The Thirteen Trials of the Deceptive Monk

Miss Cole is the goddess of spring in the Greater Rift, and spends most of the year in the underground Realm of Souls. Considering these obvious and obvious characteristics, her true identity is undoubtedly Persephone, the daughter of Lady Huther, and the wife of Hades, the old god of the underworld.

This unique lifestyle has given her exceptionally distinctive tastes. Like her mother, she loves the warm sunshine of early spring, beautiful flowers, and the vibrant life of nature… but she also enjoys large-scale, stimulating scenes, thrilling battles, and horror films and Category III movies filled with gore and other vulgar selling points. This is evident in her performance during the competition—she laughed heartily when the Ugly Rose appeared, and afterwards she kept asking Lu Wenjun and Kano for a long time about cheese jokes.

Lu Wenjun strongly suspected that this hobby stemmed from the influence of her husband and living environment, because old man Hades was clearly not a respectable person, and the prize provided by Miss Cole for the competition was such an original text with a very personal style.

“It’s like this, most of the jokes here would risk sending me to hell if I read them aloud, so I’ll just recite one representative example.” Lü Wenjun cleared his throat, “Why does the daffodil symbolize eternal love?”

Linggong thought for a moment: "Because people will always love themselves?"

"No," Lü Wenjun said seriously, "because narcissus brings about ghost marriages!"

"puff……"

Ling Gong quickly covered her mouth, trying to stifle the laughter that was about to escape. Faris, who was squatting in the bushes nearby, shook his head and said, "She successfully preserved her merit. Why couldn't I hold back that day?"

“The way you looked hanging at the gate was definitely worth a photo,” Velsa said.

"You got screwed over by Huise, so don't blame me."

The protagonist of this hellish joke is Miss Cole herself. Before becoming Queen of the Underworld, she was a carefree young girl. One day, Hades, the god of the underworld, lured her to admire a beautiful daffodil. He hid underground, and as soon as Miss Cole approached, he sprang into action, abducting her in his chariot to the underworld, and thus, a marriage was arranged…

From the perspective of contemporary moral standards and basic concepts, this is certainly an extremely heinous story, but by ancient Greek standards, it was actually quite commonplace, to the point that the people involved didn't really care.

Linggong barely managed to suppress her laughter and said, "How could she write this into a joke?"

“She’s the ancient Greek goddess who controls spring and the underworld. I guess this is something unique to her family… like steel nerves or something.” Lu Wenjun gestured, “Keep it down, it’s coming.”

The three people around them fell silent, hiding motionless behind the bushes. They were concealed atop a small hill, watching over the vibrant spring grassland below. A delicate daffodil bloomed among the tender green grass.

A strange-looking tiger approached; it had the tail of a cow, and its panting sounded remarkably like a dog's. It noticed the daffodil, seemingly attracted by its beauty, and took a few steps towards the flower—

"Thump!" said Lü Wenjun.

The ground beneath the bull-tailed tiger's feet instantly cracked, forming a fissure trap that clamped the tiger tightly! Beside that trap were the daffodils that had attracted the tiger! All the magicians who have seen this must already understand that this is a brand-new spell that Lü Wenjun learned from the original text of Hellish Jokes: Different Theory Assimilation, Temptation of the Underworld!

"Go! Go! Go!" Lü Wenjun waved.

The four leaped out of the bushes and slid down the hillside. Ling Gong immediately used her fox spirit to control the bull-tailed tiger's will, while Faris threw a seed bomb as he slid down, the shrapnel from the explosion hitting the tiger precisely in the eyes. The bull-tailed tiger was utterly helpless against this despicable combo, struggling violently in the earth-shattering trap! Taking advantage of this opportunity, Velsa swung his iron fist down on its head!

Boom!

The tiger's skull was shattered from the blow, splattering blood and sweat everywhere, and it died instantly. The four men clapped their hands and shouted in unison, "Great!"

Lu Wenjun took out a small cow horn and blew on it. A few seconds later, Yu Fufeng's voice rang out across the grassland: "Lu Wenjun's group of four has successfully hunted a boar. We commend them! The rest of you, please keep up the good work. If you haven't caught any prey by the end of get out of class, you won't have anything to eat for lunch today!"

Reiko breathed a sigh of relief: "It's simpler than I thought..."

"We have a complete and experienced team; catching a pig or something is a piece of cake." Lü Wenjun pulled out a knife. "Come on, brothers, give me a hand... This is the first time in my life I've ever eaten a bull's tail tiger..."

