I logged into Mr. Zombie

"They say women are made of water, but you are the epitome of womanhood."

"Ring ring ring——"

Tan Wenjie answered the phone casually: "Who is this?"

Not many people know his contact information, and only Leon knows that he has returned, so there is no need to guess; the process of elimination is enough to determine who is calling.

"Hey Jie, do me a favor... Oh my god, what's that sound? What are you doing?"

"Talking to James Cameron about making movies."

"You were clearly stealing some offal, and you were even smacking your lips," Leon muttered. "Did you take my muscle hardening solution?"

"Muscle hardening water, what is that?" Tan Wenjie shrugged.

Nobita's sister moved her face out from under the pillow, saw that he was not moving, a mischievous smile flashed across her face, and she took the initiative.

He hadn't expected to meet his match. He had imagined the scene of him speaking in silence on the phone, but he never expected to be the one on the defensive.

“That stuff will harden your muscles once you apply it,” Leon continued. “You absolutely mustn’t apply it to the wrong places.”

"You're kidding, why would I apply it?" Tan Wenjie scoffed, glancing at the small medicine bottle on the bedside table.

"This medicine can harden any muscle, but only that area will soften."

"Damn, they even invented something this useless?"

"That's a prank prop. I need to urgently order a new batch. The bottle you took has already been pre-ordered. Please deliver it to me. I can't leave here."

"I can't get away from here either... Hey! Hey! Damn it!"

Lyon hung up the phone after leaving his address.

Tan Wenjie casually tossed the phone aside and glanced down at it.

After a while.

"Go take a shower first, and I'll have them come and change the sheets."

"Okay, by the way, have them prepare some hot water and ice water."

"Ok?"

Hot water quenches thirst, while ice water cools you down.

Looking at her appearance, Tan Wenjie was shocked. He found it boring to have sex with proper beauties too often. No wonder this vixen was a scourge to the country and the people. She had so many ways to play and play.

When their eyes met, the two realized that everything they had just done did not match the image they had been pretending to have.

Da Xiong's sister twirled a strand of hair behind her ear: "Well, I actually overheard my female friends talking about it. A lot of the things girls talk about are really juicy."

Tan Wenjie nodded: "I believe you, and I know these things from watching movies. I had never held hands with a girl before I met you."

If you trust me, I will trust you.

"I believe you!" x2
Whether it's true or false, believing it won't get you pregnant anyway.

In the morning, Tan Wenjie left the hotel feeling refreshed.

A person must have a healthy body; otherwise, what is the point of striving to cultivate immortality?

He went to the convenience store to buy things and also helped Leon deliver props. Everyone helped each other so that they would be more willing to ask for help next time.

"But Ah Zhen..."

Tan Wenjie was just thinking about whether or not to officially pursue her, but her true colors as a shrew had already been seen through, and she would definitely take advantage of him in the future.

If someone looks three points like Gao Doudou, they can be considered a beauty; if they look five or six points like her, they are considered a top beauty.

There's a saying that goes, "It would be a waste to give it to someone else."

He just has a good appetite.

Hitchhiking on the roadside.

For more than ten minutes, Tan Wenjie kept thinking, of course, he was thinking about buying more hot water and ice water when he went back later.

"The ultimate prankster?"

Tan Wenjie glanced at the office sign in front of him and made sure he had come to the right place.

When the doorbell rang, Doron's face appeared.

Who are you looking for?

Tan Wenjie countered, "The muscle-hardening water you want?"

Upon hearing this, a smile immediately appeared on his face: "That's right, it's me."

He rubbed his hands together: "Handsome guy, what's your name?"

Tan Wenjie patted the muscle hardening solution into his hand and said, "I have something to do, I'll be going now."

There are people waiting in bed; I'm very busy.

"Wait! Handsome, are you interested in making some extra money?" He jogged a few steps to catch up with Tan Wenjie. "I just landed a big order worth five million US dollars, but I'm short-handed. You must have heard of me, the legendary King of Pranks. This great opportunity to make money has just 'whooshed' onto your head. How about it? Aren't you excited? As long as you come here for training, I can immediately help you make money."

He started talking and didn't stop, continuing, "The tuition is 30,000 yuan, but don't worry, I won't charge you. It can be deducted from your salary. Hey! You must be wondering how much the salary is. Good question. It's a full 900 yuan a month. There are no social insurances or housing fund. You'll also be responsible for cleaning and scrubbing toilets. But our company has a full attendance bonus. As long as you work for three years without missing a single day, you'll get a 100 yuan bonus."

