The goal of life is to break up all couples

Gao Songdeng asked so seriously that it was no longer possible to just brush it off casually.

Forget it, since she wants to know, just tell her.

"Because I don't want to go back to the past, Lantern."

Matsueda Azusa turned her head and stared into Takamatsu Deng's eyes. After a moment's silence, she finally replied, "Because everything I value turns out no one else cares about it. Whether it's the person I love or the band I love, in the end, it turns out I was the only one who waited for it, and ended up getting hurt. Have you ever had such an experience, Deng? I hate to say this, but you wouldn't understand."

"Deng, it's not that I can't continue to stay here, play games with friends, and fantasize that one day someone will care about me and value me... But I don't want to continue deceiving myself like this. It's too sad, too ridiculous..."

"I really still... don't understand..."

Gao Songdeng lowered his head in confusion, his tone low, "But... this isn't just a friendship game! I'm serious about my feelings for everyone! I'm not lying about wanting to be in a band with you all forever! I've never neglected you all. I care about you all the most and value you all the most..."

"It's different, Deng. You value everyone... not me. Even if it's me, it's me among everyone, not just me alone."

Matsueda Azusa gently released Takamatsu's hand. "The Crychic you care about is the old one, everyone's Crychic. The old Crychic is one I miss, but I also want to escape from... That's why I took so much trouble to rebuild the current Crychic."

"But I'm very selfish, Deng. It's hard for you to understand, I guess. I'm someone who only thinks about myself. If what everyone cares about isn't what I care about, if the person everyone cares about isn't me... then I'd rather quit."

"Because I lack love, lack attention, and have no place to stay. Deng, can you understand? Someone like you who is loved by everyone won't understand, right? Because everyone loves you, all you have to think about is how to make yourself "human", because love is something that is within reach and easily obtainable for you! But I am different, Deng, I am different."

"I long for something that is unique and belongs to me. I long to be the only one in the eyes of others. I can't stand "mine" becoming "everyone's". I am such a selfish person."

As Matsueda Azusa finished speaking, Takamatsu Deng suddenly received too much incomprehensible information, and his brain went into a state of shutdown for a while.

She stared blankly at Songzhi Zi. His words kept echoing in her mind, but she could not understand what the difference was between "him" and "everyone", and why these imperceptible differences would lead to such serious consequences.

Why can't I understand no matter how hard I think about it? Is becoming a human so difficult and painful?

The atmosphere was so tense that it was unbearable.

Seeing that Takamatsu Deng didn't say anything else, Matsueda Azusa was silent for a moment, and finally turned around and left.

Gao Songdeng subconsciously stretched out his hand to keep her, but when the words came to his lips, he couldn't say anything and just opened his mouth in vain.

Since she couldn't understand anything, even if Matsueda Azusa told her all about her feelings, she still couldn't empathize with them at all...

Even if she called out to Song Zhizi now, what would that do? It would only pointlessly make Song Zhizi look back for a moment... maybe he wouldn't even look back.

Watching Matsueda Azusa leave resolutely, Yawata Kailing couldn't help but sigh softly: Matsueda Azusa feels that he is no longer valued and no longer needed. But...if the current Crychic loses him, I'm afraid it will really fall to the point of collapse.

And what will happen to her, an outsider who doesn't belong to Crychic?

65

Chapter 65: A shocking kneeling.

Matsueda Azusa saw Nagasaki Suyo rushing over at the end of the corridor.

It looked like she wanted to make one last effort.

Matsueda Azusa was too lazy to hide. With Nagasaki Suyo's personality, she would not turn back until she hit the wall. Instead of being pestered by her later, it would be better to talk to her here.

When Nagasaki Suyo saw Matsueda Azusa's figure, her eyes lit up and she hurried over. Because she was out of breath, even her words seemed a little fragmented: "Azusa, it's great that you are here... I, I was really afraid that you would get angry and leave directly. I want to apologize to you in person..."

"Apologize? What do you have to apologize for?"

Matsueda Azusa looked Nagasaki Suyo up and down.

Nagasaki Suyo twisted her fingertips vigorously and swallowed. "'Kasuga Shadow'... I really didn't mean to play with them! Everyone was fine and the performance was according to plan... But, but... suddenly everything turned out like this, and I... I didn't want it to be like this! But, the performance started suddenly, and there was nothing I could do... I'm sorry, Azusa, I'm so sorry!"

"I'm sure Azusa won't want to play 'Haruhi Shadow', right? Azusa and I feel the same way! We've been practicing this song for so long, and then suddenly they switch to a song from before... Azusa must be feeling really hurt, right?"

