I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

When I was thinking about this question, my eyes always glanced at someone inadvertently.

"what...."

Maybe it was that guy.

Chapter 8: Words from the Heart

While I was talking with senior Akane, I wondered where the senior had gone... And I had no idea where the senior had gone. To be honest, I was a little anxious.

But when I think about it, it doesn't seem to have much to do with me. Hmm...why should I bother with so much for others? What good does it do me?

"What she cares about..." As if she had finished thinking, she began to look at me seriously.

"Hmm..." I was a little distracted and nodded quickly in response.

"Well, it's probably because no one cares about her. After all, I'm her only friend~" she said with a smile, "So, as her friend, I really don't want to see her get hurt." Then, she moved a little closer to me and said, "You should understand, right?"

"Hmm... Yeah, I understand..."

Honestly, I don't understand why she suddenly did this. It's a summer dress, and a low-cut one, so if you look down a little, you can still see a nice view... However, considering her previous behavior, this behavior seems too deliberate.

And what bothers me most is... the same words are repeated.

Generally speaking, if something is repeated from the heart, it means that it is something that you have been thinking about... If it is said deliberately or revealed unintentionally, it can only mean...

"As her friend" "I don't want her to get hurt"

These two points are indeed very important to Senior Sister Xiao Qian in front of me.

"Well, in that case..." She resumed her previous sitting position, then glanced at the table and found that the cups in front of us were empty, so she stood up on her own initiative, "Then let's go."

"Ah? Where to?" Although I had no idea what she was going to do next... and even though I didn't know her well, I subconsciously stood up with her.

"Let's go find Xiaohui." She took out her phone from her handbag. "I can't leave her alone for that long."

But the fact is that she was the one who first dragged me over to treat her to ice cream.

"Hey... then... what about that senior..."

After hearing what she said, I seemed to start to worry about my senior... although in a sense, it seemed like he deserved what happened.

"If you want to solve the problem, it's better to solve half of the problem first."

Although it sounds very pertinent, it is still more inclined to her own wishes... After all, logically speaking, finding the senior first is also part of solving the problem.

"Well...whatever." I picked up the bill in the empty cup and prepared to go to the front desk to pay.

I didn't want to have a disagreement with someone I'd just met about something like this, especially since she was so unpredictable. You know, I'm pretty good at judging people... so avoiding provoking her in strange situations was the right thing to do.

"Then please hurry up."

After giving me a brief wave, she started walking towards the exit.

Looking at her back, I always feel a sense of familiarity.

"Well..."

Let’s ignore those things for now. The doubts in your heart will be answered in time.

....................

After all, humans are creatures that cannot bear loneliness.

In other words, have I always been a lonely guy?

"..."

A feeling that I haven't had for a long time suddenly appeared in my heart.

"Na."

As the words came out of my mouth, I felt something was wrong because that didn't fit my style. I never took the initiative to greet anyone, and the way I called out to someone was just the extremely rude sounding "Hello".

Is that really the sound I made?

"Um?"

This was our first conversation.

When her clear eyes met mine, the question I had been thinking about was answered in that instant.

"you..."

My heart beat faster, and the words I wanted to say were suddenly speechless... What a wonderful experience.

"I?"

As if she had never experienced what happened yesterday, and as if she had never seen me before, she looked at me with curiosity, and her face tilted slightly to the side as she looked at me.

So she...isn't as cold as she looks?

"Um..." I began to be afraid to look her in the face, "I saw...what happened yesterday."

If I had stopped it in time, that wouldn't have happened.

"Ah..." After a moment of surprise, she actually smiled, "It's okay."

"..."

I've seen a lot of so-called "teaching" people a lesson. Not just in elementary school, but even now, I'm still dragged into watching them... Maybe they're just using me for show?

Regardless, I've seen all of these situations. The person involved will definitely not smile for a short time, and won't even have the courage to enter the classroom.

Why...she can still laugh.

Being bullied, yet she still says it's okay? Is that hypocrisy? Or does she simply not take those things seriously?

"I...I want to help you..."

Feeling nervous, the words I had always wanted to say... no, maybe just something I was inclined to say came out of my mouth in an instant.

Everything starts small and progresses to the next level, and the same is true for bullying. It's impossible to stop after just one incident. Regardless of resistance or not, the bullying will only intensify.

I didn't want this to happen to her...though I didn't understand why.

"what....."

As if she had heard something incredible, her eyes began to stare at me.

"...Wh...what happened?"

"...No...Nothing." She seemed to come back to her senses after being in a daze and smiled at me, "I just remembered someone."

"Hmm...oh..."

I don't quite understand why she said that.

"But I don't need you to do anything for me."

"...Well..."

That’s right. After all, in her eyes, I’m just a guy like that rejected boy.

"but..."

