Ming Dynasty: A centenarian madman criticizes the Grand Secretary and brings his coffin to court!

Images flow across the sky.

The reply, which can be described as a "textbook example of e-commerce returns," was delivered to the Oirat camp.

Whether it was Esen or the "unsold goods" Zhu Qizhen, they finally recognized a cruel reality.

The Ming Dynasty...

The world has changed!

That emperor, who was once cherished and pampered, is now just an unwanted burden!

【Ding--】

[Deal Completed!]

[The shipment from Oirat has arrived!]

Our "Great Ming War God" and "Oirat student," Zhu Qizhen, is about to conclude his year-long "study abroad" experience!

Logically, the return of the retired emperor should have been a cause for universal celebration, with drums and gongs resounding and red flags waving.

【but!】

Our Grand Tutor Gu says: Grand? Sure! I'll arrange it right away!

【only……】

[This art style...it's kind of eerie, isn't it?]

on the screen.

Beijing, the Forbidden City, Fengtian Hall.

The atmosphere in the imperial court was somewhat strange at this moment.

The new emperor, Zhu Qiyu, sat on the dragon throne, shifting his position, clearly preoccupied with something on his mind.

Meanwhile, the officials from the Ministry of Rites below were arguing heatedly, their faces flushed, over a thick stack of classical texts.

"Grand Tutor!"

Hu Ying, the Minister of Rites, stepped forward with a heavy heart.

Holding a copy of the "Collected Statutes of the Ming Dynasty" in his hands, he walked shakily to Gu Canghai, who was sitting on a coffin and trimming his nails with the Emperor's sword.

"Grand Tutor Qi..."

"News has come from the Oirat side that the retired emperor is already outside Juyong Pass."

"How should we decide on the protocol for welcoming the emperor?"

Hu Ying wiped the cold sweat from her forehead and cautiously suggested:

"According to ancestral custom..."

"The retired emperor's return to the capital should be greeted personally by the emperor himself outside the city!"

"A royal procession must be prepared, using the highest-grade jade carriage (the emperor's special carriage), and a grand ceremony with nine distinguished guests must be held!"

"Along the way, we also need to pave the road with yellow earth and sprinkle clean water on the streets..."

"Only in this way can the grandeur of our Great Ming Dynasty, a land of propriety, be truly displayed!"

After Hu Ying finished speaking, she secretly glanced at Gu Canghai's expression.

Fortunately.

Grand Tutor Gu was focused on trimming his nails and didn't seem angry.

however.

next second.

"Pooh!"

Gu Canghai suddenly spat out a mouthful of saliva, which landed right on Hu Ying's treasured copy of the "Great Ming Code"!

"What did you say?"

Gu Canghai raised his head, his cloudy old eyes gleaming with a look of utter disbelief, as if he were looking at a fool.

"A jade carriage?"

"Using loess for road construction?"

"Does the emperor have to personally go to receive them?"

Gu Canghai thrust the Emperor's Sword into the coffin!

"when--!!"

"Hu Ying! Is your brain filled with mush?!"

"What kind of person is Zhu Qizhen?!"

Gu Canghai pointed north, spitting all over Hu Ying's face:

"He's a defeated general!"

"He is a traitor who caused the loss of our army and disgraced our country!"

"He's a spendthrift who squandered two hundred thousand of the Ming Dynasty's elite troops!"

"He's also a traitorous leader who helps the enemy knock on the door!"

Gu Canghai grew increasingly angry as he spoke, and jumped off the coffin, pointing at Hu Ying's nose and roaring:

"Just this kind of trash..."

"You want me to get him the highest level of service too?"

"You let him ride in the jade carriage?"

Gu Canghai pointed to his old but still imposing golden nanmu coffin cart and uttered the soul-searching question that would have garnered countless likes from netizens in later generations:

"What kind of person is he?!"

"ah?!"

"Riding the same car as me?!"

"He doesn't even deserve it?!"

boom!!!

Upon hearing this, all the civil and military officials in the court were so frightened that they knelt down on the ground!

Only a madman like Gu would dare to say that!

What level is the retired emperor?

