This is not how immortals cultivate

Chapter 513 It's just a pilgrimage to the West, no one told this humble monk it would cost so much money!

Now, on the summit of Flower Fruit Mountain in the East Sea, there was a celestial stone.

The stone was 36.5 feet tall and 24 feet round, with nine orifices on it. It gathered the essence of heaven and earth and the spirit of the sun and moon, and was imbued with spiritual power. With a bang, it cracked open and a stone egg emerged.

Upon seeing the wind, it transformed into a stone monkey with all five senses and four limbs.

The stone monkey was intelligent; it learned to crawl as soon as it was born. It bowed to the four directions, and then its eyes shot out two golden beams that shot into the heavens and flashed to the Jade Emperor in the Ninth Heaven.

That's how it should be, but this monkey is not that monkey. Because the boss is ruthless, the player who is forced to play through the game for the second time has little to do with the fact that he was born and raised by nature, but is related to his cultivation level of Golden Immortal.

After the Buddha kindly persuaded them and turned off the switch for the Golden Immortal, the two golden lights stopped shining.

Also, since the Jade Emperor isn't in the Nine Heavens, the Great Luo Heaven is filling in, and he's suffering like a beast of burden!
These things are not important. After the monkey wreaks havoc in the Heavenly Palace, a great Confucian scholar will step forward to defend him, detailing the extraordinary celestial phenomena of the day of his birth, demonstrating that this monkey was born extraordinary, and filling in this gap in the story.

Minor issue, not important!
According to the original plan, the naturally born stone monkey, because of its good birth, could live for three to five hundred years even without cultivation.

But Buddha was in a hurry, and he knew Xiang Yuan was in a hurry too. There was no reason for so many people to do nothing and waste three to five hundred years watching a naked monkey eat peaches all day long.

There's a way to deal with urgent situations. First, put the predetermined result on the agenda, and let the great scholar find a way to fill in the gaps in between.

It's just a few lines of text, a minor issue, not important!

Unconsciously, a golden hand reached out from Mount Ling and covered the sky above Flower Fruit Mountain. In the blink of an eye, more than three hundred years passed.

Localized time acceleration, limited to Flower Fruit Mountain only.

The Buddhist community is very adept at this kind of deceptive maneuvering.

On that day, the Monkey King was drinking and having a good time in the Water Curtain Cave when he suddenly became annoyed. He felt that being a king was meaningless and wanted to be an immortal king.

Starting tomorrow, I will seek immortality and enlightenment.

Eat and drink well today, only when you're full will you have the energy to seek immortality and enlightenment.

The next day, the Monkey King boarded a raft made by the little monkeys and sailed across the ocean to the land of Jambudvipa.

Along the way, they traveled and stopped frequently, learning a great deal. Before they knew it, eight or nine years had passed. Since they had not found the immortals, they built a raft and sailed across the ocean, finally arriving at Xiniu Hezhou.

This time, I was lucky. A woodcutter in the mountains gave me directions, and I found the Lingtai Fangcun Mountain and the Xieyue Sanxing Cave. I became a disciple of the Patriarch Subhuti and was given the name Sun Wukong.

The monkey neither learned this nor that, but after midnight, he went through the back door and received the secret teachings of the patriarch.

A few years later, the monkey showed off his skills, which displeased the patriarch, and he was expelled from the Cave of the Slanting Moon and Three Stars.

The patriarch waved his hand, and Sun Wukong felt dizzy. When he opened his eyes, he found himself lying on a rock. If it weren't for his boundless magical power and the fact that he had indeed mastered a set of skills, he would have thought that his twenty years of seeking the Dao were just a dream.

Feeling grateful for his master's teachings, Sun Wukong bowed to the heavens, then somersaulted back to the East Sea, all the way to Flower Fruit Mountain.

At this moment, a wild monster spawned in Huaguo Mountain, calling itself the "Mischievous Demon King." This name, full of lust and evil, seemed to symbolize something.

The monster was of average skill and was easily defeated by Sun Wukong with a few punches and kicks. He then had his greatsword taken from him and died by his own weapon.

Seeing how powerful he was, the monkey became arrogant. He first reorganized Flower Fruit Mountain, then went to the East Sea, and used his martial prowess to turn his neighbor into his own granary.

It's a bit arrogant, but it's okay. The monkey is responsible for the peaceful life, and the Buddha is responsible for bearing the burden. Whoever's monkey is responsible for it.

The cost of the medicine is small, nothing important!
The Four Dragon Kings were outsiders, so it was fine if they were beaten. Buddha paid money and apologized, so how could the Four Dragon Kings dare to say anything more?

