Uneasy daily life

Mai Sakurajima pursed her lips and took the initiative to talk about her family affairs and opinions.

The woman in white craned her neck and nodded repeatedly, saying, "Yes, yes, yes, as they say, poverty makes life miserable for couples. Calm down a bit first."

"Poverty-stricken couples face endless sorrows..." Mai Sakurajima murmured, savoring the phrase, before asking, "Do you agree with this statement?"

Bai Ying said, "There's another saying: the material base determines the superstructure. I used to think that this saying was very true."

"now what?"

"It turns out that I am the material basis."

Mai Sakurajima: #!

I didn't discuss this kind of topic with you... no, it's a topic I can't avoid.

"Your dad is your dad, and you are you. Do you think you can become your dad through understanding?" Bai Ying retorted. "If you become your dad, what about your mom?"

Mai Sakurajima said softly, "Mom failed."

It's still hard to figure out what kind of feelings my mother had for that man... Indifference? Letting go? Hatred? Concern? Wanting to prove he was wrong, that he made the wrong choice? But whatever her feelings and thoughts, one thing is certain.

My mother's love life ended in utter failure. Perhaps she was defeated by people who were driven by profit, perhaps by her poor judgment of character, or perhaps by my aunt. In the end, Ling was the one who lost—that woman who was so easily willing to give everything for love was ultimately betrayed by love, and I, too, betrayed her once.

Mai Sakurajima doesn't want to fail.

Bai Ying nodded knowingly and said, "You don't want to become your mother either."

We cannot dodge, hide, or back down. Even if we don't get an answer, we cannot let the haters get away!

Mai Sakurajima's eyes flickered, regaining some composure, but she still felt a turmoil in her heart. Her tone was deep and clear: "Black Fan-kun—I don't think this is a debt, nor do I think it's an exchange. Just as the past itself is insignificant, it only becomes a hindrance because of something on my mind. What's important is not the past, but the past that became a hindrance, for something indescribable... What I want is very simple: confess to me."

Bai Ying frowned: "You want to be fooled by me."

"...If, if it's a lie..."

"Does the inability to gain control make you uneasy? Does the inability to obtain promises make you dissatisfied?" Bai Ying sneered. "Liars never care about promises. If you want a promise that's been deceived, where is your control?"

"..."

The hand gripping the white figure's collar tightened.

I don't want to fail like my mother, so I can't be in a weak position like her; I must hold onto some kind of initiative. But deep down, I know I have no initiative at all, and no matter how I try to hide it, I can't avoid the truth.

The person you fall for first is filled with unease and a sense of need for some kind of commitment; by then, you've already lost the initiative.

Mai Sakurajima felt somewhat lost.

"Cough cough."

The white figure coughed, and the voice switched back to Sakurajima Mai's: "I promise you that you will succeed, that you will get a positive response, that you will not fail... So confess to me, soothe my panicked heart, so confess to me, pretend to put a crown on my head, so confess to me, let me make a promise to you."

Don't steal my words!

Mai Sakurajima bit her lip slightly, her tone commanding yet low and pleading, refusing to even ask a question: "Black Fan, confess to me."

"I like you."

It was the voice of the white figure.

Sakurajima Mai was startled. She looked up and saw the white figure's face. Her tone was extremely gentle, but her expression was completely blank.

"I like you. Be my girlfriend. I'm willing to support you and fulfill all your requests."

"I'm not……"

"I like you. Let's sleep together. Once we have each other's bodies, we'll be satisfied and inseparable."

"I do not want……"

"I love you, let's get married. Our family, friends, and even the laws of the country will witness this contract, and we will never betray each other."

"I do not have……"

"I love you. Let's have a child. A child is the crystallization and symbol of love, and also an insurance policy for our love."

“Shut up!!!”

Sakurajima Mai let out a low growl, her eyes unconsciously reddening. She stared up at the white figure, her complex and chaotic emotions manifesting as glistening tears at the corners of her eyes… The answer I truly want isn't these things!

"See?" The white figure chuckled. "You didn't want to be fooled at all, did you? Hero Plus... Holy crap!"

The white figure reacted swiftly, raising its left hand to pinch Sakurajima Mai's face as she leaned in.

Don't get me wrong, Mai Sakurajima just wanted to bite someone.

"Fangshou!"

"Shut up!"

"No wine! No medicine!"

"Damn it! Can't you learn from my refined and easygoing nature?!"

Step on my foot!

