I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Because heroes are always misunderstood and not accepted by others."

It's not because of this either.

"because..."

Maybe we were all once part of the darkness

Perhaps it is precisely because of the existence of common sense that things are divided into reasonable and unreasonable things...Irrational does not mean that it cannot exist.

Well, if irrational things don't exist, then there's no such thing as common sense...

This kind of unreasonable thing will happen to us more or less, and often causes psychological or physical trauma.

Sometimes I wonder...Which hurts more: physical or emotional?

Later when I experienced it, I realized that the two are incomparable, because they are both part of oneself, and there is no difference between painful and more painful.

".........."

I thought of this and looked up at the sky.

At this moment, she should still be under the same sky with me...

After so many years...it should gradually change, right?

Although things often don't develop in the direction you hope for, there will usually be a slight deviation, or even a deviation, or even the opposite...

But this is probably how a person's life is. The dreams of childhood will always gradually change as they grow older, or even be abandoned. The ideas at that time will also be gradually abandoned by themselves as they gradually face the reality.

This is what is called change... As for whether change is a good thing... well, that depends on how lucky you are.

Think back to your past self and then look at your present self.

Maybe I am lucky enough, although not much, but enough to meet those who can change me.

And you...the person who once brought changes to me, have you changed and successfully met the person who makes you happy?

Chapter 24 Perhaps We All Once Belonged to the Darkness

"You seem to like this song very much."

After successfully finding her on the school lawn, I lay down with her as usual and spent time watching the clouds in the sky.

And as usual, she sang her favorite anime theme song.

As if she didn't hear my question, she continued singing seriously, as if she was the only one in the world.

"..."

I turned my head to look at her and found that her eyes were looking up at the sky with a dull look. I don’t know what she was thinking... Maybe she was recalling the lyrics.

Thinking it was no big deal, I was about to look up at the sky again, but... I suddenly remembered something.

When I looked at her neck just now, she seemed really panicked... and I thought it was weird, too. It's probably not healthy to look at a girl's neck, but...

I turned my gaze to her neck. Because I was lying on the grass, I could clearly see what was on her neck. It was something I had not seen clearly just now, but now I could see it clearly.

Because I often clash with others in my pursuit of justice, getting hurt and bleeding is inevitable. Although I know it's not something to be proud of... I am still very familiar with scars.

There was a scar on her exposed neck... If I'm not mistaken, it was probably caused by being beaten with a thin stick... Because I was beaten like this when my grades were bad.

But...her grades have always been good.

Besides, she is a girl...Would ordinary parents beat their daughters like this?

For a moment, I felt that although she seemed lively and cheerful on the surface, she might not be happy in life, at least not at home.

"...Hey..."

I wanted to ask her what happened.

"Hmm?" She looked at me questioningly. Her eyes seemed to be asking, "Why are you interrupting me while I'm singing?" It gave me the feeling that she had no worries at all.

But that's impossible... because of that scar... and it's just a visible scar.

I really want to ask, there are so many things I want to ask. I want to ask where your home is, I want to ask where your scars come from, I want to ask why you didn't tell me, I want to ask why you are so happy...

There are so many things I want to ask that I don’t know how to start.

And...it seems like she won't tell me...Maybe it's because I'm unreliable, or maybe it's because I simply can't do it.

"It's okay... I was just talking to myself."

I temporarily ignored her doubts.

"...No way? Are you dissatisfied with my singing?"

"No...why not," I denied. "I just wanted to sing with you."

..................

Time may really speed up when you spend it with someone you care about... When I was almost about to forget the scar, it was already late and it was time for her and I to go back to our own homes.

Even at the moment of separation... I was still thinking about the scars that she only partially revealed... where did they come from?

"That's all for today... but you must come tomorrow after you finish your homework."

She reminded me to finish my homework quickly, seemingly with good intentions.

"Hmm..." I responded, "But, I don't really feel like writing..."

"That's wrong. If the teacher does this, there must be a reason. Just do it conscientiously and don't complain unnecessarily."

"Okay..." I couldn't help but look at her face...

It's really incredible. I always thought that it would be impossible for me to get the so-called happiness and joy...but the person who can give me these is right in front of me.

She was like the one who saved me from the darkness, like the sunshine.

What concerns me most is...are those who help others escape darkness also trapped in darkness?

Is her carefree look... just for others to see... or... only for me to see?

I couldn't jump to conclusions. After all, any of my thoughts were just guesses based on a few clues. It would be embarrassing if I was wrong... Given her personality, she'd probably laugh at me for a while. Besides, I wasn't a natural detective.

But then again, if you really need to get to the bottom of things, and you know you won't get any results face to face... then just follow them directly.

………….