After obtaining the Ruyi Jingu Bang (the magic staff), Sun Wukong showed off his ability to transform heaven and earth, attracting all the monsters on the mountain to kowtow and worship him, and also attracting six passing monsters.

The minotaur leading the group was none other than the Bull Demon King, who happened to be passing by.

I happened to be passing by on a whim, without any planning; it was purely coincidental.

The Bull Demon King is a genuine powerful demon, while the remaining Demon Kings—the Flood Dragon Demon King, the Roc Demon King, the Lion Camel King, the Macaque King, and the Yu Rong King—are all extras. Since they don't appear later in the story, they are dispensable and are merely fake characters.

These six great demons were all majestic and imposing, their aura soaring to the heavens. What a magnificent sight it was to see them lined up in a row!

Upon seeing this, Sun Wukong immediately set up a feast, slaughtering oxen and horses, and invited the six demon kings to the banquet.

Halfway through their drinking session, the seven monsters, having nothing better to do, came up with an idea from someone named Wang: they swore brotherhood.

The Bull Demon King rolled his eyes, feeling utterly disgusted. He had heard that this monkey before him, like himself, came from the Heavenly Realm. Due to some unspeakable and uncontrollable forces, the monkey was currently unaware of his own situation and was being manipulated without his consent.

Upon closer inspection, he realized that the idea king was none other than the talkative monkey who drank little, and he felt even more disgusted.

You even want to become sworn brothers? I, Lao Niu, wish I could beat you to death, you bastard who flirted with my sister-in-law.

In the episode where Sun Wukong borrowed the Banana Leaf Fan three times, he disguised himself as the Bull Demon King and spent time with Princess Iron Fan under the moon and flowers. Although he had no one like him, he managed to confuse his sister-in-law and trick her into revealing the treasure and the password.

At what specific stage...?

No matter what stage you've reached, there are always cows involved!

The thought of borrowing the Banana Leaf Fan a third time in the second playthrough made the Bull Demon King wish he could unleash his Minotaur Charge and gore this grinning, stinky monkey to death with one of his horns.

Knowing this makes me feel even cooler!

"Brother Niu, I, Old Sun, am not very talented, but I do possess some martial arts skills. In terms of ability, I could be your elder brother. What do you think?"

"..."

Who do you call Brother Cow? I don't have a Brother Cow like you!
It'll scare you to death if I told you. Even if that person came, he would have to discuss things separately with me. He calls me "Old Ox," while the little calf kneels and calls me "Great Emperor."

What kind of class do you have? You're acting like some kind of big shot here!
Pah! You've got some nerve!

"Oh, what skills does my brother possess that make him so arrogant?"

The Bull Demon King smiled insincerely, having already decided that while some monkeys were imprisoned under the Five Finger Mountain, he would go there every day to fertilize them. In five hundred years, he could pile up a second Five Finger Mountain.

"Brother Niu, I, Lao Sun, have been wanting to say this for a while now. I treat you like a brother, so why are you targeting me at every turn? I, Lao Sun, have never offended you!"

"Pah, you dare..."

The Bull Demon King was halfway through his sentence when he slapped himself hard on the buttocks, took a deep breath, and said, "That's just how bulls are. If you don't like it, just bear with it."

You have some flaws!
Sun Wukong, too lazy to argue with the mad bull, said, "Brother Bull, watch closely! My skills are numerous and varied. Let's start with this golden cudgel. As the saying goes, a treasure of heaven and earth belongs to the virtuous..."

The Bull Demon King glanced sideways and thought, "As expected of a high-ranking Buddhist monk, his speech is so authentic."

"According to the old mudfish, this treasure has been buried at the bottom of the sea for thousands of years, but it happened to shine brightly when I, Old Sun, passed by..."

The Bull Demon King's eyes were slanted. Where did he get thousands or hundreds of years from? At most, it's only been a few days. He might as well have just come out of the pot. The glow is because he's still hot!
"That old mudfish didn't recognize this treasure, thinking it was just a piece of scrap iron that no one else could lift, much less take. But after I, Old Sun, took it, I could do whatever I wanted. There's a line of text on it: 'Ruyi Jingu Bang, 13,500 jin...'"

The Bull Demon King's eyes are slanted, how novel! Whose weapon doesn't weigh 13,500 jin? That's called the number of the Zhou Tian. Do you understand the Zhou Tian? Hehe, turns out he's just a nobody.

"Brother Niu, I've put up with you for a long time!"

