I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

He is a kind-hearted person who rarely harbors ill will towards others, and who has helped others with me...but I rarely see him smile.

"I've never shown kindness to anyone before... and yet I was told this... That's why I feel... how should I put it... strange..."

I should have noticed that earlier.

He was completely unaware of the outburst and blamed himself repentantly afterwards. This was not because he had too much self-esteem or a hot temper... but because he simply did not understand what "gentleness" meant.

"There's nothing strange about this..."

Before you understand something, no matter how much you want to do it, you simply can't do it. I don't understand why something as normal as eating and sleeping for others is as unfamiliar to him as studying a textbook... but now that I understand the reason, as the leader of the Cooperation Club, it's natural for me to solve it.

"Because you are worth it."

Sincere tenderness

How should people actually get along with each other? To me, this question seems too profound. Because although we all live on Earth, and there are seven billion of us humans alone, there are actually very few people who can actually connect with each other.

Using a motto like "gospel" to regulate how I interact with others seems ridiculous to me. While I yearn for a purely calculating and calculating approach to relationships, I'm frustrated by my own limited insight and inaccurate judgment of people... So, I think if we need to get along, we should just follow our heart.

When I meet someone I like, I get closer to them; when I meet someone I dislike, I stay away from them. This intuitive and illogical way of dealing with things may be quite naive, but it may be the method that suits me best.

This belief has been reinforced since I took over the Cooperative Society. When meeting someone for the first time, it's crucial to make them feel trustworthy. Without knowing their specific challenges, there's no way to solve them. To make them trustworthy, all you need is a sense of familiarity... and I generally come across as easy to get along with. After all, I'm not particularly wary of others, so conversations flow easily.

Xun Yu, on the other hand, although he wasn't shy about talking to others, it was clear from our daily conversations that he was wary of strangers. Even if they were just there to discuss a request, he would still be on guard. That feeling made me feel uncomfortable, so I tried not to let him talk to others.

Fortunately, after a period of time, my personality gradually influenced him. Perhaps he didn't realize that he had changed a lot since he first joined.

But...it's not enough.

If you don’t know how to get along with others, don’t know how to restrain yourself, and don’t know what gentleness is, you will eventually do things that you will regret.

For this reason, I agree with that statement.

You deserve to be treated gently because what you lack is gentleness, whether you show it to others or are treated like this by others.

Growing up without showing tenderness, you naturally won't be treated tenderly by others. Accustomed to this, you may never have thought others would show tenderness to you, so when faced with that person's words, you feel overwhelmed.

Are you starting to understand this a little bit? Gentleness doesn't necessarily have to be expressed in fixed actions; just a word, a gesture, or a look can make people feel it.

"You are indeed worthy."

This will help you shift your focus away from your own shortcomings and look elsewhere.

Chapter 26: Sincere Tenderness

Based on my life experience, which is not long but not short, I know that the relationship between people is like the effect of force, which is mutual. If you show kindness to strangers, then strangers will be like a wall, responding to you with similar kindness.

This kind of relationship is limited to a first encounter. When two people don't know each other well, their strength is as hard as a wall. They don't want to feel indebted, nor do they want to remember the other person's kindness. So, the seemingly peaceful exchange of kindness is actually just mutual repulsion.

But...it's very strange...it's definitely very strange...

Why is it that when I express my malice towards that person, I don’t get similar malice in return?

"Why do you say that..."

I began to doubt what Tongyou said.

No, it's questioning.

Because that's how I think she is, someone who doesn't question what others say, believing it without even verifying its truth. So, this time, I guess she was just agreeing with Kurimasa out of habit... Actually, she hadn't given it any thought. If I asked her why, she'd just be like usual when I questioned her and asked her to explain, completely at a loss for words.

For some reason, I was eager to see her expression when she couldn't respond to this, as if I could only feel at ease after witnessing that scene, and my eyes involuntarily looked at her face.

However, her face showed no embarrassment.

On the contrary, her expression was so serious that I doubted she was her usual self. That calm look, as if she knew the answer to the question...it was so strange.

"...because..."

. . . . . . . . . .

“Sizzle—”

The sight of the meat slices colliding with the scorching iron plate never tires of watching. Watching the bright red slices of meat gradually turn a familiar brown under the visible heat, I immediately raised my chopsticks to grab a piece. However, before I could even touch it, another pair of chopsticks suddenly appeared and snatched it away.

Then, with my eyes, I saw it fall into the dark red sauce, dyed with an attractive color, and then fell into the mouth of the owner of the pair of chopsticks.

