Why play in a band if you don't form one for life?

Of course, when choosing subjects, I still want to focus on liberal arts. After all, I am more interested in history and geography, and I can understand, memorize, and learn better.

"No, you have to at least choose one physics course," said the parents.

I know why. When filling out college entrance exam applications, most popular majors require physics. And my teacher once told me that a certain important figure once said during an inspection that "candidates from Jiangsu and Zhejiang should have national responsibility" in response to the current situation of fewer candidates taking physics and chemistry. Various policies also encourage candidates to choose physics and chemistry.

"Didn't you do very well in physics?" said Mom.

But I really can't learn it. It's good now only because no one can do it. When those who are really good at physics start to learn it, I'll be finished. And I really have no interest in physics.

"I... want to study archaeology." Since I am good at history and geography, I gradually developed a strong interest in this area.

"Are you kidding?" My parents were in complete disbelief when they heard my thought.

"That's not the right path," they advised earnestly.

"How much money can you save by doing that? Archaeology is hard... How are you going to survive? We just want you to have a normal life..."

Wrinkles appeared on my father's face: "If you can't live independently, I will die with regrets..."

It is obvious that they are engaged in design and civil defense, and have no contact with archaeology at all.

"Look at your brother. How much better is his life now? Didn't he just get into a good university?" Mom brought up my brother again.

But his job has nothing to do with his university major. He is a social elite with friends everywhere. His circle of friends is full of photos of his travels around the world. People like him are born winners in life.

"Then...what about history?" Studying history is fine.

"Studying history basically means becoming a teacher. Can you be a teacher?" I know myself that I can never be a teacher with my personality.

I can no longer remember what else they said. What matters is not the reason, but the attitude.

Life is so short, why can't you do what you want to do? Instead of forcing yourself to learn something you are not interested in for a future you are not interested in, why can't you walk freely on the path you want to take?

But I can’t say these things to my parents. I don’t need to think to know what my parents, who have been worn down by life, will say. I don’t have any friends to talk to. In the conversations among my classmates about the future, although I often hear about ideals, most of them are about which major is more popular and which major has a future. As for the Internet…

"That's obviously something a kid would say. He has never experienced the pressure of life."

"Your parents are right."

"It's disgusting. What kind of dream is this? I study just to eat!"

Well, at first glance, it's all about the daily necessities.

I can't get angry, because I know why they think that way. After all, I sometimes have the same thoughts as them. I can only keep my opinions to myself. However, when I see my parents frowning and arguing over trivial matters, and when I see netizens quarreling over trivial matters under the pressure of life, I think, I don't want such a life.

What I want is a life where I can freely pursue my dreams and keep fighting for the things I really want.

Fortunately, my parents were not too conservative. On the eve of filling in the application form, I once again expressed her thoughts seriously. I discussed with my parents and finally wrote archaeology on the college entrance examination application form. At the cost, I filled in the other applications with the "promising majors" chosen by my parents.

They are all science and engineering.

However, there are only a few universities in the country that offer archaeology programs. To me, the admission scores of these schools are divided into three levels: those that I might have a chance to reach if I worked as hard as I did in junior high school; those that I could still reach if I took the exam now, but only as a backup option in case I perform poorly; and those that I don't even need to consider; filling in the application form would be an insult to my twelve years of hard work.

It seems that I can only try to recreate the experience in junior high school. Maybe, that miracle can happen again.

Classrooms, teacher's office, cafeteria. For me, it is enough for the school to keep these areas. I also go to the canteen, but I basically buy bread and pen refills.

A miracle seemed to really happen.

My English writing, which used to be clumsy, suddenly became correct, and my vocabulary became richer. I remembered the fixed sentence patterns taught by the teacher. I gradually figured out the routine of reading questions in Chinese, and I began to have ideas about where to score points. Of the elective subjects, history and geography were naturally as good as before. I even performed exceptionally well in history once and ranked second in the whole school.

