldn't be like this now.

"Her wish is that I can fully experience the happiness in life... Have I achieved that now?"

I had no judgment on this and looked at Ye Hui in front of me.

The setting sun's rays now shone a little, illuminating her face. Whether the flicker in her eyes was simply reflection or the result of intense emotion... I couldn't tell.

only...

"You've never mentioned those things until now, so I think you were truly happy back then... Although you still get sad about things, worry about other people's affairs, and get angry about your own incompetence, you will never let the past hold you back."

"..."

"So, we can't go on like this... It's really foolish to keep blaming yourself and deny your right to happiness. No matter what, I will never accept it."

“…”

How can I describe it?

As if I was shocked by something, I was attracted by those determined eyes... She is such a strange person. No matter from my perspective or my previous perspective, she is a very strange girl.

Perhaps it was because of her presence that I, having lost something, was able to correctly recognize the faces of those around me. It was also because of her that I realized how simple it is to talk to people. Because she constantly appeared by my side, I was able to perceive what is called happiness.

When I realized that there were more and more people around me, I suddenly realized the value of my existence.

"Honestly, when I was regaining control of my body... I always felt that having so many people around me was troublesome. The people around me were all hypocritical and incompetent, just following the crowd without any ideas of their own, and simply caring about their own interests... There was no need to establish any connection with them."

"..."

"At first, I wanted to destroy the relationships around me and... return to my former solitude. Later, I realized that things weren't what I expected." I couldn't help but laugh at her increasingly nervous expression. "And the biggest reason for this thought was probably because of that troublesome little guy..."

"Do you mean Xiao Lin?"

"Well, it seems so... It's because she suddenly came to me. But... the biggest reason is probably you."

"Eh?"

Why is this reaction happening? Did I say something weird again? Well, forget it.

"Whether it's to you or him, it should be quite important." I said, looking at the mask that I had abandoned for nearly ten years. "So, this is not something you should give to me."

"Eh? ...But..."

"Now it seems that giving up my past self was the right choice... I still want to say, if only I could have met someone like this earlier."

Always, looking at the world covered by sunshine and flowers, this kind of life must be very good...

"Although not now...but you should give it to him when you think the time is right."

"He...you mean he will come back?" She confirmed with me again, as if she didn't believe what I said.

"of course."

After getting my confirmation, she would probably smile and say something like "That's great" to celebrate.

"So... where will you go after this?"

"..."

What's with that worried look? I'm the one she should hate.

"I don't know. Maybe it will disappear."

I can't explain this kind of thing clearly.

"...But..."

Is she worried about me?

"That's okay. Just having him here is enough, isn't it? He's gentle and warm-hearted, and despite being a bit indecisive, he's incredibly good at getting along with others... That's the kind of guy you need, right?"

And I am naturally the one who is not needed and should disappear the most.

"But even so, it doesn't mean you are not needed."

“…”

"Although the person I met and I are someone you don't need, if you were the one taking the lead, I think I would still find you... just like he was able to find me back then."

This affirmative tone doesn't sound like you are lying to me.

"...Yeah?"