This is not how immortals cultivate

Chapter 515 Quickly go and invite the Buddha of the West!
The book continues from the previous chapter.

Sun Wukong first defeated the Giant Spirit God, then the Third Prince, and won consecutive victories in battle. In just one battle, he demonstrated the might and domineering presence of the Great Sage Equal to Heaven.

The Heavenly Army, having no other choice, had to sound the retreat.

Two flowers bloom, one branch each.

The Buddha, on the other hand, was in a terrible state; his voice choked with emotion as he preached at Mount Ling.

The budget is all gone!
Whether it's the Monkey King causing havoc in the Heavenly Palace or the Journey to the West, it was all orchestrated by the Heavenly Emperor himself. The Monkey King's havoc in the Heavenly Palace was the Heavenly Emperor slapping himself in the face, so he couldn't blame anyone else and there was no such thing as saving face.

In the Qianyuan Realm, however, the Jade Emperor smirked and said to Buddha with a grin: "Isn't that righteous? To highlight the magnificence and righteousness of Buddhism, our Heavenly Court has abandoned all pretense of honor. Buddha, look how painful this slap is. Shouldn't we settle the expenses?"

Wow!
With mountains of gold and silver flowing in, the Jade Emperor beamed with joy and said, "Buddha is so generous in his dealings. Don't worry, there's still a great disturbance in Heaven, and the Heavenly Court will definitely give Buddhism plenty of face. Go back and prepare. I'm going to crawl under the table, Laozi is going to take a tumble, and there's the arson in the Peach Garden, the theft in the Tushita Palace, and the smashing of the Peach Banquet—these are no small matters."

I almost forgot, after subduing the demon monkey, there's also the Heavenly Peace Conference, and the Heavenly Court has already prepared the budget.

Look around, there are no fakes left. It's all clearly stated on the order form that the Dragon Liver and Phoenix Gallbladder at the An Tian Conference are genuine, elixirs personally refined by Laozi. You think it's too expensive? I think it's too expensive too!

Putting aside Buddha's side, because he was worried about the money, he went to the Purple Bamboo Forest in the South China Sea again, reasoning with people and appealing to their emotions, almost to the point of making it clear that he wanted Guanyin Bodhisattva to perform for money.

On Sun Wukong's side, after defeating the heavenly soldiers and generals, he saw Taibai Xingjun, who had come to offer him amnesty.

Their eyes met, and the atmosphere was strangely awkward.

Xiao He cursed inwardly. In other families, one person played the good cop and the other the bad cop, but on his side, due to a shortage of manpower, he was forced to play both the good cop and the bad cop.

This isn't just messing with the monkey; it's clearly making things difficult for Venus!

The monkey cursed inwardly. He had seen it clearly that day: in the haystack of the Imperial Horse Stable, Venus and Wu De Xing Jun were flirting. In the end, Venus beat up Wu De Xing Jun and framed the honest monkey for beating up his superior.

This isn't about inviting a monkey to heaven to be an official; it's clearly about people having nothing better to do and making fun of an honest monkey.

Has the Heavenly Court become so bored?
After a brief staring contest, Xiao He, shameless as ever, and Sun Wukong, more mature, quickly warmed up to each other after some pleasantries and mutual flattery.

"The Great Sage is so majestic! I saw it all clearly from the sky. I saw the Great Sage raise his staff and bring it down, and then raise his staff and bring it down again, and he beat the heavenly soldiers and generals so badly that they ran away crying for their fathers and mothers and became deserters."

Xiao He praised, "All the gods and Buddhas in the heavens witnessed this battle, and the Jade Emperor even issued an edict to bestow upon him the official title of 'Great Sage Equal to Heaven'."

Sun Wukong scratched his head, not understanding what this was all about, that the voice in his heart had actually been right.

He hesitated for a moment: "Star Lord, I still have two questions, and I hope you can enlighten me."

"Great Sage, please speak."

"The Case of the Martial Virtue Star Lord..."

"The Martial Virtue Star Lord fell on his own. He framed and slandered the Great Sage, turned black into white, and disrupted the order of heaven. The Jade Emperor unleashed his thunderous wrath, not only rewarding him with three years' salary but also bestowing upon him many treasures," Xiao He recounted truthfully.