Sun Wukong slammed his hand on the stone table, holding his staff in one hand and pointing at the Bull Demon King with the other: "You've been squinting ever since you started, your eyeballs are practically popping out."

"What's wrong? Can't I, Old Ox, even look sideways? Is there such a law in your Flower Fruit Mountain?"

Because of the ox, the Bull Demon King disliked Sun Wukong in every way. He snorted hot smoke from his nostrils and grumbled, "My eyes are on my old ox's face. I can be crooked however I want. You can't be crooked yourself, but you can't let others be crooked either?"

"Brother Niu, forget it, we're all brothers."

"Yeah, Brother Niu, it's not that bad, we haven't finished our drinks yet!"

Nearby, five extras started to mediate the fight. They were just ordinary bystanders, and I'm here to say something fair. This immediately ignited the fire.

The Bull Demon King had been displeased with Sun Wukong for a long time, and Sun Wukong had been glaring at by the Bull Demon King for quite some time. With others stirring things up, they immediately rolled up their sleeves and started fighting.

No one works for nothing; whoever loses becomes the younger brother.

At this time, Sun Wukong had not yet experienced the feat of immobilizing the seven fairies in the Peach Garden, and he was still far from the level of causing havoc in the Heavenly Palace, where he was still waiting for Buddha to settle accounts with tears in his eyes. After hundreds of rounds, he was no match for the minotaur with slightly green eyes and was pressed to the ground and rubbed hard a few times.

In an instant, Sun Wukong's eyes became much clearer.

The monkey pondered that he wasn't much inferior to the Bull Demon King in terms of skill, but in terms of imposing presence...

For some reason, when the Bull Demon King was furious, he suddenly felt flustered, as if he had done something to wrong his brother in his past life.

He was born a stone monkey, with a clean background. Where would he have a past life? Even if he was flirting with his sister-in-law, he would have to wait until this life!

Sun Wukong couldn't understand it. He only knew that the Bull Demon King's resentful appearance was extremely oppressive, making him feel scared and unable to fight with all his might.

What kind of supernatural power is this? Is it a skill exclusive to minotaurs?

He lost, so be it. Sun Wukong didn't look for reasons; he could accept defeat. Instead, he looked at the other five demon kings. He hadn't become the eldest brother, so this second-in-command position...

The term "second child" sounds really disgusting!

These days, no matter what kind of list it is, the only ones that attract the most attention are the top and the bottom. You either have to be the big brother or the youngest. The rest don't generate any traffic or buzz, so there's no point in taking them.

Sun Wukong figured he hadn't won the title of leader, so there was no point in arguing with the others. Plus, the Bull Demon King was giving him a sidelong glance, which made him feel uneasy. So, he stammered and took the last place, becoming the seventh.

After the sworn brotherhood ceremony, the Bull Demon King left grumbling, followed by the five demon kings who offered him kind words of advice. They suggested that if the Bull Demon King had anything unpleasant to say and felt uncomfortable keeping it bottled up, he should confide in his brothers for some encouragement. Even if they couldn't offer any guidance, a little laughter from them would be good.

Sun Wukong, full of complaints, saw off his six older brothers and was quite dissatisfied with the Bull Demon King. He kindly invited him to drink and even humbled himself to be the younger brother, but the Bull Demon King kept giving him sidelong glances, as if he had really flirted with his sister-in-law.

I can't let this injustice go unpunished. If I ever get the chance, I'll definitely get my revenge on my sister-in-law!
Meanwhile, Sun Wukong grumbled and fell asleep. A moment later, a black-clad figure and a white-clad figure emerged from the bushes with a document, tied a rope around his neck, and scooped up Sun Wukong's soul, taking it to the underworld.

The Temple of the Underworld was bustling with activity that day.

Ten Kings of Hell: Immortal, please calm down! It's all a misunderstanding!

Buddha: Yama, please calm your anger. It's all a misunderstanding!

No sooner had Sun Wukong left with his staff than the Buddha arrived to pay for the medicine.

For outsiders like the Dragon Kings of the Four Seas, Buddha simply used money to clear up the misunderstanding. The situation in the Netherworld is somewhat special. Take the Ten Kings of Hell, for example. Their predecessor was the King of the Underworld, Qin Guang, who looked like no good at all. His human name was Zuo Lengxie, and he was the Right Envoy of the Underworld.

The Right Envoy of the Underworld is nothing special, and Zuo Lengxie's cultivation level is also nothing special, but the current status and position of the Left Envoy of the Underworld, who is at the same level, is quite remarkable.