That's the true Son of Heaven!

But in Grand Tutor Gu's eyes, he was a piece of trash who didn't even deserve to ride in a coffin cart!

"Then...then what does the Grand Tutor mean...?"

Hu Ying was so frightened that her legs went weak, and she asked in a trembling voice:

"We...aren't we going to accept it?"

"Catch it! Of course we'll catch it!"

Gu Canghai chuckled, his expression instantly becoming incredibly interesting.

It's like an old fox who just stole a chicken.

"Our old friends from the Oirat tribe delivered goods to our door from so far away, how could we not give them face?"

"However..."

"This car..."

Gu Canghai stroked his chin, his eyes darting around:

"Someone come here!"

"Go! Go to that place right now... Caishikou!"

"Looking for Old Wang, the vegetable seller!"

"His donkey cart, which he usually uses to haul manure and occasionally rotten vegetable leaves..."

"I've requisitioned it!"

What? !

A donkey cart for... hauling manure?!

Hu Ying's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets: "Grand...Grand Tutor? That's the retired emperor! Riding in a dung cart? This...this is an insult to the nation!"

"What a load of rubbish!"

Gu Canghai kicked Hu Ying in the butt:

"This is the private car I prepared for him!"

"Tell Old Wang, the car doesn't need to be washed too clean!"

"Just rinse it briefly, you need to leave some flavor!"

"Then put a tattered straw mat on top!"

"This is—"

Gu Canghai waved his hand and gave this manure cart an extremely grand and sophisticated name:

"The exclusive convertible panoramic eco-friendly war chariot of the Ming Dynasty's Retired Emperor!"

"Meaning—"

"After hardship comes happiness!"

"Let him smell that stench and reflect on the mess he made at Tumu Fortress!"

"This is called—remembering the bitter past to appreciate the sweet present!"

Absolutely!

That's absolutely amazing!

To describe riding in a manure cart as "remembering the bitter past and appreciating the sweet present"?

This reading comprehension ability is so impressive that even Confucius himself would have to admit defeat!

"As for the honor guard..."

Gu Canghai rummaged through the coffin for a while.

He pulled out a string of firecrackers that had been set off for who knows how many years.

He then pulled out a set of suona, gong, and gong that looked very old.

"How can such a joyous occasion be without music?"

Gu Canghai tossed the suona to Yu Qian, the Minister of War (who looked completely bewildered):

"Tingyi! You do the boasting!"

"Just blow that..."

"The Hundred Birds Paying Homage to the Phoenix!"

"I want the...funeral version!"

"Make it more poignant! Make it more tragic!"

"Find a few more loudmouths, and have them cry all the way there!"

"While crying and shouting, 'The Emperor Emeritus is back! The Emperor Emeritus isn't dead!'"

"This is called—"

"Tears of joy!"

"This is called—"

"The Ming Dynasty Funeral Crew... no, the Ming Dynasty Welcoming Crew!"

Yu Qian held the suona (a traditional Chinese wind instrument) and stared at it, completely stunned.

teacher……

Are you picking someone up?

You're clearly trying to send the retired emperor away right now!

A manure cart + funeral music + a wailing troupe?

If Zhu Qizhen saw this, wouldn't he be so angry that he would die on the spot?

"Grand...Grand Tutor..."

Emperor Jingtai, Zhu Qiyu, who had been sitting on the dragon throne without daring to speak, finally couldn't hold back any longer.

He looked at Gu Canghai, his eyes showing both a hint of smugness (the more miserable his brother was, the more secure he felt), and a hint of fear:

"Isn't this... a bit too shabby?"

"After all, he is my imperial brother..."

"If word gets out, won't the world say that I am... heartless and ungrateful?"

"Stingy?"

Gu Canghai suddenly turned his head and stared intently at Zhu Qiyu.

That look in his eyes nearly made Zhu Qiyu slip off the dragon throne.

"His Majesty!"

"Do you think this is shabby?"

"Do you know that when your great-grandfather Zhu Chongba started his business...?"

"What kind of situation is it?"

Gu Canghai pointed in the direction of the Hongwu plane, his voice both sorrowful and impassioned:

"then!"

