Uneasy daily life

Just like when my mom used to make stir-fried pork kidneys for dinner when I was little, it was a subtle hint to my dad whether he wanted to do something that couldn't be approved by the authorities that night—as a result, for a while, my dad always avoided the stir-fried pork kidneys for dinner, looking quite embarrassed...

Then I overheard my parents talking.

[Can you really go without eating anything for the next few days?!]

Of course I can!

Why aren't you eating?!

I want to try something different...

What?! You're already tired of it and want something different?!

[Calm down! I meant the food. Let's change the flavor!]

As I gradually gained some understanding of sex, I was able to interpret new meanings from the things I had occasionally written down as a child.

Speaking of my past life, oh no, the previous world, no... anyway, I can't remember if anything similar happened in my first life. But I do remember something like this happened in this life. After the timelines overlapped and I remembered everything, I really understood a lot of my parents' unreliable behavior. I learned about all their immature but very real aspects that they would almost never show in front of their children.

Tsk tsk tsk, for example, this kind of behavior where, after having a child, they go so far as to create secret codes to meet in order to engage in intimate acts.

Wait a minute! Shouldn't we be thinking about our superiors now?

In short! When the superior suddenly asked him if the plot was erotic, he wasn't actually asking about the plot itself, but rather asking him to think about erotic plots in order to understand the underlying meaning of the superior's invitation to be erotic together, and then respond accordingly.

"Hello? The other party doesn't want to answer the call you dialed?"

Angelina snapped out of her reverie and met the large, close face of the white figure. She reflexively jumped back to create distance, stomped her foot, and decisively shifted the blame: "Sir, I'm not Yukinoshita who's always nitpicking and overthinking. I'm just saying this normally. How could I possibly understand what you're trying to say through all those twists and turns?!"

Bai Ying gasped in astonishment: "You came to this conclusion after staring blankly for so long? Incredible wisdom! Incredible wisdom indeed!"

"?" Angelina retorted angrily, her face stern. "Otherwise what? Can't you just speak clearly and directly, sir? Why do you always make people speak in riddles?"

Bai Ying: "I want to rub your breasts."

Angelina instinctively crossed her arms over her chest and stepped back warily: "You're disgusting! You pervert!"

Bai Ying: "..."

Angelina: "..."

Well, it seems that being too direct isn't a good thing either?

Angelina shrank back a little guiltily and looked up at the setting sun.

"From a purely rational perspective, I've already stated my purpose. Then you started spacing out. Normally, you should be surprised that 'that's how it is,' understand what I mean, and then feel shy, guilty, or expectant, revealing a girlish, romantic feeling—there's a slightly ambiguous and romantic atmosphere—"

Bai Ying said in despair, "And your first reaction was to shift the blame!"

Angelina retorted defiantly, "W-what do you mean by 'passing the buck'? I'm just thinking like a normal person!"

The white figure landed with a resounding thud, pointing and shouting: "Nonsense! I think you're clearly immune to romance!"

"Pah!" Angelina's eyes widened, and she pointed back, "It's clearly the officer who's full of lust and thinks only with his lower body; he should be hanging from a tree!"

The two stood at the intersection, glaring at each other. One was righteous and assertive, while the other was righteous and assertive even though he was not in the right.

In the end, Angelina was the first to give in. She rubbed her fingers together and tried to sound serious, saying, "Well, never mind! We're not afraid of being seen in the street, a kiss isn't out of the question..."

Hmm! This doesn't seem quite right at all!

Bai Ying pressed her advantage relentlessly: "Fine! Then you better pout properly, so your forehead doesn't look like a forehead, and close your eyes and don't look, I'm shy!"

You're so shy!

Angelina rolled her eyes, then obediently closed them and pouted slightly.

Hmm—the white figure is a bit taller than me, so it would be easier to look up, right? No way! Looking up to wait for a kiss feels too strange, like a fish surfacing in the water waiting for disaster relief food—it's so stupid!

Let's stand on our tiptoes a little!