Nagasaki Suyo slowly approached Matsueda Azusa, her fingers entwined nervously. "It's only natural that Azusa can't forgive us for doing this. After all, we just casually threw away a song that was so important to Azusa... I'm so, so sorry!"

Songzhi Zi was silent.

Even Nagasaki Suyo knew this... Regardless of whether her apology was sincere or false, at least...

Unfortunately, this is not the crux of the problem.

"You don't need to apologize for other people's mistakes, Soyo."

Matsueda Azusa gritted her teeth and deliberately said something hurtful: "It's clearly not your fault, yet you're taking it all on yourself... Acting like you're truly sorry and repentant, Soyo, that's so hypocritical. Don't make yourself look so ugly."

Hearing Matsueda Azusa's answer, Nagasaki Suyo's outstretched hand suddenly froze, her mouth opened in panic, and she subconsciously defended herself: "No...no! I really feel very sorry for Azusa...this is absolutely not false!"

"Okay. Then let me ask you."

Matsueda Azusa calmly asked, "If I hadn't planned to quit Crychic today, or if you didn't know I was going to quit... would you still be so anxious to reflect on yourself and come over to apologize to me?"

Nagasaki Suyo's pupils shrank, and she almost felt that her breathing stopped at that moment.

She wanted to answer "Of course", but under Matsueda Azusa's gaze, she couldn't answer.

"Look, obviously you don't."

Matsueda Azusa sighed. "You don't think you're wrong. You just know I'm leaving. Ultimately, all you care about is this band. Why bother pretending you care about me? There's really no need."

"Why...why would you say that? I...I've never cared about the people in the band. I care about everyone!"

Nagasaki Suyo's voice trembled as she defended herself, "Aren't we good friends? We're bandmates, right? How could I not care about you, Azi? Of course I do! I want to be with you all every day... We just got together, and now we're separating again. That's so weird, isn't it?"

"Who exactly is this Songzhi Azusa you care about? Soyo, don't you understand it yet? Or are you deliberately not wanting to understand?"

Azusa Matsueda responded without hesitation: "Do you care about the Azusa Matsueda of the original Crychic, or the Azusa Matsueda of the current Crychic, or the Azusa Matsueda herself, unrelated to the band? I'm happy to accept both of the latter, but you really care about the first one, don't you, Soyo?"

"Let's stop with the hypocritical talk. Your fake persuasion is meaningless to me. This matter itself has nothing to do with you, and I don't want to make things too awkward."

"No, that's not the case! Azi, I... I can change! You're right, the previous Crychic is completely a thing of the past, and I should almost forget about it. We should all move on!"

Nagasaki Suyo frantically grabbed Matsueda Azusa's hand and swore to herself, "I promise, I'll let go of my obsession with the Crychic past. You all are what matter most to me now! Please, Azusa, give me one more chance! One last chance! I still want to be happy with everyone..."

"I've already said it, my leaving Crychic isn't your fault, Soyo. Don't just assume you did something wrong, and don't think you can fix it by just changing yourself... You'll only end up as ridiculous as me, and end up like this."

Matsueda Azusa frowned. "My reason for staying at Crychic no longer exists. This isn't something that can be changed by anyone."

"Why?! Wasn't it Azusa who rebuilt Crychic? Azusa must have deep feelings for Crychic! That's why Crychic has never ended! I, too, have always wanted to work hard for Crychic, so I've always wanted to return to Crychic..."

Nagasaki Suyo tightly grasped Matsueda Azusa's hand and begged: "So, please..."

"You really can't stop talking about Crychic."

Matsueda Azusa shook off Nagasaki Suyo's hand, already a little impatient: "So, did you understand what I was saying? I explained it to you patiently, not to let you stay confused!"

After saying that, Matsueda Azusa walked straight past Nagasaki Suyo, who was standing there in a daze, and walked forward without looking back.

"Wait a minute! Zi... No! I really... I have never ignored Zi, Zi is also very important to me... No, don't go!"

Nagasaki Suyo's mind went blank. Without hesitation, she turned around and rushed towards Matsueda Azusa, holding Matsueda Azusa's right hand tightly with both hands: "Onegai! If Azusa is gone... Watasi!"

Songzhi Zi frowned deeply, "Stop pestering me and let me go!"

Nagasaki Suyo held onto Matsueda Azusa tightly and knelt down on the spot: "What do you want me to do, Azusa, in order for you to come back? As long as it's something I can do, I'll do anything!"

"How did you say that? You...are just like me, thinking only of yourself."

Matsueda Azusa sighed deeply. Looking at Nagasaki Soyo's pitiful and pathetic appearance, it was as if he saw himself. The impatience and anger in his heart disappeared. "Soyo, you are chasing a hopeless result."

