[Football] Bad Boy Batty

"Finally! Goodbye Buddy, I will miss you and your house! Goodbye!"

Kyle Walker boarded the helicopter and then excitedly shouted to Batty who was standing next to the rooftop helipad. Because the propeller was in operation, he had to shout to make the other party hear him.

"Let's go, I can't wait to have a quiet life!" Batty said with a smile while putting on sunglasses.

Today is Monday. At 9 o'clock in the morning, the helicopter arrived at the helipad on the roof of his building as planned, and then the people trapped in Batty's house left one by one in groups of two.

Walker was the last to go, along with Guardiola.

"Thank you for your care during this period, Batistuta. I have to say that you have fulfilled your promise to me and taken good care of the team." As he was speaking, the head coach came over with a tablet in his hand, on which he was talking to the chairman of Manchester City.

Batty raised his hand and greeted the chairman.

The Chairman looked much more haggard, and it seemed that he was very worried about the predicament they were in.

"Bye, Pep." Batistuta waved, "See you at the club." But just as he was about to turn around and leave, Guardiola grabbed him again.

"Wait a minute, Barty."

"Hmm?" Batty turned around in confusion, "What else?"

"If I could, I would choose to stay and keep an eye on you, but -" Guardiola looked at him and said seriously: "Don't relax just because no one is watching you. When we officially start online training tomorrow, the amount of exercise will increase. You should go downstairs more often to get a feel for your feet, and don't stay upstairs playing games all the time."

Tsk.
So that’s what happened.

"Got it." Batty said, blowing his hair.

"There is one more thing. I know Lucas lives downstairs from you. When everyone leaves and you can't go out and get bored, you will go to him." Guardiola added, "I shouldn't care about this, but I have to care about it because it happened to you. No one expected that there would be an epidemic and the city would be closed because of the epidemic. Follow the rules of the coaching staff. I love you, Batistuta, don't ruin yourself because of this."

God.
What's wrong with Guardiola? Does he not understand him or does he not trust him?

Destroy yourself?
No, that's not going to happen.

Batistuta secretly rolled his eyes, he cared a lot about football and knew his limits, this was the knowledge his godfather taught him, never give up the future for a moment of entertainment.

"Don't worry, Pep." He curled the corners of his mouth.

Just a simple sentence obviously can't reassure Guardiola.

"One more thing." He stretched out his hands and pinched Barty's arms and legs. "Eat more, you hear me? Eat more, even junk food is fine. Don't be afraid of increasing your body fat percentage. That's okay. You're too thin. I'd rather you eat until you're fat and then turn it into muscle."

Oh.

Under Guardiola's gaze, Batistuta nodded reluctantly.

"And one more thing--"

"Stop it, you sound like my mom!" Batistuta rushed over and covered the coach's mouth. If Manuel Estiarte (Guardiola's assistant Qingmeishu) was there, he would definitely make some jokes like 'No player dares to do this to Pep, not even Messi, and of course Messi won't do this'.

"Hey!" Guardiola was choked and almost dropped the tablet on the ground. "Little bastard," he cursed.

"Yes, I'm an asshole." Batty admitted it naturally. He pushed the head coach towards the helicopter. "I will take life, football and myself seriously. I promise, okay, but you really should go."

Guardiola didn't say anything else. He got on the helicopter, slapped Batistuta twice in the air, then took off his sunglasses and expressed his annoyance with his eyes.

The pilot gestured that he was about to leave the ground.

Batistuta stepped back and looked at the helicopter gradually taking off with Walker and Guardiola on board. He smiled brightly and waved to them briskly.

"Bye~"

……

After seeing everyone off, Batty returned to his floor humming a song. Qiao Lin was sitting on the sofa reading a book. When she heard him come in, she looked up and greeted him briefly.

"Are they all gone?" she asked a nonsense question.

"Hmm." Batty threw himself on the sofa, then crossed his legs and stretched them out, took the remote control, and lay comfortably on it to watch TV.

"Where are Loach and Luki?" he asked after a while.

"Loach went to make a phone call, and Lucas went downstairs to get something. I think he wants to move into your room." Qiao Lin stroked her hair and said. She sounded serious when she said the first half of the sentence, but something started to go wrong when she mentioned Lucas.

"Honestly, Barty, I've always been curious." She closed the book with a snap. "You never seem to give up because of training or the next day's activities - well, you know, sports. I've seen a lot of novels and TV dramas where people can't get out of bed after doing them. Is it really not going to affect you?"

"Oh, about this." Barty raised his chin, "Of course it will be affected, especially if you play hard. You really don't want to get out of bed the next day, so I rarely do it before high-intensity training and game days."

"Then everything in the novel is true."

"Half true, half false." Batty commented, "I've read a few of the stories you recommended to me. To be honest, the emotional development is really good, but the sex scenes are a bit lacking."

"How to say?"

"First of all, no one can do it for two hours straight without stopping, or they will die, not even professional actors. The person who wrote this must have only seen the movie and thought that those clips were shot in one go." Batty explained to his friend very seriously, "Another strange thing is that I always see articles that praise ordinary postures to the sky. In fact, those postures are largely related to who they are. Everyone is different. Some people do it better this way, and some people do it better that way, just like after-"

Just then Lucas rushed in.

