[Football] Bad Boy Batty

"Test... Second test, can you hear my voice? Where's the picture?"

On the screen, Sam Eli was operating his laptop in his home clothes. He was the administrator responsible for the preparations for this online training.

"No problem." Batistuta leaned the tablet against the window and took a few steps back so that he could appear fully in the camera. "Is Pep coming today?" he asked.

"Pep is in a meeting," Sam said. "The president and the top management want to talk to him about something. It seems that UEFA has new regulations these days, and there will be a lot of requirements to be completed when the competition resumes - but he didn't say he wouldn't come to visit, maybe he will come in while you are practicing."

Batty nodded and gave the tablet a thumbs-up.

Others joined the meeting one after another. Most of them had good internet connections and chose decent training locations, but a few were not so lucky, such as Ederson.

During the two days when British policies were relatively chaotic, Ederson took the opportunity to fly back to his hometown in Brazil. He is now warming up under the coconut trees on the beach. The scenery is nice, but the network environment is very bad, and as long as he turns on the microphone, he can hear the sound of wind and waves.

More than a month has passed since the global outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic. Manchester City's online calls and live video training can basically be carried out smoothly. Like most office white-collar workers and school students, the players initially used Skype to talk, and later, as things developed, they switched to the more convenient Zoom.

"Hi, everyone." Foden greeted and entered the meeting. He was the last one.

"Good morning, Phil." Batty bent down and waved at the camera. "Did you sleep well today? If you need anything, we can wait for you. Don't worry."

"No! No! I didn't do that!" Foden blushed, "LJ is lying! I was opening a can when he came in, he only saw my back and thought I was... It's impossible, who would hold themselves so hard?"

The England striker looked visibly panicked, and even though the pixels were not high, his discomfort and embarrassment could be transmitted to everyone on the screen.

A ragged laugh broke out in Manchester City's online conference room.

"Come on, Phil, don't make excuses. We all went through puberty, it can't be worse, everyone can understand it," Batty said.

Of course he knew that this was a misunderstanding, but he still did not give up teasing the other party. In fact, everyone in the club knew about it, and from the day the news came out until now, in the past half month, no one has stopped Batistuta from "doing evil". After all, everyone likes to see others make a fool of themselves and then fight back. In a sense, everyone is an accomplice.

"—This is a rumor! You need to stop."

"Even if it's not true, Phil, you can't blame us for this." Batty shook his finger. "I heard it from Pep. If you want to find someone to settle the score, it's best to go to him."

Ask the head coach for an explanation?
Do you think everyone else is you and Messi?

Foden looked at Batistuta on the screen with some resentment, and then his avatar disappeared in the conference room, but the account was still there, only the screen became dark and there was no sound. Batistuta guessed that he might have turned off the camera and found ice to cool down, or he was really angry.

"It seems that our little Phil has made progress." Walker's voice sounded, "Remember, the first time we teased him about this here (in the meeting), he almost exploded and went on strike because of what Batty said."

"Hey! Are you trying to blame me, Kyle?" Batty raised his middle finger. "It was you who came up with the idea of ​​teasing him."

"I proposed it." Walker did not deny it. "But you didn't refuse it, did you, Captain? You were very excited at that time."

"Nonsense."

"Come on Batty, Phil likes you, so it's most fun when you take the lead every time!" Walker continued to argue, "You know this, you know it better than anyone else, and it's not a bad thing. We gained happiness, Phil gained everyone's attention, and no one was injured."

He was right about that.

Batty said nothing more.

Foden came back soon. After briefly turning on the microphone to prove that his connection was fine, he turned off his microphone. Perhaps he didn't turn on the radio either, because no matter how others teased him, he acted as if he didn't hear it.

"Okay, everyone." Physical trainer Scott took over the meeting. "Warm up first, then do the same targeted muscle training as before. If you have elastic bands, take them out. If you don't have any, it doesn't matter. Just follow my instructions - start."

……

Soon, the first part of the training was over.

"Take a 10-minute break, everyone. Chat or do anything you want." The coach said, "There is one more thing I think you should know. Today's training will be handed over to the Propaganda Department as material. They are the busiest during this period. After all, everyone is trapped at home during this special period, and the time spent on the Internet has greatly increased, so-"

He paused.

"Watch your words and actions, friends. You certainly don't want some of your chat content or pictures to be broadcast." The coach joked, "For example, just now, Nico and Batistuta, your camera was too low. It will be blocked by IG. Nico, Nico! Are you not wearing pants?"

