I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Risk? What kind of risk? Can you explain it to me?"

"...What do you think you're fighting? Just those few people? Not at all... There are also those guys." He pointed at the students buried in their writing. "They can't do anything. You're completely alone and helpless. And the teacher standing at the podium... they can't do anything either. Do you think they haven't heard about this? How could it be possible? If I intervene, it will be very troublesome... If I don't, it won't affect me at all. So why bother with such a strong sense of justice? Just pretend I don't see it."

"But I saw it."

Without any reason, I not only saw it, but also couldn't ignore it.

"...Have you forgotten why you came here?" He now had a look of concern on his face. "It's because you've already gotten into trouble. If you get into trouble again, you probably won't be able to stay here anymore. Will you have to trouble your family to find you a place to stay?"

"..."

I was stunned. I knew my parents had put a lot of effort into getting me here... and I had transferred schools because of something similar. Even if I hadn't done anything wrong, my path to higher education would definitely be bumpy if I continued like this.

"Right." He seemed to see the confusion in my heart and patted my shoulder. "So don't try to wade into this muddy water anymore."

“…”

When deciding to help others, should I first consider my own situation? It's because I'm too focused on my own gains and losses that I don't care, right?

"..."

My hand suddenly went to my belly. Thanks to the bread, it had stopped whining. I should have thanked her for it... but I had helped her once before, so we should have been even.

As for my parents...I don't think they want me to do these things anymore.

"...I really...can't care."

Chapter 5: Frivolous

“…”

Even though I had decided that, I still felt something was amiss. If I didn't intervene, I could bet that no one else would.

Besides, the guy didn't continue to tell me that the girl was actually a bitch, which meant that my guess was correct. She was just a person who was bullied at school, and she was still someone who deserved help.

"hateful..."

What should I do...

"Ahahaha, look at this, look at this..." I was in the bathroom when I suddenly heard someone behind me talking. I didn't intend to pay much attention to it. After all, the topics they were discussing were basically funny game operations or funny videos that looked very crudely filmed...

"...it's a shame you could still do it if it's so cheap." "I think it's okay, it's not impossible." "It's not exciting at all."

"..."

No, it seemed different from my judgment. So, curious, I quietly approached.

"...Did you shoot this video?"

After watching the video, all my previous plans went out the window. I didn't think about myself anymore, I was just furious.

"Hmm... huh?" "Who are you?" "I think you're in the same class as us..." "Oh, the one from this morning..."

"Did you take this photo?"

I forced myself to smile inquiringly.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" "It's no big deal." "I don't know how many times it's happened, and you're still resisting..."

However, before they could finish their words, he could no longer control his inner anger and punched the person holding the phone in the face. In an instant, two lines of bright red blood flowed from his nostrils.

Seeing this, his followers on both sides came forward and tried to hold me down. It was then that I realized that no matter how strong I was, I couldn't beat these people, and I wasn't very strong anyway.

"I refrained from beating you this morning...but now you're asking for a beating."

But I still want to shout out something. No matter what, I will do it.

"If you do something like this... you'll regret it sooner or later."

"Really...huh?!"

He picked up the wooden mop lying nearby and swung it around, smashing it against my head, which was being held tightly by two of my younger brothers. I felt a stab of pain, but no warm liquid ran down my face... How strange.

"...even if it doesn't happen now...it won't happen in the future..."

Consciousness gradually became blurred.

"...After that...I will definitely do it..."

I will definitely do it...I will punish you.

"..."

. . . . . . .

"..."

what happened.

"Why has this guy been standing there for so long? Hahaha." "If you are sick, go to the hospital immediately. It's not shameful." "Okay, let's go first..."

I seemed to have forgotten what I was doing. When I came to, it felt like I had been standing at the urinal for ages. No wonder others laughed at me; even I found it strange.

"call--"

A mixture of toilet smoke and the smell of toilet spread around my face. I was more angry at the provocative behavior than surprised. But when I turned around, the group of people had already run out of the toilet, talking and laughing.

“…”

But if I think about it, I can't just chase them and beat them up. After all, I'm alone, and my physical fitness isn't that great... If one of them is alone, and the conditions are right, I think I can still take him down.

...Oh, that's a good idea indeed. When dealing with a large group of enemies, we naturally have to try to defeat them one by one... but it's certainly difficult to implement. I still can't make up my mind easily.

"...Anyway, let's just wait and see."

After listening to Ruiyun's advice, I decided to maintain the status quo. If I acted rashly, I'd only be asking for trouble... Besides, I didn't seem to have the wherewithal to fight those people.

