[Football] Bad Boy Batty

An ordinary day, an ordinary Manchester derby, and familiar players.

The game is in the 33rd minute, thanks to De Bruyne's assist to Batistuta in the 26th minute, Manchester City is currently leading 1-0.

Manchester United had a penalty opportunity 3 minutes ago. Young player Lewis (right back) blocked Mbappe in the penalty area and he fouled him, but the referee Pansen did not react at all. Even Batistuta found it incredible.

The game was in full swing at Old Trafford, but what the people there didn't know was that while they were crazy about the derby, the EBA (Extraterrestrial Biological Administration) located in the United States had just received a letter from 58 light years away.

[…It has only been a hundred years since the last communication between the two sides, and more than a hundred species of creatures on Earth have become extinct. Humans are arrogant and rude, which is completely inconsistent with the image they showed in the communication. Such behavior should be stopped. We, the Wunanawu people, will never sit idly by. Here, we issue a final warning to the Earth. If humans remain indifferent before ▓▓, we will activate the emergency plan. The details are as follows…]

To sum up: the rapid rate of extinction of life on Earth has caused dissatisfaction among aliens. If humans do not pay attention, aliens will randomly select humans and turn them into animals.

Looking at the letter translated by the researcher on the screen, General M, the head of EBA North America Headquarters, fell silent. He had expected that there would come a day when he would have a feud with aliens, but he did not expect that the threat from aliens was just to turn humans into animals.

"Keep cracking. I need to know how long humans have to prepare." General M ordered.

His researchers responded and accelerated the cracking process.

On the other side, Old Trafford.

【Oh oh oh oh! Augustus knocked down Batty, again! The two captains were on edge, and it seemed like they were about to fight again. 】
[We still don’t know what happened after the World Cup final. Some people said they saw Batistuta beat Augustus with the World Cup trophy, while others said Augustus was not beaten at all and he went to the Brazilian team’s celebration party with Batistuta. But no matter which one, it can’t explain the current situation. The King of Manchester City’s disgust for his old rival seems to have reached a new height.]

[Okay, the situation is under control, oh! The camera is focused on the two captains, Augustus is blowing kisses, Batistuta - um, Batistuta is cursing puta. ]
[There are less than 3 minutes left until halftime, Manchester United is 1 goal behind, let's see what happens next - oh oh oh oh oh! ]

【Manchester City uses a free kick to launch a quick attack! De Bruyne! Pass it to Batistuta, pass it to the left, ah——it’s blocked, there’s more!】
[Griezmann steals the ball! Augustus! Cooperate with Sterling, wing - transfer, Mbappe! Hit! ]
[Beautiful! Ederson made a great contribution! He blocked Mbappe's shot with one hand! ]
【Oh! A short pass, control the speed, Manchester City is going to counterattack. 】

At the moment when Manchester City's goalkeeper started the counterattack, at the EBA headquarters, a researcher deciphered the complete letter. Looking at the time nodes above, his hands began to tremble as he typed on the keyboard.

"General!!"

【Stones, pass to Rodri.】

The general walked quickly to the researcher and said, "Calm down. We are at the headquarters. No matter what happens, don't panic. Breathe in. Very good. Now tell me, did you succeed in cracking it?"

The researcher held a paper bag to calm his breathing and nodded vigorously.

"How is it?" General M asked, "How much time do we have?"

[De Bruyne! Beautiful! This through ball is so beautiful! ! Batistuta! Batistuta has a one-on-one chance! Can De Gea successfully defend the goal? ]

In the stands of Old Trafford, everyone held their breath, their eyes focused on Batistuta who had a one-on-one chance. Time slowed down and everything seemed to go into slow motion.

Batistuta was getting closer and closer to the goal.

At this time, the researcher swallowed his saliva and said, "According to the time on this letter--"

[Bati! He knocked De Gea down! After winning the World Cup, our Manchester City king seems to have been sublimated. I can guarantee that no one can do it like him in front of the goal! ]

"We don't have much time?" the general asked tentatively.

