The goal of life is to break up all couples

The goal of life is to break up all couples

Author: Please eat rabbit

Summary:

[Oregairu+Loser+mygo+……hodgepodge]

Youth is both a lie and a sin.

For those who sing praises of youth, lies, crimes, secrets, and failures are just the spice of youth.

If failure can be considered youth, then people who fail in making friends can also be said to be enjoying their youth to the fullest, right?

Therefore, the helpful Songzhi Azusa decided -

He wants to help all the freshmen enjoy their youthful teeth!

Campus lovers who exude a sour smell, please keep an eye on your partner...

Azusa Matsueda is coming in!

1. "Improper Relationship Monitoring Department" is here!

"The organization has already decided that you will join the Service Club."

In the teacher's office, Shizuka Hiratsuka took out a cigarette box from her chest pocket, which was about to burst. She spun the lighter deftly in her hand, and the flame flickered.

"Arnold, I'm sorry, it's still..."

The silly-haired boy with DHA-rich eyes rolled his eyes and scratched his cheek with a wandering look - how on earth could such a club, which doesn't sound green, healthy, or fresh at all, be established so openly?

The word "serve" does not appear casually in daily life. It is only used in certain special situations, such as a maid serving her master.

If it were that kind of service, Hikigaya Hachiman would definitely raise his hands and feet and say "Let's party".

But the problem is...it seems like they want him to join the service club now.

Hikigaya broke into a sweat as he imagined himself wearing a maid outfit and calling someone "Master".

"slow!!"

At this moment, a burst of rapid footsteps came.

The office door was flung open.

Matsueda Azusa panted, holding onto the door frame, and made an Erkang gesture towards Hiratsuka Shizuka: "Spare his life!"

"Ounegai! If there's no Hikigaya, Watashi!"

The messy light brown hair fluttered gently with Songzhi Zi's breathing, and her cheeks were stained with a soft light red due to the intense exercise.

Sporadic beads of sweat dripped down his cheeks, shattered in the depression of his collarbone, and turned into a faint, fine mist.

It actually looks a bit tempting.

Even Hikigaya Hachiman couldn't help swallowing his saliva - Hey! Don't get me wrong, this is just a subconscious behavior. It's impossible for him to like boys - except Totsuka Ayaka.

Shizuka Hiratsuka slammed the lighter on the table and clenched her right hand into a knife shape.

"It's noon, behead immediately."

The knife-handed strike landed lightly on Hikigaya Hachiman's head.

It's not very lethal, but it's very insulting.

Hikigaya stared with dead eyes: So I am also a part of your play?

"Do not!!"

Matsueda Azusa was heartbroken. He stamped his feet and looked at Hiratsuka Shizuka, crying out with genuine emotion: "What on earth have you done? If it weren't for Hachiman Daibosatsu, how would we have fought against those damned real people?!"

"It's very simple, you can become a real person, right?"

Hiratsuka Shizuka's aura was finally no longer concealed. She stood up, looked down at Matsueda Azusa condescendingly, reached out and grabbed it, and refined it in an instant!

"I was just looking for you. Hikigaya has already agreed to join the Service Club. You're next."

clam?

Hikigaya Hachiman weakly raised his hand: "Um, is there something wrong with my memory? Or did the timeline just get restarted... I don't think I agreed to join."

Hiratsuka Shizuka immediately raised a cold brow, and Hachiman Daibosho surrendered instantly. He straightened his trouser legs to smooth out the wrinkles, bent his right foot, and prepared to get down from his seat. Every gesture was graceful and unfussy: "Go Menasai."

“No need to kneel.”

Azusa Matsueda leaped forward, reached out and grabbed Hachiman Hikigaya, pulled him up, and raised an eyebrow at Shizuka Hiratsuka: "Humph, too slow, too slow - you're still a step too late! Great Demon Lord Hiratsuka. I'm going to take Hikigaya away today, and I'll see who dares to stop me!"

Hikigaya's expression changed at the speed of light, his waist straightened, and his legs stopped shaking. He knew that Matsueda Azusa would not fight an unprepared battle, and he must have something to rely on to dare to say that.

As expected of a good brother, he actually came to rescue him. Well done, you did a great job!

The veins on Shizuka Hiratsuka's forehead twitched. She sat back in her chair and subconsciously pulled a cigarette from the pack. However, she didn't light it. She just held it between her fingers and helplessly held her forehead. "Why is it too late?"