Speaking of which, I don't know when I picked up this new knowledge online, but there are different ways to kiss, right? A kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the lips… cough cough, there are different ways to kiss the lips too. One way is when you look up and the other person looks down; another way is when you don't look up, and to avoid bumping your forehead, the other person twists their neck sideways to kiss you. Or…

Well, the ways you can stand are still quite limited.

Speaking of which, does Bai Ying ever stick out his tongue? I have a feeling he does; he did last time, and I even bit it off instinctively… cough cough! It's all his fault for launching a surprise attack! Boys are all impulsive idiots! Would a sweet, light kiss kill you? Hmm! I'll keep my mouth shut for a bit… ouch! I have a feeling that, given Bai Ying's style, he might just brush my teeth with his tongue? Gulp! Most likely? No! Absolutely! How disgusting!

...Hmm, I closed my eyes and waited to be kissed. Although it wasn't exactly a surprise attack, I felt a different kind of nervousness. Huh? When did my hands become clenched into fists? I think I'm sweating a little... I can't hear any sound. I took a quiet, careful breath, but I can't seem to smell anything... Could it be that someone is deliberately tiptoeing over to me without me noticing?

Want to peek?

I'm keeping an eye on it!

Angelina lifted her left eyelid.

Standing ten meters away, the white figure uttered a heart-wrenching accusation: "Disgusting! You pervert!"

Before the words were even finished, the other person had already covered their face in shame and fled, leaving behind only the passerby whose gaze had been drawn by the sudden sound, and the girl who stood there with her two much longer ponytails almost standing on end.

"Waaaaahh ...

……

It can only be said that the task is arduous and the road ahead is long.

"Ugh……"

On the bench, Bai Ying sighed with a complicated expression.

"What's wrong? It's rare to see you looking so troubled." Sakuta Azusagawa sat down next to him, gazing at his two younger sisters and a girlfriend who was waiting to be dated at the amusement park. "Assuming you really have something on your mind."

Bai Ying stroked her chin: "It's a topic about love."

Sakuta Azusagawa sat up slightly: "Are you struggling to decide who to ask out for Christmas, or are they planning to get rid of you?"

Bai Ying frowned and said, "Isn't your question a bit too advanced?"

"Really?" Sakuta Azusagawa thought for a moment. "Never mind, just say it."

"Simply put, it's like when I'm trying to guide the atmosphere and storyline, and I feel like I have a huge advantage after playing a series of straights and full houses, then Too Long-Willed plays an unbeatable card," Bai Ying sighed. "After a lot of back and forth, I managed to bring the atmosphere back to the romantic feel, but I couldn't swallow my pride, so I decisively declared myself the winner, and then she flipped the chessboard over and started showing off her superpowers..."

Sakuta Azusagawa retorted, "You have to fuss over something like this? Can't you just control your pettiness a little?"

"Where am I being petty?" Bai Ying snorted. "Didn't you and Xiangzi have similar experiences? When the time came to the point of divergence and the memories were retrieved, Xiangzi, who was an elementary school student, remembered the most memories—as a healthy high school student, wouldn't you often feel exhausted because an elementary school student didn't have those thoughts?"

Sakuta Azusagawa corrected him seriously, "Shoko is a second-year junior high school student now!"

Bai Ying nodded and said, "Indeed, the difference between a death sentence and a suspended death sentence is quite significant..."

“Yeah, I’ll try my best to get out of prison,” Sakuta Azusagawa retorted. “That’s called being petty.”

"Talking nonsense helps increase favorability." Bai Ying put her hand on Azusagawa Sakuta's shoulder and whispered, "I'm actually quite worried about you. What if you two lose the excitement of being in a relationship?"

"Excitement?" Sakuta Azusagawa sighed. "It's terminal illness and separation, time travel and changing the world, and Shoko-san turning into Shoko-chan... I've already gone too far with the excitement. I'd be willing to just live a peaceful life with my girlfriend from now on."