Tan Wenjie: "Crazy."

He had just turned around when the elevator doors opened and three people stepped out.

One was a long-haired man wearing a leather jacket, another looked like a Japanese sumo wrestler, and the third was a burly thug.

“Hey, these three trendy bosses, do you want to learn how to prank people?” Duolong stepped forward and said, “I’m the King of Pranks, I can use a lot of prank tricks on me.”

The leader of the long-haired men simply stared at him with murderous intent.

"Get out of my way," the long-haired man said.

"Hahaha, get out of here if you want." Duolong jumped back a step and said triumphantly, "You look so arrogant, you must have been sent by the King of Pranks, right? Let me show you how I can take off my pants in three seconds."

"Hmm?"
Everyone present glanced at the trousers that Duolong was holding, then looked down at the hairy man's lower body, and sure enough, he was only wearing a pair of cartoon underwear.

The long-haired man lifted his right foot, scratched the back of his foot with his toes, and then stood up straight in his original position.

"You're asking for it!" the long-haired man roared, "Ah, follow me!" and unleashed a burst of energy.

"When did prank props become so advanced?" Doron exclaimed in surprise.

Tan Wenjie reached out and grabbed his collar, then quickly dodged.

"boom!"

The surge of energy slammed into the door behind the two, blasting the entire wall apart.

"Is this true?" Doron rubbed his eyes.

It's not difficult to create a similar effect using prank props, but your own wall actually got blown down.

Tan Wenjie casually tossed it to the ground, looked at the three people in front of him, and asked, "Are you from the future?"

"Where are the Flying Dragon Special Police?" the long-haired man asked in a cold voice.

"You said you were looking for the Flying Dragon Special Police, so why are you causing trouble for me?" Tan Wenjie said unhappily. "Don't think I won't beat you up just because you look like Chan Ho-nam."

He raised his hand and walked slowly forward, when the sumo wrestler behind him shouted and stomped his foot, charging towards him.

The ground thumped loudly as people walked on it.

Tan Wenjie's punch was faster; he slapped the man away, then lightly touched the ground with his toes. His figure flickered and blurred, and when he stopped, the three of them were already crumpled into a ball.

Arms tied to thighs, the hairy man's head was tucked into the sumo wrestler's armpits, all lovey-dovey and sticky.

"Who exactly are you?" the long-haired man asked, his voice trembling.

The smell in his armpit was too strong, and he couldn't break free even with his strength.

As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, the smell filled my mouth and nose.

Tan Wenjie countered, "How did you find me?"

Since everything in the future is related to Grand Justice Yu Tiexiong, they should just go straight to his door and come after him, a marginal figure.

“Our investigation has revealed that you have had contact with the Flying Dragon Special Police.”

Seeing Tan Wenjie frowning in thought, the long-haired man continued:

“Your appearance has already been reported back to the general. Even if we are dealt with, more people will come. You will never have peace until Yu Tiexiong is dealt with.”

"Why don't you go and take care of Yu Tiexiong? I'm just a nobody. I can give you his address directly, and you can just go and kill him."

"Ha, and then the Flying Dragon Special Police are already lying in wait, waiting for us to walk right into their trap? You think you can just protect him like this?" The long-haired man was still holding his breath. "The general's strength is terrifying..."

Tan Wenjie nodded: "I understand."

The long-haired man was surprised to hear him say that he understood, and he exhaled the breath he had been holding in his mouth.

Tan Wenjie said, "Why don't I just go and kill that general you're talking about?"

"What?!" The long-haired man was shocked, gasped for breath, and then almost fainted from the overwhelming stench emanating from his armpits.

"Quickly tell me when that general is coming. Never mind, just tell me his location, and I'll just charge over there."

Long-haired man: "..."

The man in front of me must be insane; he's actually offering himself up to commit suicide.

The general was the most powerful person he had ever met; otherwise, he would not have become a super criminal feared by countless people in the future world.

Tan Wenjie picked up the ball of flesh formed by the three long-haired men and prepared to leave.

"Hey buddy, my house got bombed. Is there any compensation?"

"This thing is for you."

A dark object was thrown over, and "Doron" caught it instinctively. When he looked up again, the group of people had disappeared.

"Illusion flash?" He pressed a button.

A bright light flashed with a "pop".

The next moment, Doron found himself sitting on a rooftop.

A rosy sunset hung behind her, her flowing, elegant curly hair fluttering in the wind as her cloak billowed.

He looked down at his own attire: "Bu Leyun—!"

