Uneasy daily life

"The original ending of the story was that the male and female protagonists agreed to commit suicide together. They were holding hands and planning to jump off a cliff together, but at the last moment, the female protagonist turned around, pushed the male protagonist away, and jumped off the cliff first..."

Mai Sakurajima lightly tapped the script with her finger.

"Witnessing death, fearing death, the protagonist unable to live, yet unable to die—as the ending of the story, is there anything you're dissatisfied with? Surely it's not going to end with a happy ending and a love story?"

The white figure spoke eloquently.

"I didn't mean that."

Mai Sakurajima smiled slightly: "What I meant was that the expression wasn't strong enough..."

"Let's add a kissing scene."

written request for leave

Kakakakakakakaka...

Kakarot! Kafka! Kaka!

The thing that came out was strange, so I took it back.

It feels like I've written too much about Yukino, so much so that when I write about Mai, after finishing a section and reading it back, it feels like it wouldn't be too jarring to replace all instances of 'Sakurajima Mai' with 'Yukino Yukinoshita'.

While they do share some similarities in personality, writing them too alike isn't a good thing... At least Mai's outward appearance is more mature and composed than Yukino's, and more reserved and steady than Haruno's. Inwardly, she has more tolerance and a sense of 'proper boundaries' between adults, but she also retains a girlish innocence, which is different from Yukino's awkward and serious nature...

As I write, my writing is starting to sound a bit too similar to others, which is driving me crazy. I suspect Yukino is casting a spell on me.

I'm taking a day off to try switching Yukino's circuit to Mai's circuit and rewriting the storyline to make her shy, bounce back from rock bottom, and turn defense into offense, etc. This kind of plot change is completely unsuitable for Mai.

Touch! Goodnight!

Chapter Sixty-Three: Survive

A kissing scene?!

Okita was stunned, his mind racing. In terms of generating buzz, this move was brilliant, but from a scriptwriting perspective, it altered the meaning of the story itself, making it a somewhat incompatible choice.

"Kissing scene?"

Bai Ying pondered for a moment with a calm expression, glanced at Sakurajima Mai for a few seconds, and then directly rejected the idea, saying, "Forget it, it's not appropriate."

Um? interesting.

Mai Sakurajima raised an eyebrow slightly and said with a smile, "What's wrong? Is Black Fan shy? Or is it that Black Fan, who prides himself on his superb acting skills, actually can't act in kissing scenes at all?"

"Heh." Bai Ying, adhering to the key principle of answering questions with questions, countered, "Are you really that good at acting in kissing scenes?"

"As an actor, you should do your best to understand and perform whatever role you have. This is the professional attitude you need to have towards your work."

Mai Sakurajima casually remarked, "It seems that the hater lacks some professionalism."

"Bullshit."

Bai Ying curled her lips: "I've seen all your movies and TV series. Forget about kissing scenes, I can't even find any hugging or cuddling. You're just making vague boasts here. Don't you think you're showing off your limited skills in front of an expert?"

"Hmm?" Sakurajima Mai's eyes lit up slightly. "You've seen them all?"

“I’ve already seen it.” Bai Ying recalled the glorious past. “To become a hater, you must first know yourself and your enemy! Last year, I watched all your works and evaluated them from multiple aspects such as script, expression and action. I concluded that your acting skills mainly came from your appearance, which made it easier to launch a targeted attack later… Tsk, I’m a self-proclaimed hater. Speaking of which, I haven’t written a short essay on your acting skills yet. I’ll make up for it later.”

Obviously, there's nothing nice to say.

Hmm... Was that very focused, slightly admiring look in the eyes of the hater just now, the look that made my heart flutter, just my imagination?

Mai Sakurajima narrowed her eyes, her gaze somewhat dangerous. She turned her head away, pretending to continue reading the script, and said meaningfully, "Although that's how it's presented on TV, there were some scenes that were cut after filming. You should be able to find those online, Hater."

