I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Maybe if I answer them, they will be even more disappointed.

It makes no sense, but that’s what I thought at the time.

Is it sad? Of course it is, but... you just have to get used to it. Whether it's being looked down upon by so-called classmates, being suspected of cheating on a test, or being given up on by a teacher... just don't worry about it, it's probably not a big deal.

I... seem to be in a world where I cannot fit in.

Compared to home, school is like another world... I am not familiar with it, and I don’t want to go back to the familiar world.

This world is so monotonous and boring that I don’t want to remember anything about it.

Until then...

"Are you a hero?"

That's what she asked me.

"Why else would you like being alone?"

Chapter 23: It’s not about love, it’s about habit

The development of the matter was as abrupt as a black spot on a white paper.

However, the appearance of that person was like a bright color, appearing in this monotonous world like a blank sheet of paper.

This is the first time I've seen such a color.

..............

"This is a transfer student..."

The teacher's voice came, but I was still reading with my head down and didn't pay any attention to it.

"There are no more seats... If you don't mind, you can sit in the last row..."

It was not until I heard these words that I suddenly raised my head and looked towards the podium in the distance. There was a familiar teacher... and an unfamiliar girl... Was she new?

"The seats will be arranged after the exam..."

It seemed like a comfort... as if sitting in the last row was an injustice to her... I didn't know how to feel for a moment.

Just like that, this piece of color that is different from the rest of the world descended upon me like sunshine.

I couldn't help but follow her, and when she looked around, her eyes suddenly met mine.

"....."

I have never dared to look into other people's eyes, and this is the first time I have really looked into someone's eyes.

I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do for a moment.

"..."She met my gaze without showing any nervous expression. Instead, she smiled at me in a relaxed manner.

"...." I reacted and immediately looked away, turning my gaze towards the book, but her smile just now was in my mind.

"Well... just sit here..."

As if talking to herself, she said this and sat down next to me.

For the first time, I, a person no one wanted to approach, had a so-called "classmate".

It feels... a bit novel.

"...Are your grades really that bad?"

She just took out the book and turned to ask me.

No one ever spoke to me, and this was during class time.

However, she seemed unaware of all this, as if she didn't realize that I was unwelcome, and expressed her own doubts to me.

".........."

Accustomed to silence, I shook my head, found my own paper and handed it to her.

"Oh... your grades aren't very good... Why are you sitting in the last row? This is usually where people with poor grades sit, right?"

Saying these things without any scruples...what a strange person.

I looked up at the teacher who was teaching at the podium and found that she was not paying attention to us. Then I plucked up the courage to answer her.

"...suspected of cheating..."

The sound was so small that I even began to doubt whether it was my own sound.

"Is that so...but...why? Why do I suspect you?" She continued to ask questions.

"...don't answer the question...it should be..."

Ah, it's a grammatical error... I didn't mean it that way in my mind, but when I spoke it out loud, I became stammering...

"That's really pitiful... Just answer the questions properly."

"...."

Is it really okay... I don't know.

"Hey...don't you want to answer?" she asked me.

I have never had any thoughts, whether I want to or not... I have never considered it at all, but since the reason has been given... I might as well admit it.

"Hmm..." I nodded.

"Oh..." She seemed surprised.

"Are you... a hero?"

Hmm? What am I? A...hero?

Possessing extraordinary powers, being able to fight against evil and save humanity from danger... that's what makes someone a hero, right? Just like in anime...

Although I like watching animation, I can also distinguish between reality and animation.

"I...I can't possibly be..."

This kind of question... shouldn't be asked to me at all.

"Why not?" She looked confused. "Otherwise, why do you seem to enjoy being alone?"

. . . . . . . . . . . .

I really remembered...something about her.

It wasn't something that happened to someone else, nor was it something I made up... I couldn't possibly forget the color that changed my world...

But...how to say it.

I used to think that I was a pitiful person...even after meeting her, my miserable fate did not change at all.

It was only because she was so cheerful and optimistic that I felt happy.

It's like having a dependence. I like spending time with her, because that way... I feel like I'm not pitiful.

Because of this, even if we were assigned to different classes, I would still wait for her after school. Even if I didn’t know where her home was, I would still hope that she would appear at my window and shout at me to go out and play with her.

What I've been looking forward to...is time with her.

Unfortunately, time can’t be turned back.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Watching the clouds slowly drifting across the sky, I can't help but think of her... or is it the colors that are good?

Since I encountered that patch of color, I felt for the first time...that the monotonous world was gradually becoming richer.

I don’t know if it’s because of the rendering, or if this color completely made me say goodbye to color blindness mode.

In short, if it weren't for her...I would probably always think that the world is monotonous.

If I were still facing the school I was in back then, would I still have the leisure to look at the sky?

"I~Sheji~"

A familiar voice came from outside the window.

"Just call my name nicely..."

I sighed, but my body stood up excitedly and walked quickly to the window. Then I reacted and looked downstairs helplessly.

I happened to think back to myself a few months ago, and was just about to feel a little sad, but I didn't expect that she would still disrupt my mood... Well, I don't hate her, though.

"Come out and play!" she continued.

As always, she refused to knock on the door even when no one was home... What a strange habit.

"Wait me a moment..."

I left the homework I hadn't started for half a day and ran downstairs without any hesitation. As long as I was with her, I didn't have to worry about anything.

"You're a little slow... What are you doing? Homework?"

she asked me.

"Um...I guess so." I responded a little guiltily.

"Well..." She breathed a sigh of relief, "It looks like your injury from the other day has healed..."

Is it referring to the injuries sustained while upholding justice... I feel a little surprised that someone cares about me like this.

"There's nothing we can do, because they won't listen..."

He clearly did something wrong but he still refuses to stop.

"Ah...it's true." She looked quite happy. "Didn't I tell you before? Sheji, you must be a hero."

"...I think it's completely unfounded..."

In fact, what really made me take action... was because of what she said next, even though she herself should have almost forgotten it... after all, she is the kind of carefree person who forgets her troubles in the blink of an eye.

"Didn't I tell you the reason a long time ago...People who like solitude must..." She repeated the words she had repeated countless times.

"It's not that I like being alone..." I corrected, "I'm just used to it."

Of course, I have repeated this sentence several times.

"Besides...this doesn't mean I want to be a hero. I just try my best to help the people and things I want to help." Although it often comes at a cost.

"Ohhh...what a great line..."

She couldn't help but clap for me.

"Don't be like this..." Although there were not many people on the street, I still felt embarrassed.

"Then let's not take pictures... Anyway, let's go to the school lawn and watch the clouds."

"...ah..."

I answered briefly to show that I had no objection. We went there almost every time anyway, and she always asked me about the latest plot of that animation... It was really a bit pitiful to give up watching TV for homework.

Although it might be more comfortable at home...I'm just daydreaming anyway.

But...I glanced at her next to me.

No...it turns out I'm happier with her...Okay, then I'll think about how to explain it to her when we get there.

...................

Just when I was invited to play with her one time.

I discovered something that made me doubt my eyesight, but at first I thought I was just seeing things.

Because logically speaking, she who is so lively, so cheerful, who can bring about change in me, who has completely taught me to be a hero, who has never had any worries...it is impossible for her to have such a thing.

When I really saw it clearly...I realized.

Actually, maybe I’m very happy.

The colors were not as bright as I had imagined. Beneath those colors... there seemed to be colors that were even worse than the world I originally lived in.

It's not as clear as I imagined. I used to think that the color...would not be damaged by external factors and lose its original brightness.

After all, it's just my wishful thinking, a simple idea.

She...is not what I imagined.

"Because heroes are always lonely."

Not only because of this...