This is not how immortals cultivate

Chapter 514 Don't contact Sun Wukong anymore, lest the Heavenly Court misunderstand.

"Your Majesty, an angel has arrived outside, saying that he has come on the orders of the Jade Emperor and has a royal decree to summon you."

"Imperial decree?"

Sun Wukong was taken aback upon hearing this. He was incredibly audacious and never imagined that it was him who had been caught. He felt it was a good thing and personally went out to greet him.

Outside the Water Curtain Cave, Xiao He, holding a whisk and dressed in celestial robes, and being quite handsome to begin with, did indeed look somewhat human. Seeing a rather human-like monkey approaching, he bowed slightly and said, "Your Majesty, I am Venus of the West. I have been granted amnesty by the Jade Emperor and have descended to the mortal realm to invite you to heaven to receive your celestial register."

So you are Venus!
Looking at the young and beardless Xiao He, Sun Wukong felt something was off. He made a comparison in his mind: replacing Xiao He with a kind-faced old man with a white beard would better fit the character of Taibai Jinxing.

In the monkey's subconscious, Venus should be an old man, not a young man, so there's no sense of identification with him.

"I'm sorry to trouble you, Star Lord. Please come quickly. I, Old Sun, have already arranged a banquet to entertain you."

"Your Majesty, I am carrying an imperial decree and dare not linger!"

"It's just a cup of tea, it won't take up much time..."

Sun Wukong grabbed Xiao He's wrist and, without saying a word, dragged him into the Water Curtain Cave.

Although the monkey is wild by nature, it is an ambitious monkey. Deep in its soul, there is always a voice telling it that a government job is a good thing and that it is impossible to let go of such immense wealth.

After all, he was a monkey from out of town, a lowly beggar. He was new to the precious land of Heaven and didn't know any of the rules, so he was bound to be harassed. He needed to find someone familiar with the place to ask for some advice.

"Star Lord, I, Old Sun, am a demon in the mortal realm. I only know about the Heavenly Court but not its intricacies. I hope you can explain it to me." Sun Wukong served tea with a very humble attitude.

Xiao He was taken aback. Before coming here, everyone said that the Monkey King was unruly, reckless and impulsive, and would never speak properly if he could use a stick. The monkey in front of him was completely different from the description. What exactly went wrong?
It's worth noting that some things only look like humans, having a pretty face but actually being worse than monkeys.

Xiao He pondered for a moment, unsure of what he could and could not say, so he put on an official, fake smile to deal with it.

It's that kind of standardized smile that looks very enthusiastic, but actually has empty eyes and no emotion.

If you say he's disrespectful, he's quite polite; if you say he's respectful, he doesn't even acknowledge you. Add to that a bunch of official platitudes that are as good as not being heard, and it's infuriating.

"In the Nine Heavens, the Jade Emperor is naturally the most revered..."

"Some of the Gouchen Shanggong Heavenly Emperors, Dongji Qinghua Emperors, and Zhenwu Emperors are alright, but they're just so-so..."

"Your Majesty asks about your future... How could I, a mere Star Lord, know such things... So, regarding this matter, Your Majesty, what kind of future will you ultimately attain... Right, that's all I can say."

"..."

You've said a lot, but it's all useless.

Sun Wukong rolled his eyes. He also had something to say. The last time he was speechless like this was the last time.

Seeing that Xiao He was unwilling to tell the truth for a long time, Sun Wukong took out a pair of dragon and phoenix jade discs from his bosom and, under the pretext of drinking tea, stuffed them into Xiao He's sleeve.

I took it from the Dragon Palace of the East Sea—no, I picked it up on the shore of the East Sea. I'm offering it as a token of my appreciation, hoping the Star Lord will accept it with a smile.

This scene stunned Xiao He and also bewildered some of the spectators in the Nine Heavens.

When facing the Bull Demon King, who was also a peasant from the lower realm, Sun Wukong was polite but secretly resentful, feeling that the other party was not cooperating by sitting at the same table with him. When facing the angels from the upper realm, Sun Wukong's actions were shrewd and experienced. Without years of being brutally beaten by society, one could not train such a greasy monkey.

