I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Following my "admonition," he slowly turned around, and the originally indifferent expression on his face was replaced by tension.

“Will there be any gains?”

.................

"Hey...what are you doing?"

Not to mention being nervous...I felt like he must be covered in cold sweat.

"As you can see, it's just standing there normally."

It's just the edge of the rooftop without any protection.

"Are you threatening me?"

"That's not what I meant. It's just that Senior has been talking to himself from the very beginning, and I think it's a bit excessive."

Although he appeared calm on the surface, he was actually terrified inside.

"But, Senior, you just said you wanted to become numb and indifferent, but why are you so nervous now?"

"Are you stupid? Now is not the time to talk about this, right?! I advise you to come down quickly."

"So, senior, you are still not suitable for that path."

"That's enough! Come down now!"

As he said this, he was about to come forward to grab me.

"Wait a moment." I waved my hand to signal him to pause, and then made a dangerous move of leaning backward. "That's inconsistent, senior."

"What nonsense are you talking about..." He looked at me with a frown, not sure if it was because of my actions or words.

"Everything you just said didn't come from your heart." I paused, "And he didn't choose to end it all just because he couldn't fit in."

"......"

"And I think you, Senior, know the reason for all this very well."

There was no rebuttal, but a silent stare.

No...it shouldn't be called staring at each other. It's more like he's clearly looking at me, but he's also in a daze.

"...call..."

Finally, after finishing his thoughts, the senior sighed helplessly, and then his eyes flashed brightly in the disappearing sunlight.

"As expected... is it all my fault?" His legs seemed to lose their support and he wanted to kneel on the ground. "If I hadn't told him to give up Wenrou... he might not have gone... So it's all my fault. If I could comfort him, even if it was a lie..."

"Although saying this may seem frivolous, it's already too late, so there's no need to worry about it, Senior."

"......"

"But, in your heart, you still acknowledge the attitude towards life he chose."

"......"

"Even though I pointed it out to him as a shortcoming, when others use it to belittle or comment on him, it feels like an insult... like they're denying his entire life."

"........"

"Senior is also a considerate person."

"...What nonsense are you talking about?" He looked at me slowly. "Someone like me? Just someone like me?"

"That's right. It's just a thoughtful gesture that I won't express easily." Although this was the indirect cause of the tragedy... "You also hope that he can live a better life in the future. If he gets used to it, he won't feel the pain anymore."

"..."

"But...well, forgive me for accidentally seeing it."

When I was opening my senior's book, I saw the petals of a flower from the fallen envelope.

"...What do you mean?"

"If I'm not mistaken, the last letter that your friend sent to you probably didn't contain a letter."

"...! Do you know what that is?" His expression suddenly became serious. "Petals suddenly arrived, but I've never seen such ordinary flowers before..."

"...Of course I know what it is."

And also know its meaning.

Because it is not a flower for viewing at all, and few people know it.

"That's... Great Mullein." I paused, "and its flower language is..."

“Belief.”

.................

It's not naive, nor is it stubborn.

Because I believe I can do it, I choose to persevere no matter what. Even if others think I'm naive... so what?

Believing that you have the power to change others is much better than just talking big.

However, reality is reality.

As he entered society, he encountered all kinds of injustices and his faith began to waver. Naturally, he thought of his predecessors.

If it were him... he would be able to comfort himself and affirm himself, right?

However, perhaps neither of them accurately expressed their true thoughts, which led to this result.

One was hoping for support, while the other was hoping for change. Essentially, both were doing it for the other, but...it backfired.

Was he not disappointed with the world, but with the seniors he had always trusted?

If that's the case...wouldn't it be better to just ask more? Why didn't you follow up after sending the first letter?

"Ah...yes."

Who makes him a gentle guy?

Is this what you call gentleness? Carving yourself into regrets and scars in someone else's heart to correct their behavior... is this also gentleness?

"So it's already twisted..."

I'm afraid that when he ended his life, he was only thinking about his predecessors and didn't consider the feelings of others.

In the end, it seems that I still failed to live up to my gentleness.

It's just cowardice.

"Just using a far-fetched excuse like this... No, it's not far-fetched."

When the support in a person's heart disappears, he or she may choose such an ending.

Ah, then, what is the support of my heart?

..................