"No." The researcher smiled stiffly. "If the solution is correct, the time for the Wunanwu people to activate their emergency plan for the Earth is—"

"When was it?"

【coming soon! 】

"It's today."

General M: …

He was petrified from head to toe.

at this time.

[Bati! Shoot——Ah! What is this! So dazzling!!]

As the researcher finished speaking, several rays of light fell from the sky all over the world.

Tens of thousands of lucky people were born.

It lasted for about 5 seconds. In these short 5 seconds, due to the suddenness of the incident, power was cut off in more than 1/10 of the world, traffic was paralyzed, and people were in chaos.

And at Old Trafford, there is also such a lucky person.

As the light faded, people looked at themselves and their surroundings anxiously, trying to figure out what had happened, while some people focused their attention on Manchester City's one-on-one opportunity before the incident.

[Just now, for some unknown reason, a beam of light suddenly shot into the court, causing the game to be interrupted. Now let's see if Batistuta scored his one-on-one goal. Of course, in a situation like that just now, it is understandable that he made a mistake... Huh? What the hell???]

The ball didn't go in.

But strangely, it didn't move.

It was in the restricted area before the beam of light arrived, and it is still in the restricted area now.

So--

"Where's Barty?"

Batty disappeared.

There was a pile of clothes on the ground where he was just now. To be more precise, it was Manchester City's jerseys. On the pile of clothes, there stood a, uh -

[What is this? A mini leopard? ]

Round eyes, big ears, small head; slender body, mainly sandy yellow with black spots and stripes, long limbs, tail with black rings standing upright and swinging alertly.

Not a mini leopard.

It's a serval.

The whole audience was stunned.

Who would believe this if they told others that Batistuta, the Manchester City king who had just won the World Cup and was full of confidence, actually turned into a serval in front of the players and head coaches of both Manchester City and Manchester United, tens of thousands of fans at the scene and millions of viewers in front of the broadcast cameras.

……

[…Please don’t panic. If a family member or friend around you has been turned into an animal, and the species is ordinary, such as a domestic pet, you can take care of it yourself. Please follow the norms of the species. Currently, no research has shown that humans who have been turned into animals still retain human functions and emotions. If the species is unconventional, you can call the emergency number for help. EBA is already negotiating with Wunanawu, who caused this situation, and it is expected to be restored to its original state next month…]

"So--" In the locker room of the Etihad training base, Guardiola paused the wall-mounted TV with a serious face, and the picture froze at the moment when the host invited the expert.

Naturally, the game could not continue after this incident, so everyone in Manchester City hurried back to the club, taking Batistuta with them.

No matter what, they can't stay on Manchester United's turf.

In addition to the dignity of the derby opponents, don't forget that there is a lunatic who has been coveting their captain. Now Batistuta has lost his consciousness as a human being. You can tell with your fingernails what the Frenchman will do.

Back to the present.

"——Aliens, ha, I never thought that my first encounter with aliens would be like this." Guardiola said dryly, then looked towards the center of the room, "What do you think, to be one of the lucky tens of thousands among 70 billion people, my captain, dear Batistuta."

Batty the Cat looked at him, not being able to understand, then yawned, and jumped onto a loach nearby to take a nap.

"Ha!" Walker let out a loud sneer. "Unbelievable, fucking unbelievable, I feel like I'm being bullied by a cat. This guy is definitely Batty. There is no creature on earth more arrogant and difficult to serve than him!"

Loach was standing in the middle holding Batty the Cat. Perhaps it was because he and Batty had known each other the longest, or maybe Batty regarded him as a family member from the bottom of his heart. In short, he was the only one who could take the initiative to get close to Batty the Cat without being attacked.

"Uh, then, when will he be able to change back?" B Seat grabbed his hair and asked stupidly, "What if he never changes back, what will happen to our game?"

"What time is it and you're still thinking about the game?" Ederson's glove flew over and hit B's head.

"Hey!" B Sean spread his hands at him, "What else can I do if I don't want to play? Otherwise, let's talk about what brand of cat food is more suitable for Batistuta. What do you think of this?"