If we don't come to apologize today and offer some compensation for emotional distress, on a grand scale, Buddha will face repercussions in the future; on a smaller scale, Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva's future work will be difficult.

After spending a lot of money, the gold paint on Buddha's face lost its shine.

It's a small amount of money, not much, but the timing is wrong!

The journey to the West hasn't even begun yet, and the budget has already been quite large. Once the journey is over, how much money will be left on Mount Ling?

It's likely that even Guanyin Bodhisattva will have to perform in the Taiji Mengyi Heaven!

Guanyin Bodhisattva: Do not approach this humble monk. The Guanyin Bodhisattva's sacred site in Antarctica is on Luojia Mountain, and it is not part of the same department as the Western Buddhist temple.

Buddha then thought about the most expensive event, the havoc in Heaven, and suddenly realized he had underestimated it. He felt that the budget he had prepared would be used up halfway through the event.

Buddha: (_)
No, something must be wrong. It's just a pilgrimage to the West, and no one told me it would cost so much money!
During the Tianchen Realm, Buddha went through a pilgrimage project. Because it involved the order of the Three Realms, the Heavenly Emperor took charge of everything, leaving Buddha to stand aside and watch helplessly. Although Buddha had witnessed the whole process, he didn't know the value of money until he was in charge. He felt that if the Heavenly Emperor could do it, he could do it too.

With the Buddha's cultivation, he could certainly do it. He could completely replicate the Heavenly Emperor's actions, using the fake to represent the real and the inferior to pass off as the superior, and it wouldn't cost him much money.

The key point is that the Qianyuan Realm doesn't engage in the practice of substituting the real for the virtual. If it did, what would be the difference between the Qianyuan Realm and other upper realms?

Under the script that strives for realism, Buddha felt parched and, without saying a word, headed straight for the Purple Bamboo Grove in the South China Sea.

Something's not right. This humble monk may have been tricked by some Heavenly Emperor. Bodhisattva, you have a lot of influence. Go to the Heavenly Court again and ask that shameless Heavenly Emperor to let this humble monk off the hook.

Guanyin Bodhisattva rolled her eyes at Buddha. A proper Buddhist nun wouldn't engage in such social maneuvering. She already faced great risks when she went to Heaven last time; going a second time…

Yes, her face is effective in front of some Heavenly Emperors. As long as she smiles, the other party will basically turn a blind eye out of respect for "her".

But what will the other shareholders think? After this happens once or twice, doesn't she want some peace and quiet?
Buddha, you wouldn't want Guanyin Bodhisattva to be called a lowly servant girl on the street, would you?
If you don't want to think about it, then turn around and head west; Mount Ling is over there.

Guanyin Bodhisattva has already helped Buddha once. Considering the relationship between them, she will not help a second time. She said a long time ago that since there are always losses and gains in business, why not let her own people be responsible for making money?
Buddha was rebuffed and returned to Mount Ling to study the abacus with trepidation.

The Heavenly Emperors did not publicize or spread rumors about the important matter of obtaining the scriptures. Otherwise, if the shareholders heard that Mount Ling would be sold off without any bargaining, this journey to the West might have ruined Mount Ling.

……

Heavenly Court, Lingxiao Palace.

“Master, would I lie to you? Buddha sends money very quickly. Just crawl under the table, and you can decide how much you want.”

Xiang Yuan raised an eyebrow: "You are the Jade Emperor, the supreme ruler of the Three Realms. With such a status and position, you put on such a great performance, giving the Buddha face and earning a few gold beans from the Buddhist sect. He should thank you!"

Ji Wuzhou hesitated, seriously suspecting that Xiang Yuan wanted to see him make a fool of himself: "Disciple, it's precisely because your master is the supreme being of the Three Realms..."

"It makes money, it's not shabby."

"Isn't that embarrassing? Why don't you crawl under the table?"

“There’s no role for me in heaven, Master. Just you wait. When we get to the Guanyin Temple scene, I’ll definitely kneel down before the Bodhisattva with a thud.”

Xiang Yuan opened his eyes wide and gave several more examples of the Women's Kingdom, the Rat Demon, the Scorpion Demon, and the Jade Rabbit. He said that he would suffer in the future and work hard to earn money. He didn't plan to use a stunt double and didn't care about his reputation.

It's not that he's just enjoying the spectacle; he genuinely believes that making money isn't shameful.

"Why are they all female demons?" Ji Wuzhou complained.

"Male demons are even worse..."

Xiang Yuan grumbled and complained, saying that the female demon only wanted some soup and water to keep her warm, while the male demon was really planning to eat her.

