Ming Dynasty: A centenarian madman criticizes the Grand Secretary and brings his coffin to court!

Images flow across the sky.

The smoke of the Battle of Beijing has completely dissipated.

That fierce pursuit, like beating a drowning dog, completely stripped Esen, the Grand Tutor of the Oirat Mongols, of his underwear.

Esen has not only suffered heavy losses, but his ambition to restore the glory of the Yuan Dynasty has also been blasted to smithereens by Gu Canghai's red cannons!

【Ding--】

[Time: Spring of the fifteenth year of the Zhengtong reign (the first year of the Jingtai reign).]

Location: Deep in the northern desert, the Oirat camp.

[Event: A Reverse Negotiation That Will Be Recorded as a Shameful Chapter in the History of Human Kidnapping!]

on the screen.

The cold wind howled, swirling the withered grass.

The once invincible Oirat camp now appears exceptionally desolate.

Most of the cattle and sheep died, and the camp was filled with wounded soldiers wailing in agony.

Inside the central command tent.

Our Oirat Grand Tutor Esen was sitting on a tiger-skin chair with a worried expression, looking at a bill in front of him, his hands trembling.

"Grand Tutor..."

The centurion in charge of logistics reported to his superior with a pained expression:

"Our supplies... are running low."

"That...that student from the Ming Dynasty..."

"He can eat so much!"

"They have to eat a whole leg of lamb in one meal! And drink mare's milk wine!"

"At the slightest inconvenience, they start crying and complaining, saying they're mistreating prisoners!"

"We can't afford to serve you anymore!"

Esen's veins bulged as he heard this, and he slammed the bill to the ground!

"What a tragedy!"

"Did I just kidnap an emperor?"

"I've brought back a living ancestor!"

The scene changes.

In the prison tent not far away.

Our "Great Ming War God" and "Oirat student" Zhu Qizhen.

Although he was still a prisoner at the moment, his treatment was actually not bad (after all, they were hoping to exchange him for money first).

He was sitting cross-legged, holding a roasted lamb leg in his hand, eating with his mouth full of oil.

While eating, he was also being picky:

"Tsk tsk tsk."

"This lamb is overcooked!"

"It's not even half as good as what the imperial kitchen makes!"

"Hey! You there!"

Zhu Qizhen pointed to the Oirat soldiers guarding the gate:

"Bring me a cup of hot tea! Pre-Qingming Longjing, please!"

"There's only mare's milk here!" The Oirat soldier was so angry he wanted to draw his sword.

"Mare's milk will do, it'll do."

Zhu Qizhen sighed, looking aggrieved:

"I've been studying here for several months now."

"Why hasn't the Grand Tutor come to pick me up from school yet?"

"I miss home..."

Looking at this scene.

Esen inside the main tent completely collapsed!

They can't kill him!

After all, he's an emperor. If we kill him, that madman Gu will definitely go insane. If he really brings a coffin to the northern desert, everyone will die!

Keep it?

This is a bottomless pit!

Not only does it waste food, it also undermines morale!

"Send it back!"

Esen suddenly stood up, gritting his teeth and roaring:

"Send him back!"

"I don't want it anymore!"

"What extortion? What ceding territory and paying reparations?"

"I don't want any of it!"

"I'd even pay out of my own pocket if that crazy Gu was willing to take the goods!"

"Someone come here!"

"Prepare the horses immediately!"

"Go to Beijing! Beg that old madman!"

"Get this plague god...out of here!!!"

……

The Hongwu Plane.

Upon seeing this scene, Zhu Yuanzhang spat out the tea in his mouth!

"puff--!!!"

"Cough cough cough!"

"This is...this is our great-grandson?"

"Is this the Emperor of the Ming Dynasty?"

Zhu Yuanzhang pointed at Zhu Qizhen in the picture eating a lamb leg, his hand trembling with anger, yet he couldn't help but want to laugh:

"The kidnappers are about to cry!"