"???"

Sun Wukong was full of questions. He already felt that the Heavenly Court was unreliable, but now he felt that the problem was even bigger.

"It's a pity, but the Great Sage must have seen the appearance of the Martial Virtue Star Lord. He only looks like a human being. In terms of appearance, he is not even as good as you, Great Sage."

Xiao He sighed deeply, and then said, "It's one thing to be unattractive, but his moral character is also extremely depraved. The only reason such a person can be given important positions is because he has connections. Even if he makes a big mistake, the Jade Emperor can't punish him."

"Who is it?"

Sun Wukong was no longer sleepy, and the Heavenly Court, which had previously seemed problematic, suddenly became real and reasonable.

"That person is none other than..."

Xiao He looked around, then used his hand as a brush to draw in the air, writing down the names of the Great Emperor of Gouchen Shanggong, the Great Emperor of Dongji Qinghua, and the Great Emperor Zhenwu.

"So many people are?"

"No, just one person."

"???"

No, with so many important positions held by one deity, isn't the Jade Emperor worried about being sidelined?

When Sun Wukong first learned about the Heavenly Court's higher-ups, he sensed things were quite chaotic up there. He asked his second question: "My six sworn brothers have also committed crimes, especially that Bull Demon King, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven, who's so arrogant..."

"Out of respect for the Great Sage, the Jade Emperor said that the matter would be dropped."

Xiao He, with the sincerity of someone who would buy a horse's bones for a thousand catties, said: "Great Sage, you said it yourself, brothers, close relatives and friends, the Heavenly Court has no reason to grant you amnesty. If you kill them, you will no longer be brothers. Isn't that putting you in a difficult position?"

This is difficult; we can no longer be brothers!
Upon hearing that the Bull Demon King was unharmed, Sun Wukong felt extremely aggrieved. He followed Xiao He to the Heavenly Court, received the title of Great Sage Equal to Heaven, and learned that he was also responsible for supervising the Peach Garden. He hurriedly claimed that he was a country monkey who did not know the rules and was not fit for such an important task.

The effect was mediocre. The Jade Emperor's words are law, and there's no reason for him to retract his decree.

The monkey, guided by a wise man, realized it was a trap and figured that as long as he didn't touch a single peach, he would stay far away from the Peach Garden...

No, that won't do either. He has to keep a close watch on the peach orchard, otherwise he'll wake up one morning to find the entire orchard gone, and the blame will definitely fall on his head.

The next day, Sun Wukong sat in the Peach Garden, his eyes wide open, his appearance exactly the same as the stone lions in front of the gate.

Two immortals passed by, chatting about the upcoming Peach Banquet, both of them beaming with joy.

"This Peach Banquet is no ordinary event; those qualified to participate are not ordinary immortals or gods."

"Have you inquired about which deities they invited?"

"There are the Buddha of the Western Paradise, and Guanyin of the South Pole..."

The two immortals walked back and forth in front of the Peach Garden several times, reciting all their words, but Sun Wukong never came forward to speak to them. They could only leave with a bewildered look on their faces.

He took two steps and looked back, his face full of anticipation as he gazed at Sun Wukong, waiting for him to say something.

Even just making a sound is fine.

However, that didn't happen. Sun Wukong strictly followed the advice of the voice deep in his soul. He did whatever that voice said, and he ignored the Peach Banquet as if it were nothing.

He thought to himself with disdain, "These two immortals, one looks exactly like Venus, and the other is so ugly that I dare not open my eyes. Is there really no one left in Heaven?"
A moment later, the two immortals returned the way they came and stood outside the Peach Garden wall.

"Have you heard? There are 3,600 peach trees in the garden."

"Wow, that's amazing?"

"The first 1,200 trees ripen once every 3,000 years. If people eat them, they will become immortals and have a healthy and light body. The middle 1,200 trees ripen once every 6,000 years. If people eat them, they will ascend to heaven and live forever. The last 1,200 trees ripen once every 9,000 years. If people eat them, they will live as long as heaven and earth and be the same age as the sun and moon... If I could eat one of them, my life would be worthwhile."