"Clang clang clang—please look! The club's letter of appointment!"

Matsueda Azusa pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket, unfolded it, and slapped it triumphantly on the table in front of Hiratsuka Shizuka. "Hikigaya is now the vice president of our 'Improper Relationship Monitoring Department'! A minister cannot serve two masters. First come, first served. You are the challenger."

"?"

Hey!

Hikigaya's eyes widened.

What the heck was the "Improper Dating Inspection Club"?! He'd never even heard of it—no, he had no impression of ever applying to join such a club...

Strange, could it be that he traveled to a parallel universe when he woke up in the morning?

Shizuka Hiratsuka's forehead showed a frown, and she asked the same question as Hikigaya: "I've never heard of this club!"

"So you're just too slow, Hiratsuka-sama."

Matsueda Azusa crossed her arms across her chest, her upper body leaning slightly backward, and a series of onomatopoeias seemed to emerge behind her.

He held up a finger and said, "Just this morning, I established this club, and it passed the review and has been confirmed to be established!"

Hikigaya secretly grumbled: "How can such a club application be approved? Matsueda must have bribed the student council! Shameful power-for-money exchange—or perhaps power-for-sex exchange."

Hiratsuka Shizuka was a bit surprised and rubbed her brow. "Sobu High School doesn't restrict first-year students from starting clubs, but they still have to pass the student council's review and have the teacher's approval and guarantee. How you passed the student council's review, let's not talk about it for now—where did you find the instructor to guarantee your club?"

Matsueda Azusa seemed to have anticipated Hiratsuka Shizuka's question. With a twist of the corner of her mouth—the perfect curve for a dragon king's twisted mouth—she raised her hands high and clapped them reverently, "Please allow me to introduce to you our great savior—Little Ganxia!"

Hearing Matsueda Azusa's call, Teacher Gan Xia, who was sitting at a desk not far away, quietly poked her head out from behind the computer and waved awkwardly at Hiratsuka Shizuka.

She seemed to want to stand up, but she tripped over the electric wire under her feet, and a pile of handouts on the table were swept down and scattered all over the floor.

Her brown curly hair was draped messily over her shoulders. She sat on the ground with tears in her eyes, rubbing her head. She looked so small, not like a teacher at all, but more like a student.

"Tooth white..."

After a while, Teacher Gan Xia hurriedly got up from the ground, squatted down and picked up the scattered handouts.

Matsueda Azusa blinked and went over to help.

Shizuka Hiratsuka looked at the two busy people and sighed deeply: "Teacher Gan Xia doesn't teach your class at all, right? How did you find her?"

"Eh?!"

But the one who exclaimed was not Matsueda Azusa, but Teacher Gan Xia.

She looked at Matsueda Azusa in confusion and shock, then looked at Hiratsuka Shizuka: "Isn't little Matsueda my student?!"

"Recognize your students well!"

Shizuka Hiratsuka's fists clenched.

What's going on in this school? Even the teachers are problem children!

Neon Education is really finished!

How can a good student develop in an all-round way when he is with this group of insects?

Hikigaya Hachiman, who was hiding in the corner, looked at his nose and his heart, trying to make himself invisible, and moved quietly towards the door step by step.

Just five more steps and I'll be able to quietly escape from this dangerous place!

He is a loyal home-goer. Don't underestimate Hachiman Daibosatsu's character! Komachi is still waiting for him at home.

After putting the packed lecture notes back on Teacher Gan Xia's desk, Matsueda Azusa walked up to Hikigaya with a righteous look, thwarting his attempt to sneak away.

Facing Hikigaya's dead eyes and Hiratsuka Shizuka's gaze, Matsueda Azusa raised his hands to point at swords, smiled calmly, and chanted, "Early in life, I knew that life was difficult, yet I still allowed my lover to wander around the school. On the way home, the cold wind blows like a piece of cotton wool, and I walk alone in the sea of ​​learning. My heart is forged from thousands of grinding strokes, and I forge a sword with all my heart and soul. Today, I point my sword at the school building..."

"Stop, stop, stop."

Shizuka Hiratsuka interrupted Azusa Matsueda's charge, "So, is your club a legitimate club? What exactly does it do?"