Zhenchu ​​is a truly terrifying place. No matter how much a self-proclaimed civilized person goes there, they can easily turn into a rural native who resorts to physical violence and even verbal abuse!

Ding Dong!

The sudden ringing of the doorbell startled the two people who were exchanging heated opinions.

Bai Ying decisively seized the opportunity to break away and headed straight for the door.

Having vented some of her emotions, Mai Sakurajima was about to chase after them...

"Yo! Good morning, hero! Welcome to the White Shadow's Mysterious Adventure House!"

Mai Sakurajima turned a corner and hid back in her room, quickly tidying her messy hair and the corners of her clothes.

The chaotic emotions have been completely refreshed, but I'm still trembling with anger.

You hater, this isn't over yet!

Chapter 118 Next Time Forever

Will I feel uneasy if I fall in love with someone?

Yes, I feel very uneasy because I don't know the other person's answer.

Mai Sakurajima tidied her slightly messy hair.

Do I feel insecure and want to take control?

It seems like I can't bring myself to say "I like you." Saying it would make me lose the initiative, and if I feel passive, I can't help but feel anxious and impatient.

Mai Sakurajima smoothed out the wrinkles and some mess on her clothes.

Why would I want to take the initiative?

Because of my family experiences, I feel uneasy and fearful if I don't take the initiative—before I could appreciate the beauty of love, I had already tasted the aftereffects and trauma of my mother's broken relationship. I've never seen a successful marriage, but a failed one appeared in my childhood and has continued to this day.

Why did I feel an overwhelming urge to get an answer or a promise when the hater revealed his true feelings?

Since the puberty syndrome has been resolved, the hater will get involved in my affairs. This is a reason and a problem. Once the problem is resolved, the hater will not stay... Just like when the crew was filming, after everything was resolved, the hater would plan to run away.

I didn't want him to run away, so I was caught in a dilemma and couldn't control my emotions. Not to mention that something like that happened first thing this morning. My ability to manage my emotions has its limits.

Mai Sakurajima took a deep breath and composed herself.

My own chaotic feelings, stirred up by the unfolding events, were instead clarified by the troll's humorous and meticulous analysis.

Mai Sakurajima recalled the white shadow's words and silently examined herself.

When did I fall in love? I don't know. What was the reason for falling in love? I don't know either. It was just that in a casual glance back, I felt that the things we had experienced together had become unforgettable. Some noisy conversations became lingering memories. What were ordinary, commonplace events became memories hanging in my heart.

That's what love is.

When emotions go unanswered, some people forge ahead, some go in circles, and some remain bewildered and unable to express themselves... I am anxious and uneasy. Even when I take the initiative, it is to make the other person take the initiative—I want to get a response and a commitment. I unconsciously want to take the lead in this relationship.

This stems from her mother's failed marriage, and she herself has borne some of the consequences of that failure.

I unconsciously hoped for a promise, for a response, and strongly demanded that the hater express something that would reassure me.

The hater did express that he laid his mother's failures in front of him—responding to affection, having a relationship, getting married, having a child, but what does it matter if all these steps are completed? Promises mean nothing; their other side is betrayal.

The emotional insecurity stemming from the mother's failures ironically leads to repeating the mother's behaviors...

The emotions that even she couldn't see clearly were meticulously dissected by the haters, which was truly outrageous.

Really...

Mai Sakurajima pursed her lips slightly, calming herself down.

The fact that they don't want to lie to me makes me even happier. What should I do?

She also breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that her relationship with her mother was different from the beginning... at least there was no possibility of repeating the same mistakes.

It's because the person I like hasn't liked me back yet.

The haters are probably the same way... We all doubt or even deny that family wealth determines marital happiness.

When people firmly believe in this view, they are probably more concerned with the happiness that wealth itself brings.

That man was probably that kind of person, and unfortunately, the mother fell in love with him. Her love unfortunately became a bargaining chip, weighed on a scale—in this society surrounded by economics and interests, opening one's heart often means being penetrated more accurately and deeply.

I'm so glad that I'm the same as the hater. So I don't need to be afraid and anxious about the possible separation, I don't need to be swayed and disturbed by my mother's failure, so as not to repeat the same mistakes... I need to let go of those entanglements and misleading things from life, to sort out the dependence that arose in the previous crisis like grasping at a straw, and to distinguish between the feelings of indebtedness, gratitude and burden, so that I can face my feelings more sincerely.

Otherwise, the white shadow will destroy your spirit.