"Oh, brother, your grilling skills are really amazing. As long as I see you are about to pick up your chopsticks, I can definitely get it right."

He has done something so excessive, and not only does he not show any remorse, he is even so provocative... As a man, of course I have to beat him up.

"...Be careful, don't get burned doing this."

However, as her brother, he still has to be tolerant to some extent.

"No, no, let's not talk about this. Put a little more on it."

Ye Jin didn't care about it and continued to stare at the meat slices on the plate, but had no intention of eating it himself.

"Okay...but don't steal mine this time."

"No problem." Although he said that, it still didn't seem like a credible guarantee to me.

Well, maybe it wasn't because he was tolerant of her as her brother, but because he was simply used to her misbehavior.

"Hey, bro."

Suddenly, she called me.

"Well, what are you going to do again?"

My first reaction was that she wanted more food.

"Even though you said last night that 'gentleness is just the product of realizing you're powerless but unwilling to give in', you still showed it without even noticing."

"..."

My eyes turned to her.

And she seemed to know that I would do this, and she supported her face with her left hand and looked at me.

"...Well."

I can't think of anything to refute this.

"So, you don't actually hate gentleness, right?

“…”

"And in my opinion, that wasn't the work of an incompetent person. Rather, that unknown lady..."

"What do you mean unknown? It's Ye Hui."

This guy definitely made me say her name on purpose.

"Yes, that's her."

An expression of triumph appeared on her face.

"I don't think she's annoying."

. . . . . . . . . .

"Because... you don't hate... you don't hate being treated like this."

“…”

"Don't you find it strange? You did something really bad to someone, so you should have received the same treatment. Maybe verbal abuse in return, or even more severe physical abuse... But that person didn't do that. Instead, they spoke such gentle words to you with tears in their eyes."

Her eyes flashed before my eyes.

"...Yes...Why..."

People like me...just ignore it.

"You don't even understand this. It seems you haven't learned anything from club activities."

Instead of directly answering my questions, he shifted the topic to the club...

"I have a feeling that now you have no reason to question my leadership ability." What's with that look that seems like revenge? Has she always cared about it?

"Well, it's just a joke, don't be angry." She said with a hearty smile, "Xiao Yu, do you still remember the incidents we solved?"

"...I don't remember clearly...but most of them were troublesome things."

"Yeah. Most of them are troublesome things, but other than that, don't you remember anything else?" she asked again.

“…I don’t know…”

I still don't know what she wants to say.

"Since you don't remember, I'll just summarize it based on my own impressions... One asked us for help in approaching a girl because he liked her but didn't dare to confess. Another asked us to beat someone up because they had a conflict. Well, we didn't agree to this one, but that's the most interesting one. Although they didn't come at the same time, they both came to us with their requests. Even more interesting is that the content of the requests was the same."

"...So what?"

I really don't know what this has to do with me.

"But, in the end, thanks to your suggestion, we finally realized that they didn't actually want to teach each other a lesson... From this, I suddenly realized that relationships between people are very complicated. Even if there are sometimes rifts, what they really care about... may still be the other person."

"..."

"So, it's not okay to just stay at the level of our first meeting. Do you remember the first time we met?"

She suddenly asked this...which was far from the topic discussed before.

"...Remember."

But fortunately, I have gotten used to her going off topic.

"Do you know why I called you?"

"...Isn't it just a coincidence?"

But judging by her expression, it didn't seem like she was asking casually...

"Of course not... Well, there is a slight factor, though."

“…”

"But, it seemed to me that the people wandering around the playground at that time were either members of sports clubs, or other students who were going out to play or go home together. It always felt like... you were the only one there."

"......"

"Maybe it was just my wishful thinking, but that's what I thought at the time..." She paused.

"This boy might be lonely."

...

The playground, dyed orange by the setting sun, was noisy.

But no one appeared in my sight.

If I were to paint what I see with a brush, all I would get would be a poorly painted landscape. Other people are like non-existent to me, because they have no relationship with me.

But there is one person who doesn't think so.

"Hello..."

......

Come to think of it, I didn’t show that I wanted to communicate with others at that time.

But she still spoke to me.

"Strange, isn't it? I find it strange too. Because I just thought you needed to be talked to, so I took the initiative to approach you and talk to you."

“…”

However, if someone asks me about my impressions of campus life twenty or thirty years from now, I will definitely not think of those nine years that are not worth mentioning.

"So there's no need to feel strange about this. She said that because she felt that the things you showed..."

But I will remember...

"Hey, that junior over there."

"I really need to be treated gently."

One of the few smiles he showed me...a smile that was full of sincerity.