Even if our founding emperor had been begging for food!

"I don't even have a whole bowl in my hand!"

"That's the land they built by begging all the way from scratch, starting with just half a broken tile!"

"Zhu Qizhen now has a donkey cart to ride in! He has straw mats to sleep on! And he can listen to music!"

"He actually complained that it was shabby?!"

"What right does he have to complain about being shabby?!"

Gu Canghai slammed his hand on the armrest of the dragon throne, making Zhu Qiyu shudder.

"I'm teaching him a lesson!"

"It's helping him rediscover the original aspirations of the Zhu family!"

"Let him know..."

"This Ming Dynasty didn't come about by a mere wind!"

"Every single grain of rice represents the blood and sweat of the people!"

"Letting him ride in a donkey cart is a sign of respect!"

"If it were up to my temper..."

"I should make him crawl all the way back to Beijing on his knees!!!"

……

The Hongwu Plane.

Zhu Yuanzhang listened to these words and looked at Gu Canghai in the picture, who was red-faced and thick-necked with anger.

The initial slight annoyance stemmed from the fact that "the great-grandson was riding in a manure cart."

Vanished in an instant!

Instead.

It's a deep resonance!

It's the kind of touching feeling of meeting a kindred spirit!

"right!!!"

Zhu Yuanzhang slapped his thigh and stood up excitedly from the dragon throne:

"Well said!"

"That's totally right!"

"This is what it means to stay true to your original aspiration!"

Zhu Yuanzhang pointed at Zhu Qiyu in the picture, then at Zhu Qizhen who was still eating lamb legs in the Oirat camp, and cursed loudly:

"Those little brats!"

"They don't know how lucky they are!"

"Those were truly tough days for us! We really didn't have enough to eat!"

"What's wrong with letting them ride in a donkey cart now?"

"Did you wrong them?"

"Gu the Madman's move—"

Zhu Yuanzhang gave a thumbs-up, his eyes slightly red:

"It's cured!"

"That's how it should be treated!"

"Let him know what it means to struggle in starting a business!"

"Let him smell that manure!"

"That's the taste of everyday life for ordinary people like us!"

"Only when he gets used to this smell is he worthy of being a good emperor... oh no, a good retired emperor!"

Zhu Biao, standing to the side, nodded repeatedly:

"Father is right!"

"The Grand Tutor's intentions are truly profound!"

"This is teaching future generations a lesson!"

Only Zhu Di.

Huddled in the corner, covering her face, she didn't want to say a word.

Although that's the logic.

but……

This is just too ridiculous!

The whole village, young and old, beat drums and gongs, and drove a manure cart to pick up the retired emperor.

This scene is too beautiful... I dare not look!

……

on the screen.

Under Gu Canghai's "physical persuasion".

The plan for this absurd "welcoming ceremony" has finally been finalized.

There was no imperial carriage.

There was no jade carriage.

There was only one old, worn-out donkey cart, requisitioned from Caishikou, which emitted a faint, lingering fragrance (the smell of manure)!

There was also a force personally led by Yu Qian, the Minister of War, with Grand Tutor Gu serving as the overall commander—

The Ming Dynasty Royal Funeral... no, the Imperial Welcome Team!

"Set off!"

Gu Canghai rode his coffin cart, brandishing his gilded bullwhip:

"My lords!"

"play music!"

"Rise... oops! Let's set off!"

"Beep—beep beep—whoosh—!!!"

The mournful sound of the suona, mixed with the slightly off-key rendition of "Hundred Birds Paying Homage to the Phoenix," resounded throughout the skies above Beijing.

The procession marched out of Deshengmen in a grand procession.

All the way north.

Heading towards Juyong Pass!

The people on the roadside were dumbfounded.

"What...what's going on here?"

"Who's holding a funeral? Such a grand affair!"

"Is that Grand Tutor Gu? Is that Lord Yu?"

"I heard... they're going to bring the retired emperor back?"

"What? They're using this to receive the retired emperor?"

"Shh! Keep your voice down! The Grand Tutor said this is called 'remembering the bitter past to appreciate the sweet present'!"