I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"..You haven't reached that point yet." She then reached out and grabbed my arm, pulled me in front of her, and kissed me hard on the cheek.

“..Ruomeng..”

I still don't want to leave her.

"Take care of yourself from now on, and don't forget our agreement."

As she spoke, she suddenly pushed me from behind, and my body seemed to lose gravity and slowly floated backwards.

“..Ruomeng..”

Ruomeng was getting further and further away from me, and something seemed to be flowing down her face. Even so, she still smiled and waved goodbye to me.

".."

Should I also say goodbye to her? However, I still feel that I can't accept it.

. . . . .

"..society.."

“The state…!”

"Sheji! Yi Sheji!"

Someone seemed to be calling my name. The voice seemed familiar. Who was it? I can't remember. I'm so tired.

I was drowsy, drowsy and I didn't know anything. It seemed as if I was not clear about anything.

...

One must experience the cold of winter before one longs for warmth. One must experience the scorching heat before one remembers the cool of winter. One must witness separation before one longs for reunion. One must experience life and death before one understands peace.

Cruel things exist not to inflict pain and suffering on people, but to teach them to cherish the preciousness and difficulty of ordinary things. Making people happy is incredibly difficult, and giving them joy is equally challenging...yet, sometimes, it's so easy.

Just being with that certain person is enough. No matter what you do, no matter what you talk about, as long as that person is by your side, you can endure all the darkness in this world.

Humans are incredible creatures. They're capable of many cruel things, yet there are also many kind people who yearn for a better world. I don't know how to live in such a contradictory world. I don't know how to deal with cruelty. But as long as someone is there, I don't have to worry about these troubles.

Ultimately, the reason we exist as human beings is because of something in our hearts that supports us. Whether we are good or bad, as long as we don't abandon the standard of humanity, we will never lose our status as human.

Crowds often treat individuals with indifference, but individuals don't necessarily need to treat each other this way. Why are gentle people so popular? It's because they simply accept the indifference of the group, yet they choose the thankless gentle approach. Therefore, gentle people are strong. True gentleness isn't about unwavering compliance, but about having principles and fairness. Even if that strength doesn't show up most of the time... what does it matter? As long as those you care about understand, what does it matter if others don't notice?

"..ah.."

I was still able to sigh. And after the sleepiness faded, the vague pain gradually emerged. But my body felt as if it were imprisoned by something, unable to move.

"..Sheji? It's Sheji, are you awake?" "Son, how do you feel?"

"...Is it Dad and...Mom?" His neck was fixed, and it seemed that he couldn't turn around at all. He could only rely on the sound to make judgments.

"Yes, yes, that's it..." "What are you still standing there for? Go call a doctor." "I'll go right away..."

It seems like I have caused trouble for my family again.

"..."

But, this is all that matters. I've seen her figure as I wished... Even if many people won't believe me, as long as I'm convinced, isn't that enough? As long as I can live the life she wished for, and work hard to keep going, that's all that matters...

“Ah…it hurts.”

Both my shoulders and lower legs seemed to be bandaged and immobilized with plaster. I'd anticipated this, but after experiencing it, I realized how uncomfortable it was. Even turning over to the bathroom required someone to help, which, as a nearing adult, was a bit hard to accept.

but..

“It’s also an experience.”

I comforted myself like this and quietly closed my eyes. From now on, I will no longer live only for myself.

...

As the saying goes, it takes a hundred days to heal a broken bone, which means if you break a bone, it will take at least three months for it to gradually heal. Especially for someone like me who has poor physical fitness to begin with.

"Your punishment is a one-week suspension for reflection... but judging by your condition, you still won't be able to return to school even after two weeks." Rin Hanekawa, the student council president, brought me this news two days after learning I was conscious. "So, at my suggestion, you've changed it to writing a 3,000-word self-reflection, clarifying the motives behind your actions, so the school can prevent similar incidents from happening in the future."

".."

I heard that after that, all the doors leading to the school's rooftop were sealed with cement. As a precaution, guardrails were added, and it became a school rule that prohibited anyone from accessing the school's rooftop. Regular psychological counseling was also provided to students.

It seems that this incident has a significant impact.

"But considering that it's difficult for you to use a pen right now, I've found someone to write the review for you. All you have to do is say it."

"..Don't worry, I write very fast." Li Ling on the side had already picked up paper and pen.

“..Ah.” What a hassle.

As for Brother Nan...

"What should I say..." After staring at me for a long time, she said angrily and annoyedly, but unable to vent her anger, "Maybe I really am not suitable to be a teacher."

"That's not true. Teacher, you teach well, you're pretty, and you're great at what you do... How could you not be a good teacher? It's just my own fault..."

Now I understand the impact my actions have on others. I am not just an individual, I am also affected by those around me.

"..Although I have a lot to say to you, and I really want to get angry with you. But how can I say it...When you were unconscious, I kept praying for you, praying that you would be okay."

"..."

"Now that you've woken up, that's enough for me. I just hope you can live a peaceful life from now on...and don't do that kind of thing again."

"..I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

Before, I didn’t understand how much I meant to others. But now I understand how important they are to me, and how important I am to them.

"You're not just sorry for me." After hearing what I said, she looked me in the eye and said seriously, "You're sorry for the people around you who care about you. Whether it's your parents or other relatives... your friends, they're all worried about you."

"..."