……

"This is it?"

In an open area, Tan Wenjie turned to look at the long-haired man.

The three of them failed to break the "seven-day bond stronger than gold" lock; instead, they became increasingly entangled with each other, and often made sounds that were nauseating.

“The general will definitely come once he receives our signal, and since he travels from the future to the past, he can choose when to land,” the long-haired man explained. “Even if we don’t set off at the same time, we can still meet at the same point in time.”

"Don't try to explain the laws of time to me." Tan Wenjie picked at his ear.

He rolled up his sleeves and glanced at his bare, unadorned wrists.

"I'm in a hurry."

I was in a hurry to bring ice and hot water back.

A series of crackling sounds erupted ahead, and a figure draped in a red coat appeared out of thin air.

Before the other party could speak, Tan Wenjie had already rushed forward.

A seemingly ordinary punch, though slow in motion, was actually incredibly fast. Before the general could react, his head had already been shoved into the ground.

Dark clouds rapidly gathered in the sky, twisting and turning with flashes of lightning.

"boom!"

A bolt of lightning struck.

"Boom!" "Boom!" "Boom!" "Boom!"

Continuous bombing.

The trio, still caught in a dilemma, watched in shock as the general appeared and, before he could even utter a single line, was blown to smithereens.

Tan Wenjie stood up, with electric snakes still crawling on his skin and crackling arcs of light between his hair strands.

"It's your turn."

"Wait, we're not truly following the general!"

“How could that be? People like you need neither skill nor strength, so all you have is loyalty.” Tan Wenjie shook his head in disbelief. “I’m in a hurry to get back to my business.”

……

The Flying Dragon Special Police guarded Da Xiong, day after day.

After discussing it together, they finally decided to tell Nobita everything.

Da Xiong was sitting at home watching TV when he suddenly said, "Brother Jie is so unreliable!" The three of them were speechless.

"They promised to help me pick up girls, but the three of them are complete useless, and they haven't brought my sister back even after so many days."

He and his younger sister were like oil and water, and they often quarreled whenever they met. But that didn't mean Tan Wenjie could just steal her away, especially since the three idiots he assigned to him didn't know how to pick up girls, but had huge appetites.

I've definitely been scammed again.

Broomhead stepped forward, patted Nobita on the shoulder, and suddenly said, "Nobita, there's something we want to tell you. We're not ordinary people; we're the Flying Dragon Special Police from the future."

Nobita: "I believe you."

"You believe that?" X3
They also wanted to demonstrate their superpowers.

"Believe me? You guys aren't like Brother Jie. Why wouldn't you believe me if I didn't have to swipe my card?"

"..."X3
Just how much did Tan Wenjie cheat you out of?

"Actually, you are the world's greatest Supreme Court Justice, Yu Tiexiong." Iron Face quickened his pace, "You sentenced a general to imprisonment... He wanted to travel back in time to kill you and then reverse history... So we came back to protect you, do you understand?"

Nobita: "?"

It was a bit outrageous, but he still nodded.

Because no money was collected.

"Since the general's men have not shown up, we suspect that the general may be hiding in the shadows."

"so?"

"We want to transform you into a super soldier so that you can protect yourself if a real war breaks out."

"Okay."

As soon as Da Xiong nodded, three people rushed up, pinned him down, and even took out a billiard ball and shoved it up his nostril.

"Wait! I've suddenly changed my mind."

ding dong~
The doorbell rang once, followed by the sound of the lock being opened.

The four of them turned around at the same time and saw Tan Wenjie carrying Da Xiong's younger sister into the room.

Tan Wenjie looked at the 3v1 bromance scene with surprise and said apologetically, "Did I disturb you guys?"

No! x4
"You guys continue. By the way, where is Ah Zhen's room?"

Nobita, who was being forced to have a ball stuffed up his nose, pointed and said, "Second floor, the first room on the left."

"Please continue." Tan Wenjie carried the people upstairs.

With a "poof," the billiard ball was completely shoved into Da Xiong's nostril, and the four of them tiptoed upstairs in perfect unison.

eavesdropping at the door.

Breaking news! Anyone who can resist eavesdropping and gossiping must have been through drug rehabilitation.

Tan Wenjie took the cream puff back to the room.

As for the "warm man" gesture of taking off the other person's shoes or helping to cover them with a blanket, don't even think about it.

Old Master Tan was used to being waited on hand and foot, and had always been taken care of by others.

He had just gotten up to leave.

"Ah Jie~" Ah Zhen stood up, forcing a flattering smile onto her moist face, "Are you in such a hurry to leave?"

