I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Although it was said long ago that it would disappear, it is still preserved here."

"...Because we're the last line of defense. If everything disappears, he'll definitely remember everything."

"...Can't we let that guy know?"

"No matter what, he will remember it. It's just a matter of time. But if he knew now, given his current personality, he wouldn't be able to accept it."

"..."

"I'll leave everything else up to you..."

"I will work hard."

...............

"Why did you wake me up so early?"

Early on Saturday morning, Ye Hui received a text message from Sheji. However, when he saw the difference between Sheji and the previous one, the person in front of him had already said what he wanted to say.

"Because I haven't said goodbye yet."

"...You were...from that time?"

"Yes."

Should I call it a personality or something else... In short, it's a guy who will soon cease to exist.

"...Why did you come to me?"

"Because I think you're someone I can trust. It's a bit strange to say this... but you should have noticed that the person you know is starting to get weirder and weirder."

"That's true... Do you know why?"

Ye Hui always took matters concerning the state seriously, even though she hadn't yet fully realized why.

"The reasons are complicated. And I can't tell you all of them."

“…”

"He's actually quite fragile, constantly dwelling on things he can't fathom. And his past experiences... honestly, they're really hard to face. He was about to let go of a lot of things, but now he's slowly recalling them bit by bit... It's like someone with amnesia suddenly having a flood of memories that don't resemble their own. He must be feeling very complicated."

“…”

"He's endured all that, yet never shared it with anyone. The helplessness of not being able to save others, the doubts he felt about the world, and that feeling of inferiority... these things he had previously abandoned are now returning to him bit by bit."

"Is there no way to stop it?"

"I'd love to say there's a way... but this kind of thing just can't be stopped." He laughed helplessly. "It's not a serious matter, actually. If it can't be resolved no matter what, the worst that can happen is..."

"..."

Looking at Ye Hui's expression, he swallowed his words back.

"But there are many people besides you who are concerned about this body. So, I don't want this situation to happen."

"So...what can I do?"

"On the way here, I thought of many methods. But they were all rejected. In the end, after thinking about it, the only method I can tell you is... 'wait'."

"Can I... just wait?"

I always feel a lot like myself back then. The feeling of worrying about who I am, yet feeling helpless about not being able to do anything... Although people are different, we share many similar experiences.

"Sorry... This is the only way I have." He didn't know what he was supposed to figure out. "Wait until he gradually remembers what happened before, becomes confused, and does something he shouldn't do. Then, step in and stop him."

"...What will happen?"

"How should I know...it all depends on what this guy wants." He pointed at himself and said, "In short, you're the only one who can stop him."

"No... Although I'm happy that you trust me like this, to be honest. But it's definitely not enough for me alone."

"..."

"Well...how should I put it? Even though I don't feel confident, I still want to believe that he will get through the difficulties in his heart on his own. The him I'm serious about should be like this."

"...Well, since you've said that," he said, yawning. "Ah—I should leave now. I really won't be back this time... Even though our time together was brief, I still want to say goodbye."

"..."

"Goodbye."

"Ah...bye."

He is actually a gentle person.

No, it should be said that no matter what happens, the thing he will not give up is the kindness and tenderness he can give to others.

The girl suddenly thought of this as she waved goodbye to his back.

Is it too late to start now?

Things are so normal

"The weather has been getting colder recently."

Sheji, who had just entered the store, kept rubbing his hands and then blowing air into them, as if the temperature outside the window had dropped below zero.

"...Why didn't you tell me that I haven't seen you in these days... No, it seems like I haven't seen you for several months?"

Instead of meeting up with someone who hasn't appeared in a long time, making people suspect they've been forgotten, there's a reason for not contacting him. After all, Xiaoye isn't just the editor-in-chief.

"...You're busy, and I'm busy too, so it's normal that we don't have time to meet." Sheji pointed to the things he wanted, then turned to Xiaoye. "Besides, even though we didn't meet, we still shared everything we were supposed to. And your popularity is pretty stable, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. We're both so busy that even though one of us asked to meet up, we didn't have time to respond."

Xiaoye agreed unhappily.

"Well..."

A little thought will make it clear that this is the case with Sheji, a stubborn person. If a text message isn't meant to be, it will take at least a few hours for him to notice it.

"But how come you have time to come out this time?" Xiaoye asked.

"I just happen to be free... and I'm a little upset." Sheji said, picking up the cup. "It would be great if I could relax for a while."

"...I see... Well, it's a rare day off after all. It's normal to have such thoughts."

"Come to think of it... I'm a writer now. Even though I've never been very popular, I still have some fame... I never thought that this day would come." Sheji actually never wanted to think about it, but as he watched the money in his bank card increase in number, he felt a sense of trouble... instead of joy.

"Come to think of it, I should address you as teacher, right? You're a writer, after all."

"Just because I write something that people like, I can be called a writer? That's too much of a compliment." His eyes darkened slightly, and he took a sip of the hot drink in his cup. "...Besides, I always feel that my current achievements are unrealistic."

"Eh? Why...why do you say that? After all, so many people like what you write, it's not fake."

Perhaps because he was afraid that Sheji would use this as an excuse to speak off the script again, Xiaoye looked very nervous as he refuted what he had just said.

"...Is it really that simple?...I really don't feel anything real. When you found me...No, until now, I always thought of myself as just an ordinary high school student."

