I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"It's...bizarre, but don't look at my expression..."

"..."

Even though I couldn't see it, I guess she must have been very sad. I could feel her tears on my hands, and it was a subtle feeling.

He doesn't seem to be stable at all! Was I being scammed? And I feel so embarrassed about this. What should I do? What if he suddenly wakes up? How should I explain it? Will he be silenced? He's studying psychiatry or something. What if I lose my memory because of this?

Just when I was thinking wildly, he raised another question.

"Why aren't you talking...Are you mad at me?"

"well?..."

How should I answer? I don't even know who he's talking to. What if I don't answer well and he finds out?

"I see... I really should have thought of another way... I'm sorry... If only I had been more serious... more mature..."

「…………」

There are many things I don’t understand.

But at this moment, I understood what true regret was.

This was the first time he acted like this in front of me, looking so vulnerable.

Although he said very handsomely, "Regret is useless, so I will never regret anything I do."

But...that's probably just because he hasn't encountered anything that would truly make him regret.

"It's...it's okay."

Why is that?

I haven't got an answer yet.

Maybe it was a momentary impulse, or it could be inner compassion... or maybe it was simply that he felt it was a bit troublesome.

I finally mustered up the courage to reply to him.

"but..."

"No matter what... that was your choice. I know you did it for me... so, I believe in you. Even if something like this happened, I won't have any resentment, because I believe in you."

Ahhh... so embarrassing... luckily no one saw it, otherwise I would probably regret it for the rest of my life.

"...Really?...Do you really think so..."

"Yes. Because this isn't just your decision, it's ours too, so it can't be wrong."

I had a rough idea of ​​what he was going through... so I just answered it. I hope my guess wasn't wrong.

"...is that so..."

His clenched hands gradually loosened and his emotions slowly calmed down.

"Thank you... Thank you for understanding me... I still love you the most."

"...Huh? Uh..."

What's with this sudden confession...

"Are you surprised? Actually, I've been wanting to say this for a long time. I've always felt that if I don't say it now, I won't have the chance again."

「…………」

I don’t know who the person who was confessed to is...but she must be a happy person, and the one who brought happiness to this ignorant brother.

"I see..."

Take a deep breath...put yourself into the role and say what you want to say.

"I like you the most, too."

At that moment, a smile appeared on his face, and then he fell asleep again.

"...Really? Let's go."

I didn't want to bother him anymore, so I prepared to go home.

How should I put it...after these conversations, he'll definitely have a sweet dream, right? I hope he can meet that person in his dream.

However, for no apparent reason, a sense of melancholy welled up in my heart.

True emotions are buried beneath the surface

There are many people who don’t understand.

There are more people who don’t want to understand.

There are many people who don't care.

same.

There are also many people who don’t want to care.

Because they have never shown gentleness to me, I have no reason to be gentle to them.

However, do I really think so in my heart?

No...that's not the case.

I would still be happy if someone could talk to me.

Yes, I can be happy. I don’t face life with a bitter and resentful look all day long, nor do I treat people who greet me with a smile with indifference.

I am...able to get along with others, and at the same time, I also desire to get along well with others.

Come to think of it...why should I stay away from others...

No reason, but tell yourself to do it.

It was as if someone had input instructions into his brain.

"You have to stay away from those people, or something bad will happen."

It's not mandatory, but it makes me worried about my current life.

...I want to get to the bottom of things... I want to unravel all the things that are bothering me.

Even if there will be bad consequences, I will still do it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"What's wrong? Sheji, you look a little pale."

Lin Yuchuan, who was giving instructions to Senior Jia, noticed the change in my expression and asked me with some concern.

"...Do you know where Ye Jin went? I noticed she's not here."

If even she didn't know, I would probably run to find her.

"Ah... Come to think of it..." She closed her eyes as if reminiscing, then pointed behind her, "It seems like she went over there. There are a lot of souvenir shops there. She must have gone shopping, right?"

"...Is...Is that so?"

I felt myself calming down a little, but I was still a little worried.

"...I'd better go look for her..." I said and started to walk over there.

"Wait, let me go too." Rinquanchuan said to me.

"...Do not."

I can’t tell you the reason, but based on my understanding of Ye Jin, she left without permission, not because a group of people were looking for her.

"I can go alone."

Chapter 20: True feelings are buried beneath the surface

Come to think of it, how well do I know my sister who gives me a headache?

Gender does not need to be confirmed.

But her personality is really hard to understand... I don't know if it's because of her age, but her attitude towards me has gradually changed from respect to contempt... although that word may be a bit excessive.

However, I could clearly feel that she was somewhat disgusted with my current situation.

I don't quite remember what kind of person I was in the past, but judging from her attitude, I must have been a very outstanding guy... Now I have become a loser who doesn't want to do anything, so it's okay to feel disappointed.

But the weird thing is, even my parents didn't really care about my changes, so why did she have such a big issue with it...

Could it be... No way...

Does she want to be my sister?

...........................

Sometimes fate is really unpredictable.

Generally speaking, people who suffer mental trauma will despair and study things that interest them, avoid communicating with others, and even don't want to talk to their family members.

But I have to say that my brother is different from others.

After suffering a blow for unknown reasons, I was depressed for a while, and then...

I don't know if it was to divert his attention, but he started to become obsessed with games and comics, which was a far cry from his previous intelligent and aloof self.

This isn't a blow... This is obviously a different person.

I don't hate him like this, but I feel like he's forgotten too many things. Compared to before, he seems a little... "at a loss."

That’s right, in my opinion, he doesn’t know what he should do at all.

But... in that case, he had indeed succeeded, hadn't he? He had made his scarred heart forget the pain, and lived each day peacefully and normally, as if nothing had happened.

No...I don't think it's successful yet.

Because both he now and he in the past seemed to have forgotten...or rather ignored one thing.

He has a strong curiosity and drive.

This curiosity allows him to focus on anything, and thanks to his ability to act, he can explore any problem, no matter how profound it is... Even now, he behaves like a loser, but driven by curiosity, he begins to try to explore the past that has been successfully forgotten.

What should I do...

When he called me at that time, I already had a vague feeling that he subconsciously still couldn't let go of the past.

Well, come to think of it, my curiosity is no less than that stupid guy's... I'm really curious about what happened at that time and who made him look like that.

But, is it really okay to ignore him and let him think about it just because of my curiosity?

...For the original brother, forgetting those things will indeed bring happiness to his future self, right?

Look at the old man now...that might be the case.

But... is forgetting the past truly blissful? Seeing him troubled by not being able to remember the past, I don't think he'll be happy much either.

"It could lead to unforeseen consequences."

I still remember those words.

...It's really contradictory... I clearly did it, but I don't remember it. If it were me, I would definitely find a way to figure it out.

This is really troublesome...Should I care about this?

. . . . . . . . . . . .

When I am alone, I can't help but think about some things.

Whether good or bad...as long as I think about those things, my heart will inexplicably become at peace.

If I remember correctly, this is a habit I have developed since I was a child... However, I don’t know if it’s because these things take up too much brain capacity that caused me to have trouble remembering things... Just kidding.

I know a little bit about it...because I can roughly tell from the change in my parents' attitude towards me.

Something must have happened to me that they want to hide... For example, when I asked them about my childhood sweetheart a while ago, their answer was "no".

But I certainly do.

And she is very important to me. Even though she has never entered my house, there is no reason for my parents not to know her.

This is very strange. Could it be that they used mixed doubles to make me lose my memory?