"This is the second time." She leaned back in her chair helplessly. "Although I have been restraining myself from thinking about it...I still want to figure out why you did this."

"..."

At this point, it seems that there is nothing worth hiding anymore.

"Regarding this matter...it may take a while to explain the reasons."

"It doesn't matter." Her eyes were still serious. "Just tell me."

. .

【The night before yesterday】

Neon lights and streetlights shone brightly. Gazing at the cityscape, I couldn't help but recall a time I'd spent with someone gazing out from a high vantage point. Because of that short, blond man's lively personality, I'd also unknowingly developed a fondness for observing the city from above.

"So you're here! I'm surprised you're still here on the rooftop."

A familiar voice came from behind.

“..I didn’t fall down accidentally.”

Rinquanchuan came to see me after all. And this time, I received some supplements from her, mostly iron and calcium supplements... and eggs. Last time, it was for blood, but this time, is it for growing flesh and bones? Well, she's a real lady, the money she can give is really...

"..I heard that you did that because you've always cared about the person you've loved since childhood, right?"

"Yeah..you won't laugh at me."

"No." She walked over to me and said to me seriously, "I think... many things in the world can't necessarily be explained by science. Did you meet her in the end?"

"Yes, I see you."

"So...what did she say to you?" she asked me curiously.

“…She said she hoped I could live an ordinary life, working hard and carrying on with her.”

"..." She pondered my answer for a moment, "It seems she is indeed a very gentle girl. No wonder you were so obsessed with her...to the point of jumping off a building and fainting."

"Ahahaha, after hearing it from others... I still think it's something only a fool would do..." I laughed non-stop, causing pain to all my injured parts, but it still took me some time to stop. "You don't... think I'm crazy, do you?"

"No." She said calmly, "I think... this is also a romantic thing."

"..romantic?"

"Because I wanted to see my lost lover, I chose to let my life hang by a thread, and my soul temporarily wandered in the underworld... This feeling is like Liang Zhu turning into butterflies."

“Ahaha…”

"However, I would rather hear about this kind of thing in other legends... than have it happen to someone close to me."

"I'm sorry." I've let so many people down. So, no matter how many times I say this apology, it won't make up for it.

"It's good that you know you're wrong... In the future, really don't do it again." She paused, "At least in our eyes, it's not romantic."

"Ah."

After a long period of silence, the cold wind finally picked up again on this day. Since changing clothes was a hassle, I didn't wear thick clothes, and after feeling a bit cold, I decided to return to the ward.

"Well, let's go back first. It's a little awkward to bring this up...but could you please help me push my wheelchair?"

"Um, ah," she said, and moved behind the wheelchair I was sitting in.

"I'm sorry, but I have to trouble you, a grown lady, to push my wheelchair for me."

"..No, it's nothing." She paused for a moment, "There's just one thing I want to confirm."

"What?"

"You...about me...that..." She paused for a moment, as if preparing herself mentally. "What are your feelings for me? If possible, could you consider...that...being with me?"

"..." I was silent for a moment. "Well, let me confirm something first. When you said "being with you" Izumi, did you mean dating you?"

"Eh... well, that's not a bad thing to say. Anyway, I've already told you before that I care about you and that I like you... well, what do you think? Do you want to agree to it?"

“..” This question is really difficult to answer.

"Why do you have to be with me... There are plenty of people who are more handsome than me, who know more about games and literature than me, and who have more things in common with you, right?"

"Is there?" she asked briefly.

What's wrong with this guy...

"The reason why you haven't is probably because you haven't encountered..."

"Now that I've met you, I think that's enough."

".."

This is the first time I've ever felt that being popular can be annoying.

"But you are the eldest daughter of an entrepreneur... I am just an ordinary student. Even if I want to be with you, your parents probably won't agree. Besides, a guy like me..."

"Stop pretending. I already knew it." She seemed to have expected that I would use this excuse to fool her.

"..What, you know something?" Could it be that she has caught something on me?

"In fact, I've already noticed... Your writing style is the same as that of the author named Lingcun Sheji. No matter how you try to argue, I can conclude this."

"Ah..." It seems to be true.

"So, the identity of a popular novelist can still be achieved with me. Besides, I'm not a lady of particularly noble status. When it comes to love, I'm just an ordinary girl. Besides, I don't like others treating me differently."

"..Uwaaa."

This wording is really... difficult to weigh.

"So, what's your opinion?"

"..Can I keep it for now?"

. .

"So that's how it is..."

Ye Hui didn't seem to be particularly moved by the reason I gave him. He simply stopped his wheelchair and looked at the empty space not far away with me. There were some sports equipment there, but no one was using it right now.

"At that time I thought you hated me."

"...How could that be possible? I just wanted to talk to her. That feeling kept haunting me, and I couldn't control my behavior at that time."

I couldn't see her expression, but she definitely wasn't happy. After all, she was the one I'd talked to on the rooftop with. All those rumors, all those things people were pointing fingers at... Come to think of it, it was all my fault.

"I sometimes lose control of myself... By comparison, Sheji, you've done very well. If someone I love leaves this world, I definitely wouldn't be able to accept it either."

".."

"If you were really gone, I don't know what I would do. I might do things I wouldn't even imagine..."

"Don't be like this." Only then did I suddenly realize how worrying my actions were in the eyes of Ruomeng... and others. "Don't take me too seriously."