"I have important things to do," Tan Wenjie said sternly. "Mind your own business!"

"They were wrong, and... what can they do if they miss you?"

"Keep thinking about it, I'll come back to see you when I have time."

The only person in this world who helped him the most and whom he cherished the most was Leon; the others weren't even important NPCs.

Da Xiong's sister immediately started crying, all bark and no bite. While pretending to wipe her tears, she stole a few glances at Tan Wenjie.

Tan Wenjie said sternly, "I've already said it, the higher-ups forbid it."

She blushed and said, "Then you should come back soon and visit me more often."

He had no feelings for Da Xiong's sister; they just had sex for several days in a hotel, which forcibly opened up the path in her heart, and she became completely obedient to him.

"I have to go now. You should get some rest."

Tan Wenjie turned around, opened the door, and the four of them fell to the ground with a cry of "Ouch!"

"Ha ha ha ha."

The Flying Dragon Special Police officers laughed awkwardly, but they also looked at Tan Wenjie with admiration.

Da Xiong gave Tan Wenjie a thumbs up, never expecting that his shrewish sister would be as docile as a cat in front of him.

“You…” Tan Wenjie frowned as he looked at Da Xiong.

"What's wrong with me?" Nobita asked, puzzled.

He looked down and suddenly realized that his clothes had changed, and there was a "turtle" character written on his left chest. He touched his head and found it covered in thorns.

Not only that, he actually felt a surge of power flowing into his body, as if he could unleash some earth-shattering attack simply by clasping his hands on his sides and pushing forward gently.

“This is our modified chip,” Iron Mask said as he walked over.

Nobita has become Goku from Dragon Ball, and considering the Evil Containment Wave, Tan Wenjie is now 100% certain that all of this is inextricably linked to Leon.

The mental illness has been given a new setting.

Let them study superpowers here, Tan Wenjie said goodbye and left.

The general has already been killed by him; they're probably in for a long wait.

……

The world of Qimen Dunjia.

Tan Wenjie deliberately chose a low-level martial arts world to forge equipment, and also took the opportunity to come back and visit his beloved.

The process of refining magical artifacts is not complicated and can be completed in just two or three days.

【Demon Sealing Drum (Magic Item/Equipment - Top): An exclusive item used to seal demons. Sealing effect: None. Currently sealed: 0/11】

A series of drums that have no sealing effect at all, yet can still seal.

When he put on this outfit, he had no clothes on his upper body, only a series of drums slowly rotating behind him, which made him look like a thunder god surrounded by thunder drums in a totem.

When the "Seven Star Demon Pearl," "Heavenly Yang Divine Pearl," and "Earthly Yin Demon Pearl" are placed inside, different magical lights immediately flash, allowing him to receive all the buffs at the same time without changing his appearance.

It seems he obtained a piece of equipment with 11 holes that could be inlaid with magic beads.

As for the Great Sage outfit he obtained earlier, he will still wear it during normal battles. However, once the eight demonic orbs fall into the Lian Gu and he receives various enhancements, his demonic identity should be his strongest form in terms of combat power.

"In the future, I will wear the Great Sage costume to fight people, and after being defeated, I will suddenly become the Demon Lord."

That scene must be amazing, it would make you want to try your own "second stage".

In high spirits, he took Hongdou and Long'er out for a spring outing.

With his current strength, he can go anywhere in the world.

Both women chose to dress as men. Hongdou was still quirky and clever even in men's clothing, while Long'er was androgynous. After changing into men's clothing, she looked more like a dashing and romantic young man than Tan Wenjie.

As the only true immortal in this world, Tan Wenjie naturally travels by riding the clouds.

Otherwise, relying solely on horseback or sedan chairs would waste time on the road.

The three of them took off on a cloud, and in the blink of an eye, they crossed several mountain peaks.

"Is this what riding the clouds is?" Hongdou tentatively stepped on the white clouds beneath her feet. "It doesn't look like cotton."

Then she looked at Tan Wenjie expectantly: "Husband, can you teach me how to ride the clouds?"

Becoming an immortal depends on both aptitude and treasures. With Tan Wenjie's status and strength, it wouldn't be difficult for him to obtain a few fruits that would grant immortality, but there's no need to use them on Hongdou and the others.

All I got were favors.

There are no gods or demons in this world, and there is no need to become an immortal to protect yourself.

Tan Wenjie coaxed, "I'll find some immortal fruits for you to eat another day, so you can become an immortal directly."