I still wanted to help her, but I had to face various realities.

It would be great if I could stop caring about my own affairs.

I want to let go of all that...all that burdens me. I want to be free to do what I want to do...even if it means I don't seem like a human with normal emotions, I want to do my best to achieve it.

"..."

"I was a little worried, so I came to check on you." Ruiyun ran to my side without me noticing. "It seems you didn't get into a fight with them... Very good, very good. You really did follow my advice."

I wanted to respond with "I'm still figuring it out," but that sounded like I was just trying to brush it off, so I didn't say it.

"...Why didn't she ask for help?"

After a long silence, I raised my question.

"Who can she turn to? No one is helping her."

The question seemed ridiculous, and he actually laughed as he answered me. Why was he laughing? Wasn't she someone he should be helping?

"I can..."

As long as she tells me... I will definitely help her. Don't worry about that kind of thing, no matter how difficult it is...

"Then who can help you?"

He then asked questions.

"...You won't help me?"

I looked into his face, hoping desperately that he could be of some help to me.

But I think my expression must have looked funny to him. Otherwise, why would his smile have become even brighter?

"I'm just an ordinary student who's good at studying. Other than that, I don't know how to manage anything, and there's nothing I can do about it." He spread his hands helplessly, "And don't even think about trying to instigate her family. It's useless."

"..." Why did he even propose a plan that I hadn't thought of... "Have you ever tried to help her?"

This thought suddenly came to me.

"...Who knows?" He tilted his head to the side and shrugged, not intending to respond directly. "That's all I can say. What you do next is up to you."

"..."

What should I do?

.......

He breathed quietly.

The cold air entered his body, warmed it, and was then exhaled. This way, the heat in his body was consumed bit by bit. He was completely unaware of this, lost in his own world.

A light rain began to fall from the sky, mixed with tiny snowflakes. The cold wind blew again, carrying them towards the city that had already entered winter.

A few snowflakes touched his face, quickly melting into water, then vanished in the wind, carrying only a hint of warmth away. This process repeated itself endlessly, and the soul trapped in this body remained oblivious.

The ends of my hair that weren't completely covered by my hat became a temporary place for snowflakes to settle. As time went by, more and more snow began to gather.

It wasn't just his hair, other parts of the young man's body were covered with freshly fallen snowflakes, making him look more like a sculpture than a living body.

However, he is different from ordinary sculptures. He still possesses the warmth of life. However, this obvious difference is gradually disappearing with the passage of time.

silence

It seems like it has been repeated many times.

I am making my own choices more and more easily.

"I'm going to help her..."

"I should go help her."

"I think I should go help her."

"No matter what, I have to help her..."

"You must go and help her."

"No matter what...I'm going to help her..."

Like a lingering knot in my heart, this thought kept coming back to me, but there was always a force that wanted me to give up and kept washing away this thought.

"...you..."

You should have something to say to me.

Seeing her passing by me, I wanted to reach out and stop her. And say this to her.

Don't hide your inner thoughts, don't think you'll cause me trouble... You clearly can't stand it anymore. If you just come to me for help, I will do everything I can to help you.

So, stop being like this... Even if you treat others so gently, they won't take it seriously. Your gentleness is worthless to them, but it is the most precious thing in the world.

"..."

I couldn't speak. No matter how hard I tried, it felt like something was stuck in my throat.

She just passed me by like this.

"...Don't leave."

While my consciousness was blurring, I saw her about to look back.

However, the world fell into darkness, which made me despair and feel that I could not resist at all.

"..."

Where was this place this time? I looked around as if I had just woken up, and soon found myself still sitting in my seat.

"Did you fall asleep again?" Ruiyun smiled at me helplessly. "Your performance in this monthly exam wasn't as good as mine. Try to control your tendency to doze off in class."

"...There haven't been many times when I could surpass you." I covered my head and thought carefully about what happened before, but I still couldn't remember anything.

By the way, I seem to care about someone a lot.

"...By the way, where is she? Is she still here?"

I looked around and found that the desks around me were empty. Putting aside the others, where had she gone?

"...You really don't give up." He sighed and threw the test paper in my face. "I was told yesterday that the girl had run away from home, and now she is nowhere to be found."

He spoke with a calm demeanor as he shared this news. I knew why. He didn't care about such matters. He didn't seem to be concerned about the lives of others. He only cared about me because I was a worthy academic rival.

But are these important to me?!

"...something must have happened to her..."

I know.