I don't know if everyone wants something called "regret medicine"... Because there are so many choices in the world, there will always be dozens of wrong choices, and there is no way to choose again.

In fact, there is nothing wrong with the thing itself. It’s just that we feel that we should be better than our past selves.

I, however, do not regret the consequences of my actions. After all, what has happened cannot be undone, and feeling sad or regretful is of no use at all.

Anyway...I wanted to figure something out, so I finally had to choose to resolve my doubts.

Both now and in the future.

...........

I'll know soon...about her...

...I thought so and hurriedly wrote the words for going out, making the reason look as comfortable as possible... Unfortunately... I am not good at these things... I mean, in front of the teacher... I tend to be less bold in lying.

Well, in that case... I might as well be a little more unrestrained and just write something casually to get by.

So I took a few seconds to write down the results of my long thought...

"Is that all?" Brother Nan picked up the note I had written and looked at it. He frowned and sighed, "Your handwriting is so ugly."

"You don't have to tell me..." I felt a little ashamed, and actually I didn't want to be like this...

"Well... your excuse of 'being sick' is really impressive. How can I get you to take a leave of absence with that excuse... Hasn't anyone told you that you can't even get a leave of absence with something like that?"

No one has ever said this...or rather, I'm just too lazy to remember.

"A little more detail..." Brother Nan pointed at the note. "It's okay to fool yourself, but don't even think about fooling me."

No, I'm not trying to fool anyone... These things are too much trouble, aren't they? Brother Nan, are you suffering from an occupational disease?

"Okay... okay..."

Now that I've said that, I can't just sit there and do nothing, so I continue to lie on the table and prepare to make changes.

"...I'm still a little curious." Brother Nan seemed to be talking to me. "Even though you already said you couldn't answer...I don't want to ask any more questions...Anyway, if it's something that's bothering you, it's good to want to solve it...I thought you were the kind of person who could hold anything in your heart."

...What...I'm not that kind of person...Oops, my train of thought is interrupted.

"No... I can't say you're careless, you might just be lazy..."

As expected of a teacher, he sees this point very clearly.

"So, you actually took the initiative to participate in the event this time, and even wanted to solve the problems you encountered... I think it's great. You finally let me see your... growth."

Really?... To others, I'm definitely growing, right? Even though I don't really feel it myself.

"Is this finally possible..."

I gave the written reasons to Brother Nan again.

"That's right... If the reason is more complicated, I'll be in the mood to sign my name."

...This habit is quite interesting...

"Okay... Now take this," she said, pulling out a card from the drawer. "You can leave now. Just give this card to the guard at the door."

"Oh..." I felt it was very strange because I had never asked for leave before... It seems that I am an extremely good student in some sense.

So...

"I...I'm leaving now." I explained to Brother Nan again.

"Well, be careful on the road. There's no need to rush."

Oh... I always feel more at ease with these words.

"Ok."

....................

This place isn't too far from the elementary school I attended as a child, so if I hurry... I'll probably be there soon... But whether I can find my teacher there is still a question...

After all, it's been several years... enough time for a lot to happen.

I have also encountered good and bad things over the years... and so have others...

Well, although things often don't develop in the direction you want, but... if there is only a slight deviation, I can still accept it.

I finally feel like it's coming to an end... From the fleeting flash of thought in my mind, to gradually becoming clearer... to coming up with a false answer, and now following her footsteps... I haven't realized it, so much time has passed...

Well, anyway, I met a lot of nice guys and that's enough.

The distance between her and me seems to be getting closer and closer

It seems that because of a school activity, I seem to be the only one who asked for leave... Well, after all, I don’t have to go to class today, so there is no need to find any excuses to avoid staying in school.

So after signing the registration form, I walked out of the school gate smoothly.

I have to say...it feels really good to be able to take a leave of absence without being sick. It feels like I'm being unemployed...

Well, although it means a lot to me, in the eyes of ordinary teachers, it seems to be just a troublesome thing, and generally speaking they will not allow me to come out... This also proves that Brother Nan is a good teacher.

Anyway... now that I have successfully left the school, what should I do... I suddenly feel a little hungry.

...Well, if I had known, I would have eaten before asking for leave. At this time, the elementary school teachers should still be in school... I can probably find my former teacher by just looking through the job title list...

To make sure I can find it...let's not go eat for now.

It looks like I'm going to go hungry at noon today... What a good thing.

Chapter 25: The distance between her and me seems to be getting closer

Come to think of it... I haven't been here for a long time since I graduated from elementary school, so looking at the school gate and teaching building, which have been renovated several times, I always feel a little unrecognizable... I even thought I took the wrong road...

After repeatedly confirming whether the school name was consistent with my impression, I finally felt a little familiar.