"Actually, I did think that for a moment." The senior said to me while staring blankly at the sky.

"Because sometimes I can't do the things I suggest...I want to get back at myself for saying those things, and become that kind of person. Because...I might not deserve this kind of life at all."

"Stop it. He did that to sober you up."

"..."

"Instead of asking you to make a mistake, if you get this wrong...it means he really has the wrong friends."

"Ah...I see..." He responded weakly, "But, for a guy like me, is it really that necessary?"

"I'm not sure... I don't know his family or his thoughts, so I can't easily draw a conclusion."

"If that's the case...I guess I can understand." Perhaps because he knew something about his friend's family, the senior seemed to have figured something out.

"He really seems to be... an idiot."

“…”

Even if he is a fool, there will be people who shed tears for him.

Misunderstandings are inevitable

To what extent can one sacrifice oneself for one person?

I can't find any typical examples of this around me, so I have no way to verify it. But from the incidents I've learned about, perhaps people are truly selfless enough to sacrifice their lives for others. Although, in my opinion, there are a thousand ways to avoid this happening.

Come to think of it, the situation I'm in now seems very dangerous... If I take just a few steps forward, I'll fall from the fifth floor.

Thinking this way, I walked down from the dangerous edge of the rooftop.

If something unexpected really happens, there will be a lot of people who will be sad.

It's precisely because of our care and hope for the world that we strive to live. In other words, if there's no one worth caring about, and we feel hopeless about the world, will we choose suicide?

Now, I think I understand why the desperate man doesn't need redemption. Well, I'm just kidding.

Because the reason why people need salvation is because of their own sins.

Sin and punishment are relative. It is not enough to punish oneself for the pain of sin by becoming decadent and degenerate. When death becomes less terrifying in the face of reality, people will naturally move towards self-destruction.

The desperate man finally created the ending he was good at. Perhaps that was the ending he had always been pursuing.

When choosing that ending, will the words "My life has been nothing but humiliation" come to mind?

"......"

I looked at my senior, who was sitting on the ground, watching the setting sun, as if he was thinking about him...that deceased friend.

Is that person important to him? I don't know.

But has this matter really been resolved?

I don't know either.

In reality, I simply and mechanically followed my own thoughts and asked the senior to temporarily look into the distance. I simply wanted him to forget what had happened and look towards a distant place that I didn't know if I could reach, or if there was any beautiful scenery.

Come to think of it, that man also said something like this...

"People, knowing absolutely nothing about each other, misjudging each other, yet still considering each other their one and only best friend, spend their entire lives never understanding the other's true nature, and when one passes away, they still cry and recite eulogies for him or her."

Now it seems that the two people never really understood each other.

But what does it matter? If those closest to you don't care about your life or death, and only friends far away shed tears for you, then that's enough.

"Alright, senior, let's go back." I said, extending my hand to him. "Since you've set your sights on the distant place, you must work hard to get there."

"..."

He looked at me, paused for a moment, then took my hand and stood up with force.

"...I just remembered a lot about him."

His eyes looking at me regained their usual spirit.

"Living in a family like that and still being so kind to others must be due to someone's guidance. So... meeting him also means I'm very lucky, right?"

“…Of course.”

"Then I will try my best to meet his expectations."

"Then let's add everyone else's share as well." Seeing his puzzled expression, I extended my fist and lightly pressed it against his chest. "It's not just me, everyone in the drama club is worried about you... so you have to respond to their expectations."

"Ah."

I didn't tell my senior about my other speculations about the incident. After all, sometimes we do need a little lie. Moreover, I had no way of verifying whether those speculations were correct.

Rather than deliberately wanting to leave the senior with regrets and guilt, I would rather believe that it was to cheer up the senior... Or in fact, it was neither, but that the person was already seriously ill and deliberately concealed it just because he didn't want to make the senior sad.

If it's just a guess, there will be no end to the guessing.

If this can cheer up the seniors, then that's enough.

Chapter 17: Misunderstandings are inevitable

Routine class meetings are always held during morning self-study time.

Only then would I open my sleepy eyes and listen to Nan's eloquent speech from the podium. Compared to the principal's solemn speeches at flag-raising ceremonies, Nan's approach was truly unique. If she were the host, I'd probably have quite a few people looking forward to the flag-raising ceremony...