I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

It seems that I am in my own room.

"Ah...are you asleep..."

As I gradually opened my eyes, I realized I was lying on my desk. My sleepy eyes fell on the table, and I saw the crumpled pages of a book. This scene reminded me of what happened before I fell asleep.

I thought about the past until the early morning, and then I simply didn't sleep. Then I tried to numb my mind by reading... Maybe I still wanted to learn... learn how to become a book.

But now it seems to be quite useful. Although I haven’t figured out how to use it as a book, at least I feel like I can sleep soundly.

It's just a pity that my collection of books has been messed up by myself.

I picked up the page and tried to smooth out the wrinkles as best I could.

"dong dong dong..."

The knocks on the door that woke me up gradually became more rapid, as if conveying the wear and tear of the knocker's patience. This knocking method was naturally familiar to me...after all, we had been together for quite some time.

"Please wait a moment!"

I tried to calm the person knocking on the door temporarily, and after hearing my voice, the knocking stopped.

I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly closed the book in my hand and put it aside. When I tried to stand up, I found that my legs were numb due to lack of blood supply for a long time.

But if you can overcome it a little, it won't hinder your walking.

"coming..."

As far as I can remember, she didn't seem to come to my house very often, and this visit was probably to confirm the correctness of my homework or to borrow a book or something.

I thought so and opened the door. As expected, that familiar face appeared before me.

"You didn't respond for such a long time, I thought you had an accident."

While the words were caring, the tone seemed off. His brows were furrowed, as if he was venting his frustration... Admittedly, he was still the same character as always.

"What's the matter..."

"Hey, Senior."

Before I finished speaking, another familiar voice reached my ears, which surprised me a little.

It was then that I noticed that there was another person standing next to her. He was none other than the first-year junior whom I had high hopes for... Although I was a little curious about his arrival, I was more curious about why they met.

Fragments of Cause

Please be a book.

Even without a glamorous exterior, just having a story is enough. A tree, growing for years, simply records its own story, but you can record more. What you like, what you hate.

Become a book.

Let others clearly see your backbone and admire it. Your life shouldn't be so ordinary. Don't ask why; in my opinion, it should be this way.

Become a book bar.

The kind that is understandable, exists for me, and will not be lost.

Chapter 14 [Memories] Fragments of the Origin

When certain things don't happen, no one will take them seriously.

Even if something exists that you don't want to face, you will try your best to forget it.

However, does forgetting really help?

.................

"Hui, how about going out to play?"

My father, who I thought would never disturb me when I was studying, suddenly walked into my study, and even more rarely, he took the initiative to invite me out to play.

"Well... maybe I can..."

I temporarily closed the book "Good Day Melancholy" in my hand, then walked towards the bookshelf to put it back in its place, but he seemed to have caught a glimpse of the cover.

“Is it too early to read this book now?”

"Hmm?" I couldn't help but look back as I tiptoed to put the book down, with a confused look on my face.

"No, it's okay." He smiled. "I didn't say I was against it... Rather, I think it's nice to have my own choice."

"Hmm... Yeah..."

The warmth of my father's hand caressing my head is irreplaceable. Even though it has been a long time since I was touched like this, I still didn't feel any discomfort.

"If you are ever truly overcome by depression, no matter how long it takes, remember to say goodbye to it."

"...Um..."

Actually, I am not very clear about the meaning of this sentence.

"Then let's go to the riverbank together."

......................

As I basked in the gentle sunshine, I realized that February was the perfect time for travel. I just held his hand and looked up at the large plume of white smoke floating in the sky.

"Is that a cloud?" I asked.

"It's steam," he replied calmly. "And they have life. They will become whatever they want."

"Oh ah..." I admitted that it was water vapor, because it had been explained in "100,000 Whys" that it was just another form of water, but I didn't believe that there was life in it.

"Oh." He seemed a little surprised, then bent down, looked at me at eye level, and smiled.

