I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Was he talking to himself or asking Ye Hui, who was supporting me? Who knows, this kind of thing doesn't seem to matter much.

It's just a little strange that I have to exert so much effort to climb each step. Compared to myself a few days ago, I seem much slower.

"What do you mean?"

She really didn't notice this.

"...all sorts of things." I didn't know how to evaluate my past self. "I felt like I had no control over my body. It's been like this since a long time ago... I couldn't tolerate things I didn't like and started to fight with others. Then I couldn't remember people's names, couldn't remember their faces... to the point where I forgot everything that had happened before. I clearly didn't want these to happen, but I couldn't avoid it."

"..."

"I could have prevented a friend from leaving me."

Perhaps speaking out would be much better, I thought, and began to confess my past to Ye Hui. Because I believed her... Actually, at this moment, no matter who was around me, I would say the same thing. From my perspective now, there's no obvious difference between people.

"...When did it happen?" She seemed ready to hear me continue.

"Junior high school. It was right after the school term started—back then, because of some things I'd been going through, I'd always been oblivious to other people's faces." I couldn't help but laugh. "So even now, when I think back, I still can't quite remember his face. I just vaguely remember that he had a simple-looking face... but with eyes that looked like a delinquent."

"....Um?"

It sounded different than she'd expected. Had I ever mentioned my junior high school days to her before...? As far as I could remember, I hadn't.

"My meeting with him was an accident." She continued, "That day I never thought I would be hit by his bike on the way to school. I was about to scold him, but when I saw his delinquent appearance, I actually changed my mind and apologized to him."

"..."

"But now that I think about it, he must have been very lonely because of this. Many people didn't want to get close to him because he was so outgoing, so he grabbed me when we met by chance."

"We got along very well after that. His straightforward personality actually made him a good friend, but people around him didn't want to believe that he could be so gentle despite his appearance. It's like saying to others, 'Yi Sa Ji can be handsome sometimes,' and no one would believe it."

"...Will no one believe it?"

"I don't think so. What's more, everything I do has nothing to do with this word... It doesn't matter whether I'm handsome or not, I just need to do what I want to do." Now I don't want to care so much anymore.

"Later, he helped a skinny boy fight off two real delinquents who were bullying him. However, they maliciously accused him of being the instigator."

"How come... you didn't testify for him?"

"Of course I'd testify for him, but neither the teacher nor the dean believed it. And since I'm his friend, my testimony is unreliable. It's ridiculous, isn't it? But that's just how people think. He'd previously gotten into trouble with the school because he didn't want to dye his naturally brown hair black, and he'd even skipped classes without reason... Seeing all that, the school wouldn't believe a student like that would help others."

"...There's no such thing as a camera?"

"That wasn't widespread back then...and some places in the school didn't have cameras installed," I narrated calmly. "So, my only hope is to find the guy who was blackmailed. If he comes forward as a victim and testifies, my friend won't be punished."

"That's true...what's the result?" Ye Hui seemed very concerned about the ending of the story.

"The result..." I sighed slightly.

"I thought I had found the person involved, but he insisted he had nothing to do with it. I had no choice but to accept the reality and watched my friend get expelled without being able to do anything."

"...How could this happen..."

"But now, I suddenly remembered something..."

"?"

"I don't actually remember the exact face of the guy who got beaten. Because as I said, I've had a hard time remembering other people's faces since then... Unless you spend a lot of time with them, you'll forget them the moment you turn around."

Faced with a crowd of unfamiliar faces, I couldn't identify the man with glasses at the time, so I could only randomly pick out a guy who looked similar to my memory. Unfortunately, I didn't guess correctly.

"That is to say..."

"Yeah, I found the wrong person from the beginning... I didn't even know what that person looked like."

When I learned the truth, I was far more surprised than I am now when I speak it out loud. Perhaps it's because I've already let go of the past... Now that things have come to this, there's nothing more to say.

"It's not your fault, Sheji..."

"I'm not blaming myself. So don't comfort me like this. These things are all in the past. Even if you want to make amends or change them, it's just wishful thinking. All I can do is tell you this and vent the melancholy that's been pent up in my heart... That's all."