I haven't admitted it yet. So I never spent the money I earned from writing, and I even forgot about it for a while.

"...Um, isn't Teacher Alia also a high school student? She doesn't have these kinds of worries."

Xiaoye was still trying hard to persuade.

"But she does have that ability. Her choice of words and sentences is undoubtedly strong. Conception and the like can be called genius-level—I don't have any of those things. Compared to her, her only strength is probably the stable development of the story. No, if we talk about this, many of the works ranked below my popularity can actually achieve it."

"...Is it necessary to belittle your own work like this?"

"I'm not being disparaging," Sheji said, tapping his head with his hand. "Because that's not something I've thought through carefully... If it were a story I'd poured my heart and soul into, it would be fine, but this level..."

He recalled his attitude when he and Ye Hui were creating comics together. Compared to this, it was exactly the same. Logically, the result should have been failure.

"Actually, it's not bad."

Suddenly, a familiar voice came from behind him. Sheji recognized it, but did not comment.

"Oh, it's Ellie—woooo—"

"Don't call my name here!" Li Qinya said as she rushed over and covered Xiaoye's mouth. "What if there are fans here?"

"Wuwuwu——" (I understand)

"That's good to know." Li Qinya nodded with satisfaction, then looked at Sheji behind her. "After all, you are a creator. It's not good to belittle yourself like this."

"It's actually not that bad—right?" Sheji deliberately repeated what she had just said. "To get such an evaluation from you is enough to prove what I just said. I just didn't point it out for the sake of the so-called face of my colleagues."

"Oh my, how can you understand it like that?"

Seeing Sheji with such an interesting expression, Li Qinya couldn't help but smile.

"Given our relationship, the evaluation just now was naturally sincere—"

Chapter 0: Things are just so normal

"Excuse me, I need to talk to Mr. Sheji. Could you please wait a moment?"

It looked like she was talking to the editor. So, the older sister who had been with Li Qinya agreed and then walked over to a nearby table and sat down.

"...you actually asked the editor to wait for you..."

Although Sheji had made Xiaoye wait more times than he could count, he still couldn't help but sigh. Perhaps he hadn't yet accepted the fact that he was a writer.

"Just discussing the direction of the next story and the outline of the new book after it's finished... just routine." After responding casually, she resumed the previous conversation. "Well, even though I say 'okay' to others, it's just a euphemism for 'really bad,' there's some merit to it. Otherwise, I'd be blunt and say, 'You're not cut out for writing,' and try to persuade them to give up."

“…Ahaha.”

Sheji didn't know how to respond.

"But for you, I'm just expressing my true feelings. The content is indeed quite standard, not quite as good as the best, but better than the worst... but it's not completely useless either."

"....Well..."

"I feel like whether or not it gets promotion is a matter of the company's discretion. The subject matter isn't mainstream, and the writing isn't particularly impressive; it could easily sit at the bottom of the library, sitting on the back burner... But if it's to be promoted, it's not unworthy. After all, the author's skills are there, the story is interesting, and it has selling points. And once it finds a readership that suits its tastes, it won't lose readers easily."

"Uh uh..."

At this point, Xiaoye's expression suddenly became a little nervous, but the two people who were talking did not notice.

"In other words, I was just lucky to be noticed?" Sheji said helplessly.

"Luck is part of strength. This achievement is already quite impressive. And it's not like you haven't improved. The content you've produced in the past six months seems quite good." Li Qinya gestured as she spoke, "It's just that you're still a little behind me."

"..."

A genius indeed. Sheji tilted his head and sighed.

"But I just heard you say that you haven't shown your full strength yet. Honestly, I thought that was all you could do..." Li Qinya suddenly came closer to Sheji, "How much more have you hidden? I really want to know..."

It’s really close.

Didn't she say she liked Jiumuting? Isn't she afraid that the guy might misunderstand her if she saw this? Sheji thought as he dodged to the side.

"It's not about hiding...but you can only do so much."

"Oh, yes, yes, that's right. You're still in school, right?"

What's with this rap-like reaction?

"Of course. Could I stay home and write like you? I can't do that." Even though he said he couldn't, if he thought about it carefully, he hadn't really put much effort into his studies. Thinking about it this way, maybe it would be better for him to drop out of school and just write.

"Is this the reason why you can't display your full potential?"

"I just don't have any reason to think... You can interpret this as me trying to be brave."

Sheji seemed to have seen through her intentions, so he did not want to provoke her to fight.

"That doesn't sound like bravado... Well, having said that, since you've said so, I'll believe you." Li Qinya said, glancing at the editor who was enjoying her meal at the next table. "It's almost time to go discuss it, so I won't disturb you two."

“Oh…” “Let’s talk about it next time.”

The two of them responded politely.

"Oh, yes, if I remember correctly, your school has an event called "Cultural Exhibition", right? A creative person like you would not miss such an opportunity."

"..."

This girl is truly perceptive about creative matters... Sheji couldn't help but feel a little ashamed. Even though I'd called her a genius a long time ago, I'd mostly been praising her. Now, it felt like my prediction had unfortunately come true.

"What are you responsible for creating? Can you tell me about it?" Li Qinya was about to leave when she suddenly stopped and stared into his eyes.

"It's just...it's just..."