Speaking human language to humans and ghost language to ghosts, what's the difference between this monkey and the Bull Demon King?
Where is the promised account deletion and restart? The advertisement and the actual product are completely different, like two extremes. Buddha, did you dilute your Meng Po soup?
If all else fails, we can go to the underworld, spend a little money, and let the professionals handle it.

Xiao He was unaware of Sun Wukong's origins, but he knew that the monkey was not as eccentric as the intelligence reports suggested. He weighed the jade disc in his hand, composed himself, and said, "Your Majesty, rest assured, the greater the ability, the greater the power. The Heavenly Court is in dire need of capable people, and Your Majesty will surely be highly valued upon your arrival."

As to the specifics of how this monkey was used, Xiao He had never read Journey to the West, nor was he a second-time player of Buddha or Bodhisattvas. He only knew that Xiang Yuan had mentioned that the monkey had a Buddha above him and had spent a lot of money to buy an official position in Heaven, so his position must be quite high.

Xiao He took the money to do the job, which reassured Sun Wukong. The monkey was overjoyed to receive the promise and scratched his head, then rode the clouds with Xiao He to the South Heavenly Gate.

The staffing plan is here!

I, Old Sun, am back!

Wait, why is it "again"?
……

Lingxiao Palace.

Ji Wuzhou sat in the highest position, imitating the voices and smiles of the other Heavenly Emperors, and put on the majestic face of the Supreme Being of the Three Realms.

Sun Wukong bowed respectfully, standing and kneeling with proper manners, appearing every bit the composed and dignified enlightened immortal. No one who came would have called him a wild monkey.

After a series of exchanges between the emperor and his minister, Sun Wukong was assigned to the position of steward of the Imperial Stables, serving as the Keeper of the Heavenly Horses.

After the monkey left happily, Xiang Yuan walked out from behind the throne with a strange expression: "Something's not right, this isn't right. The monkey is too well-behaved. Perhaps Buddha didn't castrate it properly."

“Disciple, shall we castrate him again, and then castrate him completely?” Ji Wuzhou suggested.

"Uh, then no need..."

Xiang Yuan rubbed his temples and said slowly, "Although this monkey is civilized and polite... perhaps he has fallen into too many pits in his past life, and cowardice has been engraved deep in his soul. He is unwilling to repeat the same mistakes. But a higher official can crush a lower one. Laozi, Buddha, and even you, the Jade Emperor, are all counting on him to rebel. He is just a nobody. If he doesn't rebel, he will rebel. He will rebel eventually."

"Disciple, it's one thing for Laozi to be listed before his master, but how come even Buddha is listed before him..."

"Money is everything. Master has already made money off Buddha, so what's wrong with putting him in a higher position? We're honest people, and if we've made money, we should at least give people some face."

"Right."

"That's right!"

After coaxing Ji Wuzhou, Xiang Yuan also muttered to himself, "The monkey isn't wild at all. He's all obedient, with a face full of 'both thunder and rain' as if he's being granted the emperor's favor. Such a loyal fellow, how could the Heavenly Court possibly kidnap him and have him cause a ruckus in the Heavenly Palace? That would be too shameless."

We need to ask Buddha for clarification!

Xiang Yuan picked up the phone and dialed the Great Thunderclap Temple of Lingshan. A moment later, he hung up, his expression becoming even more strange.

Buddha stammered and rambled on about various things, suddenly losing his enthusiasm for the pilgrimage. He even said that the monkey was doing fine as he was, and that the pilgrimage plan was rash on his part. If things didn't work out, they could postpone it for a while.

"Bah! They can't even spare a little money, and they still want to spread the Dharma and build a great Buddhist sect?"

Xiang Yuan looked at Ji Wuzhou with disdain: "Master, Buddha has chickened out. He's worried that the budget will run out before the business is even halfway done, and he's already thinking about withdrawing his investment."

"This is outrageous! He's run away, how are we supposed to make money now!" Ji Wuzhou roared in anger.

"Master, don't panic. What kind of place is our Heavenly Court? Laozi has already roasted thousands of soybeans. Buddha can't just run away as he pleases. It's not that easy."

Xiang Yuan sneered repeatedly, raised his hand and beckoned: "Hey you, come here... I'm talking to you, the one called Taibai Jinxing, you have no respect for elders and don't know any manners at all."

