[Football] Bad Boy Batty

"I think he should go back with me. I've had Jam for many years and I think I'm pretty good at taking care of cats, at least in the lounge," said De Bruyne, trying to beat everyone with his experience.

"No, no, you just had an ordinary pet cat. Batistuta is now a serval. You said it yourself, it is different from an ordinary house cat." Neymar retorted.

"Do you mean it would be better for you to raise him?" De Bruyne sneered.

"It will definitely be better with me. I know him. I have known him longer than any of you (Loach raised his hand and coughed twice deliberately), well, of course not longer than you." Neymar said, "I know all his habits. Even if he is a cat now, I believe he will not change, right, Batistuta?"

He said looking over.

Batty the cat ignored him and continued to lie next to Messi's feet. After licking his paws, he began to comb his hair.

"...Bati?" Neymar continued to try to call him.

But it was obvious that he couldn't succeed.

"Don't call him Ney." Edson shook his head. "He is just a cat now. He has no consciousness at all."

"I think we should find more professional people to help," said Rodriguez. He did not support his teammates from the beginning to take Batty home to take care of him. "Although he is very cute now, he is still a wild animal after all."

"What did you say?"

"Look at his claws. Don't be fooled by the meat ball. There are sharp claws underneath." Rodri said in a professional manner. In fact, he just searched Wikipedia to find out what a serval is. "Bati is lawless enough at ordinary times. Now, I can guarantee that you can't do anything to him."

"Really?" Messi reached out and rubbed Barty the Cat's head. "Come on, good Barty, lie down and let us see your paws."

As he spoke, his hand slid down along the cat's head, all the way to the chest, and after scratching it, he used a little force to turn Batty the cat over with its belly facing up.

This is a very intimate action.

Especially for the highly vigilant serval, unless it is a family member or partner he recognizes, he will not easily expose his soft and vulnerable parts to anyone, even if it is a human he has some affection for.

"Aww——"

With a threatening growl, Batti the Cat bit Messi's hand, and quickly turned over and ran to the corner behind the sofa in the lounge, revealing only half of his face, staring at everyone warily.

"Are you okay, Leo?" Guardiola leaned over to ask, "Are you bitten?"

"It's okay." Messi shook his hands. There were two obvious teeth marks on the base of his thumb. The surrounding area was red, but it did not pierce the skin.

"He still likes you." Neymar smacked his lips and said, "I remember when we first met, he fought with me without mercy."

"Okay, who doesn't know about this? Stop showing it off all the time." De Bruyne hates this the most. Neymar always talks about how he and Batistuta met, just like a child showing off a toy that others don't have.

Neymar pursed his lips and glared at him, but De Bruyne showed no sign of weakness.

Rodri was not interested in their fight. He looked at Messi's hand, shook his head and said, "See, what I said, no one can handle him."

"But when he first entered the house, he didn't show any fear and seemed very comfortable." B said, "I thought cats' requirements for the environment were the same as their requirements for humans."

“This—” Rodri scratched his hair, “I don’t know, but we should at least let someone with experience in dealing with wild animals take care of him.”

De Bruyne folded his arms: "Are you saying send him to Manchester Safari Park?"

"...That's Batistuta." Stones was a little worried. "I've never had a cat, but I know Batistuta. He definitely wouldn't want that, even if he's unconscious now."

Neymar's eyes widened: "Safari? Do you want people to visit Batistuta? '5 pounds a ticket, come on!'"

"Ha!" Walker interrupted him with a sneer. "Then there will be fun to watch. The whole world will know that the King of Manchester City was sent to the zoo. Crazy fans will break the door of the zoo."

"If that happens, when he wakes up and sees his own situation, oh, someone is going to be in trouble."

"Don't be misled, we are talking about who will take care of him now, and the zoo was never an option."

"No, I mean—"

There was a sudden uproar in the lounge.

On the periphery, Grealish, who had been out of form from the beginning to the end, touched his chin and quietly approached the sofa. Not far away, Mojin Bu, who also did not participate in the competition, followed him.

"Mimi--" Grealish squatted down and carefully put his hand behind him.

"Jack, you'd better not do that." Haaland reminded him, "Messi tried to touch him just now and was bitten."

"I know." Grealish shrugged. "Messi was too reckless just now. Cats will rub against him and sit against him, but that doesn't mean they will allow him to invade their body parts without permission, especially their stomachs."

"so?"

"So, I first let him get familiar with the smell, let him know that I have no ill intentions, and he won't bite or scratch me." Grealish said, "Cats are very soft creatures and need care, just like sick children."

He hovered the back of his hand in front of Batty the Cat. After about ten seconds, Batty the Cat really came over to smell his hand. After making sure there was no danger, Batty the Cat gently rubbed his fingertips with the top of its head.

"Look! It works!" Grealish turned his head and grinned at Haaland, who mouthed the word 'wow' to him.

This boosted the England striker's confidence.

"Hey Erling, do you believe that I can make him come to me and rub against me?" Grealish asked.

"Will he?"

