Searching for someone in northern Myanmar, and you call that earning tuition fees?

The atmosphere inside the temporary command tent was oppressive.

Ling Qiao sat on an ammunition box, with a military-grade encrypted laptop in front of her. The cursor on the newly created document on the screen had been flashing for fifteen minutes, but not a single word had been typed.

How exactly should this report be prepared?

She closed her eyes, her mind filled with images of the rainforest that would make Newton turn in his grave.

The stone he casually tossed precisely triggered a trap that even satellite thermal imaging couldn't detect.

By picking up a bit of soil, one can smell the type, quantity, and arrangement of ceramic landmines.

A handful of wildflower pollen turned three genetically modified super soldiers into allergy sufferers.

A rotten log and a broken stone completely destroyed an armed hovercraft.

The most outrageous thing is that he eventually rode a wild Asian elephant out of the five-meter-high flood peak.

Ling Qiao took a deep breath, feeling like her brain was about to burn out.

She tried typing a line on the keyboard: [Report on the Mission to Recover the Mother Plant of the "Immortal Vine" from the Southern Yue Kingdom]

Then, it got stuck again.

"Can't write it down?"

Zhao Gang's voice came from the side. He was holding a cup of scalding hot ginger tea and sat down opposite Ling Qiao.

Zhao Gang frowned, blew on the hot air, and said dismissively, "What's there to not write? Just write it according to the procedure. Mission objectives, operation process, resistance encountered, results, casualties. Be factual."

Ling Qiao looked up at him with a complicated expression: "Captain Zhao, how am I 'being factual'?"

"Just write it like that!"

"Report to Command Center: Our department has specially invited civilian expert Su Ming to infiltrate the 'Weeping Rainforest.' The expert first detected the enemy's traps by communicating with the monkey troop through non-standard language. Then, he smelled the soil and dismantled the specially made ceramic landmines with his bare hands."

Zhao Gang's hand holding the cup trembled, and the hot tea spilled out.

"...Continue."

"Inside the base, Soviet experts used flour, cooking oil, and a pressure cooker to trigger a massive kitchen explosion, successfully crippling the enemy's logistics and power systems."

Zhao Gang's lips began to twitch.

"When encountering three genetically modified soldiers, the Soviet expert used plant pollen, which caused the soldiers to suffer acute anaphylactic shock... During the retreat, he built a bamboo raft on the spot and used the lever principle to launch a boulder, which accurately destroyed the propulsion system of the enemy's armed hovercraft."

Ling Qiao looked at Zhao Gang expressionlessly: "In the end, through friendly negotiations with a wild Asian elephant, he successfully rented it as a means of transportation and carried us safely back from the flood peak."

Ling Qiao asked, enunciating each word clearly, "Captain Zhao, do you think that if I submit this report, I'll be sent to a military court, or directly to a mental hospital?"

"puff--"

Zhao Gang spat out the entire mouthful of ginger tea.

At the tent entrance, Liu Jianjun, who was wiping down his equipment, poked his head in and added with a serious expression, "Captain Ling, you missed the most crucial point. Mr. Su also used a tiger to counterattack and kill the enemy's advance team; that's military strategy, called 'driving a tiger to devour a wolf'! Also, that elephant wasn't rented; Mr. Su subdued it on the spot with his domineering aura! This must be included; it demonstrates the inspiring spirit of our Dragon Nation!"

Zhao Gang: "..."

He felt like his blood pressure monitor was about to explode.

He turned to Liu Jianjun and roared, "Shut up! I've read your report! What do you mean by 'Mr. Su could detect traps by observing monkey cries and identify landmines by smelling the earth'? What do you mean by 'Mr. Su used heaven and earth as a furnace and flour as divine punishment, effortlessly annihilating the enemy's logistics'? Is this a battle report or a fantasy novel?!"

Liu Jianjun spread his hands innocently: "I'm just recording the facts. Captain Zhao, you need to broaden your perspective. The end of science is metaphysics. You can't use your tactical understanding to limit Mr. Su's theological operations."