Otamendi squatted in front of the camera. On the screen, one could clearly see his calves covered with tattoos, his thighs, the whitest part of his body, and his arms supporting the ground.

"Wow!" Batty whistled. "What a nice view. Nico, are you considering working for Twitter?"

Otamendi in real life is not as fierce as he is on the court. Not only is he not fierce, he is also very kind and caring. When he doesn't understand what the other person is saying, he responds with a 'shy' smile.

This is also the reason why Batty can make fun of him without restraint.

"Bati!" Aguero raised his phone and looked at the camera with disapproval, "Don't say that. You've downgraded this channel by two levels instantly. There are children here."

Barty made a face with his tongue out.

He heard that Aguero has been addicted to games recently and started a Twitch live broadcast at the instigation of his friends. Now he has been listed on the list of anchors with the fastest increase in fans. It seems that he intends to manage this career well and transform himself into an internet celebrity anchor after retiring.

"I think--"

Just as Batistuta was about to tease Aguero about his live broadcast career, suddenly, barking and scratching sounds were heard from outside the door. It sounded like the three wolfhounds ran out of the cage.

Batty turned his head to look at the door, and at the same time raised his voice to call the loach next door: "Loach! Kevin and the others ran out, go and check them out."

The loach didn't hear it, but the dogs did. They immediately found their target and ran towards Batty's gym.

It was just a coincidence that Batty was a little lazy today and did not go to the more professional gym downstairs but chose to find a place with the best sunlight on his own floor. Of course, if he knew what consequences this would bring him, he would never be lazy again.

"I can't hold it anymore!"

Following the woman's short scream, the door was knocked open by three big dogs.

"Oh my God—"

Batty was originally sitting on the mat. When he saw the dogs coming in, he subconsciously wanted to stretch out his hands to stand up. However, he did not expect how fast the wolfhounds running at full speed were. Before his buttocks left the mat by 10 centimeters, the three wolfhounds, whom he called "babies", rushed over and knocked him to the ground.

"Hey! Get up - don't lick it, Kevin - Kun you idiot, that's my belt, don't pull it - Kevin you're stepping on my belly - Pfft! Kyle! Kyle! That's a mat, stop, stop! Don't pull it - Jesus, Kevin, get up, your hair is suffocating me!"

For a moment, the dog hair flew all over Batistuta's screen. The usually arrogant Manchester City king was pinned to the ground by his pet dogs, almost unable to move. The person in charge, Sam Eli, maliciously switched Batistuta's "square" to the main screen, so that everyone could watch this rare moment more clearly.

"That's what happens when you have large dogs, especially three at once, you have to put up with it!"
"Hahahaha, you also have come to this day, Batty!"
"Come on Kun, pull his pants down! I mean dog Kun!"

Manchester City's online meeting room was filled with joy.

"For God's sake!" Batty managed to hold Kevin's head down. He looked at Qiaolin and said, "Come and help me, Qiaolin!"

"I'm sorry." Qiao Lin said insincerely, "I tried just now, and I couldn't even hold one of them, so I'm sorry, baby."

"Then go find Loach to help!" Batty looked at his friend in disbelief, as if accusing him of not wanting to solve the problem at all. "Damn it, why are they so excited today?"

"Maybe it's because you didn't say good morning to them today." Qiao Lin shrugged. She had already shot the material she wanted, and then she slowly put away her phone and prepared to ask Niu Qiu for help. Before leaving, she reminded: "I didn't open their cages. They were already outside when I came here. Maybe you should check the surveillance."

"No need!" Batty said angrily, "It must be Kevin, that little annoying guy. He is very smart. He can open the cage by himself!"

"That makes sense." Qiao Lin nodded, then waved and went to look for Loach.

"Hurry up! I have training to do later!"

"understood!"

Amidst a pile of flying dog hair, Batty struggled to stand up and looked at the camera. What he was most worried about had happened. In the three rows of meeting windows arranged regularly on his tablet, 90% of the people raised their phones to record the "tragedy" that was happening. "What are you recording!" Batty shouted angrily, "Stop, stop!"

No one listened to him.

"I'm your captain, I ask you to put your phones down! Ney!" He chose Neymar as the first person to be attacked. If Neymar obeyed and stopped recording his miserable appearance, he could convince the rest to stop.

But unfortunately, Neymar didn't listen to him.

"I'm not recording, Batty," he said, pretending to be serious. "I'm helping you Google what to do in this situation."

Totally unconvincing.

Whether it was the way he held the phone or the way he could barely hold back his laughter, he was 200% recording a video of Batty being bullied by a dog.