"It's definitely going to taste awful again," Virsa said as she peeled the tiger's skin.

This was, of course, another energetic hunting lesson led by Teacher Yu. The real name of that bull-tailed tiger was "Zhi," which is described in the Classic of Mountains and Seas as "shaped like a tiger with a bull's tail, its sound like a barking dog, its name is Zhi, and it eats people," a ferocious beast that eats people.

This single boar was far more powerful than the terrifying wrestling horse, Ma Shuhu, from before. Yu Fufeng had added a restriction to this lesson: "Only one alternate-level spell can be used." He not only strictly controlled everyone's magic output with his divine power but also used the original text to launch a surprise attack: at the start of class, everyone only saw a blur before their eyes and was thrown onto this vast grassland. There were no familiar classmates around you, only grass, trees, rocks, or wild beasts that looked like they wanted to eat you.

Therefore, for the vast majority of students, this was another period of agonizing torture. Lü Wenjun was relatively lucky; he managed to defeat a few demonic boars and successfully reunite with Ling Gong and the others. However, another high-achieving student was a bit unlucky…

Faris, holding up a telescope, exclaimed excitedly, "Look, friends! You definitely don't want to miss this!"

"What?!" Reiko summoned the Kitsune for observation. "Haha!!"

Lu Wenjun also took out a pair of binoculars and looked out. He saw a red-tailed bison galloping wildly across the grassland in the distance. The bison's forehead was inexplicably red and it was chasing a touch of orange-red: the great, invincible, and strongest True Witch was lying flat on a wooden stretcher, her expressionless face filled with despair.

Kukugi and Hairi (in human form) carried the stretcher on either side, shouting, "Hang in there, little Pershka!" "Now it's all up to you, so please do your best!"

Miss Pershka made a very strenuous gesture, summoning an iceberg about thirty cubic meters in size. By the standards of an apostolic mage, the iceberg was excellent, but by her own standards, it seemed exceptionally small—after her magic output was restricted by Yu Fufeng, this was all the ice she could produce.

The iceberg slammed into the red-tailed bull's head with a loud thud, eliciting a typical baby-like cry from a man-eating monster. Kukuki and Hairi quickly put down the stretcher and began unleashing a barrage of attacks using leaf blades and shuriken techniques! The total attack lasted a full 4 seconds! The injured red-tailed bull recovered from its daze and charged again! Its forehead was now even redder from the blows! Kukuki and Hairi hoisted Pershka onto their shoulders and continued their escape!

"Huff...huff...keep going, keep going!"

"In my experience... if you persist for about ten more times... you'll succeed!"

Pershka covered her face with her hands, shouting in despair, "Seriously! What is this?!"

Lu Wenjun put down his binoculars, turned around with gentlemanly manners, and said to everyone:

"Hehehehehe ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

"Wenjun, your expression! Your expression looks like something out of a comedy comic!"

Lu Wenjun laughed wildly: "Oh, I really love the hunting class! The school's curriculum is so reasonable, it should be like this! We should have taught her a lesson a long time ago, hahaha!!"

Faris laughed for a while, then said, "So why is she lying on a stretcher?"

From a professional perspective, Virsa explained: "Well, haha, she's usually too sedentary, so, ha... she probably twisted her ankle while running away."

Faris laughed hysterically.

·

About 45 minutes later, they had a hearty meal of pig meat (which was surprisingly palatable, somewhat like bear meat lacking collagen), and sat in a circle on the grass like elementary school students on a spring outing. Yu Fufeng sat around the edge of the circle, explaining to everyone with a small, needle-like object in his hand.

“This is the sting of a scorpion,” he told the students. “The scorpion venom itself is deadly. If you are lucky enough to carry an antidote or related spell, you will experience the side effects of the antidote—your primal magic will have difficulty combining with your life force, resulting in a long period of low available magic power, just like what you experienced in this lesson.”

Yu Fufeng put away the needles and summarized, "Overall, most of you are not very adapted to combat in limited environments. This means that if you were thrown into some savage, primitive secret realm, you would hardly survive more than half a day. Lu Wenjun performed exceptionally well; please share your experience with everyone."

Lu Wenjun stood up and said, "First, be prepared at all times. Carry some small items to replenish magic power or detoxify, so you won't be... killed by a sneak attack. Second, exercise appropriately to maintain good physical condition and ensure you can run fast enough."

"Just a reminder, the second point is especially important," Yu Fufeng said seriously. "This will ensure you don't twist your ankle while you're running away!"