Xiao He grumbled and reluctantly stepped forward, muttering that if he could turn back time, he would never have squeezed under that umbrella back then.

"If time could turn back, and you were still the one to regret it, I definitely wouldn't have brought an umbrella."

Xiang Yuan also expressed his disdain, hooked his arm around Xiao He's neck, and used his superhuman strength to squeeze him so hard that he almost sent his brother-in-law and brother-in-law away on the spot: "I'm giving you a task. Find a way to drive the monkey crazy and bring out the wildness in his bones. Within three days, I want to see him cause a ruckus at the Imperial Stables and fight his way out of the South Heavenly Gate."

"No way, that monkey looks really tough to fight, are you telling me to die?!" Xiao He's eyes widened.

"Times have changed. At worst, you're seriously injured; dying isn't that easy."

"..."

"What? I, the mighty Six Emperors, am going to let you die? Believe me or not, I'll take on the title of the Great Emperor of the North Pole Purple Star and become your superior, making you wish you were dead?"

Xiang Yuan pointed his nose at Xiao He, telling him to shut up. He was delaying Laozi and the Jade Emperor's money-making endeavors, as well as Buddha's money-losing business. He was sure to get a bad taste of the juice.

After saying that, he kicked Xiao He in the butt and kicked the cursing Taibai Xingjun out of the Lingxiao Palace.

"Go to hell!"

Nearby, some gods who were not actually created cast envious glances at the shoe print on Xiao He's buttocks. They probably wanted to be defiled too!
Those who know, know. This kick is something countless people would beg for, even if they knelt down and stuck their butts out.

Venus's divine position is neither high nor low; he is powerful but not top-tier. However, he is highly valued by the Jade Emperor. The Heavenly Emperor of Gouchen Palace, the Emperor of Dongji Qinghua, and the Emperor of Zhenwu are all on friendly terms with him, getting along well with him daily, which is the envy of many. They only regret that they cannot replace him.

To put it simply, if the monkey were to beat up Venus, even Buddha would have to personally visit him, bringing several gold bricks to inquire about his health.

Meanwhile, Xiao He arrived at the Imperial Horse Stables and hid in the shadows to observe.

The scene begins with Sun Wukong donning the robes of a minor official. He first summons a small meeting of officials of all ranks, including the supervisor, clerk, and strongmen, to convey the central message that there is only one Jade Emperor. He then recounts the spirit of sacrifice and dedication at the grassroots level. He then personally oversees the tasks, checking records, counting horses, and even rolling up his sleeves to lead a group of strongmen in washing and feeding the horses.

For a time, the entire Imperial Stables was bustling with activity, and everyone's face was covered with the sweat of hard work and a satisfied smile.

This monkey is truly determined to start from the bottom and climb to the top step by step through hard work.

If it were just a matter of believing that where there's a will, there's a way, Xiao He wouldn't think much of it. After all, the Heavenly Court was indeed short of people everywhere, and if you worked hard, you could really get promoted.

The key point is the demeanor of Sun Wukong during the meeting. There was a teacup on the table, which he would occasionally pick up and take a sip. He was as humble as he was in the Lingxiao Palace, and as grand as he was in the Imperial Stables. He spoke of the imperial family and the public affairs all the time...

Has this monkey never been an official before?
Why is he so skilled?

Xiao He was horrified by what he saw. He raised his hand and cast a talisman. In a short while, a man with an extremely ugly appearance, dressed in an official robe and carrying a sword at his waist, arrived.

Wu De Xing Jun, Xu Jixian.

When one person attains enlightenment, even their chickens and dogs benefit from it; Xu Jixian's life also improved.

“Hey, isn’t this Venus? You’re a close advisor to the Jade Emperor. Why aren’t you enjoying blessings at the Eight Immortals Palace? What are you doing squatting in the haystack at the Imperial Stables?” Xu Jixian winked and stepped forward.

"I'm in trouble, brother."

"Farewell!"

Xu Jixian's expression turned serious, and he turned to leave, fearing that Xiao He's blood would splatter on him.

Good fortune may not be shared, but misfortune must be shared. Xiao He would not let Xu Jixian go, and grabbed him: "It's too late. I have received an imperial decree and have the authority to command you, a mere Wude Star Lord."

