I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Well...Haozi, you're not bad either."

"I don't think I can compare to him in terms of originality... although my own planning skills are still a bit lacking..." He stared blankly at the sky. "I'm not suited to creation... so I can only adapt other people's works."

It has been like this since the beginning.

"I don't think so..." Lu Yunzi sat down next to Haozi, "Haven't you also written short stories? And published them in the school magazine?"

"That's just a trivial creation... compared to those real writers." He paused, "I'm really not suited to writing."

"...Why do you say that..."

“Because I don’t think I’m suitable…”

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Then... let's just leave it at that for now."

I put Xiaoye, who was already fast asleep, on the bed, and covered her with a blanket... I somehow felt that the way she smacked her lips was a bit like Lingcan at that time.

Ah... I almost forgot she was right next to me...

"Oh, it looks like a child now." She moved closer to Xiaoye excitedly and poked her cheek with her finger, "It's so soft..."

Lingcan doesn't seem to have any awareness of this...even though she is the one who looks most like a child.

"Okay, don't disturb her rest."

I grabbed Ling Canhu Lai's left hand.

"I can't help it..." She smiled sheepishly, "Then let's go back."

"Hmm..." I nodded.

"By the way, are you going to just walk back like this?"

"Um?"

When she said that, I realized that I hadn't let go of her hand yet.

"So what... To others, it seems like I'm leading my own sister." In fact, I was still a little panicked.

"Oh, really~"

There was a malicious smile in her eyes.

"What's wrong... Is it that weird? Really..." I said and tried to let go of her hand, but unexpectedly she held on even tighter.

"You said it was nothing, so just walk back with me."

"Yeah... this is a bit..."

Not so good... Because if you think about it, how could a black-haired Asian like me have a sister who looks like a European? I might even be mistaken for a child trafficker...

Although this guy is no longer a child in terms of age.

"You seem scared."

"...Afraid...so what if I'm afraid."

"You're here, what are you afraid of?"

It wasn't a joking tone, but a very serious tone.

"..."

I couldn't answer for a moment.

"If you're just being normal, you shouldn't be scared at all, right? So why is that? Why are you... scared?"

Yeah, I haven’t thought about this question yet.

"..."

I was a little at a loss for a moment, and didn't know how to hide my confusion.

"...Well, forget it."

She immediately let go of my hand and said, "Why are you still feeling down? If you don't know something, just say it. It looks like I'm deliberately making things difficult for you. Did we get our roles mixed up?"

“…”

She had a serious expression just now, but now she still looks carefree.

What the hell am I in...ah, this is so troublesome.

"...Thanks."

"Hmm? What are you thanking me for..."

"Nothing... Anyway, how much barbecue did you grab? When I went to get it, there wasn't a single skewer left."

"That's your own fault. Slow loser."

"How dare you say that!"

Let's just leave it like this for now.

Please give me some time...I will find the answer.

............................

There are many things in the world that have no answers.

Even if there is, we may not know the exact answer.

I have my reasons, and everyone else has theirs. Unable to articulate them, I can only rely on the other person's own guesses... But there is a gap, a slight one, that can lead to huge misunderstandings and conflicts between the two of us.

I can't understand... No one can understand each other... If we could understand each other, I might be much happier than I am now, right?

It’s because I understand too little.

For example, changes in certain people, changes in one's own mood, words that cannot be expressed, and inexplicable tears.

These things really happened and cannot be explained in one sentence...we can only leave it to others or ourselves to guess.

Now that I think about it, maybe we misunderstood each other...

But I don’t know how to face it.

Although it is possible that I will never have to face it in this lifetime.

"Xiaohui~Xiaohui, you're daydreaming again."

Xiao Qian, who was having lunch with me across from me, reminded me and temporarily interrupted my thoughts.

"Ahaha, sorry... It's just an old habit. You've known me for so long, you should be more or less used to it, right?"

