[Football] Bad Boy Batty

"…Everyone is lined up. There's cereal here, chicken there, and pasta is still being prepared. Damn it, I didn't expect to experience the feeling of a relief station again after being out of the slums for more than ten years. It's great, it's fucking great, it's great!"

Batty looked hopeless as he stirred the oatmeal in front of him with a long-handled spoon while speaking to the guys who were wandering around the kitchen crying for food. If you listened carefully, you would find that his voice sounded like he had lost his soul.

But this is normal. Anyone who has experienced ups and downs such as losing a game, partying, and sudden lockdown will be like him, and some will be even more serious. For example, Phil Foden has been fishing in Batistuta's bathtub for two consecutive days with a rod he found from nowhere and tied with a rubber band. His mental state is very worrying.

It’s been almost a week since the party ended and the UK went into lockdown, and the situation hasn’t improved at all.

No one thought that the British government would suddenly announce a lockdown, and no one thought that they would act so quickly. But even if normal people were locked up at home, the number of people infected was still rising every day, and most people relied entirely on luck to survive.

Batty and his team are a little better, but only slightly better.

He has a building that can provide shelter for the people trapped here. There is no need to worry about water and electricity, and the internet is also normal, but the most important thing is missing - food.

Given Batty's previous 'lavish' lifestyle (hiring a star chef to come to his house with fresh ingredients to cook for him), his pantry was almost empty of food, and what little was there was just some canned food that served as a pretty backdrop for the dishes.

Loach usually eats with him, so he has nothing on his side except some snacks and ingredients for experiments.

Ederson, B席 and Lucas are upstairs and downstairs. They like to stock up on food, but even if they take out all that, it's not enough for everyone.

Who made Batistuta's party so crowded? Excluding those who left, there were nearly 40 mouths in the building waiting to be fed (most of the first-team players and a small number of second-team players, plus the coaching staff and other staff, as well as some internet celebrities and random people).

Damn coronavirus.

"Oatmeal and chicken breast again." Aguero came to Batistuta with a plate, his face full of worry and unhappiness. He glanced at Batistuta, sighed and said, "Honestly, Batistuta, I'm about to forget the taste of barbecue."

"Not just you, me too." Batty gave him a hard smile, "I regret not leaving more ingredients at home, Kun. I just opened the refrigerator, and guess what? It's empty."

"Nothing left?"

"Yes, nothing."

"So this cereal... the last supper?"

"Haha, almost." Batistuta scooped a spoonful of cereal into Aguero's plate. Looking at the pile of badly shaped and colored mistakes, they both made a retching motion at the same time.

Just then, the sound of unlocking was heard from the door.

"Hey Batty! Good news!" B Sean ran over excitedly holding something, "Look what I found in my closet?"

Batty stopped what he was doing and looked over.

"Dried pasta?" Aguero called out its name first.

"Yes!" Seat B winked at him and gave him an 'unbelievable' look. "I bought this when I went to the supermarket to try it out. I didn't think it tasted good at the time, so I didn't eat it anymore. I didn't expect it to come in handy today!"

He then took out his other hand from behind his back. "And this!" The Portuguese midfielder raised his hand as if it were a sacred object. "I found a dozen eggs in the refrigerator in my bedroom! Tonight we - oh, now there are only 11, oh, 10."

Being too excited, B Silva didn't hold the eggs firmly and broke two of them on the ground. The Portuguese midfielder scratched his face with his little finger in embarrassment.

Batty: ...

Aguero: …
Aguero: (Thumbs up)

"If you drop eggs on my floor at any other time, I will beat you up, Bernardo." Batty said without emotion as he walked towards Seat B. He stopped in front of the two broken eggs, then used a wooden spatula to pick them up and put them in a bowl. "Well done, we will have egg soup tonight."

"Ahhh, don't do this, Batistuta!" B Silva looked at Batistuta's operation in horror, "You make me feel so pitiful for us, we are almost hopeless!"

"We are just pitiful, don't deny it. I have tens of millions of available funds in my account, but even if I throw a lot of money on the street now, no one can help us solve our predicament. Those RCMP won't even talk to me much, so yes, Bernardo, we might die here."

Batistuta spoke extremely discouraging words in a very natural tone, without paying any attention to B Silva who was about to break apart and Aguero whose eyes were gradually losing their luster.

"Speaking of the Mounties—" Batty paused, turned around and stuffed the spoon into B's hand, "Please keep an eye on it for me, one spoon for each person, I'll go ask about Kyle's injury."

After saying that, he immediately turned around and left the kitchen, without even having time to take off the apron around his neck. It was obvious that he had wanted to escape from here for a long time.

B Silva looked at the spoon, then at the pot, then at Aguero and then at the people waiting behind him, and he felt a darkness in front of his eyes.

In the end, I had no choice but to accept my fate and take over to distribute cereal to everyone.

……

When Batty came to the living room where Walker was, he could hear Walker's screams from a distance as he was treating his wounds. Of course, he kept cursing during the whole process.