"Of course." Grealish said as he raised his hand a little higher. Sure enough, when Batistuta saw that his 'toy' had run to a higher place, he also straightened his back and tilted his head upward, rubbing the top of his head against the palm of Grealish's hand.

This time his movements were much bigger than before. It was no longer a cautious touch. He tilted his head and rubbed it, his ears pressed to the sides, and at the same time he made a comfortable snoring sound.

"Oh, he's starting to snore." Haaland gave Grealish a thumbs up. "Good, Jack, very good."

“Isn’t it?” Grealish raised his chin proudly. “Not only that, there are even more amazing things!”

He pulled a pair of wired headphones from his pocket, wrapped the jack around his wrist, and then tangled the two earpieces together to make a simple cat toy.

"Look -"

Grealish shook his wrist and the earphones began to shake. In an instant, Batistuta's eyes widened, staring at the shaking earphones, his little head swaying left to right while he stretched out his claws to reach them.

"Hey, come on!"

Haaland watched as Grealish used his headphones to hook Batistuta out from behind the sofa, but the serval has greater jumping ability than most domestic cats and it wasn't long before the England striker's headphones became Batistuta's prey.

But the good news is that Batistuta has relaxed a lot. He lies in the middle of the sofa holding Grealish's headphones and chewing them like a ball of wool.

"So cute." Haaland sighed and touched Batty the Cat's back. When he touched the butt, he was surprised - Batty the Cat actually raised its butt to reach his hand, as if it wanted him to use more force.

"Don't be surprised, cats like this." Grealish said with a smile, "You can pat his butt, or stroke it harder, he will love you, oh yeah, remember not to touch the tail, I'm not sure if he likes that, if he doesn't like it, he may scratch you."

"Wow-oh." Haaland exclaimed again. Under the guidance of Grealish, he increased the force of stroking Batistuta's butt. Of course, he did not touch the tail.

"Phew—that's so cute," he said. "I wish Barty himself was like that."

"Really?" Grealish obviously had a different opinion. "I still think Batty is cuter when he is a human."

Soon, the people who were arguing noticed the movement here, and the harmonious scene between Grealish, Haaland and Batistuta was no longer there. They expanded the scope of the argument to "Is this really good for Batistuta?"

Guardiola was given a headache by the noise.

"Stop, stop!" He shouted to stop everyone. "Stop arguing. It's my fault. I shouldn't have thrown this question to you in the first place. Now, let Batistuta choose for himself. He has the final say on who he wants to go home with."

There was a moment of silence in the lounge.

"Good, that's it." Guardiola was satisfied with the silence around him. He nodded and asked his players to move away from the sofa and stand in a row against the wall. "Back off, back off, back off again, that's it."

The head coach cleared his throat and said as if he was arranging an intra-squad game: "Just stand here. When I say start, start. You can do whatever you want. Whoever Batistuta goes to in the end will take him home."

Many people are eager to try it out.

"…What is this, the Manchester City version of Love Island?" Haaland said with his hands on his hips.

Grealish elbowed him to shut him up, and it was clear he was as ready as anyone to lure Batistuta home.

Barty the Cat had no idea what was going on. He looked up at these strange two-legged animals, shook his ears, and continued to gnaw on his headphones.

"Oh--" Neymar exclaimed, "Look, he's playing with headphones, he's putting his hands in his pockets!"

"Pussy! Black pussy! It must be very nice to pinch!" Walker rubbed his hands, "Wait for me, baby, I'll take you back and give you a good kiss!"

"Be more normal, don't be so perverted." De Bruyne took out two jellies from his pocket, then tore open the package towards Batty the Cat, "Look at what good stuff this is. Come on, Batty, come here, let's go home, there are many more of this."

Little Lewis pulled the sleeve of Ake next to him: "...What's wrong with his throat?"

"Obviously." Ak pursed his lips to hide the twitching corners of his mouth. "When people see this cute creature, they can't help but turn their hands into clamps."

On the other side, Messi made a video call to Aguero. He was not very enthusiastic about this activity, but the Blue Moon Killer who was far away in Miami was very interested.

"Hurry up, Leo! I believe you can do it!" Aguero clenched his fists in the camera, "I'll book a flight now, and when I get there, I must see Batty the Cat at your house!"

It’s not that he loves animals so much, it’s just... the competition was held in the afternoon, and Barty the Cat was transformed in the afternoon, and it’s not even evening yet, but the whole world is in an uproar.

There are many lucky people who turned into animals, but apart from Leonardo who turned into a golden retriever, there is no one else as famous as Batty.

Now, whether it's forums or Twitter, everyone is flooding the screen with messages saying that they want to see Barty the Cat so badly. If only we could start a live broadcast with him at this time——

Aguero laughed softly, the effect must be very good.

So Messi had no choice but to join in.

"Are you ready?" Guardiola took out his phone to count down the time. "Five minutes. Whoever successfully seduces Batistuta will take him home. Now - start."

……

The results were unexpected.

Everyone tried their best to seduce Barty the Cat to leave the sofa, but no matter how hard they tried, whether it was teasing with toys or tempting with pudding, nothing worked.