Where is the imperial edict?

I'll write one for you later.

Xiao He spoke with righteous indignation, saying that the newcomer did not understand the Jade Emperor, but he, the former Grand Steward of the Heavenly Sect and now the Venus of the Heavenly Court, knew everything about him. He could actually write a mere imperial edict with the words of the Jade Emperor.

He used to write a lot when he was in Tianzong.

That's why the Jade Emperor is so popular. Not only do the shareholders praise him, but the powerful ministers also think he's enlightened. It's impossible to sideline him; he's already been sidelined by the shareholders. Rebellion is out of the question; the shareholders would object first. Where else can you find a second Jade Emperor as good as him?

Especially the Buddha, if anyone dares to rebel, he will be the first to come out of Mount Ling with a butcher's knife.

Getting back to the main point, Xiao He seized upon Xu Jixian as a source of labor, conveyed the order from above to force Sun Wukong to rebel, and then kicked Xu Jixian in the buttocks.

"Within two days, I want to see the monkey wreak havoc in the Imperial Stables and storm out of the Southern Heavenly Gate!"

"Are you trying to kill me?!"

"It would be better if he were dead, then we can take down the monkey directly."

"..."

Xu Jixian walked into the Imperial Horse Stables, cursing and swearing. He raised his hand and beckoned, "Hey you, I'm talking to you, you hairy monkey. Are you new here? Can't you see I'm here to inspect the work at the Imperial Horse Stables?"

Half an hour later, Xu Jixian left the Imperial Stables looking completely bewildered.

He also had a pair of jade ornaments in his pocket.

He tried very hard to make things difficult for the monkey, but the monkey didn't fall for it. Or rather, even though he knew he was being difficult, the monkey still did his best to make things perfect.

He tried to use force, but he kept wrestling and didn't even touch the monkey's clothes.

You can't even get into a staged accident.

"What should we do?"

"Useless! You can't even handle the smallest things. You eat the emperor's food but can't share his burdens. I'll report to the Jade Emperor and strip you of your official robes as the God of Martial Virtue, and make you the stable boy."

Xiao He launched into a tirade against Xu Jixian, then took the jade artifact and tucked it into his pocket: "Now that things have come to this, we have no choice but to resort to crooked methods."

"Ah, haven't we been using underhanded tricks all along?"

"You're not crooked enough!"

The scene shifts, and the bruised and battered Wu De Xing Jun arrives at the Lingxiao Palace to lodge a complaint with the emperor. He berates Tai Bai, or rather, the newly appointed Bi Ma Wen, for his insubordination and for treating his superiors with disdain because of his abilities. Wu De Xing Jun, unable to contain his anger, tries to reason with him but is instead pinned to the ground and given a good beating.

Xiangyuan: (一''一)
No, you two, the Crouching Dragon and the Phoenix Chick, came up with this crooked idea by putting yourselves together?
You guys should perform crosstalk! Perform crosstalk to piss him off!

Xiang Yuan was extremely disgusted. Ever since they became immortals, people like Xiao Xu have become more concerned about their image and are not as malicious as before. This framing trick was full of flaws.

Fortunately, the problem wasn't serious. The referees, referees, witnesses, organizers, and co-organizers were all from the same organization, so the monkey would be wrong no matter which foot it stepped on first.

"Wanting to work hard and make progress through your own efforts? Laughable! You need connections and a government job to get ahead in this world. You don't even understand this basic principle, yet you want to get a permanent position!"

Xiang Yuan snapped his fingers, then, realizing something was amiss, turned to Ji Wuzhou and said, "Great Heavenly Venerable Jade Emperor, the monkey is arrogant and unreasonable, and he assaulted his superior. He should be punished."

"It is reasonable and well-founded, and conforms to the laws of nature and the rule of law."

Ji Wuzhou nodded with a serious face, then posed a thought-provoking question: "But what if the monkey didn't resist and was actually captured?"

"Probably not... Honest people just don't cause trouble, but if they're really wronged, they'll get angry too."