He's been gone for hundreds or thousands of years, but only a month or two has passed in this world. When he's financially well-off, it'll be a piece of cake to let Hongdou become an immortal.

Suddenly, he thought that if one day one of Hongdou's many worlds became an immortal and transcended the Three Realms and Five Elements, unifying all the heavens, he would probably find that no matter how many worlds he was in, he had never escaped Tan Wenjie's clutches.

That day is still far away. Tan Wenjie himself has not been able to achieve it. Even Buddha and Guanyin Bodhisattva are still confused about it. His master, the Antarctic Immortal, can only know it through divination. It is estimated that only those at the level of the Three Pure Ones, possessing the ability to create heaven and earth, can truly break free from it.

Tan Wenjie actually has quite a few of these "fairy fruit" plants in his possession.

"I have quite a few secret realms with immortals that can be abandoned. I can make good use of them and grow immortal fruits that ripen only once every few hundred years."

After flying for quite a while, it landed just in time for lunch.

Although they landed in front of everyone, ordinary people didn't see them at all.

"Is this Guangdong?" Long'er was very surprised. "It's actually true that immortals in the stories travel all over the mountains and rivers in a day."

Tan Wenjie wanted to tell her that in the world of Lotus Lantern, each of the four continents was larger than the land beneath their feet, and he was not referring to the Three Mountains and Five Peaks right now.

Seeing her surprise, he reached out and tugged at her little hand.

He was quite pleased with that admiring look and didn't need to explain in such detail.

Hongdou suddenly said, "Husband, shall we go for a walk inside?"

She was pointing to the Grand View Garden.

Orioles and swallows, their cosmetics and fragrances are vulgar.

Tan Wenjie frowned, looking troubled: "How can this be? I never go to places like this."

Long'er, who was standing to the side, had already seen through Tan Wenjie's true thoughts and smiled slightly, saying, "I also want to go in and take a look."

"Since you two both want to go in, there's no other way. This husband will have to risk his life to accompany you, madam." Tan Wenjie cleared his throat.

As you can see, it was at the strong request of both ladies.

As soon as they entered the brothel, the madam immediately came to greet them.

The three of them had an extraordinary air about them, and while others couldn't tell, she could tell that Long'er and Hongdou were women disguised as men.

He thought to himself, "Rich people really know how to have fun," taking women to brothels while saying, "Gentlemen, it's been a long time since you've been here!"

Hongdou covered her mouth and giggled, then whispered in Tan Wenjie's ear that the madam was blind.

That's where their brilliance lies.

He saw through their facade but didn't say anything, and even pretended to be deaf and dumb. With just one sentence, he exposed their pretense and clarified his relationship with Tan Wenjie, implying that he had never been there.

Tan Wenjie flipped his hand and took out a silver ingot. The madam's eyes lit up and she hurriedly took it.

"Who is the prettiest girl here?" Hongdou asked.

"Of course, it's Miss Ru Shuang."

"Ru Shuang?" Hong Dou cleared her throat. "Let her come and keep the three of us company."

She had finally come to a brothel, and she wanted to patronize the prettiest one. Moreover, Tan Wenjie was silent, and Long'er, who usually acted like a domineering wife, let her do as she pleased. She certainly didn't want to miss this opportunity.

"Miss Ru Shuang sells her art, not her body, and she's not feeling well today..." The madam was clearly trying to raise the price on the spot.

"Then..."

Hongdou glanced at the money in the madam's hand.

Although she had more money than she could ever spend after following Tan Wenjie, she still retained the stingy personality she had when she was a female thief.

"Then find us a table to eat," Hongdou said, pointing to the silver in the madam's hand. "Use this amount to buy us wine and food!"

She couldn't possibly find a prostitute for her husband.

The madam reluctantly agreed, muttering, "You bring your own women when you visit a brothel, why don't you bring your own drinks too?"

After finding a table to sit down, Hongdou was still full of curiosity.

Suddenly I heard a few people at the next table bragging and making a fuss.

They each had a girl in their arms, their faces flushed with drunkenness, spitting everywhere.

One person asked, "Brother Su Can said that if you're going to do something, do something with a female knight-errant. Is there any particular rule?"

The young man called Su Can chuckled and shrugged for a while before saying, "You don't know this, but female martial arts practitioners all know internal energy and can force it out."

Everyone was dumbfounded.

"Brother Su Can's business acumen is so high that it is rarely seen in the world. I admire him."

The others bowed respectfully, saying, "We admire you, we admire you." (End of Chapter)