Uh.

As soon as these words were spoken, the room fell silent.

This can't be possible.

Even if Batty turned into a cat, they couldn't feed him cat food. If he returned to normal and knew about this, he would tear them to pieces.

"What are you afraid of? Didn't you hear what the expert said just now?" Walker crossed his legs, looking nonchalant. "Since he has turned into a cat, we will feed him whatever cats eat."

"He's not a cat, he's a serval," De Bruyne suddenly corrected. "He's very different from an ordinary house cat. He's a wild animal, a natural hunter, and is banned from being kept in many places."

"What's the difference?" Walker shook his head. "He looks just like a cat, except that he's a little bigger and has bigger ears. He's the same cat we usually see, an arrogant but pretty little thing. Wait, why does this description sound so familiar? Oh - look!"

Batty the cat looked very relaxed, snoring softly with his eyes closed, his tail swaying slowly, one of his hind legs hanging down, just like a person stretching, with his furry paws opening and closing all four fingers.

With just this small action, I don’t know how many people’s attention it attracted.

Perhaps feeling everyone's gazes, Batty the Cat opened his eyes a little wider. Under the indoor light, his pupils dilated and gradually became round. Then he turned his head, opened his mouth, and with four sharp canine teeth, he called out softly as if he was acting coquettishly.

"Ouch——"

Some people may have never heard the call of a serval before and were stunned.

Because Batty the Cat’s meow is not “meow”, but closer to “woof”.

and so.

Batty is a serval cat that can bark.

"Woof!"

Another sound.

Everyone:!
Still everyone: Awwwwww!

The serval is a cat that suits human aesthetics, and the bati is a Brazilian rose that suits human aesthetics. When the two are combined, my heart melts.

"He seems to know that he is cute." Messi, who had been silent, suddenly spoke up. He stood up from the bench and stretched out his hand to Batistuta, saying, "Come, come, Batistuta, come to daddy... come here."

"Stop yelling, Leo." Neymar waved his hand at him. "That little bastard won't listen. He's a complete animal now. I tried a few times just now, but he ignored me."

As soon as he finished speaking, Batty the cat raised his head playfully, then jumped out of Loach's arms, shook his fur, and walked towards Messi with a cat-like walk.

Neymar was stunned.

"Why? Batty!" he accused in disbelief, "Leo, what did you do? Why did he take the initiative to walk towards you!"

“I don’t know.” Messi knelt down and held out his hand. “Just, be nice.”

After briefly probing the scent with the tip of its nose, Batty the Cat actually took the initiative to put his little head into Messi's palm and rubbed him. Not only that, he began to snored comfortably and rubbed Messi's calves with his body and tail, as if he was saying to him coquettishly: Am I not beautiful? How can you resist? Come on, touch me.

Everyone:!
Or everyone: (envy)

Finally, it was Guardiola who reacted first. He cleared his throat and said, "Okay, everyone, let's talk business now. Batistuta definitely can't live on his own in this state. I'm afraid that Loach and Qiao Lin alone can't handle it. I propose to set up a team to take turns to take care of the captain."

"What do you mean?" Grealish was still a little confused. "How should I take care of him? Should I take him home or go to his house to help?"

"It's all right. It depends on what Batistuta wants to say." Guardiola shrugged. "Although the experts have said so, I always feel that he still retains at least a trace of his original consciousness. The little bastard definitely doesn't want to be locked up somewhere. If he wants, you can take him home, as long as you ensure his safety."

Oh?
Some people's eyes lit up when they heard this.

Who wouldn't want to take Barty the Cat home to be alone with him?

"Well, who wants to be first?"

"I."
"I me me!"
"here!"

More than half of the players raised their hands, including Neymar who was unwilling to be ignored, Messi who was favored by Batistuta, De Bruyne who seemed to be making a plan, Kyle Walker who had ideas written all over his body, Stones who really wanted to help, and so on.

They looked at each other.

'Crack-Crack'

It was as if an electric current was flowing through the air.

The battle for Batty the Cat has officially begun.

(End of this chapter)