"Hey, we're thinking the same thing."

"I heard it's really sweet."

"How could a fairy peach not be sweet!"

The two immortals chatted for a while, and after finishing their crosstalk, they left.

Sun Wukong: ()
No, surely no one really thinks a monkey would be fooled?
Even if Sun Wukong starves to death at the gate of the Peach Garden today, he will never step into the Peach Garden, much less touch a single peach!
The moment he made the vow, a voice deep within his soul gave him a resounding thumbs-up, thinking to himself that this was how it should be, and that Honest Monkey must never repeat the same mistake.

As I kept praising it, I started to regret it. I should have done it this way last time!

"So, buddy, who exactly are you?"

Sun Wukong tried to communicate with the voice inside his body, but he couldn't find a channel. The other party's voice was also intermittent, and it seemed that it could only utter a complete sentence when it was extremely angry.

Because of his extreme anger, these words were mostly elegant and eloquent, greatly expanding Sun Wukong's vocabulary.

When asked again who was being insulted, the voice fell silent.

As they chatted casually, a branch of red apricot—oops, a tempting peach fragrance—was slowly released from the wall of the Peach Garden, transforming into an invisible hand that scratched Sun Wukong's chin and then hooked the tip of his nose.

Come this way and eat peaches to your heart's content!
"Gudu!"

Sun Wukong's pupils dilated, and he couldn't stop drooling. For the first time, he realized that peaches could smell so good.

Something's wrong! Run!
Deep within my soul, that voice desperately warned me, its voice booming.

But Sun Wukong couldn't hear him and was torn between his own conscience and his own. The good monkey advised him to be an honest monkey and not to do petty theft, as stealing from others was an even greater crime. The bad monkey didn't think so. With 3,600 peach trees, how many peaches would there be? Even if 300 or 50 were missing, no one would know.

Both monkeys made valid points, leaving Sun Wukong in a dilemma. Unable to make a decision, he decided to let the two monkeys have a one-on-one duel, with the winner getting to decide.

When a person makes this decision, it means that desires have already taken hold in their heart. On the surface, they may appear to be neutral, but in reality, evil thoughts have already gained absolute dominance.

As you can imagine, the good monkey's fighting ability was quite touching. He rushed forward and was knocked down by a straight punch without uttering a sound.

Before the monkey could even fall, Sun Wukong stepped into the Peach Garden, his eyes bloodshot, wanting nothing more than to pluck a peach to satisfy his craving.

One is enough, don't eat too much!
Holding a peach in your hand, you can see its juicy skin, as thin as a cicada's wing, clinging tightly to the plump, juicy flesh inside, with glimpses of the flowing nectar within, as translucent as amber.

Before even taking a bite, the aroma was already overwhelming, rushing from the top of the pineapple to the top of the head, intoxicating the monkey's mind and spirit.

The moment it enters your mouth, a refreshing and sweet juice bursts forth. The first sip is like drinking jade dew, the second like swallowing nectar, and the third leaves a lingering aftertaste, as if countless spirits are dancing on the tip of your tongue...

In short—it's delicious!

"Splashing and clattering—"

"Huffing and puffing—"

With red eyes, Sun Wukong ate his way from the east to the west of the Peach Garden, and from the south to the north. Wherever he went, not a single peach was left behind, and his eyes didn't even dry for a moment.

The more he ate, the more intoxicated he became. In the end, he was completely drunk and staggered out of the peach orchard.

Deep within the soul, the voice remained silent, not because it had given up the struggle, but because it was contemplating.

Returning to the crime scene, I wondered if that monkey back then, like today, had single-handedly destroyed 3,600 peach trees. Such an appetite—no, such a large warehouse—how could it actually burn down?

Muttering to himself about how shameless he was, a voice deep within his soul howled as he saw the Tushita Palace ahead, urging Sun Wukong to stop immediately. There was a bottomless abyss ahead, and they couldn't go any further.