A burst of good-natured laughter rose from the crowd; Pershka was already pulling her hair in exasperation. Yu Fufeng stood up and said, "This hunting lesson is over. The next two weeks will still be limited training. Once everyone has grasped the basics, I will begin teaching hunting techniques. If you're not comfortable in this environment—"

He said cheerfully, "We'll have to figure it out ourselves. Now, get out of class dismissed."

He closed the original text, let everyone appear in the classroom, and then leisurely left. Lü Wenjun carefully observed the witch's expression, using his vivid imagination to replace her with an active volcano about to erupt.

“I really enjoy hunting class,” he told Ling Gong.

Ling Gong rubbed her fingers together and wrote in her notebook: "I bet 10 magic coins that Pershka will come to you for help with training within half a day."

“I’ll bet. She won’t.” Lu Wenjun handed her 10 magic coins.

The fox witch's prophecy proved remarkably accurate. Exactly half a day later, as the first class ended in the afternoon, Pershka strode in, seething with pent-up anger. Her self-reproach and the knowing yet uncontrollable rage made her look like an adorable, orange-red chibi-style bomb.

Lu Wenjun quickly adjusted his facial expression, his polite demeanor resembling that of a prime minister's chief secretary: "How can I help you?"

“This is absurd!!” Pershka exclaimed angrily.

Lu Wenjun let out a sigh of deep sympathy: "Oh..."

Pershka emphasized: "We are magicians!"

"To be precise, we are a group of people from different races who have gathered here with the common goal of pursuing magic. We share the same objective and obviously have many different characteristics, including but not limited to race, nationality, culture, and lifestyle." Lü Wenjun uttered a long and complicated sentence in fluent language. "Given this unprecedentedly complex and unique group with a long history, from the perspective of rigorous scholarship and precise summarization, I have reservations about the accuracy and professionalism of summarizing it simply with the term 'magician'."

“Ah,” Pershka said, “Huh? What are you saying??”

Lu Wenjun leaned back slightly, adopting an expression that seemed both somewhat superior and polite, as if you were just overthinking it. Before he could speak, Pershka asked Ling Gong, "What is he saying???"

“I think what he meant was that we aren’t necessarily magicians,” Ling Gong said. “Is that right?”

Lu Wenjun retorted, "Really? Are we magicians?"

Pershka was stunned, to the point that he began to doubt himself: "Aren't we magicians?"

“Of course!” Lü Wenjun immediately gave his definition, and then slowly added, “...perhaps.”

"Enough! I'm not here to listen to your nonsense!" Pershka stomped her foot angrily. "What I want to say is that a magician's course shouldn't be about running around in the wild or being chased by strange beasts!"

"But as Teacher Yu said, you may indeed encounter a similar situation."

“At that time, I should have used magic to solve the problem!” Pershka emphasized. “Use magic! Spells! Magical tools! Instead of like this… being inexplicably restricted, unable to use my abilities, and ending up fighting on a stretcher with a twisted ankle!”

Lu Wenjun kindly suggested, "You can think of a way..."

"I only have a little magic left, what can I possibly do?" Pershka said defiantly. "Can I create a spell that achieves ten times the effect with only one unit of magic?"

She grumbled angrily for a while, from the irrationality of the hunting class to the inhumanity of the semester's course schedule. Lü Wenjun listened patiently to her long rant until the little bomb had calmed down before saying, "So, like I said before, in order to cope with the class, let's practice together first?"

"There's no other way, let's leave it at that for now." Pershka turned her head. "Let me know when you've confirmed the time."

She walked away with great poise, like a victorious female general returning home. Once she was out of sight, Lü Wenjun chuckled to himself, saying, "She always has to wait for me to speak first. It has to be 'I invite her to train together sometime,' not 'She comes to me asking for help with intensive training,' understand?"

Ling Gong rolled her eyes and returned a total of 20 magic coins, including the principal and the bet.

Chapter 31 Sweating, Fitness Witch

Miss Pershka was always decisive and efficient, never procrastinating once she made a decision. Therefore, Lü Wenjun set the time for a mere hour and a half later, at the bamboo grove surrounding the Water Mirror Garden. This place perfectly suited the witch's needs: quiet, spacious, and within the barrier's protective area, undisturbed by onlookers.

“You know, she’s the kind of person who’s super troublesome,” Lu Wenjun said. “She keeps saying, ‘I don’t care what other people think,’ but when she’s in a situation like a senior from the journalism club or a gym full of muscular men, she’ll just back down.”