"Did they just outdo the kidnappers in financial ruin by sheer force of will?"

"Talented!"

"What a talent!"

"Such a rare gem... only our Zhu family could produce one!"

Zhu Di, standing to the side, covered his face, wishing he could disappear into a crack in the ground.

What a shame!

The mighty emperor of the Ming Dynasty was actually looked down upon like this.

This is hardly a hostage situation.

This is clearly a slow-moving product!

"Stop putting it out..."

"I beg you... please spare me some face..."

……

The scene changes.

Beijing, the Forbidden City.

The imperial court was in complete chaos!

Because the Oirat envoy has arrived.

Not only did they bring a letter seeking peace, but they also brought news that left the entire court bewildered—

The Oirat Mongols are willing to release the retired Emperor Zhu Qizhen unconditionally!

To show their sincerity, they were even willing to give away two thousand fine horses as "upkeep" for the next few months!

This news came out.

The imperial court erupted in chaos!

"catch!"

"We have to accept it!"

A group of elderly scholars from the Ministry of Rites were so excited that their beards trembled.

"The retired emperor is the legitimate ruler!"

"Now that the barbarians have repented and voluntarily returned the goods, this is a blessing from Heaven for the Great Ming!"

"This should be used as an opportunity to mend old relations and welcome back the Emperor!"

The other faction.

The pro-war faction, led by Yu Qian, the Minister of War, frowned deeply.

The current emperor is Emperor Jingtai, Zhu Qiyu.

If the retired emperor were to return...

Where should we put it?

Two tigers cannot share one mountain!

If not handled properly, it could lead to a new civil war!

"No!"

"The Oirat people are cunning; there must be a trick involved!"

"Besides, now that a new ruler has been established, the people's hearts are at peace!"

"If the Emperor Emeritus were to return, where would His Majesty be placed?"

The two groups argued fiercely, spitting as they spoke.

Zhu Qiyu, sitting on the dragon throne, felt extremely uneasy, his face turning deathly pale.

Is my brother coming back?

What about my younger brother?

Should I return the dragon throne to him? Or...?

Just when things were in complete chaos...

"Bang—!!!"

A loud bang!

The main gate of Fengtian Hall was kicked open!

Followed by.

That familiar, terrifying coffin made of Phoebe zhennan wood.

He was carried into the main hall like a cannon!

"So noisy!"

"What's all the fuss about!"

Gu Canghai, dressed in a python robe and carrying a coffin, strode in like a demolition office director.

He walked up to the group of officials from the Ministry of Rites who were making the loudest noise.

"Bang!"

Slam the coffin to the ground!

The earthquake cracked the floor tiles!

"Grand...Grand Tutor?!"

The officials fell silent instantly.

Gu Canghai picked at his ear, looking impatient.

"I can hear you all quacking like ducks outside!"

"Is this trivial matter really worth making a fuss about?"

"Grand Tutor!"

The Minister of Rites, mustering his courage, said:

"This is a very important occasion to welcome the emperor!"

"It concerns the national system, it concerns etiquette and law..."

"Rules and regulations my ass!"

Gu Canghai slapped the coffin lid:

"They all said it was returned unconditionally!"

"They even paid out of their own pockets two thousand horses!"

"What is this?"

"This is like a windfall!"

"A fool wouldn't take advantage of a good deal!"

Gu Canghai turned around and looked at the Oirat envoy.

The messenger trembled with fear, terrified that the old madman would stuff him into a coffin.

"That guy."

Gu Canghai pointed at the messenger:

"Go back and tell Esen."

"Since he's so polite and considerate..."

"Then I'll reluctantly agree..."

"Received the goods!"

"Really?!" The envoy was overjoyed, tears welling up in his eyes. "The Grand Tutor really agrees to accept it?"

"They are willing to accept it."

Gu Canghai abruptly changed the subject, a shrewd businessman's smile appearing on his face:

"but!"