When I turned around to leave, she called me as if to keep me.

"Hmm?" Subconsciously, I showed a somewhat fierce look when I turned my head.

"Ah... that..." She seemed frightened. "I'm not good at anything... but if you have any trouble studying, I'll do my best to help you solve it."

"..."

Without responding to her, I walked towards my seat.

.................

What makes me more uncomfortable than the scorching sun is the distance between me and the stranger.

After paying the bill, I quickly caught up with Senior Xiao Qian who was walking in front of me. However, she didn't seem to notice my approach, let alone talk to me.

So I just followed her without thinking, and we didn't say a word to each other, which was extremely awkward.

"Xiaohui..."

Just as I was trying to find a topic to talk about, she suddenly spoke, speaking to me in a tone that sounded like an exclamation.

"It's not easy to see, but he's a kind person who can really make people feel gentle."

"...Um, well..." I was caught off guard by the words.

I feel like this conversation has been getting a bit rambling for a while now. But since she's saying this, it means Xiaohui is a really good person...

Looking back, what kind of guy was my senior in my mind... Ever since he tricked me with the elevator in the mall for the first time, my impression of him changed from calm and composed to someone who deserves a beating.

Ah, after thinking about it this way, I don’t seem to have any motivation to help.

"Speaking of which, junior, are you the type who likes to help others?"

"..." The topic naturally shifted to me, but this kind of thing is probably the most difficult for me to judge.

“I personally don’t think so…”

"Oh, really..." She smiled slightly and gave me a slightly mischievous look. "Then why are you willing to accompany me to look for someone in this weather? I don't think I'm such a respected senior."

"...Who knows..."

Maybe it's because I have too much free time most of the time.

Incomprehensible difficulties

"Is it really just because I have too much free time?"

Senior Xiao Qian in front of me asked this question casually, and then did not continue the topic. It seemed that she did not care much about my subsequent answer.

I just smiled and passed on the topic. But it wasn't because I didn't care, but because I thought it was a bit troublesome to explain.

Well, how should I put it? It's not so much that I'm too relaxed, but rather that I'm bored because I'm too relaxed.

When a person feels that many of the things he can do have become boring, he will have an inexplicable sense of closeness to things he has never done before. It would be better to say it is a sense of novelty... Well, for example, when he has no favorite movies or anime to watch, he will try the types that he didn’t like before, and then enjoy it.

The purpose is very simple, just to get rid of the emptiness in my heart.

This feeling is perhaps even more intense at school. Most people dislike a boring study environment, and there are many ways to escape it—whether it's staring out the window or idly playing with their phone—all just to kill time on campus. But from another perspective, so-called learning is essentially the same as entertainment—a waste of precious life. Perhaps the feeling of emptiness arises from the realization that you've unintentionally spent too much time on uninteresting things.

People always say how precious life is, but no matter how much we cherish it, time keeps passing. So I've always believed that as long as I do things I won't regret, that's all that matters.

Yet, most people's lives are like this. Looking back, they always find regrets and feel ashamed for things they consider to be wasted years. While how we live our lives isn't entirely up to us, it ultimately depends on our actions. Since our lives are determined by our choices, who has the right to engage in pointless repentance at the end of our lives?

So, no matter what, never regret anything. This is the attitude one should take in life... or perhaps, the attitude ordinary people should take in life. After all, the thinking of a genius is difficult for ordinary people to understand.

The reason why I seemed to be walking diligently on the streets under the scorching sun was probably just to fill the emptiness in my heart, not for such a noble reason as helping others.

"Um..."

That makes sense, I nodded to myself.

"Wait a moment, I'll contact Xiaohui again."

Xiao Qian next to me seemed to have mistaken my nod at the same time as a response to that sentence, so she ran to the shade of a tree and took out her cell phone.

Ah, are you just starting to contact Senior Xiaohui now? Then...was I just following her around while I was daydreaming? Hmm...that's a bit silly.

"Hmm... maybe self-consolation is a better word."

If I think about it carefully, the question I just thought about myself should probably end like this.

Chapter 9: Incomprehensible Difficulties

"Do you know where the senior is?"

Xiao Qian, who had put away her phone, was approaching me. I had been waiting for a while and couldn't help but lean over to ask her... so that I could get out of the scorching sun as soon as possible.

"Well, I know for now." Then an apologetic smile appeared on her face, "It's just that she doesn't seem to want anyone other than me to find her. So, I'm sorry! I think I thought it was a bit too simple."

"Ah..." Is that so...

In this situation, there's nothing I can say... Well, maybe I should have reminded her not to say that a junior like me would go with her, but it would still be very embarrassing even if I met the senior.

"That's perfect. I'm still a little worried about Senior... so I'll probably go look for him next." If I can find the vending machine before I find him.

"In that case, see you next time." She said as she turned to leave.