I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"No, it's nothing."

It seems like he wants to end the topic.

“…Hey.”

"Why, I told you not to continue—"

"Are you... worried that I'll be angry or something?"

"......"

It seemed that what I said was right, and she couldn't help but stop.

"What? You're really worried about that... You've never been like this before, but now you're suddenly like this, I'm a little uncomfortable. What's going on?"

“Oooooh…Damn it!”

She spoke in a completely incomprehensible way. Anyway, she got angry for some reason and threw the book in her hand at me without mercy or hesitation.

"Ah! That's dangerous..." Fortunately, I caught it quickly, otherwise I would have been hit by the corner of the book. "What are you doing..."

"I'm going to ask you what you want to do!"

"Huh? I clearly didn't do anything well..." I really don't know how to respond to this kind of groundless complaint.

"He's obviously a petty man who can't stand bad words. Why is he pretending to be open-minded and saying that he's not angry at all?"

"...When have I ever been angry with you?"

"Look, you're not going to admit it now, are you?! As expected, you're not only narrow-minded, you're also very good at playing dumb. You're a scumbag on the side, go to hell!"

"...Hey, what's going on here?"

I didn't do anything and was splashed with dirty water...

"Hypocritical! All you can do is talk big and pretty!"

"...I do like to brag, but I guess it's not really a lie..."

I still feel a little guilty about this.

"You clearly said you wanted to join their club."

"...I did join..."

"But he doesn't come to the club every other day. He either says he's busy or doesn't even say hello... Ah, I get it. If you don't like me, you shouldn't have come in the first place. It would be better for me to be alone..."

"..."

It's a bit too much to say that...but I always thought she didn't take it to heart.

"And when you tried to persuade me to go on stage... you were so insistent on me going. You even talked about snow and ice and stuff like that. Stupid, stupid, you were so stupid! But you couldn't even see me in the audience... So what's the point of me going on stage? There's no one supporting me at all!"

"..."

That matter. Although I have my reasons, but... it seems that I really didn't consider her feelings.

"If you hate me, then don't talk to me, you bastard... Do we know each other well? I'm so eager to get rid of you, but you still cling to me like you don't care. It's so annoying... Just like a fly, mosquito, or paramecium. Disgusting, disgusting, and annoying!"

"..."

"But if you're going to be so pretentious from the beginning, then keep pretending! If you hate me, don't try to approach me like you're pitying me. I don't need that kind of hypocrisy! What? You're so self-righteous, aren't you? Do you think you're someone who doesn't care what I say? Do you think I'm someone who can distance myself from you or get close to you just because I want?! My feelings don't really matter to you, do they?"

“…”

Ah, so that's how it is...

"Then I should have just stopped following you in the first place... He's clearly a clueless guy, so annoying..."

Even though she has never revealed it, she is actually a girl who is more fragile than ordinary people.

"Just me being alone is enough... Why did you all come here without permission? If I were alone at the beginning, nothing would have happened... But that chuunibyou girl who insisted on playing games with me just left without a word, and you're still acting like nothing happened... What? I'm left alone again... If it's going to be like this in the end, why did we have to go through a year like that..."

She had intended to live her life with a tough attitude, but she softened her heart inadvertently.

"You sulked at me when you were unhappy, and now you're pretending nothing happened and wanting me to forget... How could that be so easy? Are you an idiot? Have you ever considered my feelings at all? Do you treat me like a person in the game because you're always addicted to it? Do you think that if you say nice things to me, my affection for you will increase? You're kidding! You otaku virgin!"

"..."

Maybe I really did something wrong.

Maybe I shouldn't have been interested in her in the first place, nor should I have agreed to Rin Hanekawa's attempt to form a bond with her, and even more so, I shouldn't have... persuaded her to go on stage at that time.

But...I chose to do it in the end.

"I'm sorry. Although it seems like there's no point in saying this now... I'm still sorry... I gave you bad memories, how should I put it..."

“…”

"My thoughts are so jumbled I don't even know where to begin. So... let me start by explaining why I joined the Tea Ceremony Club." I looked at my right hand. The calluses between my index and middle fingers, from pen marks, seemed thicker. "If I had to give a single reason, it would probably be you."

"See, you're trying to fool me with this kind of words again..."

"This isn't perfunctory," I said, extending my hand in front of her. "I still remember the first time you held my hand... you looked so surprised. You must have been confirming something."

