I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

And even though this girl seems to care about me, I don't feel sincere at all. Maybe she's hinting at me to do something.

"Stories that begin with "I have a friend" or "a very good friend" usually happen to you."

"...You're so smart."

"So this is what actually happened to you?"

"Of course not! I don't have any friends from out of town...ah." It seems like I do have one... "And even if I do, there's no way to contact them."

"...That would be even more pitiful."

"Shut up. This isn't my business. Besides, if I were truly depressed, why would I be so heartless as to play games with you here?" I interrupted the conversation, which had gone off track without me noticing. "I just wanted to ask what you think about this kind of thing."

"...What else can I do? Just watch quietly."

"Waiting and watching is not an option."

"I was just joking."

I don't know if you're kidding...

"Come to think of it, did that guy get mad at the funeral...or at the other mourners?"

"Hmm... He's usually pretty rational, and doesn't seem like someone who gets angry easily."

So...I must have heard some bad words.

"I do understand a little bit... If I put my own experience into it, I can roughly understand what's going on." She silently paused the video. "Come to think of it, you should have felt this way too... Funerals are actually for the living to see."

"Ah...yeah." I nodded.

I have indeed thought about it.

"And then...some things should only be discussed in private." She put down the controller. "Speaking of which, brother, while you're mourning and grieving, have you ever observed others?"

"...I don't think so." I paused, "Because I was just sad at that time and didn't feel like it."

"I see... Now, I guess I was a little rude." She gave a wry smile. "Maybe it was because I was too young back then, and didn't understand the meaning of death... Maybe... When he left, I ran around and ended up where a lot of people were gathered."

This "he" must be referring to the relative who passed away from alcoholism... We also attended the funeral. Apparently, neither of us really wants to talk about it.

"And then...I heard the conversations of the other people gathered together."

"The topic was indeed about him... but they weren't saying anything nice about him. Instead, they were complaining... mostly about him drinking excessively, neglecting his family, and ultimately abandoning his wife and children... In short, someone who had just been crying and looking heartbroken was saying these things behind his back."

"Actually... although I dislike his drinking habit, he's truly a good father and deeply concerned about his family. He often takes care of me, so I have the impression that he's a gentle person. The reason he became ill and repeatedly relapsed into alcoholism wasn't because he enjoyed it... but because he couldn't help it. After all, he had a dinner party, and because of his job position, he couldn't refuse."

"You clearly don't know anything... but you still say that. It's natural for people to get angry when encountering something like this."

"You're right," I conceded. "The person you know is different from the person others know."

This is why deviations occur.

"I know why Senior is angry."

"..."

"Thanks, although it's sad to mention this kind of thing..."

"Well, after all, there are things we have to learn to face." She sighed and picked up the controller again. "After all, life always... forces us to be strong."

Oh, that was a cool line.

"You are really mature..."

"Of course."

..................

People think when they are alone.

I used to think that as long as I didn’t interact with people and kept my distance from the shallow-minded people around me, I could remain alone forever.

That's both handsome and unique.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Because that can’t be called loneliness, but solitude.

It is difficult to accomplish anything and think well if you are alone.

After I met her, encountered him, ran into him again, and saw her...I suddenly realized that I was not lonely before.

Then I parted with her and he left me.

It was at that time that I realized what true loneliness was.

I began to know how to think, and I began to understand the meaning of loneliness and solitude.

If you are alone and have never experienced separation, you cannot understand true loneliness. It is because the people around you leave that you will start thinking and gradually realize how lonely you are.

Are you afraid? Or are you regretting it?

At least it was from that moment that I suddenly realized that my previous perception of myself as handsome and profound was actually an illusion.

Even if you are surrounded by many people you can talk to, you can still be lonely. Because you have known the taste of separation and the pain of parting, so you will not let the people around you leave easily, right?

It's actually very warm to be surrounded by people...

It is incomprehensible to those who pursue solitude unilaterally.

"So... which one are you?"

A gentle breeze blew by, and I could feel my hair being blown.

Although I haven't been here many times, it can still be said that this place is very responsive.