Sun Wukong was already drunk and couldn't hear any of the noise. Following the aroma, he entered the deserted Tushita Palace, grabbed gourds one after another, and casually flaunted all the thousands of elixir pills as if he were eating. Soybean flavor, crunchy!
This is what happens when you've had too much to drink. At this point, it doesn't matter whether it's soybeans or elixirs, because Sun Wukong can't tell the difference, and Laozi is convinced it's an elixir.

How could the dignified embodiment of the Moral Celestial Venerable possibly lie through his teeth?
After finishing the pre-meal fruit and roasted nuts, it was time for the main course. The gluttonous Sun Wukong arrived at the Peach Banquet in a daze and devoured hundreds of pre-prepared dishes.

The voice deep within his soul fell silent, having given up the struggle.

I'm tired, that's enough!
Otherwise, how could we possibly defeat them?

After indulging in a feast, Sun Wukong, who felt as if he hadn't eaten anything at all and could even continue eating, suddenly woke up and turned pale with shock when he thought about the heinous crime he had committed.

"Dude, say something! What should we do?"

"Why didn't you stop me, Old Sun? I really consider you a brother!"

"So you're just like the Bull Demon King and the others..."

Sun Wukong lost his composure and dared not linger, fearing he would be caught red-handed. He fled in fear of punishment, using an invisibility spell to float past the South Heavenly Gate, and then sped off towards Flower Fruit Mountain.

The case is too big; he can't stay in the Three Realms any longer. We need to find a good place that can accommodate him.

Almost immediately, Sun Wukong thought of Mount Ling. Yes, as long as he entered the Buddhist order and sincerely worshipped Buddha, the compassionate Buddha would surely be willing to accept him.

The monkey was clearly overthinking things. Buddha, on Mount Ling, was so angry he wanted to strangle him.

You worthless brat, still sincerely worshipping Buddha? Where are the Buddhas on Mount Ling now? I'm almost driven mad with anger!
……

Rumble!
One hundred thousand heavenly soldiers laid a net that stretched across the land, with lightning and thunder, completely surrounding Flower Fruit Mountain.

Sun Wukong initially backed down and didn't intend to fight, but when the heavenly soldiers and generals cursed him too filthyly, he angrily grabbed his staff and charged out, defeating the Four Heavenly Kings, the Nine Luminaries, and the Twenty-Eight Constellations, who were completely powerless to resist, allowing the monkey to enter and exit the net of heaven and earth seven times.

With a cameo appearance by Guanyin Bodhisattva, it was suggested that they invite Erlang Shen. After a lively commotion, Laozi threw out a hula hoop, which finally subdued the demon monkey.

Because Laozi contributed the most and the losses to the Tushita Palace were the most severe, and because Sun Wukong was invulnerable to swords and spears and impervious to water and fire, the Jade Emperor entrusted Sun Wukong to Laozi, asking him to go back and refine him to see if he could create any new and wonderful elixirs.

Laozi angrily took the monkey and, on his way back to the Tushita Palace, kept muttering to himself, talking about the Nine-Turn Golden Elixir and the Life-Creating Elixir, recounting his heavy losses like a menu.

Considering that he is an incarnation of the Moral God and would not lie, it should all be true.

On the other side of Mount Ling, Buddha's vision went black. He straightened his thin cassock, wishing he could fight these shameless bastards to the death.

Unfortunately, we can't compete with that.

The Buddha himself chose the Qianyuan Realm, proposed the pilgrimage to the West, and personally released the monkey. Now, there is no turning back from this sea of ​​suffering. Knowing that more money will be spent ahead, because the sunk costs are too high, he can only grit his teeth and move forward.

On the bright side, we could slap that monkey to death right away!

Even if you can't kill it, you have to shoot it until it's dead!
The Buddha was furious when he heard a loud bang, as if a boiler had exploded.

Looking closely, one could see that in the ninth heaven, the Eight Trigrams Furnace in the Tushita Palace had collapsed, and some of the furnace bricks burned through the clouds of the heavens and fell to earth, smashing into a Flaming Mountain in the location of Xiniu Hezhou.

With a loud bang, Sun Wukong jumped out of the Eight Trigrams Furnace. Laozi, holding a magic seal, stepped forward, but was pulled and dragged by the monkey, and fell headfirst on the spot.