However, I was really bad at math and physics. It’s not that I didn’t do well in the exams, but it was completely inconsistent. If I calculated the variance of the scores several times, it would be terrifyingly large. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t figure out why I had to solve the problem in this way or why I could solve it in this way. When I listened to the teacher’s explanation, it seemed like I had suddenly understood it, but when I actually did it, I was still confused.

I didn't want to admit that my talent had reached its limit. I didn't give up.

But this time I failed. Not by one point like in the story, but by five points, which is exactly the score of a multiple-choice question in math.

"After all, I'm not good at doing questions."

So, I entered the university without any expectation. The university is also a century-old school, a real 211, like an extension of high school. I was admitted to the school's advantageous major, and the admission rate to graduate school is over 50%.

But I have no passion for this major. Even if I want to change my major, there is nothing else in school that I am more interested in. When I am a graduate student, I may be able to move towards the major I am interested in, but even if I succeed, it will only be a little bit related to my interests, which is far from my childhood aspirations.

It was around this time that I became more obsessed with idols than ever before.

"At a time like this, I came here," said Shizi.

The sea, boundless as far as the eye can see, makes people feel relaxed.

Surround yourself with the people you admire.

ps: Actually, when I was writing this chapter, I was very nervous... because I didn't know if this kind of portrayal of Shizi would touch any sore spots. But in the end, I still wrote it as it is, because if there hadn't been such an experience, Shizi wouldn't have become an extreme idol otaku, even very abnormal in the eyes of the public. If you are unhappy with it, please don't scold me too much...

Chapter 32 About the Blue Sky of the Future

In the sea breeze, Shizi opened her panel.

Keyboard skills Lv7, music production Lv7. She has gradually embarked on this path. The more she moves forward, the more she believes that choosing this path is correct. Only here can she display her passion and give full play to her talent. However, there is still an obstacle in front of them. That is how to return to reality. Only in the real world can her dream and their dreams be realized. This is not only her expectation, but also the expectation of everyone, including Ms. Marina and Ms. Araki.

Yili breathed a sigh of relief. Her eyes widened.

"I mean, Shizi, will you continue on your current path?"

Shizi nodded: "Yes."

"That's good..." Yili sighed. After hesitating for a while, she asked again: "Um... after returning to reality... can you take me to your hometown to have a look?"

Shizi was a little surprised: "I didn't expect Yili would want to travel... I don't want to say something like a flag, but it's okay."

"Hehe...I'll try my best..." Yili began to giggle.

"Huh? What are you working hard for? From now on?" Shizi realized that Yili seemed to have entered her own world again. Well, what was she thinking? Because she was going abroad, she had to work hard to learn a foreign language and to be able to survive in an unfamiliar environment... Is that right? But I don't think Yili's problem was whether she could speak a foreign language...

Shizi also gradually entered his own world.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Wu-san." Youxina patted Shizi's shoulder, "Can you come over for a moment? I want to discuss the next means of transportation."

"Ah? Oh." Shiko swung her right hand, and the glass bowl and the remaining shaved ice inside turned into particles and flew away. She stood up, stretched, relieved the numbness caused by sitting for a long time, and followed Yukina to sit at the table.

Yili could still hear the discussion coming from inside. Because they were only separated by a wall, they did not deliberately lower their voices, so even if Yili was not interested, the sound still reached Yili's ears and was processed into information by his brain without authorization. However, most of the information would flow away in the river of oblivion, and only a small part would hit the reef and remain at the bottom of the subconscious river, waiting to be accidentally salvaged at some point in the future, so that he would remember that "this happened again."

So Yili just listened quietly and didn't try to cover his ears.

She was in a joyful mood. She had always been worried that Shizi's joining the band was not going smoothly, and would she leave one day? Now, she had received confirmation from Shizi that she would stay in the band. This insignificant assurance, thrown into the bottomless lake in Ichiri's heart, stirred up small ripples of happiness. From the outside, did her expression look silly? Fortunately, no one was looking. No, no, no, Kita-san might still be hiding in some corner... But if it was Kita-san, it didn't seem to matter...