The rooftop is a great place...especially one where the school wouldn't expect anyone to go there specifically for protection. Not only can you say goodbye to skipping classes, but you can also perform a leap of faith.

However, I haven't done any of the things mentioned above here.

“…Really.”

I seem to have been creating my own memories in this way since a long time ago.

Now that I think about it, it really is a unique memory that is different from others.

"Oh, Sheji, I was a little worried about you after I left last time. I asked Haozi, and I heard that you had a fight. Are your wounds healed now?"

Ah...looks like we've arrived.

"Of course, after all, I am a junior, so the senior still showed mercy." I said, moving my gaze away from the scenery and turning to look behind me.

"Have you been doing well lately, Senior Su?"

Looking into the distance

I will not forgive your so-called cowardice.

To me, that's not weakness, that's tenderness.

I've always known that you are a gentle guy to the core.

Sadly, the world doesn't seem to need such fragile emotions. Society isn't driven by force, and the world isn't changed by mere gentleness.

So, I want to say sorry.

I can't offer you the comfort you seek. Everything you see is a reality that's difficult to change. All I can do is persuade you to become numb... or to abandon your usual gentleness.

Not everyone deserves to be treated gently.

You will learn more in the future, and you should try to get used to it, become numb to it, and then turn a deaf ear to it... Only in this way can you do your best to be the best version of yourself.

Take the first step.

I'll cheer you on.

Chapter 16: Looking into the distance

After the school bell rang for the third time, the figure I had been waiting for appeared in my sight.

Compared with the impression it gave me before, the appearance of the predecessor has not changed much, but the spirit is not as good as before.

Trouble sleeping all night? Or are you physically and mentally exhausted?

Once people are bound by the past, most of them will become like that.

Even though I had never experienced such a thing, I felt a slight resonance with him.

Maybe if this happened to me, I would be as depressed as him.

"...Have you been doing well lately, Senior Su?"

As if nothing had happened, I began to try to start a conversation.

"I'm living a good life... Because I don't feel anything real, I can't tell whether I'm in good spirits or not. I always feel that one day when I open my eyes in bed, I will suddenly realize that this is all a nightmare and nothing happened."

After saying this, he smiled bitterly and then turned his head to the side.

"Very naive, isn't it? Such a statement."

How should I respond...

"I learned it from him. Haozi has already told you."

He didn't look at me, but continued to look at the rising and falling houses in the distance.

"From the time I met him, this was the impression he gave me..."

"He's obviously older than me, but his thoughts are so ridiculous and naive. Perhaps it's because he hasn't understood anything that he can have such innocent kindness towards everyone."

"It's a pity...it seems that this world doesn't need kindness."

He slowly looked at me, his eyes seemingly devoid of emotion, and his tone didn't sound like he was asking for my opinion.

"Is it not?"

"Of course... not."

You've been wrong from the start.

..............................

"It seems you're also a naive fellow..." He seemed to have lost interest all of a sudden. "Whether it's Haozi or you... haven't you realized the true form of this world?"

"That's huge. What we've learned... is just the tip of the iceberg at best."

"That's enough." He took out his phone, fiddled with it for a while, and walked quickly to me. "This kind of thing happens every day..."

"...Um..."

Because the world is inherently unfair.

"And the comments were filled with chilling comments."

"Ah...I know."

Because the truly enthusiastic people simply don’t have time to surf the Internet.

"That's why I reminded him... not to be so naive anymore. Otherwise, one day he won't be able to survive... I've already advised him, and he promised me... that he would try to be like the people around him."

"..."

The people around me...

"But you know the result..." He took back his phone and prepared to turn and leave. "He also successfully proved that he is incompatible with this world."

“…”

"...So, don't worry about me. If he doesn't complete the path he should have taken, then I will complete it on his behalf."

"Become that kind of indifferent, emotionless guy. And then survive in this world for him."

"Um...senpai."

I suddenly called out to him as he reached the door.

"There's nothing more to say to you."

He responded without turning his head.

“Sometimes, it’s better to look into the distance.”