Originally, I was just going to fall on my butt, but when I heard that the Jade Emperor was going to crawl under the table, I didn't want to be outdone, so I did a handstand with my head on the ground.

Buddha: (д)
Monks don't lie; he doesn't have the ability to make Laozi fall head over heels!

Buddha's heart bled; how much money must have been spent on such a huge honor!

The Buddha didn't want to see what followed; it was nothing more than Sun Wukong fighting his way from Penglai East Road to Kunlun South Road, tearing apart and smashing countless antiques and treasures along the way.

It's a small matter, worthless, far less significant than Laozi's fall.

Even so, Buddha hurriedly set off, no longer daring to remain in deep thought with his eyes closed on Mount Ling.

If we don't hurry to the Heavenly Court, who knows what kind of trouble the Jade Emperor might cause? Maybe he'll get so angry when he sees Laozi upside down that he'll feel like he can't get the headlines even if he hides under the table, so he'll yell and get hit on the head with the Golden Cudgel and bleed profusely?
Even if you beat Buddha to death in the Heavenly Realm, he wouldn't believe that the Heavenly Emperor could pull off such an operation. But this is the Qianyuan Realm, where no such empty promises are made, and anything can happen.

Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.

boom!
Sun Wukong stayed in the Eight Trigrams Furnace for forty-nine days, or at least that long. He developed conjunctivitis and a tendency to tear up in the wind. He felt hot inside and out, and with a weak, mournful cry from the depths of his soul, he wielded his staff and fought his way through the Vermilion Bird South Street all the way to the Lingxiao Palace.

Outside the palace, the group of divine generals fought and retreated, with one or two afterimages flying out from time to time, smashing a vase with a cry and piercing through a jade screen with a thud.

Small, inexpensive items like glass cups were smashed to pieces, with a series of clattering sounds. A hundred or so of them were broken.

Boom!
Xiang Yuan raised his hand and smashed two glass lamps, then peeked out of the hall: "Master, don't just stand there! The atmosphere is so nice, why don't you smash something too!"

That won't do. There's a record of what should be smashed and what shouldn't be smashed. What if Buddha is shameless and secretly records the incident and then denies it?

Ji Wuzhou waved his hands repeatedly, took out his abacus and fiddled with it: "Disciple, that's enough. If we keep throwing money at it, Buddha will cause a ruckus in Heaven. Let's leave people with something to look forward to, so we can make a profit in the long run."

"No way, Master, you've become so good at business now?"

"I've been using an abacus a lot lately, hehe, just small change."

As the master and disciple were chatting, Sun Wukong broke through the encirclement and leaped into the Lingxiao Palace. He saw Ji Wuzhou sitting there looking like a human, and with bloodshot eyes, he stepped forward with his staff.

"Protect the emperor! Someone come and protect him!"

Xiang Yuan screamed in alarm and kicked out twice, sending Taibai Jinxing and Wude Xingjun, who were trying to protect him, flying away.

It was perfectly positioned, right on Sun Wukong's path.

After two steady strikes, Venus and Wude Xingjun fled like meteors, while Xiang Yuan also hid behind a pillar amidst screams.

Where did this pretty boy come from?

Sun Wukong glanced at Xiang Yuan out of the corner of his eye and didn't take him seriously. The little god was not worth mentioning and didn't deserve to be hit by the Great Sage Equal to Heaven's staff.

His eyes were bloodshot as he stared at the Jade Emperor, his hand gripping the golden cudgel as he aimed it at his head... but he didn't strike.

The voice deep within his soul howled like a ghost. If this blow were delivered, even the most compassionate Buddha would not tolerate it. At that point, the Three Realms would truly have nowhere to go, and he would never be able to escape the Five Finger Mountain for the rest of his life.

What is Wuzhishan?
Sun Wukong was puzzled, but the palpitation from the depths of his soul seemed genuine. He instinctively stopped holding his staff and gritted his teeth, saying, "You old Jade Emperor, I, Sun Wukong... am so wronged!"

"???"