Unlike what Qiao Lin had just said, he did not bring his own things and had no plans to move in. He held two mobile phones in his hands and ran to the sofa excitedly, waving them: "Hey Batistuta! Check out IG, someone has launched a quarantine challenge to the football world!"

So Batty couldn't say the rest of the words.

He gave his friend a look that said "you figure it out yourself" and then mouthed: "Look, here comes the guy who is not comfortable from behind. He is a typical example." "Wow-oh!" Qiao Lin also mouthed the answer, unbelievable.

Lucas looked at Batty and then at Joline, not understanding what that meant, but his intuition told him that Batty's friend Joline looked at him in a strange way, so the topic must be related to him.

Lucas rubbed his chin on the edge of his computer. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." Batty smiled at him, "I was praising you."

"praise me?"

"Correct."

"What do you praise me for?"

"You've got a good body structure," Qiao Lin said, "Your captain has high hopes for you. He hopes you can help him win the championship after the pandemic ends and the competition resumes."

"Yes, that's right." Batistuta nodded. "If we can win the Champions League again this season, we will become the first team in the 21st century to win three consecutive Champions League titles."

Lucas believed it, and the smile returned to his face.

"Don't worry, Captain!" He patted his chest, "I will do my best to help you with whatever you want. Just wait and see, we will definitely succeed!"

"Wow! Oh!" Qiao Lin silently exclaimed even louder. She looked at Batty teasingly, "Listen to what he said, I'm almost moved to tears!"

Batty ignored Qiaolin and smiled sincerely at Lucas, "I hope it's as you said." He hooked his finger and quickly changed the subject, "What did you say when you came in just now? Let me watch IG?"

"Oh, yes!" Lucas suddenly remembered his original purpose. He opened his notebook and placed it in front of Batty. After operating the keyboard for a few times, he opened the IG page. Then he turned over and sat on the other side. He also waved to Qiaolin and asked her to come over and watch together.

“That’s it.” He clicked on a video.

In the video, Messi is rolling toilet paper barefoot in his living room. It's not long, only 14 seconds, but judging from his movements, this is not a problem for him at all.

"Just now when you were sending the others back, Messi posted this on Instagram," Lucas said. "Not only did he post a video of himself juggling toilet paper, he also tagged many people in the football world and asked them how many they could juggle."

This operation is somewhat familiar.

"Let me think about the ice bucket challenge?" Batty asked.

"Yes!" Lucas seemed to be completely aroused, "Also, not only Messi has issued a challenge, but Ronaldo has also issued a challenge!"

As he said this, he clicked on another video.

The picture is still vertical, but this time the protagonist is Cristiano Ronaldo with pigtails. He lies on the mat and does crunches quickly. There is a timer in the lower left corner and a count in the lower right corner. At the last moment of the video, he did 45 crunches in 142 seconds.

"45 seconds, 142!" Lucas exclaimed, "Can you believe it? Batistuta is 35 years old and can still do so many. It feels like only a robot can do that."

Batty watched both videos.

It has to be said that this aroused his desire for challenge and competitiveness.

"It's fun," Batty said.

"So - do you want to accept the challenge?" Qiao Lin asked, "I don't mean anything else. I don't think the toilet paper juggling is difficult for you. After all, I have seen you play football barefoot since I was a child. But sit-ups, and 45 in 142 seconds, can you do it?"

"I don't know." Batty stretched his neck and limbs and stood up. He jumped off the sofa and quickly brought a mat from the gym. "But how do you know if it works if you don't try?"

Then--
He failed.

Batistuta tried 3 times in total. The first time he was 9 goals behind Ronaldo. The second time was better, 5 goals behind. The third time was quite outrageous, probably because his body was beginning to get tired, as he was 17 goals behind Ronaldo.

"Damn it!"

The Manchester City king lay on the mat gasping for air.

"No, no, I'm going to die - is this something a human can do?" He complained angrily, "Isn't that Portuguese guy really a robot like his fans say?"

Lucas did succeed, but he only did one more than Ronaldo.

"Oh baby, you're doing great. You didn't eat anything all day when the city was just locked down. It's really great that you can recover like this," Qiao Lin comforted.

She was in charge of recording the video. Of course, she recorded two versions of the content. One was for Batistuta and Lucas, who would post them on social media, and the other was her own, which would be processed again and posted on her account.

Looking at the video on the phone, Qiao Lin's mouth curled up in a weird arc. She couldn't be more satisfied with what she had captured.

……

the next day.

The video clip of the Manchester City king lying on the ground with a red face and disheveled hair, gasping for breath and acting like a spoiled child (?), saying that he couldn't hold on any longer and was going to die, has become a hot topic.

The camera moves very understandingly from Batty's ankles to his thighs, then to his abdomen which is rising and falling due to his breathing, and then goes all the way up to show his open mouth for breath and his eyes which are looking straight at the ceiling.

Finally it lands on the rolling throat.

Paired with ambiguous BGM.

All I can say is – the comments section is full of pants.

Highly praised reviews:
This is not a challenge from baby Batty, this is clearly a challenge from me to not be moved!
So astringent, so astringent, so astringent
(Sticks out tongue) (Sticks out tongue)
(End of this chapter)