For example, the joke about "I saved your life, so you'll repay me with your body"—doesn't that imply doctors have a harem?

Mai Sakurajima suddenly felt a strong urge to dissect her own feelings and life like the white shadow, and in turn, to dissect the white shadow's feelings and life.

I want to know him a little more. I once read in some books that disliking someone often stems from getting to know them better, but that doesn't seem to apply to me.

The more you understand, the more you like.

before that……

Sakurajima Mai composed herself and stepped out of the bedroom. She immediately saw Shiro and Yukino Yukinoshita talking. For some reason, Yukino Yukinoshita was frowning and deep in thought, glancing at the vase on the table from time to time.

She smiled and greeted Yukinoshita with a slight upturn of her lips, "Welcome, Yukinoshita."

"Um……?"

Yukino Yukinoshita temporarily stopped interrogating Hakue, her expression softening slightly as she asked with some concern, "Has your puberty syndrome been completely resolved?"

"...The problem is solved." Mai Sakurajima paused slightly and said, "If that mysterious person this morning wasn't lying, my puberty syndrome has indeed been relieved because of the hater's overreaction."

"A mysterious person? Making a mountain out of a molehill?"

Yukino Yukinoshita froze, several question marks appearing above her head. She said softly, "Haku-kun, didn't you just say that Mai Sakurajima has become a quantum-state life form, unable to return to the real world, occasionally manifesting a form that can be seen, and sometimes completely unobservable, becoming Schrödinger's Mai Sakurajima..."

"I'm talking about a story I was just thinking about, the protagonist is named Sakurajima Mai," the white figure said with a serious expression. "At the end of the story, Sakurajima Mai has become a quantum-state life form, existing yet not existing in our understanding of the world. She puts a bouquet of blue roses in a vase she gave to the male protagonist to express her love for him, but unfortunately, the male protagonist cannot detect it, he only keeps the vase..."

"Marriage, children, work, education, retirement, the male protagonist becomes an ordinary person with a past, living a life planned by society. He only leaves behind that vase, perhaps to prove that he is ultimately different."

"As life hangs in the balance, the protagonist gazes silently at the vase, realizing he is beginning to forget. His great-grandson, barely born and whom he has seen much; his granddaughter, mired in an unhappy marriage and family; his son, recently reaching retirement age; his grandson's successful business venture, unfortunately hampered by the economic downturn and high risks; his own successes and failures… Is this what death feels like? Legend has it that during reincarnation, one drinks a bowl of Meng Po's soup, forgetting everything and embracing a new life. But the reality seems to be different. Before life truly reaches its end, one is given the soup by Meng Po and begins to forget this life."

"The man simply gazed at the vase, his pupils gradually losing their luster. As he reached the end of his life, as he opened his eyes for the last time on his deathbed, all his intellect and memory vanished with the call of death, as if returning to the dreamlike beauty of childhood. A blue rose in the vase was smiling at him."

"The Meng Po soup is not for forgetting everything, but for remembering yourself."

The story itself is alright, but...

Yukino Yukinoshita said quietly, "Haku-kun, do you think I haven't seen 'Ball Lightning'?"

Bai Ying exclaimed in surprise, "I didn't expect you to be so keen on funding the enemy!"

Yukinoshita Yukino: #!

"It's just about broadening my reading of science fiction books. Anyway, I'm glad Ms. Sakurajima is alright."

Yukino Yukinoshita relaxed her worries and glanced at the room Sakurajima Mai had just come out of... It was clearly Haku's room, but rationally speaking, it was normal for her to come out of Haku's room, and there was no point in pressing her about it: "What about the question from earlier? What's the deal with the mysterious person? And why are you making a mountain out of a molehill?"

"This matter, blah blah blah, it's all so complicated and rambling on and on..."

Ignoring the white figure performing ventriloquism, Yukino Yukinoshita turned her questioning gaze to Mai Sakurajima.

Her bright eyes are like a mirror, reflecting her own little thoughts and emotions. Compared to her rival, she cares more about her own safety, which is adorably honest.

"To put it simply, this morning a ghost? Or rather a person, who claimed to be 'sending off puberty syndrome,' possessed me. It seems they wanted to use me to seduce the hater-kun?" Mai Sakurajima tried to summarize, and then she saw Yukino Yukinoshita's wide eyes, slightly heavier breathing, and a dagger-like gaze aimed at the white figure.

Hmm...it makes you want to tease them a little.

"Don't look at me, I'm a gentleman, I don't look at what's improper!"