"...You..." She looked like she wanted to say something, but she held it back and changed the subject, "It's good that you...don't take it to heart...at least you won't look sad anymore, right?"

"..."

She is indeed a gentle girl.

"We're already on the top floor..." She looked at the iron gate in front of us, "The door to the rooftop is locked. I think..."

"It can be opened," I said, stepping forward and unlocking the large lock that held the tangled chains together. "I've got the key."

"...How did you get it?"

Yes, any normal person would be confused when seeing this scene.

"...Of course, the nurse gave it to me. I paid a small amount of money to get it from her."

"...Is it really necessary to spend this money? You'll be discharged from the hospital soon anyway..."

"She thought so too, which is why she lent it to me. She was hoping I wouldn't take the key up to the rooftop and do anything stupid. Any place under human supervision is vulnerable to various factors." I put the key in my pocket. "Come on, let's go to the hospital rooftop, which hasn't been visited much since it was built."

"..."

. . . . . . . . .

"It's so cold..."

The relentless cold wind quickly robbed me of my body heat. It was already evening, the snow on the roof hadn't melted yet, and the sky hadn't cleared up yet. The dark clouds, like layers upon layers of clouds, seemed poised to bring rain or snow at any moment.

"You'd better go back... You haven't changed your shoes. And your clothes... If you continue like this, coupled with what happened yesterday, you will definitely catch a cold." Ye Hui said behind me.

She's still paying attention to me. How can I thank her? I don't have an answer yet.

"None of these things matter anymore."

At this moment, I could finally stand on equal footing with the steel that usually towered above me. Gazing at the rooftops stacked like a gap in the distance, I suddenly felt that the view from the top was nothing special. This was ordinary from a different perspective... Yeah, I'd already come to this conclusion, hadn't I? In reality, no one in this world is destined to be ordinary. They simply choose to live different lives.

"How can you say it doesn't matter..." Ye Hui was about to object to my attitude, but I interrupted her.

"Thank you, Yehui."

I always feel like no matter how many times I say this, it's never enough. What I say to her, I don't feel like it's enough... I've received so much from her, so much that I can never repay her no matter what I do.

"Why are you thanking me suddenly? And even if you want to say thank you, you should go back to the ward and warm up first, right?" As she said this, she pulled my sleeve, trying to make me turn back.

"...Actually, I remembered what happened before."

I slowly turned my head and spoke to her.

"Huh?" She suddenly stopped trying to persuade me and just looked at me in surprise.

"Many years ago... that girl I met by chance in the park was actually you, right? I'm so sorry for not recognizing you right away... My memories are always so confused, so confused that I attributed everything that happened to you to my childhood sweetheart."

"...No...actually, it's completely irrelevant." She said hurriedly after coming out of her daze. "It's nice to talk to you like before. There's no need to deliberately remember the past."

"Of course, not remembering it is not okay, but forgetting it is also not okay. That would be irresponsible to the past..."

There's so much more I have to do...this is just one of them.

"Yehui, you've been helping me since the beginning." I couldn't help but lament my own incompetence. Without her, I wouldn't be able to solve most of my problems smoothly.

"No, no, no, that's not the case... I was just worried about you. I didn't play any crucial role at all."

"No, no...it's already a lot. I don't know what virtue I have that you've given so much. As a friend or a classmate, the energy and time you've invested far exceeds these two relationships...I really don't know how to thank you."

"...No, no need to thank me. We have known each other for such a long time, why are you being so formal?" She seemed a little uncomfortable with my sudden attitude.

"It's not that I'm being polite... well, you're always going to refuse anything I say anyway, so I'd better not say such polite words."

"...Forehead?"

"I don't have anything to give you... and you're not someone who needs money. So I've been thinking about what to give you for a long time... and I still don't have any idea."

So I made a decision.

"You don't have to give me anything... If you're like this, how can I help you again?"

"If it hadn't been you yesterday, how should I put it... I probably wouldn't be standing here talking to you like this." I couldn't help scratching my cheek as I said this. "Well, it's just politeness. Anyway, I can meet any of your requests. Don't be polite, just ask me anything."