Zhao Gang was so angry he spun around on the spot: "God of you! Look at what you wrote, 'In the end, Mr. Su rode a primordial beast, riding the waves, appearing before the army like a god descending to earth!' Anyone who didn't know better would think we weren't going on a mission abroad, but on a pilgrimage to the West! Is that elephant our mount? Is that a white dragon horse?"

Liu Jianjun tossed the apple core aside, stood up, and said seriously, "Captain Zhao! I believe my description was objective and restrained. In fact, I even cut some parts, such as Mr. Su's friendly interspecies communication with the giant beast and his successful persuasion of it to accept the carpooling order. I was afraid that if I wrote it out, your materialistic worldview would collapse."

"puff--"

Ling Qiao sprayed the mouthful of water she had just drunk directly onto the screen.

Zhao Gang was no longer willing to speak. He pointed at Liu Jianjun, his hand trembling for a long time, before finally slumping back onto the ammunition box and burying his head in his hands.

He's been in the industry for twenty years, and the reports he's written are stacked higher than he is. But this kind of report... he's never even heard of it, let alone written one!

If this thing is handed over, wouldn't the leaders of the General Staff think the Southern Military Region has been possessed by evil spirits?

Zhao Gang's tone softened: "Then...then what do you suggest we do? We need an explanation. The higher-ups are waiting for the materials to recommend Su Ming for credit. This achievement is too great to hide."

Ling Qiao remained silent for a long time.

She stared at the blank document, Su Ming's handsome face and his absurd "part-time job theories" flashing through her mind.

Phrases like "the government's money should be spent wisely," "the pensions are too expensive," and "this is an added-value service"...

A greedy and life-conscious college student working part-time is doing the most reckless and cost-insensitive work.

All his outrageous behaviors seem to have an incredibly simple starting point—saving money and ensuring the survival of those who follow him.

What kind of person is he?

Ling Qiao suddenly understood.

Fuck logic, fuck science.

Such existences, which defy common sense, should not be described using conventional language. That would be an insult to genius.

Her fingers returned to the keyboard, her gaze hardening, no longer dwelling on the bizarre events.

The knocking sound came in rapid succession inside the tent.

[Mission Summary: This operation was a complete success. We successfully intercepted the "Immortal Vine" virus strain, safely rescued a key survivor, captured a significant enemy prisoner, and retrieved all of "Shield Bio's" core criminal data on a hard drive. We also completely destroyed their illegal experimental base in South Vietnam. All our personnel survived with no combat casualties; only Agent Ling Qiao sustained minor injuries.]

[Core Contributor Assessment: Su Ming, a non-governmental expert.]

[Capability Assessment: This individual possesses extraordinary environmental awareness, extreme survival skills, cross-species communication abilities, and unbelievable physical application capabilities. Their mindset and combat style cannot be assessed using existing military theories; therefore, they are recommended to be classified as an "asymmetric strategic force."]

She paused here and deleted the last sentence.

Not enough, not heavy enough.

She took a deep breath, as if making a decision that went against her ancestors' wishes, and typed out the last words.

[Comprehensive Recommendations and Final Conclusion: Given Comrade Su Ming's extraordinary abilities demonstrated during this mission, and his unpredictability and uniqueness as a civilian, to ensure the nation has a decisive trump card when facing similar extreme threats in the future, I solemnly request that his personal security level be raised to the highest level.]

She looked at the screen and finally added a heartfelt, almost "what's the point" summary.

[Recommendation: Immediately designate Comrade Su Ming as a top-level national strategic deterrent resource. Given his uniqueness and irreproducibility, we hereby request that he be designated a "Level One Strategic Protected Beast," and that a dedicated person be assigned to ensure that his… physical and mental health and normal studies are not interfered with.]

After finishing writing, Ling Qiao slammed her laptop shut and let out a long sigh of relief.

Whatever.

Let the leaders above have a headache over this black, round pot.