Batty the cat lay noble on the sofa, watching the group of stupid two-legged animals in front of him doing useless work. Under his belly was Grealish's wired headphones, which had been chewed to pieces.

Grealish tried to lure him with another earphone, but Batistuta seemed to have lost interest and didn't move at all, even yawning at him.

The 5 minutes time is up.

No one is a winner.

"Well, it seems that he prefers the sofa in the club." Looking at Batistuta lying on the sofa with his eyes closed, Guardiola scratched his bald head, "It's decided then. Batistuta will stay at the club overnight. I believe the chefs will take good care of him."

"Hey! That's not fair!"
"He's a cat now, he doesn't know what's good for him!"
"I don't care, he wants to go back with me!"

"Quiet!" Guardiola kicked the door hard, and the 'bang' sound immediately scared everyone. "Tonight, Batistuta, stay at the club. This is my decision and his own decision. Do you understand?"

"But--"

At this time, Batti the cat on the sofa raised his head, scratched his neck twice with his claws, and then called to him twice as if he agreed with Guardiola's words. After doing this, he lay back down again, buried half of his face in his arms, his ears twitching, closed his eyes, and snored softly, as if to say: I'm asleep, don't disturb me.

No one had any objection now.

……

It's not that there are no objections at all.

Such as Neymar.

After returning home, he threw himself into the sofa and vented his anger on a pillow.

Damn aliens!

If they hadn't caused trouble, he and Batty would be on their way to a nightclub after the celebration party, and he might even get a nice roadhead.

When they get home after having enough fun, perhaps they will spend another passionate night together.

And all of this is gone because of those nasty aliens!
The more Neymar thought about it, the angrier he got.

Batty is his, even if he turns into a cat. The bond between them cannot be severed just because they cross species!

otherwise--

and many more!

Neymar sat up suddenly. His eyes lit up, and it was as if a light bulb suddenly lit up in his mind.

So what if it’s decided.

He's going to steal Barty the Cat out!
Batistuta once went to De Bruyne's house to steal the cat during a quarrel. He believed that Batistuta would not blame him if he knew about it, so today, Neymar also went to the club to steal Batistuta's cat.

how to say.

Maybe the way Brazilians think is different from what ordinary people can do.

……

But this time Neymar may have met his match.

2:30 am.

Neymar put on his tools (and his followers) and sneaked into the club building. Now is the middle of the season and there are not many transfer tasks. The building is quiet in the early morning and you can hear the heavy breathing clearly.

He walked slowly, slowly, slowly towards the lounge.

Just as he turned the corner—

'boom'

"Ouch! Who!"
"Damn my teeth!"

Neymar bumped into someone, and it was not known whether it was because they were guilty or what, but neither of the two people who were hurt screamed loudly. They quickly tried to retreat and then looked at each other.

"Walker? And Stones?"

Kyle Walker made a gesture to keep quiet, then waved his hand as if impatiently, "Don't make a fuss, you haven't seen us or something."

Neymar was choked. He looked at Stones behind him and then at Walker. The two were talking with their eyes, obviously trying to do something.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Good question." Walker laughed. "That's what I wanted to ask as well. What are you doing here so late at night?"

"I--"

'patta'

There was a clear sound of a key falling from the elevator entrance not far behind them, and Neymar, Walker and Stones turned around at the same time.

B Silva and Ederson were just standing there with awkward expressions on their faces.

Edson was holding a luxurious cat bag that looked like it had just been bought from a pet store.

"Uh, hi." Seat B blinked and waved at them awkwardly, "It's so late, why are you still here?"

Neymar: …

Walker & Stones: …

Stop pretending, we are all here for the same purpose, it’s like no one can tell what anyone is thinking.

Just as they were looking at each other awkwardly, the sound of a door opening was heard from the lounge where Barty Cat was.

not good!

Looks like someone has already gotten there first!
Without bothering to blame each other, they all rushed to the locker room. In the opposite direction, Messi and Guardiola also rushed over with them.

"Leo!" Neymar couldn't believe his eyes.

Messi shrugged, "It wasn't me, it was Kun who wanted it."

When they arrived outside the lounge, they saw De Bruyne standing at the door with a long face, injured and trying to open the door. It was obvious that he was not happy with what he saw.

"What's wrong?" Guardiola asked, "Bati he——"

Everyone gathered around.

The window in the room was wide open. There were two balls of yarn, some puddings, and a bowl of cat grass on the ground. Looking inside, there was no sign of Barty the Cat.

Apparently, someone had taken Batty the Cat away before them.

"Bati, Batistuta!!" Neymar was the first to rush in. He looked around the sofa and the window, "Bati, come out quickly, don't scare me!"

Suddenly, he stopped.

With the help of the light from the window, he saw that there seemed to be something unusual on the ground.

"What is it?"

Neymar squatted down, picked up the two not-too-thin hairs on the ground with two fingers, and looked at them under the light. They were red.

"Ha! Case solved!"

(End of this chapter)