The conversation within the wall had somehow extended from transportation to plans for the future.

"…Just now, you seemed to be talking about Mr. Wu's hometown." Youxina said.

"Yes." Shizi supported his left cheek and looked at the tide outside the door. "Speaking of this, since we still have to go to the estuary, maybe we can see the peak of the tide that I have never seen before."

"Big tides... maybe I'm also interested. After returning to reality, I might go to your side to see the river tides."

Shizi raised his head a little: "Oh? Then come with Yili?"

Yukina smiled and shook her head: "Not necessarily together... Speaking of reality, I don't know how much time has passed in reality."

Shizi lowered his head back down. "Even if the time flow rate is 1:1, it's been a long time. Maybe our funerals have already been held. Oh, I guess no one will hold a funeral for me." The last sentence was just a mumble, and Youxi didn't hear it clearly.

"Funeral..." Youkina thought of her family and friends who stayed in the real world, and her mood became depressed. "The deadline for Future World Fes has probably passed a long time ago, right?"

"Even if you miss it once, there will always be the next time." Shizi comforted her, "When you stand on the stage of Future World Fes, Roselia should continue on the path of being a professional band, right?"

"It's too early to talk about this now." Youxina took a sip of water, "But it's true that Roselia may embark on the path of a professional band."

So, Roselia is going to become a professional band... That's amazing, but not surprising... I'm just staying outside, letting my mind run wild.

"What about you?" Yukina asked.

Shizi changed his posture and used his other hand to support his other cheek.

"I...? I will be a member of the ending band and make the band a star. This is the agreement - let's aim for the Budokan first. After that..." Her voice was tinged with a hint of irritation, "I don't know."

"Don't know?" Youxina felt that she seemed to have other intentions.

"Yes." Shizi sighed, "My attitude towards ending the band is different from others."

"I originally just wanted to be their first and most loyal supporter. It was just fate that made me the keyboardist of the Ending Band. But I always felt that the Ending Band was best with only four people." Shiko confided what she had been holding back in her heart to Youxi, "Ichiri, Kita, Nijika, and Ryo, a band of these four is the Ending Band. Whether one person is missing or one person is added, it makes me feel a strong... sense of separation. So, I originally planned to leave the Ending Band after everything was over, and maybe become an independent music producer, just like... Ms. Araki."

Eh? Yili's thoughts came to a standstill.

Inside the wall, the conversation continues.

"But this is just an initial idea." Yukina noticed her choice of words.

"Yes." Shizi drank the juice in his hand and shook the cup unconsciously, his eyes following the shaking of the straw. "If I want to leave the band, it means that I can't maintain the same relationship with the original members as before. Even if I see them, I don't know how to get along with them. I can only turn my head and pretend I didn't see them."

"I... absolutely don't want this. I absolutely don't want to have this kind of relationship with them. I hope we can always be friends, better than ordinary friends, like a family. I can't say this to them, I can't even mention it."

"But then, there's no way to restore the ending band in my mind."

"The two thoughts are contradictory and conflicting in my mind, just like my two personalities now."

"Is that so?" Youxina thought for a while, "I can't answer this question for you. There is still a lot of time, I hope you can slowly find the answer. However, from my personal point of view," she put down the water cup, "I would rather see Mr. Wu as the keyboard player of the ending band."

There was a ripple in Shizi's eyes. "Thank you."

"Senior Minato--" Kita walked over from a distance, her whole body was wet by the sea water, and her red hair stuck to the side of her face.

"Ah, it seems like something's up." Yukina stood up, "Excuse me."

"Well, goodbye." Shizi didn't move his body, but raised his head.