"Sakuta, you're getting old, sigh..."

"That's not true. I do boki at least every morning."

"Oh? Is it elementary school student Xiangzi, middle school student Xiangzi, high school student Xiangzi, or college student Xiangzi?"

"Is there any difference?"

"Elementary school students are death row inmates, junior high school students are death row inmates with reprieve, high school students are like little brothers falling in love with older sisters with a sister complex, and college students are like me with a delusional obsession about having an invisible girlfriend."

"Isn't there any good feedback at all? Like, being a fan of Xiangzi or something?"

"Pure pervert?"

"It's still safer than yours."

Sakuta Azusagawa sensed something and asked curiously, "So? Your interpersonal skills have reached their limit in front of five girlfriends? Are you about to capsize? Tell me, is it because of scheduling conflicts, unfulfilled promises, or are you about to be torn apart by five horses like Shang Yang?"

"No, I just couldn't control my impulse." Bai Ying sighed, describing vividly, "Think about it carefully. In front of you is your girlfriend with whom you have a deep affection. You've overcome many difficulties, experienced many joys and sorrows, and created too many unforgettable memories, making your meeting seem like destiny—"

Sakuta Azusagawa pondered, "Hmm... I sometimes feel that way too. It's completely different from a normal relationship. Yuuma and his girlfriend argue every few days, break up, get back together, break up again, get back together again—about friendships, future job choices, hobbies, habits... Their constant adjustment to each other is what a normal relationship is like. And then?"

Bai Ying: "And then you boki."

“That’s true…” Sakuta Azusagawa said calmly, “This is a bit strange.”

Bai Ying grinned: "Looks like I have one! Tell me, who are you thinking of?!"

"It's obvious who I'm thinking of," Sakuta Azusagawa said fearlessly. "The real question is who you're thinking of."

"Wow! It seems the death penalty is an option..."

"Hmm? No, it's not the problem who you're thinking of. The real problem is..." Sakuta Azusagawa said subtly, "Can you really think like that?"

"..." Bai Ying's expression was strange, shifting under Azusagawa Sakuta's gaze. He sighed softly, his expression calming down. "Yes, can I really think like that? Sometimes I feel that one's freedom is more important. The closer the relationship, the more constrained I feel, the more I hesitate and worry about the consequences..."

Sakuta Azusagawa pondered for a moment: "It must be related to your past life, right? Although I don't know what your past life was like, the you I met... because you decided to be unburdened, you would get involved in whatever you were interested in, and if you found something boring, you would try to make it interesting. Even if you were disliked by others, you would deal with it without any hindrance. It was a very self-centered and carefree attitude towards life."

Bai Ying raised an eyebrow slightly: "Where did you get this idea from?"

"I guess it's when you're dating an elementary school student? There are always more things to consider when you're with someone than when you're alone, especially after you've experienced the hardships of interpersonal relationships." Sakuta Azusagawa chuckled. "Because you have nothing to worry about, you're brave, but because you care so much, you're also timid."

"That doesn't sound like something you would say."

"Yes, Xiangzi said so. I'm sometimes curious about what kind of memories she's regained. After all, experiencing so many 'what ifs' in the future makes her seem much smarter than me."

Sakuta Azusagawa recalled briefly and said, "She said that my mentality meant I didn't value her as my girlfriend. It was a matter between two people, but I insisted on thinking about it alone, without paying any attention to the other person's feelings..."

Bai Ying shrugged: "Well, I'm different from you, I..."

“You probably have some kind of wisdom, experience, and ability that comes from similar experiences, just like Shoko,” Sakuta Azusagawa said incisively. “Being able to see through people’s hearts, her personality, her thoughts, her experiences—what does that determine? Whether you are the one who should get close to her, whether you are the one who should spend your life with her, whether you are the one who should hold onto this fate... However, I think if I can overcome something, you definitely can too.”