I'm shivering with anger and cold. What kind of world is this? Is there any justice left? Is there any law left?

In such a chaotic world, the Jade Emperor should issue an edict of self-reproach!
“Master, there’s no need to feel embarrassed. I’ll tell you a secret, and I won’t tell anyone else.”

Xiang Yuan lowered his voice: "To earn that little bit of money from Buddhism, Laozi now even calls himself a poor Daoist."

"Oh, even Laozi did it?"

"Not only that, he also plans to get pushed down by the monkey, fall on his butt, and then extort a lot of money from Buddha." Xiang Yuan sighed, "When an old man tries to scam you, even Buddha has to obediently hand over the money."

“Hiss, hiss, hiss—”

Ji Wuzhou gasped. If, and he meant if, Laozi was willing to fake a fall to make money, then crawling under the table certainly wouldn't look bad.

"Wait a minute, something's not right!"

Just as Ji Wuzhou was about to agree, he suddenly realized something was wrong: "Laojun is not short of money, he is much more precious than the Buddhist monks, is it really worth tripping over such a small amount?"

"I'm happy!"

"..."

Right.

Ji Wuzhou was speechless. He crawled under the table to extort money from the Buddhist community, while Laozi was just doing it out of boredom...

Laozi's idea is to share joy with everyone!

Since that's the case, the Jade Emperor might as well join in the fun.

It's just crawling under a table, no big deal. Every time he gets into a fight, he gets beaten to a pulp. Just be careful not to say "Disciple, save me" instead of "Buddha, save me."

To my shame, he's become increasingly fluent in this catchy phrase lately.

"By the way, my disciple, according to you, if the monkey were to wreak havoc in the Heavenly Palace, he would not only ruin the Peach Banquet, but he would also eat all the peaches in the orchard..."

Ji Wuzhou looked at Xiang Yuan. The Heavenly Court doesn't have a Peach Garden now, so is it reasonable to make up a fake one? Isn't this obviously trying to trick Buddha?

"Master is joking. The Tushita Palace doesn't even have a few thousand elixirs yet, and Laozi still uses soybeans to impersonate them, doesn't he?" Xiang Yuan shrugged. If even the Moral Celestial Venerable can do such a thing, what's there for you, the Jade Emperor, to be ashamed of?

His words made sense, and there were irrefutable examples, so Ji Wuzhou immediately had no problem.

As for the Heavenly Court, it's currently just a makeshift operation, and it's short-staffed in every aspect...

What kind of problem is this? Without these fake characters working so hard, how can we show the true value of the Monkey King's real skills? If we replaced them all with real ones, even Buddha wouldn't be happy. How much would we have to pay for his medicine?

Wait, if I didn't say it was fake, then I don't have to pay compensation!

Ji Wuzhou, drawing inferences from one instance to another, pulled out his abacus and started calculating rapidly, unable to suppress the corners of his mouth: "The Journey to the West business is really lucrative. Let's try to make it more difficult. It's best if we fail, then we can do it a second time and make money again!"

"..."

You're such a clever little devil!
Just as Xiang Yuan was about to complain, he suddenly realized that, just as Ji Wuzhou had said, Laozi in the original work was putting in too much effort.

There were three people and one ox in the Tushita Palace. The two boys ran away, and the ox ran away too. The furnace was broken, the ring was lost, the fan was lost, the sword was lost, the gourd bottle containing the elixir was also lost, and even the belt was lost. Only an old man was left sitting on the futon, staring with his big eyes and insisting that he knew nothing.

They deliberately made things difficult when there was none. One attempt wasn't enough; they had to try twice. If Buddha hadn't given them money three or four times in one go, Laozi would definitely have done something else.

Good heavens, it seems Laozi really intends to turn Journey to the West into an annual project.

How much free time must they have!
As Ji Wuzhou was working on his abacus, someone outside the hall announced that the Dragon King of the East Sea and King Qin Guang of the Underworld had jointly submitted a memorial to the throne, intending to accuse the demon monkey Sun Wukong of the mortal realm.

"Master, stop calculating, a customer is coming!"

"Yes."

Ji Wuzhou was overjoyed upon hearing this and hurriedly summoned the two celestial officials. After some discussion, Venus, who happened to be passing by, made a report.

In the Three Realms, all beings with nine orifices can cultivate immortality without the need for great efforts; simply appeasing Heaven is sufficient.

Then Venus was sent down to the mortal realm to be granted amnesty.

Venus—Xiao He!
Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.

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(End of this chapter)