"We need to lay the unpleasant truths out upfront."

"This is... well, a second-hand item."

"And he's also a defective product (meaning he's not very bright)."

"Before shipping!"

"You need to get me thoroughly cleaned!"

"Rub it three times, inside and out!"

"Don't bring your fleas and lice from the grasslands back to Beijing!"

"I think it's dirty!"

The envoy nodded repeatedly: "I will definitely wash it! I will definitely wash it! I'll even use boiling water!"

"besides!"

Gu Canghai held up two fingers:

"Transportation method!"

"It has to be a fast horse!"

"What if he gets thin from hunger on the way, or falls and gets hurt..."

"I'll treat you as a group that uses violence during transport!"

"At that time..."

"I'm going to refuse it!"

"And we'll be seeking compensation from you!"

"SF Express! Don't you understand?!"

"Just run with the wind! If you're even a second too slow, I'll break your legs!"

The messenger turned green with fright: "Understood! Understood! We'll definitely send it back via SF Express! It'll be delivered by the fastest courier!"

"That's right."

Gu Canghai nodded in satisfaction.

then.

He pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, and then a calligraphy brush.

Brush brush!

He wrote a reply in a flourish.

"Take it!"

Gu Canghai slipped the letter into the messenger's arms:

"This is the receipt that Laozi gave to Esen."

"Take it back and have him sign for it!"

"If you dare to deny it..."

Gu Canghai patted the coffin beside him:

"I'll personally deliver a package to him!"

"The gift inside (referring to himself) is guaranteed to surprise him!"

The messenger, clutching the letter, felt as if he had been granted a pardon and scrambled out of the hall.

It felt as if a demon was chasing me!

……

After the messenger left.

The court remained deathly silent.

The Minister of Rites looked at Gu Canghai and asked cautiously:

"Grand Tutor..."

"After the Emperor Emeritus returned..."

"This etiquette..."

"etiquette?"

Gu Canghai rolled his eyes:

"What etiquette?"

"That's just a student who graduated from studying abroad and returned to their home country!"

"Why make such a big fuss?"

"Just send two carriages to Juyong Pass to pick them up."

"Got it!"

Gu Canghai pointed to Zhu Qiyu on the dragon throne and addressed the officials:

"The current emperor is the Jingtai Emperor!"

"The one who came back..."

"That's just a retired old man!"

"Anyone who dares to confuse the important and the trivial, and dares to engage in any underhanded 'restoration' attempts..."

"Hmph!"

Gu Canghai made a throat-slitting gesture:

"My coffin..."

"I've had some free time lately!"

……

The scene changes.

In the northern desert, at the Oirat camp.

Yesen held Gu Canghai's reply, his hands trembling.

The letter contained several lines of large characters that were enough to make him furious enough to vomit blood:

[To Esen, the Oirat courier:]

【Sold items are non-refundable and non-exchangeable!】

[It's only because I'm kind-hearted and took pity on you that I reluctantly agreed to recycle this scrap.]

【but!】

[This guy has eaten so much mutton at your place these past few months, how do you calculate the depreciation?]

How is compensation for emotional distress calculated?

[Except for those two thousand horses...]

[If you dare to invade again...]

[Remember to pack up your own head too!]

[—Gu Canghai, the most unscrupulous merchant of the Ming Dynasty.]

"puff--!!!"

Esen spat a mouthful of blood onto the letter.

"Shady businessman!"

"That's a swindler!"

"Not only did they get an emperor for free, but they also extorted two thousand horses from me?"

"And even depreciation costs?!"

"Where is justice?!"

Esen looked up to the sky and roared, tears of humiliation streaming down his face.

He swore.

This lifetime!

Next life!

In the next life!

I will never have anything to do with that old rogue Gu Canghai again!

This is a classic example of dimensional reduction attack!

This is a brutal beating from a hundred-year-old monster!