"Sometimes I really feel like you and I are a lot like us. We both long for family, love, and a place to call home... It's just that you're more easily satisfied. Just being with everyone is enough for you, while I'm much greedier and more selfish. Even when I'm with everyone, I'm still not satisfied and crave more attention. To some extent, I can understand how you feel."

"But, Soyo. Greed is endless, and people will never be satisfied. You are the me of the past, and the me of today may not be the you of the future. Even if I stay now, the peace you gain will only be temporary... We are all parasites who can't live without each other, but... I don't want to go on like this."

Matsueda Azusa turned her head away, no longer looking at Nagasaki Suyo. "This is my final advice. Nagasaki Suyo, learn to let go of the past. Don't focus your life on other people... That will inevitably lead to separation, disappointment, and collapse, and ultimately a ridiculous ending like mine."

Nagasaki Suyo knelt on the ground, staring blankly at Matsueda Azusa's departing back, as if all the strength in her body had been drained away in an instant.

Although Songzhi Azusa didn't say anything harsh to her, she actually hoped that Songzhi Azusa would scold her. At least that would prove that Songzhi Azusa cared about her, instead of like now... making her feel only tired and indifferent.

She seemed to understand some of what Songzhi Zi said, but at the same time, she seemed to understand nothing. She only knew... she really couldn't keep Songzhi Zi.

66

Chapter 66: Explosion with Li Xi.

"Azusa!"

Shiina Riki's panicked and anxious voice came from the front.

Not far behind, Nagasaki Suyo, who was kneeling on the ground, stared blankly at Shiina Tatsuki who was stumbling towards Matsueda Azusa, with indescribable anger and sorrow in her heart.

But at this time, Shiina Riki had no time to care about Nagasaki Suzu. She didn't even notice that there was a person kneeling behind her. All she could see was Matsueda Azusa.

She tightly grasped Matsueda Azusa's arm and looked at him with hopeful yet panicked eyes: "Azusa, you...you said you wanted to quit Crychic...you weren't serious, were you?"

"...Lixi, when have I ever lied to you?"

Songzhi Zi suppressed his emotions and squeezed out words from between his teeth.

Shiina Riki's eyes dimmed, his face filled with disbelief and inability to accept, "But...but, Azusa, you clearly promised us that we would be a lifelong band! That's what you said!"

"Stop talking about your previous promises!"

Matsueda Azusa finally couldn't bear it anymore and shook off Shiina Riki's hand, "The first one to break the promise, the one who betrayed...wasn't me!"

Shiina Riki turned pale and subconsciously defended himself: "I didn't!"

"Who is that person who betrayed our band and wants to return to the old Crychic?!"

Matsueda Azusa looked down at Shiina Riki condescendingly, his brows furrowed, his tone filled with uncontrollable anger and disappointment.

"I never wanted to go back to the old Crychic!"

Shiina Riki felt a sharp pain in his heart: "I...what I care about most is the Crychic that we created together, which belongs to us?!"

Hearing Shiina Ritsuki say this, Matsueda Azusa was extremely angry: "Still telling these meaningless lies! Ritsuki, you disappoint me so much! At this point, you still tell me that you care? If you care, what's going on with the lights? What's going on with "Kasuga Shadow"?!"

Shiina Riki was unable to defend herself, her vision spinning as she frantically offered a fragmented explanation: "I... I didn't bring back the lights to return to the old Crychic... I just, I simply wanted to have them join... 'Haruhi Shadow'. I never thought of changing the track to this one. I just..."

"Well, you never thought about it, you just thought it was good, you just thought there was nothing wrong with it."

Matsueda Azusa grabbed Shiina Riki's wrist and pushed her against the wall, gritting her teeth. "Weren't you the one who was so elated after the performance? Weren't you the one who said the performance was a great success and that the performance was excellent?! I don't understand, Shiina Riki! Have you ever cared about what I think? Or have you never cared? Can you even pretend to care?!"

"What exactly is our band to you? What exactly are the songs we wrote together to you?! Is it something that can be changed and replaced at will? Is it something that is good no matter what?!"

"Why can they do such a thing and still confidently claim that they care most about our band? It's ridiculous, so absurd, so meaningless, and so disappointing!"

Tears rolled down Songzhi Zi's eyes. His eyes were red, his breathing was rapid, and his voice was trembling: "If you don't care at all, why do you pretend to care? If all this is fake, why did you let me misunderstand it as real in the first place? Is this just a fun game for you? Why give me hope and then crush it so hard?!"