Yukina walked out of the door. She suddenly saw Ichiri sitting on the ground, looking ashen. She suddenly realized her existence. Ichiri had been silent before, so she had completely ignored this side. Could the conversation just now have been heard? Yukina realized that they had just talked about some topics that were not suitable for the other members of the band, especially Goto-san, to hear.

"…Sorry." She whispered and walked quickly towards Kita.

Seeing Youxina walking away, there was no movement for a while. She stood up somehow and looked back into the house. Shizi was refilling her juice out of boredom.

The body moves before the thought.

Chapter 33: The Blade of the Son

It's so uncomfortable. Yili took a step forward. She walked in. Seeing her, Shizi seemed to realize something and his expression became embarrassed.

Shizi is leaving the band. That's all I heard.

It was so painful. I couldn't think of anything else. The thought "(Betrayed)" hung over everything that crossed my mind.

Shizi promised to keep writing songs for me. Betrayed. Shizi promised to go back to my hometown with me. Betrayed. Shizi is leaving the band. Betrayed. Shizi is leaving me. Betrayed. I can't leave Shizi. Betrayed. Life without Shizi is not life. Betrayed.

Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed.

My body no longer belonged to me. I heard a buzzing sound in my ears. The world was spinning and twisting. Except for Shizi. Only Shizi was clear. Yili could only go there.

"...Shizi." Yili's voice was almost audible only to himself, but Shizi still heard it.

“…Yes.” She didn’t dare to look into Yili’s eyes. “Did you hear it?”

"I heard it." Yili's voice sounded wrong.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept it from you..."

"Why?" Yili interrupted someone for the first time. She felt unconsciously that some taboo had been broken.

"Why? Why did you lie to me?" Yili's voice had turned into tears. She had unknowingly stood in front of Shizi, holding her shoulders with both hands.

Shizi looked up at her. On her delicate face, angry tears flowed freely. Another drop fell on her face and slid into her mouth.

So salty.

"Cheat? ...How could that be..."

"Lie!" Ichiri yelled as loudly as she could.

"Didn't we agree... that you would compose a song for me... that we would go to your hometown together... and that you would not give up your current path..."

"What I mean is that I won't give up music..." Shizi explained weakly, his voice becoming smaller and smaller.

"Why... I just... want to be with Shiko. Shiko is my first friend. Shiko is special to me. No matter what, I want to maintain a relationship with Shiko and never be separated from her for the rest of my life. Is it the same for Shiko? Ah... If Shiko leaves the band, we can't be together. My life will go back to the way it was before, so dark and lonely. No... woohoo... I can't live without Shiko... Isn't Shiko like this? Am I just an ordinary friend to Shiko? Like Yuki's classmate? Like Ako's classmate? Like Kita's classmate? Can Shiko survive without me? I just hope that I can be a little more important in Shiko's heart, just a little more, more important than keeping the band in your heart." One thing is important, just one thing is enough...really...every time I see Shizi being so affectionate with others, I feel so uncomfortable...haah...Shizi doesn't belong to me alone...why? Isn't it enough to have me? Am I not doing well enough? Is it not enough for Shizi to like me? I like Shizi very much, woooo...like, like, like the most, woooo...I will go crazy if I can't see Shizi for one day. I wear clothes made by Shizi, eat meals made with Shizi's imagination, my ears are filled with Shizi's voice, I play songs written by Shizi, and my mind is only filled with Shizi's thoughts, so Shizi should also think about me, okay? Shizi? Shizi, can you say something? Don't keep silent, I want to hear your thoughts...what do you think of me?"

Before she knew it, Shizi had been pinned to the ground. Yili's feet locked Shizi tightly, preventing her from escaping.

