Real teaching, but diary flow

Besides, what kind of reason is "funny"? That's a bit too much, isn't it?

What exactly is the Kimi level? Is it a magician level? A power rating?

Sigh, let's get back to the original topic.

I stabbed you in the back, hoping to see you bleed.

But when you actually bled and then breathed on me, I became a little unhappy.

I still have some reservations.

I'm so disappointed in you.

No matter what, I'm still your godfather.

From my perspective, I think I should have made my point very clearly and directly.

But from your perspective, I'm probably just a mentally ill person who suddenly appears, causes trouble, and tries to stab you in the back without saying what I'm up to.

Wow, that's an exaggeration.

Your feeling is correct.

so what?

It's all your fault, you fucking deserve to die!

Kid, do you know how I felt two years ago when I saw this missing person notice suddenly posted next door?

Do you know or not?

Yes, yes, you did nothing wrong. You're the one who's wrong; you're the hateful witch who ruined your happy family.

But so what?

I'm going to curse you.

I'll scold you for pretending to be at peace, scold you for being blinded by beauty, scold you for using false illusions as a reason to convince yourself to let go of everything.

What are you letting go of?

So you're saying you feel you can't go back, and that means you won't go back?

Do you even know what a home is? Do you even know what a home is?

Home is a place where no matter when you go back or what you've done after you return, there will always be an extra pair of dishes on the table!

Well, how should I put it? You can't expect me, someone without a home, to scold you like this. You should know that yourself.

They will wait for you, no matter how long it takes, no matter how long you've been gone.

As long as you are still that child whose whereabouts are unknown, whose fate is unknown, and who has "disappeared into thin air".

As long as you haven't been given a proper death report, or a real body.

They will all wait for you.

No, even if I really die, I will wait for you.

The bowls and chopsticks will always be set out, the food will always be refilled, and the room will always be kept clean.

I'll wait for you.

There would have been someone waiting all along, but you just went around pretending to be all high and mighty, saying something like "I'm off."

ha?

What the hell are you talking about?!

'I can't go back, I'll never see them again, this is all I can do.'

Listen to what you're saying, is that even human language?

I really should torture you, Natsuki Subaru.

Well, I tolerated that you died and returned so many times without any growth, I tolerated that you acted arrogantly, recklessly and impulsively, and I tolerated that you devoted all your attention to Emilia.

But this is the only point.

I must torture you.

What does it mean to give up before even starting? What does it mean to think there's no hope before even trying?

You're only after your half-elf, white-haired beauty, aren't you?

I can abandon my parents for Emilia.

—Is that what you're thinking, and how you're so self-absorbed in the idea that my love is so sincere?

Fuck you.

"..."

Subaru Natsuki couldn't figure it out anymore.

torture.

Severe torture.

He swears constantly, but if it were just swearing, he would definitely think it's insignificant.

But it's not just swear words.

Swearing was simply his way of expressing the emotions he wanted to convey in the simplest way possible.

What truly pierced the heart were those incredibly sharp words.

"That's not how it is..."

"I don't......"

"I, I just..."

Just what?

Subaru Natsuki murmured, his mind going blank.

Is it simply because we have to move forward, simply because we can't stay here?

That's why I chose to say goodbye, because this is a trial.

Such excuses can only convince your past self.

Even I can't convince myself now.

Subaru Natsuki never imagined that before resolving the issues with Roswaal and the Great Rabbit, he would face what lay before him.

It's such a painful question.

It's been pointed out.

Did I not realize it before?

Can I use the excuse that I didn't realize it to get by?

...If there were no book, this one—well, let's just call it a diary.

Anyway, that's what it calls itself.

The distinction between "gospel" and "wisdom book" is truly confusing.

If it weren't for this diary, even if he realized it, he could have pretended not to, focused on the present, and concentrated on facing the immediate problem. Perhaps Natsuki Subaru could have gotten away with it that way.

But the diary is still there.

He's still writing.

He's still outputting.

Each lash of his whip felt like a knife tearing open his own flesh.

There was no way to escape anymore.

We can only face it head-on.

"..."

Struggling to breathe, Natsuki Subaru clutched his clothes tightly with one hand, placed the diary on the ground with the other, and began to turn the pages again.

Actually, I've already given the kid a good scolding.

You don't need to make that difficult decision-making face. Even if you're obsessed and want to be scolded, I won't let you have your way.

That's all I wanted to say. That's all I wanted to say.

In fact, even if you did nothing or said nothing, I would have already solved the problem to some extent long ago.

You asked me how I solved it?

Ugh, tear down all those awful missing person posters they've put up, everywhere you look, then go to their door and yell at Natsuki Subaru, that stinking simp.

Wow, that's so youthful!

I was yelling and cursing at the door, your dad was yelling back at me, and your mom was frantically calling the police. It's so youthful!

But the problem was solved.

Does anyone know this?

I vividly described your life as a simp to them, as if I were writing a simp diary for you: "My hands were shaking today, but I still love Emilia. Tomorrow I'll return from the dead and continue to love Emilia. I was bitten to death by the big rabbit, but I love Emilia so much."

I'm about to throw up from writing this.

But the problem was solved.

Because your sycophantic personality is so deeply ingrained, even though I've already forced myself to suppress my disgust and wrote this sycophantic diary, your parents still understood it.

Oh, my child is missing, but not dead. That's good, that's good.

Oh, parents.

Sigh, Natsuki and his wife.

Sigh, Subaru Natsuki.

Even if we can never come back, even if it's just a relaying of someone else's words, or even if it's not a direct statement but a roundabout slander.

After calming down and letting go of my obsessive obsession.

They still choose to keep the bowls and chopsticks that belong to their own children, to keep a place where they can come back and rest, and to maintain the existence of what is called home.

That's the damn right answer.

You say you feel you absolutely can't go back, so what?

Feelings are feelings, but no matter what, hold onto a sliver of hope, and no matter how you think about it, remain determined to go back in the end.

Belief, do you understand what belief is?

The protagonist of "Going Home" is the most powerful!

Natsuki Subaru: "..."

Natsuki Subaru remained silent.

He was prepared, but the harsh interrogation he had imagined did not continue, though his heart still ached with each beat.

Because the torture was still going on, just in a different form; he wasn't directly verbally abusing her anymore.

Instead, they insulted him indirectly, hurting him in a more piercing and hurtful way.

Even if you can't see it, just imagining that some arrogant and unruly guy holding those missing person notices that his parents painstakingly put up, kicking open their door, and then going on a tirade of madness, cursing their missing son and cursing them.

Subaru Natsuki has a certain... eeriness about him.

Okay, it's not pain or discomfort, it's just eeriness.

No, really, that scene was just too bizarre! Is it even possible for a human being to understand such logic?

However, putting aside the logic, what is most heartbreaking is indeed the mention of the bowls and chopsticks that were laid out.

The familiar dining table, my favorite dishes, an empty chair, and three sets of bowls and chopsticks laid out.

And...the parents, sitting at the dining table, mechanically feeding themselves, their faces lifeless.

...So that's why I want them to give up on me.

With a soft sigh, Natsuki Subaru patted his cheeks and continued reading the next section.