"Oh."

Bai Ying immediately took out her phone and started operating it seriously: "Type in Sakurajima Mai... Oh, there are already some entries popping up. Let me see what they are—[Sakurajima Mai drug use] [Sakurajima Mai went into the adult film industry] [Sakurajima Mai 18+ photobook] [Sakurajima Mai's boyfriend is Bai Ying]... Very entertainment industry search terms. Whether they are true or not doesn't matter, as long as they are wild enough."

"Compared to the search terms on the internet, the intimate scenes I'm talking about seem rather ordinary."

As the real Mai Sakurajima, she couldn't help but complain about the current state of the internet. She casually flipped through the script in her hand and jokingly said, "So, you haters don't believe I've ever filmed any scenes with intimate actions?"

Bai Ying slowly frowned, revealing a conflicted, displeased, yet forcefully suppressed emotion: "Could it really be true?"

"..."

Mai Sakurajima gave a subtle look: "How should I put it? Maybe it's because I know you too well, but I always feel that this jealousy isn't quite pure."

“I think they’re still pretty innocent.” Bai Ying’s expression changed, and she said seriously, “So innocent that I’m even thinking of asking the relevant people and finding a way to send them to prison to pick up soap.”

"Ok?"

Mai Sakurajima made a questioning nasal sound.

“You, Brave Plus, a child star who has been in the entertainment industry for almost ten years, are still a minor,” Bai Ying complained. “And you’re having intimate scenes? Your mom made you take a swimsuit photoshoot and you almost got public PTSD—huh? Should I play along with your flirting? Private Marseille, my IQ doesn’t allow it.”

"You're really smart!"

Step on.

Placing her right foot where it should be, Mai Sakurajima flipped through the script and said calmly, "I'm eighteen this year, so filming some intimate scenes shouldn't be a problem. Does Black Fan have any concerns about adding a kissing scene? Surely you're not shy?"

"I mean, there seems to be a problem with the plot."

Bai Ying pondered for a moment and said, "If we're going to add something, the kissing scene is too shallow. Let's add a bed scene instead."

Suddenly, the surroundings became quiet.

Mai Sakurajima's eyes widened slowly, her smile vanished, and the pressure on her foot suddenly increased dramatically, adding a twisting and crushing attack: "I'll give you three seconds to give me a reason!"

"Hiss—! Calm down, calm down!"

Bai Ying immediately explained: "Look! The character I'm going to play is an old bachelor, or to put it simply, an old virgin! For this character who is deeply mired in despair and despondency, suddenly experiencing the pleasure of love between men and women that he has never experienced before, and the joy brought by the reproductive instinct, successfully dispels the numbness and depravity in his heart, so that in the last moment when he chooses to commit suicide, he does not jump off the cliff with the female lead - isn't that reasonable?"

"The sexual urges, the surge of desire, the allure of pleasure shattered his self-proclaimed calm and wisdom, making him unable to deny life and succumb to instinctive cravings! His body had tasted pleasure, and he no longer wanted to die, thus watching the female protagonist jump off a cliff to commit suicide. His heart was burdened with immense guilt, and he clearly realized that he was merely a slave to his instincts. He stopped his suicide attempt not because of the courage to face life again, but because the carrot of desire kept him stumbling forward..."

As Bai Ying spoke, her thoughts gradually broadened, inspiration surged, and her eyes lit up.

Mai Sakurajima: "?"

"Hmm? This feels pretty good." Okita, who had been silently being fed dog food (a Chinese slang term for witnessing public displays of affection), couldn't help but ponder the plot and started discussing it. "They claim to be detached from worldly affairs, but that's only because they haven't been tainted by them. The earlier parts of the story can portray the empathy between the male and female leads as fellow sufferers, giving the audience the illusion that 'this is love.' Then, the ending can have a twist—the affection of licking each other's wounds disappears after the scars heal, the female lead dies alone, and the male lead lives alone... Hmm..."