Xiang Yuan stroked his chin. Judging from Sun Wukong's various behaviors, although the losses and suffering he had endured in his previous life were etched into his bones, even if Buddha deleted his name and started over, the maturity in his bones could not be erased. But then again, what was etched into the monkey's bones was not only maturity, but also arrogance that even the Meng Po soup could not wash away.

Such a huge injustice, if the monkey could tolerate it...

There's no need for this monkey to go on its pilgrimage; let's replace it with another one right here.

……

boom!
Inside the Imperial Stables, as the imperial edict of punishment arrived, Sun Wukong finally lost his temper and, in a fit of rage, threw off his official robes and leaped straight out of the South Heavenly Gate.

Deep within his soul, a voice filled with grievance told him to endure it a little longer, not to fall for it. But an even louder voice cried out, "Endure what? This is too much! These shameless bastards are going too far each time!"

Wu De Xing Jun was rewarded for his meritorious service in taking a beating, and Tai Bai Jin Xing was commendable for his prudent conduct, both winning the Emperor's favor and receiving rewards.

Sun Wukong returned to Flower Fruit Mountain with the dejected look of an honest man, only to be surrounded by his monkey followers who asked him what high-ranking position he held in Heaven, hoping he would tell them so they could all be happy.

Sun Wukong couldn't bring himself to say it, and in his frustration, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol, regretting losing his official position: "Alas, I, Old Sun, was impulsive after all. If I had just held back, wouldn't I have gotten through this?"

Coincidentally, just as the monkey picked up his wine glass and hadn't even uttered a few complaints, the Bull Demon King, leading his five "plastic brothers," happened to pass by Flower Fruit Mountain.

Since we're already here, and things have come to this, let's eat first!

"What?! They actually appointed you as the Keeper of the Heavenly Horses?!"

The Bull Demon King glared with his bull eyes and slammed the wine jar to the ground: "Outrageous! This is too much! How can the Heavenly Court treat a monkey like this? You little brother, I'm not trying to be mean, but if it were me, I would never tolerate this. I would definitely storm the Lingxiao Palace and demand an explanation from the Jade Emperor!"

"Exactly, exactly. If you can tolerate this, what kind of man are you?"

"In any case, I cannot tolerate it!"

"How about we brothers put our heads together and help Seventh Brother fight our way to Heaven..."

“That’s good. Seventh Brother has been wronged, so we have a legitimate reason to fight. It’s just that our name isn’t prestigious enough to make us look imposing.”

"It's simple. All of us brothers are very capable. Let's each take the title of Great Sage, and that will make our names resound."

"I can see it."

Once there are more than three people, the idea king is automatically refreshed, and demons are no exception. Moreover, the six demon kings led by the Bull Demon King are all undercover agents. After discussing for a short while, nicknames were already born.

"I, Old Bull, am the Great Sage Equaling Heaven, the Bull Demon King."

"I am the Great Sage Dragon Demon King who overturns the seas."

"I am the Great Sage Who Conquers Heaven..."

The six demon kings, who were mediocre in academics, quickly came up with a majestic and domineering title for the Great Sage. Anyone who didn't know better would think they had come prepared!
"Brother, why aren't you saying anything? Do you not like to talk?" All six Great Sages looked at Sun Wukong.

"Ah this..."

Sun Wukong, holding his wine cup, blinked. Upon hearing the new title of the Six Great Sages, his blood boiled. A true man should live like this: to live without feasting in five tripods, and to die cooked in five tripods. He had already figured out the bandit title of "Great Sage Equal to Heaven."

For some reason, as the words were about to come out, a voice deep within my soul issued a frantic warning.

You dare not speak carelessly. Who would want to be the Great Sage Equal to Heaven? These six scoundrels have no good intentions; they want to harm you!

"Monkey, say something!"

Seeing Sun Wukong's cowardly appearance, the Bull Demon King sneered inwardly. Once you're caught in the trap, you can't just run away as you please. Be a good boy and stay here to be the Great Sage Equal to Heaven!
"My six brothers, you've probably had too much to drink. This matter is of great importance. Why don't we wait until tomorrow when you're sober..."

"That monkey is such a coward!"

"We treated him like a brother and were determined to support him. He just couldn't live up to our expectations, so who can we blame?"

"That's right, even if you help him, he can't climb to the top of the Cloud Realm."