Shiina Riki watched Matsueda Azusa weeping in agony. Sadness, guilt, regret... a series of complex emotions intertwined in his heart. He felt like his heart was about to break, and tears welled up in his eyes uncontrollably: "Azusa, I'm not pretending to do this... I'm really, really... From the bottom of my heart, I feel that the time I spent with Azusa, the band we formed together, the songs we wrote together... are the most important things in life!"

"Everyone would say something like that! Even Su Shi, who wanted to go back to the past the most, told me that she would definitely let go of the past and that she would do anything as long as I stayed..."

Matsueda Azusa subconsciously tightened her grip on Shiina Riki's wrist. "You're just saying these things, how can I believe you?! If you really care so much, why would you do these things?! You say you care, but your actions show the exact opposite. Is this interesting?! Shiina Riki, answer me directly!"

Nagasaki Suyo, kneeling in the distance and still not rising, heard Matsueda Azusa's words clearly. She clenched her fists, feeling bitter. As expected, how could Matsueda Azusa not see through her true thoughts? If she had been deceived, he wouldn't have refused her return to Crychic in the first place... No wonder Matsueda Azusa hated her so much. What he despised most was people like her who said one thing and meant another, whose minds were always focused on themselves...

Shiina Riki lowered her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. After a while, she trembled and mustered up the courage to answer: "I brought Deng back to Crychic because Deng had been blaming himself for the reason why Toyokawa Shoko left the band before, and he had developed a fear of the band... I couldn't bear to see Deng suffer like this..."

"As for 'Spring Shadow'... I really haven't thought too much about it. I'm just happy that Deng can return to the stage and give an excellent performance... I really don't care about our songs, I just think... we will have many more opportunities in the future..."

Songzhi Zi couldn't help but chuckle, but the laughter was full of bitterness: "Lixi, you are worried about Deng, and I can completely understand that. That's why I supported you to pursue her that day. I hope you can persuade her... But, is this the only way to help Deng?"

"There was clearly someone else who wanted to form a new band with Deng. Unless you're certain that person is a jerk and Deng would only get hurt if she got involved with her...why do you think Deng's only option is to be taken back to Crychic by you, and not be able to move forward on her own? We could definitely provide her with a lot of help during this process, right?"

"So the reason is actually very obvious. Shiina Riki, when you were doing these things, you didn't even think about what would happen to our band. It's like you played 'Kasuga Shadow' on stage and still thought it was nothing. It's just that you didn't think that much."

Songzhi Zi released his hand: "To care about something, a certain matter, means that no matter what you do, you will subconsciously consider it. If you don't think about it... that just happens to mean that either you don't care, or you have something else that you care about more than it."

"Thank you, Lixi. You personally admitted that our band and I... were just things you didn't care about that much. During the time I formed a band with you, I was really, really happy. I was so happy that I thought all this was real, and that our band would continue like this forever..."

Matsueda Azusa closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "Now, there's absolutely no point in me staying in Crychic. I've been drowning in false beauty for long enough. This 'fake'... let it end today."

"Goodbye...Shiina."

"No...don't! I'm sorry, Zi, I'm sorry! It's my fault...please..."

Shiina Riki stumbled after Matsueda Azusa who turned and left, reaching out his hand in vain: "I..."

"Hey, that's enough. Do you have to make it so ugly? I don't think it's necessary. I didn't act so embarrassed when I gave up."

Shiina Riki's hand failed to grab Matsueda Azusa, and was stopped by Miura Yumiko who appeared out of nowhere. "Once this guy makes a decision, he means it. Don't go up and humiliate yourself. Let's end it gracefully."

Shiina Riki didn't expect that Miura Yumiko would suddenly appear at this time. He looked at her blankly, his mind blank and unable to speak.

When she heard Miura Yumiko's words, her heartbeat stopped for a moment, and she felt a sharp pain. Everything in the past had turned to ashes at this moment. The cracks left behind would never heal, and the deep wounds had left a permanent mark.

Looking at Shiina Riki's expression, Miura Yumiko snorted and felt relieved. She was actually prepared for the other party to get angry and hit her head off, but fortunately it didn't get to that point.

Seeing that she did not make any more radical moves, Yumiko Miura turned and left, following Matsueda Azusa's footsteps.

Shiina Riki stretched out his hand towards Matsueda Azusa's back, but could only watch the two figures disappear at the end of his sight, unable to say a word to keep them.

Everyone is an hourglass, time flowing out from the moment of birth and ending at death. Shiina Ritsuki felt as if she had become the grains of sand in Matsueda Azusa's life, falling down the rim of the glass. In just a moment, she had passed the last line of defense and plummeted into the bottomless abyss.