Okita Masaya's eyes lit up: "Brother, since you've come up with this plot, you must have some concise yet powerful lines, right? We can't make long, drawn-out psychological portrayals in movies."

"let me see……"

Bai Ying snatched the script from Sakurajima Mai's hands and began flipping through it rapidly. A complex mix of pain, struggle, and confusion gradually surfaced on his face, as if he had instantly become the male protagonist. He closed the script and murmured to himself, "It wasn't the fear of death that stopped him from heading towards the cliff, nor the courage to face life that pulled his soul from the brink of nothingness... Ah, why didn't I die? I wish I were a coward or a hero; the former could rightfully hide, the latter could rightfully stand up... The thought of being able to sleep with another woman is what kept me alive..."

"Did I survive? For some reason, I suddenly had a thought that maybe I was already dead."

The white figure sighed self-deprecatingly, "So-called death is the inability to become oneself."

"That's it!" Okita Masashi seemed to have hit a nerve, raising his fist excitedly. "As a loser in the secular world, he mocks the secular world, ridicules the secular world, and becomes a part of the secular world. He abandoned his own reflections on the world, was swept up by desires and merged into it, becoming just another one of those monotonous stories—so-called death! It's about not being able to be yourself!"

"Hahaha! That's right! Create according to this idea!"

The white figure stretched out a hand.

"We can make even better movies!"

Okita reached out and shook hands with the white figure.

Just as the two felt a sense of kinship, they sensed a chilling aura and turned to face Sakurajima Mai, whose smile was forced and insincere.

"So... the director and the hater are really planning to have me do a sex scene?"

Mai Sakurajima pulled out her phone and muttered to herself, "As a girl who's still seven months shy of turning 18, I should probably report this to the police..."

"that is!"

Bai Ying frowned and scolded, "Director, it's one thing for the scriptwriters to like the dark room scenes of Mo Dao Zu Shi, but why are you making it into something rated 18+? As a boy who is only seventeen years old this year, I can't just sit idly by and ignore your adult behavior!"

"?"

Okita glared at his traitorous teammate: "You brought this up first!"

Bai Ying turned and glared at Sakurajima Mai, "You brought this up first!"

"I meant kissing scenes, not anything R-rated! Besides, kissing scenes can be filmed using camera tricks, right?!"

Mai Sakurajima swiftly raised her hand, pinched the white figure's cheek, and forcefully pulled the noodles to the side.

Bai Ying mumbled, "Sex scenes are allowed too... oh!"

Mai Sakurajima smiled through gritted teeth and said, "Hater! Looks like I'll have to have a private talk with you!"

"Hiss—! Calm down! Don't act impulsively!"

"Ahem, anyway, I'll go and get everything sorted out for the crew first. Remember to work hard on revising the script, little brother. As soon as I call, we'll get right to work!"

Okita coughed, acting like an outsider and prompting people to leave.

Hmm... this atmosphere definitely suggests they're a couple.

That's great! My younger brother is playing the male lead, and Ms. Sakurajima is playing the female lead. Plus, their real-life relationship will surely give the script an even more exciting performance!

At times like these, one should act like an old farmer planting vegetables, watering and fertilizing, and then waiting for the harvest.

……

……

Mai Sakurajima has recently finished filming the terrible movie from 2016—no, I should say, the absolute worst movie ever. Because the director is known for his unpredictable changes of mind and sudden whims, it's common for him to add scenes or cut the script at the last minute. She is still staying at the hotel arranged for her to stay in 2016, ready to deal with all sorts of abstract demands from the director of this terrible movie.

In the living room of the room, Bai Ying sat on a small stool, flipping through the script with a deep expression.

Sakurajima Mai sat on the sofa with her legs crossed, squinting at the other person, her displeasure obvious: "Huh? It's just a kissing scene, and you're making such a fuss about it, you hater?"

