I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"So, the school leaders are all unreasonable idiots."

On the way home, my brother kept complaining.

"Alright, alright...it's all over."

"I didn't think it was that simple... I'm sure those guys would give you more trouble... But I really couldn't control myself at the time."

"...It's okay."

I'm not just saying it, I think so in my heart.

"That's it." He suddenly stopped and looked at me seriously.

"Um?"

What's going on... Suddenly he became serious.

"I promise you, if you're ever in trouble, I'll definitely help you... And you can't try to hide it like you did this time. You must tell me."

"..."

"I will protect you at all times."

"Really?"

A feeling of confusion suddenly emerged.

"Yeah, you're my sister after all."

"...ah..."

Isn't this something you can say... Really...

"She's just my cousin though."

Then, I left a wound on his face that was even worse than the one I got from the scuffle with those guys.

Is the conversation genuine?

"I haven't seen my brother much lately. What's he been up to? Is he studying?"

I asked my parents about it by chance, expecting to get an answer like "He must be busy studying", but my parents fell silent, with an uneasy look in their eyes.

"...What...what happened?"

I noticed that something was wrong in the atmosphere and I couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Well... I think you still..." Mother seemed reluctant to say anything, but Father interrupted her.

"It actually happened a few days ago... Although he's fine now... it's okay to tell you. Your brother is in the hospital for something."

"Don't say that..." My mother seemed worried about my ability to bear it and looked at me with some concern.

"..."

Hospitalization? This isn't just a cold or fever... Is it something more serious?

I feel a little dizzy.

"Yes...something happened? Was it revenge or..." I felt my voice trembling.

Could it be that because of me, that group of people said nothing on the surface, but actually took revenge on him behind his back?

"No, it wasn't the students... We don't know the details, but the police are involved... Well, don't worry. Your brother is fine and has returned home."

"I see... I've been discharged..."

Fortunately... I thought he was seriously injured and couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

"Then why are you telling me now..." Although I know it's for me, but... I always feel that you should have told me earlier.

Faced with my questioning, my parents looked at each other and sighed.

"..." "..."

"Your brother...his mental state seems to have become unstable since then. The doctor also recommended that it be best to let him recover alone and not disturb him until he is emotionally stable. And he only became stable yesterday."

"..."

What happened...

"So...can I go see him now?"

"...Tomorrow, I can go see him after school."

My parents agreed.

Chapter 19 [Memories] Is the conversation sincere?

It was a bit of a coincidence that no one else was at my brother's house at noon today.

Is it really okay for him to be a patient but have no one to take care of him? Well, it seems he needs to rest... and his parents also have to work.

There's nothing we can do about it. Besides, he's not that fragile, so there's no need to worry... probably.

Thinking of this, I knocked on my brother's door.

But there was no response.

Aren't you here?

"Brother, are you in the room? I'm coming in."

As I said that, I pushed open the door to his room.

It looked the same as usual, and the quilt was folded nicely...it looked no different than usual.

"..."

He's probably in that study, right? Is he reading? Should I go look for him?

However, I unconsciously turned my eyes to his desk.

Although I knew it was not good to peek into other people's privacy, I still couldn't suppress my curiosity. I wanted to know what happened to my brother, and I clearly remembered that he had the habit of keeping a diary.

Although it is impossible to write a diary during the days when the incident happened, there must be some clues left during these days or the days before.

Thinking of this, I looked at his desk.

There wasn't much on the table.

The most common items were textbooks and a small number of comics, but there was nothing like notebooks.

Hiding it?...

I thought about it... Based on his personality, he probably wouldn't hide it in any special place. And based on the information he normally comes into contact with, there's very little information that would influence his habit of hiding things... So...

I looked under the bed and sure enough, there was something there.

But it turned out that there were some books with indescribable contents.

"..."

It seems I was wrong... The diary is really important to him...

"never mind..."

I shook my head and walked downstairs.

. . . . . . . . . . .

"Brother? What are you doing here..."

After entering the slightly dim study, I found my brother lying on the sofa with a book covering his face, seemingly asleep.

So I quickly lowered my voice. For some reason, I didn't want to disturb his sleep.

"..."

It looks like I didn't wake him up... That's good, now I can continue looking for clues.

Well... although there is a great risk of being discovered... after all, he is right behind me.

With a nervous mood, I looked at his desk.

It looks incredibly messy, with books and notebooks all scattered about... Can I really write properly like this? Won't I get the information mixed up or something?

"Ahem..."

The sudden coughing sound behind me made my heart tighten. When I turned around quickly, I found that he was not awake, but was just doing this in a dream.

....You want to scare me to death? Just sleep well.

"Really..."

I patted my chest to calm down.

"Um..."

I picked up a notebook.

"it's out of the question."

The font was large, as these few words filled the entire page of the notebook, and it looked as if they had been written in a state of great excitement.

It seems that the emotional excitement is not fake.

I flipped through it and found something that looked like a diary, but when I read it carefully it felt like prose or an inner monologue.

Because I was a little worried, I didn't read it very carefully. It basically said that I had done something irreversible, but it didn't mention what it was specifically.

"......"

If you scroll down, you'll see a blank page.

"Hmm..."

Isn’t this quite a waste? Since there is still some space left, just use it up first.

Forget it, it’s not mine anyway.

Thinking of this, I moved the open book and saw the notebook underneath.

“The spirit is fragile.

But everything in the world, as long as it has a fragile part, there will be a "mechanism" to protect it.

Mechanisms can be divided into two categories.

One type is the "exoskeleton" that can be used as an example of insects, which is the "material type". It is simple and low-level, not difficult to understand, and is very useful in adapting to the environment.

But humans are different.

Compared to those, our spirit is more vulnerable than the body, so perhaps only humans have the "mechanism" to protect the spirit.

However, the triggering of this "mechanism" is highly accidental and may have unpredictable consequences, so it requires careful consideration...

(Need to check the information again)

「…………」

What is this... It looks like a plan or analysis. Is he planning something? And it involves something spiritual...

I felt a cold sweat on my back.

Because these words gave me the feeling that he was no longer the brother who was decadent but exuded warmth and was worth getting close to.

...I didn't know whether I should continue reading because I felt an inexplicable fear in my heart. And I'm not bragging, my sixth sense has always been accurate.

After hesitating for a moment, I put the notes back in place, then ran behind the sofa and pretended to wake him up as if I had just arrived.

He opened his sleepy eyes slightly, but his eyes were not clear...it seemed that he had not woken up yet.

"Oh...it's you...I didn't expect to see you again."

He didn't seem to realize who I was, because his tone was unusually gentle... and a little sad.

"..."

Faced with such a brother, I don’t know how to answer.

"I know what you want to say... It's all my fault, I'm sorry..." He suddenly reached out, held my hand tightly, and then put it on his face.