That's a... very charming smile.

"Hey, do you want to hear a story?"

"well?"

"Okay, I know what you're thinking."

I don't think he knew.

"Just like when you were a kid and you forced me to tell you a story every night, I'm going to tell you a story now."

"Ugh..." I was a little overwhelmed by this action.

"It's been a long time since I told you a story. This time, I'm going to tell you a story that I've been thinking about for a long time." Looking at his smile, I knew I couldn't refuse...and I really wanted to hear it.

"...Well, what's the story like?" I asked him curiously.

"Oh, well," he said, turning to me and squatting down, "get on my back."

"Wow, why?"

"I'm going to tell you a story about clouds. To explain it better, please get as close to the sky as possible."

"..."

I always feel like the man in front of me, who is much taller than me, has a boy around my age living inside him. He has seen more sights than me, experienced more of life than I have, but his heart hasn't changed at all. He always gives me an optimistic mood and is always as warm as the sun.

"Hey, are you sitting properly?"

"Uh-huh."

I was a little scared, so I put my hands on his head.

"So, the story begins," he said, slowly standing up. "There's a large factory in the sky, and it doesn't emit thick black smoke, but white steam. But..."

..........................

"What do you think?" he asked me after I finished the story.

"It's okay, a bit old-fashioned." I expressed my opinion bluntly.

"Oh... Well, I'll make up a new one. What story do you want to hear?"

"Whatever..."

"How can we be so casual? We need to have a clear goal... How about this, let's use your favorite things as materials."

"...You mean...books?"

"So you still like books? Well, I'll tell you once I finish writing it."

..........................

However, I probably won’t be able to hear that story about the book anymore.

When I came to, I was alone with my mother. And when I thought back, I couldn't remember how long it had been since I made that promise.

"You should get along well with your classmates."

When she sent me to school, the expression on my mother's face was no different from that of the parents around her.

"Um..."

I didn't nod because I didn't want to have any so-called communication with anyone.

Maybe that's how life should go.

Until he showed up.

----------------

"You don't seem to be in a good mood today."

My mother, after returning from work, noticed me curled up on the sofa.

"Um..."

Because all the reasons I had for being with him were gone, and judging by the way I usually treated him, it was hard for him to like me. And when I asked him, "How about becoming a book?" he didn't seem to respond.

I don’t know what he thinks of me. What reasons can I use to get close to him in the future... He doesn’t need me at all anymore.

"Still haven't made any friends at school?"

"...Um..."

I didn't tell my mother about my communication with him...even though we had been together for a long time.

"If that's the case... you'll probably agree, right?"

"What? What happened?"

I don’t quite understand the current situation.

"Because of work... and other reasons, plus you're about to start high school, I'm planning to move with you to the city where my sister... your aunt lives, so we can look after each other..."

I subconsciously wanted to refuse.

But...what reason do I have to refuse?

Looking at the slightly empty living room and my mother's tired face, I couldn't find any reason to object... If this can ease her burden, I can't let my own ideas get in the way.

"Well... after all, there are so many memories here, and I wouldn't want to leave... unless Hui wants to." It seemed that I took too long to think, and she mistakenly thought that I didn't agree to the proposal.

"No..."

I shook my head.

"I agree."

........................

How is it possible that a lie will become true if you tell it ten thousand times?

I believe that I was just deceiving myself... No, maybe I didn't deceive myself, but I just forced myself to get used to it.

In short, when I left home and arrived at the bus stop, I didn't feel any emotion. All I did was take out my phone and check the bus arrival time over and over again.

I took the earliest bus, which left at 5 o'clock and arrived around noon.

In the morning, with the cold autumn wind, I was waiting alone under the dim street lights.

The time has come.

I picked up the suitcase that was placed aside and prepared to leave. My mother would come to find me after she had finished the rest of the things. During this time, I would stay at my aunt's house.

"..."