"To be honest, I've been experiencing writer's block recently, and it's quite severe."

Bai Ying solemnly defended herself: "Although your suggestion of a kissing scene, then a bed scene, and then an interpretation of death is a good creative approach, I will absolutely not use such a skewed solution!"

"First of all, you were the one who suggested the sex scene. Secondly, this kind of script is quite in line with the writing style of the hater."

Sakurajima Mai asked curiously, "It's a tragic story that Black Fan likes, and it also interprets unconventional meanings—of course, I can't stand the sex scenes, and Black Fan can't stand it if he finds another girl to act in it, so Black Fan should find a male actor, which is within my tolerance range."

"Hmm... stacking too many buffs isn't good; a script with too narrow a scope can't convey the original intention of the creation."

Bai Ying shook her head, scratching her hair vigorously: "Damn it! I'm so close to breaking through, but I just can't seem to get a breakthrough?"

"You're actually thinking about how to write it?"

Mai Sakurajima pondered for a moment, then reached for the script on the table and began to read it with a different mindset. She said thoughtfully, "Black Fan, who are you trying to write this script for?"

"Who is it written to? That's a long story."

Bai Ying crossed her arms and made no attempt to conceal anything, simply describing the situation involving Azusagawa Sakuta, Makinohara Shoko, and Azusagawa Kaede.

Mai Sakurajima listened quietly, gently resting her cheek on her hand, silently watching the white figure.

"The love and life of Azusagawa and the larger version of Shoko is quite a melodramatic reality, to the point that he has to start considering the meaning of death. As for the little girl, the troubled Azusagawa probably didn't notice that for someone who has lost his memory for two years and exists under a completely new name, curing the illness may mean the disappearance of his personality... The little girl has been keeping it to herself, and she seems to have a premonition that she will disappear once the illness is cured."

Bai Ying scratched her head, lost in thought: "The little girl seems to have gained the courage to face life, but this also means that once she begins to face difficulties, she is destined to die after overcoming them... Of course, she can't tell Zichuan about this unsolvable problem—what if Zichuan loses both her loved ones and the person she loves, and Saint Elizabeth calls for her right there and then..."

"So..." Mai Sakurajima said softly, "Hate fans, do you want to give them an answer?"

"Answer? I have no answer."

Bai Ying shrugged: "Is it to reenact their tragic story in advance, so that they can relax a little before the tragedy comes? Or to write a comedic story to heal the wounds caused by reality? No matter which one, it cannot heal the real wounds... The wounds are already scabbed over in the heart. Tearing them open will not only fail to heal, but will also lead to sudden death."

"However, I still have an idea, which is why I have this script. It's just that I still haven't found a suitable solution to the two propositions of 'choosing death' and 'choosing to live'."

The white figure muttered to itself, "While it's understandable to not want to die because of desire, this solution won't achieve the desired effect..."

Time is of the essence. There's no need to rush with the older Shoko for now, unless she suddenly shows up to ask Azusagawa out on a date, which would mean time is running out. The real problem is with the little girl. No one knows when her courage in facing difficulties will vanish.

Ultimately, will my method even work? Although I want to use unconventional methods to combat this unconventional problem, will it really work?

This wretched world, in the end, I'll just have to push myself harder.

Bai Ying was pondering various questions and possibilities when suddenly a force pulled him backward from his shoulders, and he felt a hard pillow-like sensation on the back of his head. His eyes looked up, but his vision was momentarily obscured until Sakurajima Mai looked down and saw her face.

"Hate fan, take a break."

Mai Sakurajima gently rubbed the white figure's forehead and said teasingly, "It's rare to see you so overwhelmed. You've lost your omnipotent aura."

"All-powerful? Then why am I experiencing writer's block? Damn it!"

The white figure drawled out, "Ah—why do people have to live, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze..."

"Who told a certain hater to keep harassing us?"

With the sudden sound, the white figure met Sakurajima Mai's gaze in surprise.