Kyle Walker was one of the first to try to get out, and he did so on the day Johnson announced the lockdown. Of course, he was driven back by the mounted police patrolling the streets. Perhaps because this is the city center, the guards are tighter, and it is not easy to find an opportunity.

Batty also wanted to break out.

But after Qiaolin showed him what might happen after being infected with this damn virus, he quickly changed his mind about running out to protest. He was not afraid of death but he did not want to die like this. Even if he could recover, it might cause problems with his physical condition and affect his playing football.

He hasn't beaten Mbappe's Manchester United yet, and hasn't made Brazil a six-star Brazil, so he can't fall down yet.

"FUCK! I'm going to sue them!" Walker was applying an ice pack to his head. Seeing Batty coming over, he raised his hand and greeted him perfunctorily, "Did you hear me, Batty? I'm going to sue the Manchester Mounted Police! Now, immediately, right away!"

Batty leaned against the hanger. “What did they use against you today?”

"Rubber bullets!" Walker roared. "Damn it, damn it, fucking rubber bullets! They nearly blinded me!"

Amid the angry shouts of the England defenders, one of the trapped team doctors secretly gestured to Batistuta to come over for a discussion. Batistuta comforted Walker with a few words and then followed the team doctor to the window.

"How's he?" Batty asked.

The team doctor shook his head. "No, he's fine. The troopers were treating him in the most gentle way possible. The rubber bullet didn't hit him at all. He was the one who bumped into the railing in panic."

"Well," Batty shrugged. "Sounds like he's not going to be able to sue successfully, right?"

"The Mounties didn't do this on purpose, it's just work." The team doctor shook his head and smiled helplessly, then his expression became worried, "I have to tell you the truth, Batty, the people here are getting worse and worse, not only physically but also mentally. If they were at home, the situation might be better. You know, a few days ago, some people were shouting 'This is a godsend' and wanted to continue the party, but today Kyle took them out."

"Yeah, I know. If this continues, we'll all go crazy." Batistuta blew his hair and patted the team doctor's arm. "Keep an eye on them and try not to let them run around. I'll go ask Pep about the arrangements over there."

The team doctor nodded at him.

"Pep, the chairman and I are already trying to find a helicopter and will be able to take everyone home soon, so don't worry." Batistuta said, turning back and smiling, "I'm the captain and the host of the party, I will take good care of everyone."

……

When it was almost dark, Batty finally had some time to rest. He came to his favorite living room, threw himself into the sofa with a feeling of self-abandonment, and didn't even say hello to Qiaolin who was sitting on it. He was so tired that he didn't even want to lift a finger.

"Oh, poor baby, come here and let your sister hold you." Qiaolin put down the tablet and moved over. She moved the heavy light-colored head onto her legs, then reached out to massage the top of his head.

"Thank you." Batty thanked him in a hoarse voice.

Although Li Qiaolin was the most nervous person at the beginning of the outbreak in the UK, wearing a mask and disinfectant all day long and nervously stockpiling various things, but when the day of the city lockdown really came, she became the most relaxed person.

"I heard that you went to see Guardiola this afternoon. How was it? Did you find out anything?" she asked.

"Well, when I went there, he was on the phone with the chairman. From what they said, the helicopter should be ready soon, but the fuel and route are a problem, and it also needs approval from several ministers. It is said that the other party is very hesitant and is still negotiating terms." Batty said.

"It sounds like the British government is terrible," Qiao Lin said. "That joke is true. British railway workers are on strike, bus drivers are on strike, hospitals are on strike, people's lives are being hampered, and only the government is not on strike. But no one cares. They never do anything anyway."

"Haha! Absolutely right!"

Batty and Jolin laughed for a while, and told more jokes to mock the incompetent governments of European and American countries. Soon, they stopped laughing, and after the joy came the strong irony. As said in "Yes, Prime Minister", in the face of the epidemic, the solution proposed by the British government is -
The first stage claims that nothing happened;
The second stage says something might happen but no action is needed;
The third stage means that maybe action should be taken but nothing can be done;
Phase 4 states that perhaps something should have been done but it is too late.

Then?
Then the people were badly deceived.

Professional players like Batistuta should probably not be counted as civilians, but even though they earn high salaries and are admired by fans, they are still manipulated by certain politicians.

"By the way, sweetheart." In order to ease the atmosphere, Qiao Lin changed the subject, "Where are all your close 'friends'?"

"Who are you talking about?" Batty said lazily, "Neymar is talking to his sister on the phone, Kevin is inspecting my room and criticizing all my things, Lucas was playing games just now, and now I don't know what he is doing, as for the others-"

"It sounds like someone or two won in the end," Qiao Lin joked. "I've never seen you so focused on someone before, at least not when we were in Brazil."

Batty gave her a few unclear nasal sounds: "I thought you knew me."

"Isn't it?"

"If you know me, you know that nothing lasts forever for me." Batty said, closing his eyes a little sleepily, "Everyone would get bored with the same thing every day, and so would I. I can't live without excitement."

"Ha! Now they are all locked up in your house, is it exciting enough?" Qiao Lin laughed meaningfully twice, "You can go to this person's room today, and that person's tomorrow, or gather them all together in one night. You have to wrap yourself in a sheet and knock on another door with something. If these are not exciting enough, then you can let them come together. I think this is very - hey! It hurts!"