"That's right... Girls like Xiaohui should be sitting in a classroom with a book in the sunlight, quietly reading. They'll blush with embarrassment when others see them... They'll be hesitant and unable to answer when asked something, but when it comes to literary topics, they'll get very excited and talk nonstop."

"That image is too formulaic..." I took a long sip of the milk on the table. "Who says girls who love reading have to be quiet and reserved? Being able to passionately express your opinions about a book in any situation is truly valuable."

"Yes, yes... Because Hui, that's just who you are."

She smiled at me, a very feminine smile that looked gentle but not weak. It didn't make people want to protect her, but made people want to get closer.

All in all, it's a very nice smile.

However, only I know that she gave me this smile because she remembered some of my dark past...even though those were committed just after I transferred here.

However, she noticed it all. Does this count as being idle? It must be a personality issue.

"I don't know whether it's lucky or unfortunate to know you..." She looks cute, but after getting to know her, you'll find that she's the kind of person with a little bit of a dark side.

"Of course I'm lucky. How many chances do you think you have to talk to the top 20 most beautiful people in the school?" She introduced herself to me proudly.

“You’re still paying attention to this…”

Although I do care a little about whether I am on the list.

"Well, I heard about this thing, so I got one."

"Where did you get this? This thing should only be circulated among boys, right?"

"It's a secret~"

I really can't see through her.

"Huhu... these boys who only care about appearance..."

Speaking of which, appearance is also very important for girls, so it’s okay to care about it a little.

"You're on the list, too, and in the top 20."

"Then we're all the same! And you're acting like I'm not on the list."

I thought there was something wrong with the boys' aesthetic taste in school.

"So, who of us ranks higher?" I was a little curious.

"Hehe~ This is also a secret~"

Ah... Is that so... Avoiding talking about certain things is also a wise thing. This guy is really strong...

"But...Xiaohui, you're so popular now. Did any boys confess to you in junior high school?"

Suddenly, she asked this question which brought back many memories for me.

Yes or no...I don't know about this.

"No...I guess."

"Huh...that's weird. I thought you'd been confessed to quite a few times in middle school."

"Maybe it's because the people in junior high school don't care much about these things..."

But it's impossible to think about it.

"Could it be that I didn't notice? Oh~ Could it be that I already had someone in my heart by then?"

"..."

I didn't deny it.

But I can't be sure...

Because I have a boy who I can’t say whether I like him or hate him.

perturbed

What exactly is life?

Is it to conform to the two people who brought me into this world? Or is it to respond to other people's expectations... or, is it to become what others want me to be?

That shouldn’t be the case... If a person’s destiny is designed by others, then there is no point in it.

When faced with this kind of question, many people might say, "People should just live their own lives. Don't do things you don't want to do, because you won't be happy if you do them."

Is doing what makes you happy the first factor?... They really are a carefree group of people.

Being able to say such words is a kind of happiness in itself.

If you were born into a certain family, your fate wasn't so easily determined. You had to... that's right, you had to respect your parents' wishes. There was no room for negotiation.

Whether it is meals, daily routine or studies, everything has been arranged.

It's boring, isn't it? Everything seems to be controlled by remote control, and I can't do what I want to do.

I once wanted to break free from such constraints, but I finally understood...people are not absolutely free, and perhaps being controlled like that is also a kind of happiness.

Once you get used to it, it no longer matters. When something you're not used to gradually becomes a habit, it's like that thing disappears...right?

Comforting myself by doing something I don't like like this...it's really tiring...

Fortunately, as I grew older, my parents became more relaxed about my expectations and perhaps they felt more at ease with me.

So I quickly chose a high school away from my parents' supervision. For the first time in my life, I was free to do what I truly loved. I founded a club, joined the student union, ran for president... Only when you're free from all constraints do you understand what freedom is.

My parents were very satisfied with my performance and thought they had done a good job in educating me.

Well... maybe that's true. Without their standards, I might not be able to do everything to the best of my ability.

However, there is another person they are worried about, and she is also a person who gives me a lot of trouble... my sister.