"Stop laughing, don't - swear to God!" Batty poked his head out from Kyle's belly and looked at the tablet. "Ney, swear you're not recording me, or I'll beat you up the next time we meet!"

Batistuta, the king of Manchester City, the hope of Brazilian genius.

At this moment, he was being pressed under the belly of the guard dog he kept as a pet.

Neymar couldn't help laughing.

"Ahem, sorry." Neymar cleared his throat in front of Batistuta's angry eyes, "I swear I'm not...ziz, I'm not...ziz, I I I...ziz, the signal here is so bad, Batistuta."

It was impossible to get him to stop recording.

and so--
He chose to pretend the network card.

"Bullshit! Stop pretending. Your villa has full internet coverage. Do you think I've never been there?"

"...Zizi, I, I can't hear...Zizi...I can't hear it."

“Puta! You—”

Before he could finish his words, he couldn't hold on anymore and was knocked over by his beloved dogs. In fact, because they were reluctant to really hit them, Batty's "resistance" behavior became a kind of play in the eyes of his dogs, so they tormented him even more vigorously.

Batty: ...

Looking at the dogs' clear eyes, and scanning the overturned furniture, chewed cushions, and dented headphones and elastic cords around him, Batty took a deep breath.

He needs a few new dog crates that won't be easily opened.

That afternoon, probably because people were watching videos, the clip of Batty being bullied by his own dog became a hot search on all major platforms in just one afternoon.

Highly praised comments:
I think other clubs should know how to defend Batistuta in the next game. Just putting three large dogs in the penalty area will be more effective than any bus lineup.

……

But the story is not over yet.

Soon, Batty became popular again because of his dog.

After the video of him being knocked down by his own wolfhound went viral around the world, he immediately ordered the newest and most sturdy dog ​​cage online, and even paid a large sum of money to have it delivered by helicopter at an accelerated rate.

A week later, his dog cage arrived.

Because of quarantine regulations, delivery personnel couldn't stay for long, so Batty had to assemble the cages himself.

So Batty asked Lucas for help. The assembly was not difficult. They assembled all three cages in 30 minutes. Batty folded his arms and looked at them for a long time. He felt that it was strong enough, but not comfortable.

"Don't they look a bit like prison cells to you?" Batty asked.

“Well, kind of,” Lucas said, “but maybe it doesn’t feel that way to a dog.”

"--Then how do we know if this cage is like being trapped in a cell for the dog?" Batty muttered to himself, staring at the cage.

"I'm not sure." Lucas thought he was asking himself, scratched his chin and said, "Maybe we can try it ourselves and know what it feels like inside."

"Go in and try it?" Batty repeated doubtfully.

"Yes," Lucas said. "This cage looks big enough for us to fit in - what do you think?"

Batty thought it was a genius idea.

If you want to know what it feels like for a dog in a cage, just go in and experience it yourself.

So he opened the blue cage prepared for Kevin and crawled in, then, to test its sturdiness, he closed the cage door.

"How does it feel?" Lucas asked.

He stood there, looking at Batty, who was sitting hunched over in the cage in front of him, and suddenly he felt an inexplicable feeling in his heart.

Batty, Cage.
Batty is in the cage.

Lucas automatically thought of pet supplies such as collars, but before his brain connected them with Batty, he was startled and actively cut off the fantasy.

That's weird, he thought.

"It's pretty good." Batty had no idea what was going on in Lucas's mind. "It's spacious inside and I can even turn around."

"really?"

"Hmm." Batty turned around and showed Lucas, "If you don't believe me, try it yourself. I feel good. If I get a thick mattress, I can even use this as a bed."

Then?
Then Lucas went in, too.

"Then I'll try it too," he said.

With a 'click' sound, Lucas' cage door locked automatically.

It was five minutes later when the two men realized they were trapped in the dog cage and couldn't get out. What was worse was that neither of them had a cell phone.

Batty tried to break down the cage door with his feet, but due to the small space inside, he had no strength at all, and the lock was on the outside, so he couldn't pry it open.

"What the hell..."

In the end, I could only call Loach and Qiaolin next door through Alexa (Amazon smart speaker) to help me unlock the door.

The result can be imagined.

After being laughed at by Qiaolin for an entire afternoon, Batty was about to be laughed at by more than one billion people around the world because he had home surveillance installed in his living room. Niu Qiu had copied the recorded content to Qiaolin earlier, and Qiaolin posted it on the Internet.

But the good news is that this time Batty was not the only one being laughed at.

This time he had Lucas with him.

Batty: ...

What is there to be happy about?
(End of this chapter)