"Bai, you've always been full of courage that seems almost inexplicable. It's just that you have a lot of unique experiences and your true feelings don't make things difficult for yourself. But there are always things in the world that you've never imagined or dealt with before. When experience, wisdom, and knowledge are no longer useful, it's time for you to experience the predicaments you've shown to others—you have to be brave at least once, right?"

The white figure remained silent for a moment, then asked, "What did you defeat?"

"...It's a feeling of having more free time, which leads to overthinking. On the surface, it's about whether the girl you like, Ms. Shoko, is actually Ms. Shoko. In reality, it's about doubting whether you've gotten what you wanted and feeling confused about your calm state of mind."

Sakuta Azusagawa chuckled: "Back then, Shoko kissed me, and I kissed her back. One person's predicament can't hold two people back."

One person's predicament cannot hold two people back...

Do I have the confidence to be a husband? Do I have the confidence to be a son? Do I have the confidence to be a father?

The hardest thing for people to overcome is their own conscience.

Bai Ying sighed, and amidst Azusagawa Sakuta's teasing yet teacherly smile, suddenly asked, "Does Azusagawa Kaede know that you have a middle school girlfriend, Makinohara Shoko?"

"Well..." Sakuta Azusagawa scratched his cheek subtly. "She doesn't know, I plan to wait until Shoko goes to high school... huh?!"

Sakuta Azusagawa was jolted awake from his self-satisfaction of being a know-it-all. He instinctively looked around, but no one was there... so he decisively turned his head away.

Kazuka Toyohama and Kaede Azusagawa stood behind a bench, each holding a hot drink; one had a strange expression on her face, and the other had a look of horror on hers.

Bai Ying patted Azusagawa Sakuta on the shoulder and encouraged him loudly.

"Go for it! You siscon, it's time to overcome your inner conflict!"

Chapter 97 - One-Click Clear!

"Hey, is this how you invite people out to play? You're already at the amusement park and then you call me to come along. Fine, I came here just to listen to you two discussing a bunch of nonsensical topics?"

Feng Bin and Hua Huanqing used their hands, impatiently tapping the ground with the tips of their shoes.

Bai Ying stroked his chin: "Is it really that inexplicable?"

"Otherwise what?" Feng Bin and Hua rolled their eyes and succinctly retorted, "What do you mean by the closer the relationship, the more reserved and hesitant you become... um, all that nonsense. What are you two thinking about all day long?"

Bai Ying gave a serious example: "For instance! I used to be able to tease you without any qualms, but after we became a couple, because of our current relationship, I can't tease you so casually anymore. I have to think carefully before I can tease you..."

"?"

Feng Bin and Hua raised a question mark: "Huh? What does this have to do with couples?"

"How can it be nothing?" Bai Ying gestured. "Aren't you my girlfriend?"

Feng Bin and Hua thought for a moment, then decisively said with displeasure, "What the hell? You're worrying about some weird things yourself, and then you say it's because of me? Isn't that just like my mom?"

Bai Ying was shocked: "I've become your mother?"

"Get lost!" Feng Bin and Hua said irritably. "I'm talking about that kind of thought process where you're clearly troubled and happy about things that you want to do, but you blame me for it! You worry about all sorts of random things without even discussing them with me, isn't that your own business? And you insist on saying it's because of your relationship, humph!"

"Besides, you're one way before you become a couple and another way after. It's definitely better the way you were before, right? Otherwise, why would I be your girlfriend? Just to make you change? That would be crazy!"

hiss--!

It seems that's indeed the case?

From a generally rational perspective, it is indeed a contradiction and conflict that arises from one's own experiences leading to PTSD, and the desire to overcome this PTSD.

Bai Ying patted Azusagawa Sakuta on the shoulder, repeatedly exclaiming, "Great wisdom appears as foolishness! Great wisdom appears as foolishness!"

"Hmm? Are you being sarcastic?" Feng Bin and Hua raised an eyebrow, holding a hot drink in one hand, and walked around to the front of the bench, giving Bai Ying a light kick to the shin. "I specially made time to play with you, so don't make me angry today."