“Being unconventional and courting death are two different concepts, right?” Ling Gong laughed. “If it were me, I wouldn’t go to a crowded gym either.”

Are you worried about being hit on?

"No, it's because I don't want anyone to see me."

Ms. Lingyu wore a light black tracksuit today. The slightly dowdy top tightly hugged her good figure, making her look like a female college student jogging in the park in the morning.

“What’s there to worry about with such a simple outfit? It’s convenient, comfortable, and an ideal choice…” Lu Wenjun said. “However, I suggest you take off your sports jacket later, otherwise it might be a bit uncomfortable.”

Ling Gong thought for a while, then her fox ears twitched.

"It doesn't matter if I wear it all the time, right?"

Lu Wenjun put on a seasoned, experienced look: "Hey Linggong, don't underestimate the amount of sweat you get from anaerobic exercise. Half an hour of exercise will produce far more sweat than you can imagine. If you sweat a lot and your jacket traps the sweat, you'll end up feeling sticky and greasy."

"That sounds reasonable..." she said slowly, "But, do we really want to change it? If we do change it..."

She leaned close to Lü Wenjun's ear and whispered, "Wenjun, then you won't see the sticky mess anymore, okay?"

"——!!!"

At that moment, Lü Wenjun's mind became extremely active! His boiling imagination sketched out a very rich and detailed picture in his mind: a girl sweating profusely after strenuous exercise, who unzipped her sports jacket because she was too hot. The hot and humid air inside condensed into white mist due to the still cold temperature of early spring. Her soaked inner shirt clung tightly to her skin, appearing almost transparent and faintly visible...!

"Ughhhhhhh, I can't stop!" Lü Wenjun clutched his head. "Why?! Why did you say such things! My healthy and upright training mentality has been corrupted!!"

Linggong covered her mouth and chuckled: "Because it's very interesting."

Lu Wenjun gritted his teeth: "Damn it! If that's the case, don't blame me for giving you a lecherous look—"

"Ah, in that case, please allow me to look at you like you're trash."

Lu Wenjun knelt down in despair: "Isn't this something we can't win at all...?"

Ling Gong smiled and bent down, placing her fingers on the zipper of her sports jacket: "It's Wen Jun's fault for thinking such dirty thoughts."

"You said those weird things first! And you're not allowed to zip up the zipper even a little bit! My sports jacket is turning into weird clothes, and it's all your fault!!"

Linggong turned her head: "Ah, Pershka is here."

"What an obvious attempt to change the subject!"

Lu Wenjun turned around angrily and heard the witch's familiar voice: "What are you all doing? You can't even exercise properly without making such a racket."

"..."

"..."

However, the notoriously argumentative Lu Wenjun was unusually silent this time, and even the ever-present chatterbox, Miss Ling Gong, fell silent. They stared at each other with identical, eerie looks, their expressions so stiff they resembled unlucky souls who had encountered Eriel's ancestor in ancient times.

"What's going on?" Pershka exclaimed in horror. "Did I do something strange?"

“Pershka, classmate,” Reiko stammered, “what are you wearing… what is this?”

"? Just regular outdoor clothes?"

Miss Pershka was dressed today in a navy blue knit sweater and a modern little black skirt, paired with tights and ankle boots—a quintessential modern springtime beauty. This youthful and radiant outfit prompted Lü Wenjun to exclaim, "Are you an idiot?! Go back and change into something else!"

Pershka, hands on hips: "Huh? When did you become such a tasteless man who criticizes ladies' fashion sense?"

"This isn't about fashion sense or style, it's about practicality! You're here to work out! Who wears a skirt to the gym?!" Lü Wenjun was exasperated. "Tell me, can you do squats in this? Can you do brisk walking? Can you lift weights? Your little skirt won't even last through warm-up exercises!!"

“This…” Pershka was unusually at a disadvantage, and she herself realized a problem. “I thought it was just lifting a dumbbell…”

"That's hilarious! Someone like you trying to lift dumbbells? Ling Gong! Tell her what's going to happen!"

Linggong pushed up her glasses and said coldly, "The skirt will rip."

"Waaaaah—!"

Pershka took a step back in horror, and Reiko pressed on: "Even pantyhose will tear!"

"No way……"

"Your clothes will get dirty! Your body will be easily twisted when it's restricted! And as you can imagine, you'll be exposed from all sides for almost half the time!" Reiko delivered the final blow. "Even so, is that alright, Pershka-kun?"