"The famous adolescent reality expert, Billy Penguin, once said: 'Just a simple greeting will start to make you think wildly. If you exchange text messages, your heart will be stirred. If you receive a call from the other person, you will smile foolishly at the call log all day long.'"

Matsueda Azusa cleared his throat and delivered a righteous, heart-wrenching speech: "This is the ugly behavior of teenage lovers. Is this good? This is not good."

Hikigaya lowered his head, digging his toes into the ground, wishing he could crawl into the floor - and what is a Hikigaya? Don't learn from those damn nicknames given by the impromptu students in the class.

But Matsueda Azusa didn't care about Hikigaya's life or death. Instead, he raised his arm and continued, "Today's social class structure is severely stratified. Old guys are hogging the jobs and refusing to leave. Even elite graduates from higher education institutions find it difficult to make a name for themselves, let alone those poor students who gave up on further education after graduating from high school. But no matter what, it's better to learn well than not to learn at all."

"When they face the trials and tribulations of life, discovering that the girlfriend they promised their life to has hooked up with a rich older man, or that their once handsome and outstanding boyfriend has become a wealthy woman's lover with a smug look on his face – will they regret not studying harder in school and striving for a better life?!"

"Promoting happy education is actually harming them! Instead of studying hard when they should be, they're just dabbling in romance. This is simply wasting their lives and ruining their future."

"I'm a kindhearted person, and I couldn't bear to see my classmates cry and regret this later on, so I founded the 'Improper Relationship Monitoring Department.' Our mission is to break up all campus couples, restore peace to the world, and foster a campus atmosphere of hard work and progress."

"Besides..."

Songzhi Zi changed the subject and added, "The couples that I could break up couldn't be considered to have true love in the first place, right? It was just fake. There's no regret in breaking them up. It's all for their own good!"

"That's right!"

Teacher Gan Xia clapped her hands enthusiastically. "Oh! Xiao Songzhi is right! Students shouldn't fall in love at such a young age. I didn't even have a partner when I was in school!"

Songzhi Zi nodded to Teacher Gan Xia to express his gratitude, and placed a fist on his chest with a determined look: "It is our responsibility to improve the campus environment and correct the campus atmosphere!"

Hikigaya couldn't help but praise him, "You really only care about everyone."

Although it didn't sound like a good thing and the tone was weird.

Hiratsuka Shizuka frowned: "You are just a student, can you bear the responsibility of other students' lives?"

Songzhi Zi clasped his hands together. The sunlight came through the window and enveloped him, making him look a little divine. "If I don't go to hell, who will?"

"Oh, by the way, this proposal was not only approved by President Hibara Torahara, but even the parent representatives of the alumni association expressed strong support, with almost unanimous approval."

The feigned compassion lasted less than a second before Matsueda Azusa once again revealed her arrogant, triumphant expression: "If I remember correctly, that parent representative was the mother of the Head of the Service Club and the only member, right? Humph, the student council, the parent representatives, and even the opposing club are all on my side. What can you possibly use to fight me?"

It’s hard. This time the fist is really hard.

"Besides...banning school romance is actually good for you, isn't it, Mr. Hiratsuka?"

Matsueda Azusa jumped in again and added, "Now you have an excuse. The fact that you can't find a partner isn't your fault. It's because the school forbids dating during your school days. This has led to your lack of experience, and on the other hand, it has given you many potential rivals. That's why you, Mr. Hiratsuka, have become an older single..."

"boom!"

The intentional punch brushed past Songzhi Zi's ear, and the whistling wind from the fist made his cheek hurt.

If the shot is accurate, the head will probably explode like a watermelon, and the brain will be blown out...

"No personal attacks on teachers!!"

2. Remember to refer to your job title when you are working

In the end, Shizuka Hiratsuka was unable to stop Azusa Matsueda's evil plan.

The invincible Hiratsuka Shizuka has fallen! (Sad)

Songzhi Zi rescued his capable deputy, Penguin, and returned triumphantly.

Although Hikigaya might not be that surprised.

With his back slightly hunched, Hikigaya stared at his toes and took slow steps, not understanding what Matsueda Azusa was planning.

"Cough cough..."

He coughed and asked casually, "Speaking of which—Matsueda, how did you know that Hiratsuka-sensei was planning to put me into that… uh, service club?"

Songzhi Zi gave a thumbs-up, his teeth shining: "Don't underestimate my intelligence network!"

I have an intelligence pine branch.