"Wuuuuu... Shizi, don't look away, look at me, okay? When Shizi came to talk to me, I felt like the whole world was lit up. Those lonely days and painful days in the past no longer exist. To me... to me... Shizi is the sun that illuminates my life. People can't live without the sun... Without the sun, they will die... Isn't it? It was... it was Shizi who gave me life. Shizi, Shizi, are you listening? Don't show that expression, don't be afraid of me... I am Ichiri... I am your first friend, I, I am Shizi's first friend, right? Let me hear Shizi's voice, let me confirm, okay? I want to hear Shizi say, 'Ichiri is my best friend', just this one sentence is enough, Shizi thinks so in her heart, right? Is that right? I feel like I don't understand Shizi at all... Why... Wuuuu... Even if, even if it's not true, it doesn't matter, I can regain my life by hearing this sentence... This kind of thing is just very simple for Shizi, right? Just tell me like you usually do. , please... don't dislike me, I will always be by Shizi's side. Do you think I'm too dark? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Shizi is no longer a dark character, but I'm still so dark, I'm really sorry, it's like I'm not living... Woo ah ah... give me a chance, I will change, I really will change, I will use all my efforts in my life to change... You know, I practice guitar for six hours every day, I have plenty of efforts, so believe me, I will soon become the person Shizi likes. Will Shizi be able to accept me by then? Are you still not satisfied? Is my guitar not good enough? Or am I not good-looking? What type do you like? Do you need me to have plastic surgery? Then I will spend all my time practicing guitar except for eating and sleeping... But this way I can't change my personality, Shizi, tell me quickly, what exactly do you dislike about me? Only when I know, can I know how to work hard... Woo ah, ah hehe, so this is also Shizi guiding me, hehe, Shizi is indeed the most important, I can't leave Shizi, could it be that I am Was I born to meet Shizi? It must be like this. I live, I play the guitar, I breathe, I eat, I sleep, I wake up, I fight, all for the sake of being with Shizi, otherwise I wouldn't like Shizi so much. I really like Shizi, but this distance is still too far. I want to be closer... Can I get closer to you? Don't say anything? Then I'll take that as your consent? It's so strange, I actually want to get closer to someone else, has my personality started to change? Hehehe, but Shizi is not someone else, any way I get close to Shizi is reasonable and natural, everything has been decided long ago, right... haha... it's all destined... It seems that there is still no change, so what should I do? Teach me, Shizi... tell me how to change Yinjiao's personality? Haven't you changed? How did you do it? What Shizi can do, can't I do it? Can't I be like Shizi? Woo woo, can't I stand by Shizi's side? Impossible... ah ah... Shizi, tell me it's impossible, otherwise I will go crazy now... do it to me again Promise me, as long as I work hard, I will definitely be with Shizi. Don't break the promise this time, okay? At least... I hope Shizi can stay by my side now... I like you... I love you... I can't help it... Can you hold me tight? It's strange... Can you? Really? Can I, like a wild serpent, really stay in Shizi's arms? Thank you, thank you very much... I can live again... Can I keep it for a while? Although I want to stay like this forever... No, no, it's really just for a while, in a while, I can control myself, and I don't need to bother Shizi anymore... But will you hug me in the future? Will you still talk to me? Now, don't just let me speak, Shizi should speak too. Normally, I don't say so many words. Shizi knows everything very well, right? So don't put too much pressure on me, speak a little, even if it's just calling my name, just calling 'Ichiri'... Shizi, huh? I call you, are you listening? Shizi, Shizi, woo woo, Shizi, Shizi, Shizi, Shizi, woo ah, Shizi, Shizi..."

Ichiri didn't know what she was saying. It seemed like she had said everything she had ever said in her life. She just kept talking to the only clear figure in the universe. So, she didn't notice Kita coming to the door.

Kita stood where Ichiri was just now, holding the wall with one hand and covering her heart with the other. Tears welled up in her eyes, and it took a lot of effort to stop them from flowing. Maybe they had already flowed, but they were mixed with the sea water and could not be distinguished. She heard and felt every word Ichiri said.

[Corrosion degree…30%]

However, Shizi didn't hear anything clearly. Her consciousness was hazy.

Yili saw that Shizi finally opened her eyes. She was slightly surprised to see Yili crying in her arms, and smiled gently.