"...Any requests? That sounds so cliché." She couldn't help but laugh. "I didn't expect it would be something this unrealistic."

"This is literally true. There are no limits." I patted my chest and assured her, "No matter how expensive the gift you give you or how outrageous the task you ask me to do, I will do it without hesitation."

"Really? It feels so fake~"

Even though she said that, I could still see that she was slightly moved.

"...Then you can give it a try, but you only have this chance once." It can be seen that she is very satisfied with the reward.

"No need to try, I'll make a wish right now." She said without any hesitation, "I'll be very satisfied if you just live well like this."

"...Live well, right?"

I couldn't help but repeat this request, feeling it was truly worth pondering over, so I repeated it several more times. "Live well... Live well—it's really hard! But if this is truly your request, I will comply. Okay, no problem, I will live well from now on."

I could sense that wasn't her true wish, but what did it matter? Since it had been proposed, I had no choice but to comply.

"Then...for your health, please come back to your ward with me as soon as possible."

"Okay, okay - I promise you." In short, I still have to obey her arrangements first.

"Speaking of which--" I suddenly remembered something.

"What?" Ye Hui, who was supporting me, naturally turned his head to listen to me.

"What does it mean to live a good life?" I pondered this question over and over, and then I began to wonder, "Am I living a good life now? It doesn't seem to be happening to me... I seem to have all sorts of health issues, and my studies aren't very good... I don't think I'll have a good job or future."

"...Why are you becoming negative so quickly?" Ye Hui had no choice but to respond helplessly to my question. "Then can I modify my request?"

"...I didn't say no, which means there's no problem with making changes."

"So..."

"But to avoid repeated revisions, I'll add one more requirement." Suddenly realizing that this wasn't right, "Then I'll allow you to revise three times. Okay, now for the first revision."

"...Well, you should just continue living your life as before."

"Like before? Are you living the same life as before you were hospitalized?" I confirmed with Ye Hui again.

"Yeah...that's it. I feel like you're a little strange today, but I can't quite put my finger on what's wrong. If possible, it's probably better to live without guidance...but if you really can't adapt..."

"It doesn't matter. Since you asked me to do so, I will definitely agree to it."

Is life the same as before? Then how many more things do I have to do? But I don't think it's anything special. Ah, no, no, this is the time to sigh.

"Oh, that's troublesome."

Well, that's not wrong.

"There are still many troubles." She couldn't help laughing. "There is another person who will come to see you today. He should be here by now."

"...?" I didn't understand what she said.

"Oh~ When I got here, I saw you two stuck together."

"..." So, does she really exist? That guy named Feng Rongqing... ah, no, it's not clear whether she's called that in real life. "Is that classmate Feng Rongqing?"

"So you have an impression of her." Ye Hui looked surprised, "I thought you had never paid any attention to her."

"Well, it's a long story..." Even if I told her that I had a lot of conversations with her during my coma, it would only confuse Ye Hui, right? Maybe he would even send me to the brain department or neurology department next door.

"You said you weren't in that kind of relationship~ It's okay, I won't tell the teacher."

As expected, Feng Rongqing came to visit me wearing the school uniform that she had modified herself...or rather, she came to look for Ye Hui.

"Sheji-san probably hasn't paid attention to me..."

She also knew what I did in daily life and was about to introduce herself to me.

"...I know you're making the costumes we need, right? Thank you for your hard work." However, I interrupted her introduction...after all, I had already introduced it once before. I just had a sudden thought and wanted to verify how much that fantasy overlapped with reality.

"Ye Huihui told you, right? Well, it's actually not that hard. After all, I like doing these things too." She didn't feel strange.

"Yeah, I always feel that I can see unusual ambitions in you." Pretending to look at her carefully, I touched my chin and said to her pretentiously.

"Eh?"

"Sheji, what are you talking about?" Ye Hui didn't understand either.

"...You've been imagining a dress of an unprecedented style, right? I haven't decided on it yet, but I think the color should be blue..."

"Sheji, you can read minds, right?" She looked very excited and shook my hand. "Can you tell me what it looks like?"

"...You yourself don't understand, how can I understand..."

"Wow, you really can read minds."

It seems that her personality is indeed as in the dream.