What do you mean? The atmosphere has reached this point, and you're saying you're going to appeal to the emperor?
The monkey suddenly came to its senses, and Ji Wuzhou refused to listen to anything he said. Just as he was about to spout some fallacies and heresies to persuade the monkey to pick up the stick again, he suddenly froze and scurried under the table.

Peek out, reach out, shout.JPG
"Quickly go and invite the Buddha of the West!"

As soon as the words were spoken, or even halfway through, a golden light leaped out from mid-air, exuding murderous intent—no, it was the Buddha, with a face full of demon-slaying aura, who appeared.

The Jade Emperor was just a hair's breadth away from not being able to crawl under the table today!
"Are you the Buddha?"

The monkey looked at the Buddha with bloodshot eyes, but upon seeing the three-zhang-tall golden body radiating boundless light, its bloodshot eyes immediately became much clearer.

That big bastard caused severe psychological trauma to the Great Sage Equaling Heaven, whose career was at its peak at the time. Even after deleting the account and starting over, he could not forget it. Unconsciously, he had a bit of an epiphany, like putting down the butcher's knife and becoming a Buddha on the spot.

What's the point of taking a dump now? The money's already been spent!

"This humble monk is Shakyamuni Buddha of the Western Paradise. You monkey, you have repeatedly rebelled against the Heavenly Palace. You are truly audacious and reckless!"

The Buddha's eyes were also very red today, and his fist, as big as a black pot, seemed to have nowhere to go, sometimes forming the "Abhaya Mudra" and sometimes the "Teaching Mudra," perhaps pondering which method of striking was more powerful.

"Buddha, your disciple..."

Upon seeing the glittering golden light, Sun Wukong felt somewhat dazed, his wisdom surged, and he subconsciously used the self-designation deep within his soul.

"Buddha, you don't know, this monkey is extremely arrogant. He was just reciting poetry!"

Behind the pillar, Xiang Yuan peeked out with half his pale face and said in a hoarse voice, "The Lingxiao Palace has not been there for long; it has been passed down through generations of human kings. The strong are respected, and it should be me who is worthy of respect. Only heroes dare to compete for the top spot. I heard it clearly; that's exactly how it was read. There is absolutely no falsehood in it."

"No, I didn't, I, Old Sun, never said that."

The monkey immediately flew into a rage, baring its teeth at the pretty boy and raising its golden cudgel to smash his head open.

Good heavens, you can't hit him even if you want to beat the Jade Emperor!

Buddha was so shocked he almost lost his soul. How could he give the monkey another chance to complain? Besides, he was even more aggrieved than the monkey!
A golden hand descended from the sky, firmly covering Sun Wukong. With a gentle squeeze, it captured the entire monkey in its palm.

Golden light swept across the land, and special effects filled the sky. After a series of dazzling displays, a Five Finger Mountain appeared between the Southern Continent and the Western Continent.

The Buddha, expressionless, threw down a golden tablet with a six-character mantra written on it, which pressed down on Sun Wukong, rendering him unable to move.

"Wait a minute, the monkey's head hasn't popped out yet," Xiang Yuan reminded him from the side.

If you don't have a monkey's head, a monkey's butt will do!
There wasn't a single hair on the monkey. How were the pilgrims supposed to dig for it? What if they missed it?

How to dig out the monkey was a matter for the pilgrims to worry about; Buddha was in no mood for such things, having been invited by the enthusiastic Jade Emperor to attend the so-called Heavenly Peace Conference.

Don't be fooled by the fact that these are all pre-made dishes; Ji Wuzhou prepared them several days in advance, using only the finest ingredients. It would be a real shame if Buddha didn't have a bite.

Since even Buddha has paid, how could I not eat? I plopped down and started eating faster and faster in silence.

……

In the Nine Heavens, a grand and bustling Heavenly Peace Conference was held, while in the Netherworld, a black, wordless stele rose silently from the ground.

The black light dissipated, the chains came undone, and a coffin appeared to be formed from endless darkness.

Click!

The coffin lid was pushed open slightly, and a hand wrapped in bandages slowly emerged.

Corpse Queen Mother!
Come from the cycle of reincarnation!

Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.

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(End of this chapter)