"It hurts." Batty pinched Qiao Lin's thigh to interrupt her. "I am so exhausted from thinking about everyone's survival every day, and you are still thinking about your fan fiction. Can you please have some conscience, lady?"

"I've been conscientious enough." Qiao Lin shrugged and said, "If you and Niu Qiu hadn't insisted on having a party, the things I stockpiled would have been enough for us to get through at least a month."

Batty was too lazy to be stubborn and gave his friend a look that said 'You are right, thank you, we all have to worship you'.

Qiao Lin knew that she couldn't win an argument with Barty, not even in a sweet one, so she ended the topic, smacked Barty on the head, and started braiding the light-colored hair, even though it was less than half the length of her arm.

5 minute later.

"Emmm, Barty? Are you asleep?"

"If you don't talk I'll fall asleep."

"Feel sorry."

"……What's your business?"

"Can I ask you a question."

"explain."

"That's it..." Qiao Lin cleared her throat, "If Neymar and De Bruyne swapped bodies, and you had to have sex with one of them to get them back, what would you choose?"

Batty: ...

"What a bullshit question."

"What if?" Qiao Lin smiled flatteringly, "Just tell me who you choose."

"No one is chosen." Batty was dismissive. "Let them switch, so I don't have to worry about it."

"Don't be like this, dear." Qiao Lin continued to ask, "If you have to choose one, and they will die if you don't choose, how would you choose?"

"I won't choose anyone. Let them and this problem go to hell." Batty waved his hand and said, "Luki just happened to be complaining that I don't play with him. If it's like you said, I will have plenty of time to play with him."

"Good boy, there are more unexpected answers." Qiao Lin twitched her eyebrows, "Have you never thought of another way?"

"what way?"

"Twist your answer around, choosing neither is the same as choosing both." Qiao Lin said maliciously, "Honestly, Barty, I've been craving those chocolate Oreo sandwich cookies for a long time."

"Oh, Sandwich, you're making me hungry."

"Then you know what I mean."

"No, I don't understand."

"Listen to this, do you believe it yourself?"

"Then you still ask me."

"I just wanted to make sure - you steered my conversation off topic, and I knew you were trying to get out of this, but no, Oreos, give me what I want, okay, baby?"

"No, the answer is still no." Batty narrowed his eyes, "Considering my personal safety, I don't think it's a good idea to let them meet at that time."

"Isn't it?"

"They would exchange barbs, try to kill each other with their eyes, and then leave me alone."

"No, no, if they were all focused on you they wouldn't have time to argue with each other, right?"

"...I will die." Batty finally rejected the proposal. "Besides, by the time they finish scolding each other and remember me, a century will have passed. I might as well play games with Luki in that time."

“So Xiugou won in the end.”

"what? What?"

"'Xiugou' means dog in Chinese, like your Lucas or something like that—"

Before Qiao Lin could finish her explanation, a cheerful voice was heard from the corridor not far away. It was the protagonist they were talking about at the moment.

"I think I heard my name!" Lucas jumped into the living room, "Hi Barty! And Jolene, good evening!" He greeted them energetically, "Look what I found?!"

"Listen, I'm the one who came with it." Qiao Lin complained to Batty with her eyes, "It's as if he can only see you at first sight."

'So now you know why I like dogs.' Batty raised an eyebrow, "Come here, Luki!" He waved at Lucas, "Show me what fun you found."

"It's Monopoly - Table Life!" Lucas came over dragging a large cardboard box. "I bought it immediately when it was released a few months ago, but I never had the chance to play it. I was thinking of waiting until the end of the season for our team building - but it doesn't matter, now is the perfect time!"

Batty blinked his slightly confused eyes.

"Board game?"

"Yes!" Lucas brought the box to Batty and explained the rules to him with great interest. "This is a business simulation sandbox game based on real life. It's not much different from the traditional Monopoly, except that it adds elements such as marriage, childbirth, and loans."

"That sounds great!" Qiaolin also became interested. She left Batty and jumped off the sofa. Together with Lucas, she moved the coffee table away, and then laid out the game map and props on the floor.

"You two are starting right now. Have you asked for my opinion?"

“Oh—” Qiao Lin took out the turntable and put it on while putting on a tearful look. Then she hooked Lucas’ neck and pulled him to act pitiful in front of Batty. “Look at the puppy’s eager eyes. Please, Batty, we really want to play!”

Lucas nodded with his eyes wide open.

"Although we are trapped physically, our hearts are not. Let's have some fun and make ourselves happy!" He took out a blue car from the prop box and pointed it at Batty. There was also a Lego-like man with dotted eyes on the car. "Please!"

Batty: ...
Batty: Tsk
"I didn't say I disagree, idiot." The Manchester City king rolled his eyes and got off the sofa, then curled his lips and pinched his finger bones, "Come on, I'm an expert at Monopoly, and I'm going to make you all bankrupt - Hey! Everyone, pay attention! The Monopoly game is about to start, there are only 7 places, first come first served!"

(End of this chapter)