"Well...I want you to take care of it!"

Are you shy...

"Well, you guessed it right. I do work on something... and if you must say so, I'm a bit famous."

"That...."

She suddenly looked at me with great interest.

"But I can't tell you the name of the work. I also hope you can keep it a secret for me... I don't want to be too conspicuous, and I haven't told anyone else about it except you."

"Hmph... Heh. I'm not interested in spreading the word about your deeds yet."

Having lost interest, she turned her gaze away. What an understanding woman.

"But for me... that was my first time interacting with a girl. Well, aside from some doubts, I was actually quite happy... I was thinking things like 'this girl might be easy to get along with', and I started observing you without realizing it."

"Hmm...you really have the nerve to say that..."

"I don't think there's anything shameful about it."

Having said that, I am actually just pretending not to be ashamed.

"...Then I realized that you didn't like talking to others, and you didn't like others talking to you. So I wondered...if I could do something for this girl, even if it was just a small thing."

"...To be honest, this kind of thing is not your business."

"Well, maybe I really am meddling in other people's business... but I don't think it's meaningless."

"..."

"Maybe it really started with you. I thought I'd never make any friends, but gradually, more and more people started to surround me... Even though I sometimes find them annoying, if someone suddenly disappears, I'll still feel quite lonely."

“…”

"So your complaints are quite normal... Or rather, I was too preoccupied with my own affairs and ignored your feelings. I thought I was a boring guy with no friends, but I didn't expect... There's someone here who's even worse off than me..."

"hateful!"

Then, I felt the pain of my toes being stepped on.

"Sorry...I think I used some inappropriate words..."

These words were spoken with great pain.

"I'm sorry for overestimating your incompetent brain." This was her attitude towards it... Compared to before, she was already quite straightforward.

"...Speaking of which, even though you often tell jokes that others might consider quite outrageous, I've never gotten angry. Rather, if you didn't have that habit, you wouldn't be yourself anymore...at least not the you I know."

"Tsk...whose fault do you think this is..."

"...Actually, I don't know what happened. But many things happen for a reason... As for the things that made you unhappy... I choose to apologize."

He took a deep breath and bowed to her.

"Oh ah... Is that all? Is that an apology?"

At this moment, Rinquanchuan's greeting came from above my head.

"...Of course, I guess so..."

Otherwise, what else could happen?

"I don't see any sincerity...but, forget it."

She sighed helplessly.

"After scolding you so much, I feel much better now. I'll let you make amends for your crime."

“…”

What? You're still angry...

"I suddenly want to play games."

"..."

"Once you get to the activity room, you have to play with me. If you don't get 10,000 points, I won't let you go."

how to say.

Even though it seems like an impossible task for me, her smile is still... quite cute.

"Oh my... spare me..."

"it's out of the question--"

"Eh....."

Her complaints came like a torrential downpour, then died down like a shower. Whether she was simply venting, or whether my words had a lasting effect... I still don't know.

But I always feel that after explaining it this way, I seem to understand her a little more deeply. And she must have felt the same way.

From this perspective, we can tentatively call it...cause for celebration.

【Postscript】Sudden Rain

Born to be human

Life

What am I?

I suddenly thought of this question.

"You are human."

Immediately, an unprovoked response appeared.

Is that right?

Unwarranted conflict.

Even if I tried my best to search through my chaotic and turbid memories, I still found that no one seemed to have told me this.

But even so, they naturally accepted my presence beside them, tacitly accepting that I lived among them, and I self-righteously conversed with them in a voice that seemed to be understood by them.

An indefinable sound, its accidental correspondence, then produces an emotion that is almost miraculous, and then a connection that is like a gift from God.

Maybe that's why I was accepted.

Perhaps I should be thankful. This way, there's a good chance that those around me won't restrict my freedom, or arbitrarily manipulate my life through methods like dissection and dissection. Even if my life is taken for some reason, there will be something called the law that will seek so-called "justice" for me, even though I'm already dead.

All that said, I might actually be human.

That’s great, I thought from the bottom of my heart.

I have a similar appearance to the surrounding species... my limbs, my brain, and even my abstract thoughts and behaviors are almost the same as those of other people... Thinking about it this way, I am indeed one of the humans they call themselves.

Is that enough?

If I don't have a similar appearance to them, can't make sounds similar to theirs... but have an organ called a "brain" that can think, will they treat me as one of their own?

"Ah....what am I thinking."