"..."

After being bombarded with sarcastic remarks, Sun Wukong's anger rose from his heart, and his malice grew. He opened his eyes wide, gritted his teeth, suppressed the earnest advice deep in his soul, and drank the wine in his cup in one gulp: "Six brothers, stop talking! I, Old Sun, am the 'Great Sage Equal to Heaven,' the Handsome Monkey King!"

"What a magnificent Monkey King! How delightful! Let us drink this cup!"

"Drink to your heart's content today, and ascend to the Ninth Heaven tomorrow..."

Outside the Water Curtain Cave, seven large flags rose from the ground, symbolizing the seven holy wills defying the heavens.

Inside the Water Curtain Cave, wine cups clinked and guests and hosts enjoyed themselves immensely. No one knew what they had drunk, but everyone was reeking of alcohol and could barely speak.

As the drinking progressed, the Bull Demon King took out a strategic guide to "Blitzkrieg against Heaven" and began to discuss his ideals for life on the table. The five demon kings clapped their hands in delight, exclaiming that it should have been done long ago.

Sun Wukong listened with a broad smile. He was born with a rebellious nature, and even if he were to undergo retraining, he would still be a rebellious soul. He was a pragmatic and diligent rebel, but whenever he opened his mouth to join, a curse would run down his spine, telling him to be careful, or he would fall for the trap if he really rebelled.

The seven of us brothers together can wipe out everything in our path, so what's there to be afraid of!

Sun Wukong was unconvinced, realizing that he was indeed too cowardly at heart. He suppressed the voice and took out the "Lightning Strike Heaven" to watch it repeatedly.

The next day, Sun Wukong, who had drunk himself into a stupor, fell into a deep sleep. After being shaken awake by the monkeys below, he saw double images of everything.

"Disaster! Your Majesty, a large number of heavenly soldiers and generals have arrived outside, claiming to be acting on the Jade Emperor's orders to bring you to Heaven to be punished."

The monkey was frantic, pacing around in circles: "They also said that Your Majesty, you are arrogant and presumptuous, calling yourself the 'Great Sage Equal to Heaven,' which is a capital offense, and that you should burn down Flower Fruit Mountain."

Upon hearing this, Sun Wukong sobered up instantly. Hearing the angry rebuke from the depths of his soul, he panicked. On the surface, he said nonchalantly, "What's there to be afraid of? A few mere gods. When I, Old Sun, and my six brothers go out and tie them up, we'll go to the Heavenly Court to exchange them for some wine money."

All seven flags are already planted. It's not like he's the only monkey causing a rebellion. The seven of them are incredibly strong, so there's no need for them to be timid or hesitant.

There is nothing to be afraid of anymore!
Guaranteed to win!
Where are my six elder brothers? Quickly let me, Old Sun, protect you.

"No, Your Majesty, my six grandfathers sobered up this morning and said that what was said at the dinner table should not be taken seriously. They took down all six flags and ran away."

With a mournful face, the monkey vividly described the heroic figure of the Six Great Sages fleeing, how fast they were, and even told Sun Wukong not to contact them again, lest the Heavenly Court misunderstand.

==(;)!!!
Holy crap, is this how you guys treat your brothers?
What happened to all those grand pronouncements at the dinner table? What happened to the promise of brotherhood? You lured Lao Sun in, and then you ran away?
Sun Wukong was stabbed six times in the back. The monkey was stunned. He shakily took out his armor and put it on, and asked the voice deep in his soul what to do now.

The voice replied, "Don't panic. After this great victory, Venus will surely return. At that time, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven will be officially recognized, and this matter will be over."

At the same time, the voice kept giving instructions, saying that once you're in Heaven, you must behave like a monkey and never go near the Peach Garden or the Peach Banquet.

You only get one chance, don't fall for it again!

In the end, she broke down in tears, unable to express the untold bitterness and grievances she had suffered.

While crying and cursing, they bullied the honest new monkey, throwing all sorts of dirty water and shady accounts at him. They said that the Heavenly Court was clearly darker than the Underworld!
Sun Wukong: "..."

I've wanted to ask this for a long time: who exactly are you, and what brings you such a deep grudge?

(End of this chapter)